Embrace Life

Morning | 30-minute Ritual

Now that the weather is improving and morning is more welcome, I've realized I want to savour the start of my day rather than continue with the frantic jump out of bed at the sound of the alarm slapping my clock, setting up the coffee maker (I had not yet mastered the automatic setting), jockeying of cars to take kids to school, a quick shower and then drive to the school and back with green juice in hand.

Just when I was forming my desire, I realized I wasn't the only one as I read this article which confirmed exactly what I suspected: it is time to slow down.

For the last few weeks, I've set the alarm a little earlier: 6:30AM vs 6:45AM to build in a 15 minute cushion before our daily 7:30AM departure for drop off at school. I have now mastered the automatic brew setting on the coffee maker so when I enter the kitchen I simply have to pour a cup.

I anchor my new peace and calm ritual with:

1. My first, and only, cup of coffee for the day,
2. I open a single serve greek yogurt and add 10 almonds,
3. doors at the front and back are opened and I enjoy the weather that greets me, relieved that the temperatures are now consistently balmy,
4. enjoying the silence, I spend about 5 minutes breathing and becoming centred, often outside on the back deck,
5. my writing computer - a little 11" MacBook Air - is opened and I spend the time, before hollering up to wake children at 7AM, writing out my morning pages.

Once the kids come downstairs in various stages of dress, maybe eat something (none are enthusiastic breakfast eaters), put their bags together with whatever is needed for their school day, the chaos is in full swing. The deal is that the first one downstairs, fully dressed and organized gets "shotgun". While they're getting organized, I run down to the garage and move up Claire's car and park it on the street. I walk in the front door, grab a green drink out of the fridge, and follow the kids to the basement and out to the garage and we leave as close to 7:30AM as possible.

What I no longer do is:

1. Resent the alarm clock,
2. frantically do anything,
3. skip breakfast,
4. immediately shuffle the cars,
5. take a quick shower before leaving for drop off, I now shower upon my return.

This new ritual really resonates with me and my well-being. I am far more mindful of myself and what I need to do during the day, week, month. I find that by being far more centred I am more energized through the day. I'm not sure how it will change now that we're in exams and school will be finished for the year in little more than a week.

I am happy I've established a practice of peace and calm that is good for me, reinforcing my need a kind and positive start to my days.

Of course, this will all be changed up in a few days when we enter our summer holidays. I am hoping to continue to wake earlier than the kids and keep a slower pace, a more gentle entry to my days. I find over summer I lose my sense of routine and it affects me in a negative way as I tend to spin when I have no anchor for my thoughts and activity. I hope this will provide that daily ritual that keeps me grounded!k

wellness | let go

You know how December can be filled with all kinds of end-of-year reflection and inspirational articles filled with ideas and new direction? I wish I had the time to read and execute all of the good stuff, but you know, December just doesn't work for me.

Even though I have pared down the frantic of the season to a simple holiDAY, I am still overwhelmed by the sense of possibility and promise the new year brings. Articles and hope abound and I can't seem to keep up with it all.

My most relaxed months of the year has traditionally been April and May. Now I'm taking this time to reflect upon and read a lot of those articles that inspired me but I was simply too worn out to fully appreciate. One such article was 20 Things to Let Go Of Before The New Year by Shannon Keiser at MindBodyGreen. Though it is no longer the cusp of the new year, I figure if it was worth letting go of before December 31, it should be worth purging before April 30, right?

What I like, particularly, about this article is that it encompasses my most recent desire to let go. I agree with the author that in order to be the person I really want to be I had to let go of who I though I should be. This act of self-love has been truly revolutionary.

So here goes. Based on the 20 things to let go of in order to reach unlimited happiness, this is where I stand:

1. Let go of all thoughts that don't make you feel empowered and strong.

I have been plagued by negative self talk in the past. I still have the occasional "that was stupid" moment, or "what were you thinking?" kick in my pants, but nothing is as destructive and unkind as I used to be to myself. I realize the only thoughts and actions I can control are my own, so I do my best to err on the lesson I teach my children: treat people the way you want to be treated. It works, most of the time!

2. Let go of feeling guilty for doing what you truly want to do.

It took me a long time to realize that taking care of myself - reading, writing, creating, exercise, travel - makes me a better mum. Now I'm going to employ that same attitude toward making a future and career for myself. I'm still waiting for a time I can write from dusk until dawn, but that'll be more convenient when the kids can get to-and-from places without me. It no longer has anything to do with guilt :)

3. Let go of the fear of the unknown; take one small step and watch the path reveal itself.

This concept has been revolutionary. I have fully embraced the idea of "lean in" to all of those things that makes me uncomfortable or fearful. If I resist I know there is something important I need to learn. On the other side of fear? Wonderful things! I still have moments of doubt, but every time I've faced them I've come out stronger and happier. Life with no safety net has been an invigorating experience!

4. Let go of regrets; at one point in your life, that “whatever” was exactly what you wanted.

I have to admit I am rarely plagued with feelings of regret. I do the best I can given the information available to me at the time. My actions come from a place of truth, no malice or competition.

5. Let go of worrying; worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.

This is hard. I have made great strides to give up "mindless" or "busy" worry. I don't often worry about my kids but the others they are with, or other drivers on the road, or something out of their control. It has been a challenge!

6. Let go of blaming anyone for anything; be accountable for your own life. If you don’t like something, you have two choices, accept it or change it.

Number six is singing to the choir! I have to say, I have very little patience for those who go through life wearing their imaginary Teflon suits blaming anyone and everyone for their lot in life. Those who know me well know that my phrase, for years, was "own it" and I do. Lack of accountability is a sore spot for me. (If you ever need to know what sets me off, completely, number ONE on that list are those people who blame others followed closely by those who live in the past. Drives. Me. Bonkers.)

7. Let go of thinking you are damaged; you matter, and the world needs you just as you are.

Again, this is hard. When you listen, for years, to those who are supposed to love you tell you how wrong you are, how disappointing you are, how stupid you are, how undeserving you are, how un-perfect you are, how one behaviour or another is lacking in some way it takes a very long time to shed that mean-spirited baggage. I'm still working on it. I have always and will always do the best I can - regardless of whether or not it is enough for someone else. I am a true believer in Brené Brown's teaching and I am so grateful for her bringing Theodore Roosevelt's "Daring Greatly" quote into my life. It is not the critic who counts and I have always been in the arena.

8. Let go of thinking your dreams are not important; always follow your heart.

I have only just got back in touch with my heart and my dreams - my "goals with soul". Much thanks goes out to Danielle LaPorte and my Desire Map ladies. I am very fortunate to have had my greatest dream of being a mum come true - four times! It is now time to develop new dreams for the next few innings of my life.

9. Let go of being the “go-to person” for everyone, all the time; stop blowing yourself off and take care of yourself first … because you matter.

I am only the "go-to person" for my children - because I am the only "go-to person" for my children. I have all day to take care of myself. My family are on iCloud and our calendars are completely synchronized. They know that if I'm at meditation or at pilates class or getting a haircut or at lunch with a friend it's best to reconsider interrupting me. I'm 100% theirs before 8AM and after 4PM. Unless, of course there is blood. If there's blood, please interrupt!

10. Let go of thinking everyone else is happier, more successful or better off than you. You are right where you need to be. Your journey is unfolding perfectly for you.

Living in a competitive upwardly mobile and somewhat paranoid society thinking I was lacking in some way was really easy to do - once I learned that most of what others present as true is "for show" it made my life a lot easier. Envy has never set well with me and once I realized I didn't have to feel competitive or insecure or lacking, my outlook greatly improved. I am right where I need to be. I am completely content and secure in my choices.

11. Let go of thinking there's a right and wrong way to do things or to see the world. Enjoy the contrast and celebrate the diversity and richness of life.

At this stage of my life I am councelling children at university, in high school and entering high school. Listening to my kids, and hearing what they have to say, has made it easy for me to give up the ridiculous idea that there is a right and wrong way for anything. Each of my four kids has a different outlook and it is from their diverse perspective I live my days.

12. Let go of cheating on your future with your past. It’s time to move on and tell a new story.

I have to admit, I spent 10+ years not living in my truth by not facing the resentment and anger I had over the near death of my youngest child. It took a further couple of years to give voice to that resentment and anger in an articulate and honest manner. I'm ready to move on. I am very good at taking situations, putting them in a nice box and filing them away. Sometimes those experiences have to be taken off the shelf and re-examined, but once the lesson is learned, it's time to move on.

13. Let go of thinking you are not where you should be. You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.

This is new. "Should" implies guilt and I am beyond all of that nonsense. I have recently started asking myself where I want to go, and put it on my dream board:

I am so happy to be in my current state of flow rather than a place of anxiety. The future looks bright because I want it to be.

14. Let go of anger toward ex-lovers and family. We all deserve happiness and love; just because it is over doesn’t mean the love was wrong.

Though I will never willingly be in the presence of my mother or my ex-husband again, I am grateful for the lessons I learned from each of them. Funnily enough, they are incredibly similar personalities. (Okay, scary, not funny.) I wish them both well and do not begrudge them their happiness.

15. Let go of the need to do more and be more; for today, you've done the best you can, and that's enough.

Check. This idea has been fully embraced. I am happy to be more. I am the best I can be. I am enough.

16. Let go of thinking you have to know how to make it happen; we learn the way on the way.

Way harder than it sounds! My trigger for slowing down and taking it all in is when I get caught up in having to know how to execute a result. When that happens I try taking a deep breath and meditate for a while.

17. Let go of your money woes — make a plan to pay off debt and focus on your abundance.

I am familiar with near-crippling debt and I'm determined to never be in that place ever again. I've made responsible decisions for my spirit as well as my bank balance. I am so very fortunate and am keeping my focus on the good in my life.

18. Let go of trying to save or change people. Everyone has her own path, and the best thing you can do is work on yourself and stop focusing on others.

Once I learned that some people simply cannot be saved or changed I was able to pay attention to my own journey. When all was said and done, this was the reason for my divorce, two very different people, two very different expectations, two very different paths. 

19. Let go of trying to fit in and be accepted by everyone. Your uniqueness is what makes you outstanding.

This took a lot for me to figure out. I was really bashed around for being who I am and it hurt. A lot. 

20. Let go of self-hate. You are not the shape of your body or the number on the scale. Who you are matters, and the world needs you as you are. Celebrate you!

In concept I really believe this, though, as a larger person it is hard. In my head I know who I am on the inside but it doesn't stop the rude behaviour of those who are offended by the shape of my body and the number on the scale.

It looks like my current state of happiness is limited, but it is a work in progress. There is still a lot of work to do and that's okay. I'd hate to think I had it all figured out ;)

What about you? Of what do you need to let go?

move more | national walking day

Who knew the first Wednesday in April was National Walking Day? I learned about it last year when I was reading a Walking Challenge article as part of my "reset".

I have to admit I haven't done a lot of walking since winter started back in November. A combination of my left hip "catching" regularly, my right knee blowing up like a balloon when pushed too hard at Pilates, and a winter filled with ice on every sidewalk has made me feel unsteady and older than I should! I walked as often as I could but certainly not as much as I'd have liked. I even gave up on charging my Fitbit!

Keeping in mind my own personal limits, I'm hoping to lace up my sneakers every day from this point forward. The ice - the consistency of which I have never experienced ever before - has finally melted and I'm hoping to put in a few thousand steps each day in an effort to get back to a healthy form and habit. Within a month I'm hoping to consistently hit the 10,000 step mark in an effort to make that my minimum through to when the snow flies next Fall.

I've learned a lot this year.

I get so demanding with myself and forget that I am no longer the competitive tennis player I was in my youth. I push too hard, unable to face the frustration that my body is not reacting well and won't perform the way it's supposed to by failing even the simplest of tasks.

I shall be gentle. I shall not push. I shall remember the goal is long-term fitness and flexibility not short term mobility and weight loss.

So flipping frustrating!

Hopefully by the first Wednesday in April 2015, I'll be in a better space and more able to welcome with enthusiasm National Walking Day!

wellness | practice

On her blog, my friend Katrina asked "what do you practice?" and it got me thinking about my newfound focus on practice as opposed to the setting and reaching of goals. The past couple of years, since discovering my thyroid disease, my goal was to take charge of my health, take my meds and lose the weight. Hmm. Not as easy as I had hoped. Though I had a goal and made a multitude of changes in my life, it seemed to be for nothing as I was met with disappointment at every turn.

Then, at some point, my perspective shifted. Now, instead of focusing on the goal - though valid and worthy - I focus on the journey and enjoy every minute of it. In my disappointment and desperation, it was clear to me it was time for a shift in my attitude.

I made a mindful decision to focus on the practice rather than the goal.

TAKE MEDS & SUPPLEMENTS | each morning, I take my thyroid medication as well as my omega capules and vitamin D supplements - all swallowed with warm lemon water.

EAT BREAKFAST | each morning I have a small container of 0% fat Greek yogurt (strawberry or blueberry) with a half dozen almonds. Better than nothing, but still not enough. This practice needs improvement by adding toast or something else to boost my caloric intake.

REMINDERS | I have set up regular reminders in my iPhone for things like: eating (I'm an eat to live, not live to eat type, so I need to remind myself to eat meals and snacks through the day), moving (I spend a lot of my day writing at my computer - once an hour is a reminder to get up and walk around the block, walk up the stairs and do laundry, that kind of thing), delivering kids to school/activities, collecting kids from school/activities, time to shut down for the day.

REFORMER PILATES | twice a week, since September, I have been attending private and semi private reformer Pilates classes and it is kicking my ample ass. The reality is, if I'm going to be fat, I'm going to be fat and flexible. The weight? It will have to take care of itself. I'm getting into the practice of simply moving more without focus or expectation on a result. I've also purchased Pilates equipment for use at home and I've incorporated plenty of stretching and leaning-in to discomfort.

MEDITATION | once a week I attend Kundalini at iGita, via Deepak & Oprah during their 21-day challenges and my own meditation of folding laundry, waiting in parking lots and regular driving trips to and from Toronto or Kingston. I'm learning to simply be, in the moment. It's lovely. The greatest benefit? I no longer hold my breath.

INTENTION | as often as I remember, I post on Facebook my intention for the day ahead. I did try to use the phrase "with grace" at the start of the year, but I prefer "intention" so I'm going back to the old practice.

WRITE/CREATE | with the television off all day, I now listen to the "spa" channel and sometimes turn on the coffitivity app and then write or create. There is little rhyme or reason to what I write - blog posts, articles, essays, project life, flow of consciousness - though there is far less time spent on the computer now that I have many other things to do and places to be.

EDITORIAL CALENDAR | there are plenty of days that I have no idea what to post here on the blog. My writing often goes in fits-and-starts. I really fell of my practice of daily posting in December and was not pleased with myself. I put together an editorial calendar and it is working beautifully!

READ | in order to write good fiction you need to read good fiction and I found I wasn't taking enough time to do that over the last few years. A handful of books are read each year, but certainly not enough. I joined Patti Digh's book club and with that I know I'll have at least a dozen really well written books read by the end of the year.

COACHING | to keep my goals (yes, I still have plenty!) on track, I continue my practice of attending a coaching session with Helen each week. As my year ebbs and flows, especially now that we're getting into the very worst part of the year - dreary mid-winter - it keeps me propelling myself forward in my effort to: open a boutique, write a book, create a practice for others.

CONNECTION | my relationships are very important. I make it a priority to meet with friends and family on a regular basis, either for a coffee, a meal, a message on Facebook or a phone call. I check in with myself at least once each week to make sure those I value in my life have heard from me and know how much I appreciate them.

DESIRE MAP BOOK CLUB | I have been a fan of Danielle LaPorte for a very long time and I'm thrilled to carry The Desire Map with me everywhere I go - so much good stuff. I keep my Core Desired Feelings (CDF's) with me through every day - they are: trust, connect, align and grace. Recently, I became a leader of her World's Biggest Book Club and conduct weekly meetings with an incredible group of women. I do hope this becomes a regular practice, expanding in content, as we get to know each other and encourage each other on our journey to feel the way we want to feel, every day.

ONE LITTLE WORD | this has been a regular practice for a number of years. I enjoy keeping my word as my focus during the year. For 2014, I chose GRACE (the toughest of my CDF's) and so far so good! I'm looking forward to the next prompt, and all of the prompts through the end of the year.

KINDNESS | though I embrace gratitude as a practice and have done my best to reject judgment, it really is kindness that has found it's way into my every day. I no longer take offence to the choices made by someone else - anyone else. I can only control my own reactions and most of the choices I make come from a place of kindness, if not complete understanding. Decisions made by other people have precious little to do with me so it's far healthier for me to live in a space of kindness and gratitude.

Wow, that looks like a lot, but I need to incorporate a few more practices in order to improve my daily flow.

Once I purge my room of all paper, clothes that need repair, laundry, donations and projects, I hope to incorporate a practice of quiet and peace with no visual chaos.

I'd like to get back into writing morning pages. I think of them around 2PM. I really should do them right when I get back home from dropping the kids at school in the morning.

Though I try to shut down everything in the house around 10PM, I don't actually have a regular bedtime routine. Of course, once the room is more inviting, I think better rest will come with it.

* * * * *

Not until I started answering Katrina's query did I realize just how much my life has changed over the past year with the implementation of so many wonderful things. Who knew that my profound failure at finding weight loss would bring such spiritual and practical gain? My life is truly unrecognizable from a couple of years ago, but in such alignment with the woman I am and want to be. This was a really wonderful check-in.

What about you? What do you practice?

inspiration | happy secrets

found on pinterest

Last week I posted a TED talk I had never seen, from the response received I was clearly one of the few! In case you missed it: Shawn Achor TEDxBloomington. He spoke on the happy secret to better work. Of course, I was fascinated by the education examples given as it speaks the most clearly to me right now. Given his examples, I wonder, now that Claire has survived frosh week and almost through her first week of classes, if she will fall under the same spell that maybe Queen's (some call the Canadian Harvard) is no longer "enough". Will the blush wear off and have her focus on the negative? I would hope, given that she has been raised a bit differently than her peers, that she will still be thrilled at her choice and all the opportunities it opens to her - if she has the willingness and enthusiasm to go after them.

Certainly, in my home, she has been exposed to a method that I've been following - and Shawn Achor has validated for me that these practices do indeed create lasting positive change.

What are they?

Among other things like reading as much positivity I can; and, reducing the negative influences in my life (well, those I can reduce!) I regularly practice the following:

3 Gratitudes | Once I wake up in the morning, after I stretching my aching left hip and excruciating right ankle, I remember at least 3 things for which I am grateful. I say at least because even after my four children - see, a bonus! - I am grateful for my health (aches aside), my independence, my friends, my home, my choices, my life in general. I am indeed very fortunate. Not only do I wake to my 3 Gratitudes, I often go to sleep counting them - much like sheep. It leaves me with a smile on my face and pleasant dreams. Some days, when the daemons are after me, it's harder than others to come up with 3, after my children, but once I start it's hard to stop :) It's a mindset. I'm grateful for the shift. It took just the 21-days and I now scan for the positive.

Journaling | I'm always writing something - either 750words.com or in my Moleskine Journal to record my "morning pages" practice as outlined in The Artist's Way. I am also back writing here on the blog. There are lists in all manner of paper pad in the house and plenty of files in the computer. There is mindful journaling and nonsense journaling. I have to get into better touch with my nonsense self. Since hearing the talk, I journal one positive and playful thing each day.

Exercise | I enjoy exercise: walking, tennis, swimming, volleyball. I despise sweat. It is a constant battle but one I'm determined to embrace and just get on with it! I have a new Fitbit but it's not getting much use. I'm warring with myself over the pain in my hip and heel. I need to take off the weight, in order to do that I need to move more. I can't move because of the pain. It's a catch-22! Argh. I'm thinking of taking some Aleve, embracing the all-Canadian "suck-it-up" attitude and just keep moving ... I am reinforcing that indeed, I matter.

Meditation | I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I get it. The old Buddist belief "when the student is ready the teacher appears" is true. I've always believed that you don't "get it" until you need to "get it" even if you've been surrounded by the information. When your heart and mind are still enough and you are able to give yourself, your comfort, your control, away then you settle into who you are meant to be. A little woo-hoo for me a year ago and just a simple part of my every day now - like breathing. The best part? Learning that meditation does not mean sitting on a pillow with your legs crossed and palms up - it can be folding clothes, ironing, washing the dishes - those many mindless chores that can be so routine and calming. For me, driving is my meditation. For my sister, cooking is her meditation. I am not one of those who needs the longest list or do the most things at once. I'm not a deciple of "busy". For years I've been a dedicated unitasker. Meditation is a simple reinforcement of that practice. Where do you find stillness in yourself?

Random Acts of Kindness | Definitely on the bottom of my list. I don't know how effective it is, but I know as a regular participant it makes me feel good to provide a surprise for someone. Some big things, some small things - usually the order for the guy behind me at Tim Horton's or something similar. I don't know about the "random" aspect and how effective it is, but I'm keeping my options open :) I just don't know the impact on the recipient. I do hope it makes them happy! After listening to the talk I have a new (and inspired) attitude. Every morning I am sending one e-mail to one person to let them know how they positively impact me and my life. They're not huge involved notes, but they are genuine and heart felt. I'm enjoying the conversations!

I'm delighted that I landed upon each of these five happy secrets prior to hearing Shawn Achor's talk, and they have provided subtle shifts with HUGE impact in my everyday life. No, they didn't happen all at once. Hardly! But, now they happen every day, in different ratios - a lovely intermingled flow. I enjoy that these practices keep me in a wonderful space. A place of flow.

Sometimes my flow gets a bit jammed up with the occasional negative outside influence which interrupts my day, but often, when I get back into my practice, I'm able to pick back up pretty quickly without any anxiety or feelings of being adrift.

My lens has been changed. I am grateful, indeed.

nourish | good choices

Last week I found myself back in Tucson, AZ with my sister, Beth. I went to have some tests run in an effort to try to figure out the whole over-weight thing. Ugh. Frustrating! After all blood tests were run and analyzed, it turns out I am a remarkably fit heavy person. Blood pressure is low. Thyroid is fine. B12 is fine. Liver and kidney function are great. Vitamin D is in the tank. With a few tweaks things should be fine. Reluctantly, the doctor agreed that once my cortisol levels lower, my body should be more receptive to shrinking! We'll have to wait and see. Patience is not one of my virtues.

Right now I'm just waiting for the results of some allergy tests. Who knows, maybe they hold the key to what's holding me back?

While I wait, listening to the rain hit the windows, I've been going through the photos taken on the trip. Hundreds were taken, below are just a few of them to keep me warm until Spring arrives here at home:

It was a 17-hour ordeal to get to Tucson with major flooding leading to delays in Chicago. I landed in Phoenix and drove the two hours to Tucson. I started at 5AM my time and ended up at Canyon Ranch at 9PM their time. I have to say, it was totally worth it. Even when I realized - a week later, just as it was time to leave - that I left my passport on the plane! Further proof that there never is a dull moment.

Every day I walked the 2-mile loop around the property, though, unlike my sister, I did it just the once and avoided the "big hill" even though it meant more steps :)

Every day I swam at least 20 laps of the T-pool and took at least one water-fitness class.

Every day I ate oatmeal brulée, chicken sausage and kefir for breakfast.

Every day I met someone new and heard their story.

Every day I spoke to or texted with my kids. Though, I have to admit, Caden is a bit too quiet for my comfort! They had a great time with their cousins, and limited independence :)

Every day I discovered something new. I also discovered more things I can - and will - do.

Every day I did at least one thing outside my comfort zone.

Every day I enjoyed conversations with my sister. I did a lot of listening. I learned a ton!

Every day I realized how far I have come since my first visit to Canyon Ranch two years ago. Dr. Brewer barely recognized me and confessed his fear for me when I left in 2011.

Every day I realized, with gratitude, how wonderful my life has become - extra weight and all!

I really enjoy the desert. There is something incredibly beautiful in the stark heat and vast expanse of cracked brown earth and endless blue sky. This year my focus was more outward and I took everything in - from the beautiful buds of spring, to the turtles in the pond, to the people around me.

Only 350-some days until I return!

real right now | move more

source

Over the last 18 months I've made discoveries and changes in order to live a fuller, healthier, happier life. My primary focus has been medical and food:

Medical | I changed doctors and now go to my doctor on a regular basis. I control my asthma (that I've had since I was 14). I deal with my psoriasis (again, that I've had since my early teens). I go for regular tests (blood and urine) and am making an effort to get a handle on my thyroid disease - which is not yet under control. I go to my naturopath to complement the services of my doctor.

Food | I eat very well. What does that mean? I eat a balanced diet that includes protein at every meal and minimal refined sugar. I eat no processed foods, I can pronounce ingredients and consume a ton of vegetables. I drink at least 2 litres of water each day and do not drink my calories. I do not diet. I do not embrace deprivation. I have learned much about balance and portion control.

I figured with those two things handled there would be a natural loss of weight. I wasn't expecting a ton, but I was assured by all of the experts that I would, with thyroid medication, reduced sugar consumption and consistent diet, lose at least 10% of my weight and most likely 20%.

I have not lost one ounce.

Indeed, when I quit drinking wine for 6-weeks the benefit was a gain of 7 pounds and tighter pants! The exact same thing happened when I cut out all cheese, over a year ago - I gained! I still don't eat cheese, but I do drink the occasional glass of wine, though less than before.

Sigh.

Is it possible that I have lost as much weight as I can without my thyroid in order? I can't possibly eat any better than I do. Maybe it's the B12 malabsorbtion. Or not. Could it be that I just have to move more?

I wrote out the reasons I don't move:

1. I hate sweating. Really, I do.
2. My asthma leaves me winded. Perhaps I should take my meds more regularly?
3. I don't have time. True, but only seasonally - summer.
4. Frozen shoulder keeps me from doing what I like. Better learn to like something else.
5. It's not fun. There are so many other things I'd rather do, even laundry!

Pretty good reasons, but not good enough to not just suck it up and do something about it. To that end, I did a few things:

1. I joined the YMCA and put together a program with a personal trainer: 40 minutes of walking the track and 40 minutes of swimming lengths four times a week. That was in January. I've not been back.
2. I bought a bike, really cute, with gears. That was in July and I've not taken it more than a couple of blocks away.

Damn. What was it going to take?

3. I got a FitBit while on holiday at the beach. That was in early August and I've used it every single day since I took it out of the package.

Turns out, I am good with immediate accountability. I can't cheat by thinking I've done more than I've done or convince myself it was "good enough". This thing lets me know exactly what I've been up to - and not.

Next week all of my kids start back to school, all four attending the same one! That means, for me, time and opportunity to do what is good for me. To do what I have to do.

Today is my 48th birthday. Tick tock. It's time to put my plan in action:

1. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I will be at the YMCA at 6:00AM to walk for 40 minutes and swim for 40 minutes. I will be home in time to take the kids to school - only on bad weather days. They have to be on campus for 7:45AM. On Saturdays and Sundays I will be at the YMCA with Cole, Chloé and Caden for 9AM to swim and I will walk the track while they play around.

2. Daily, I have programmed my iPhone alarm to ring at every 50 minutes on the hour:

    08:50 Get up and put in a load of laundry
    09:50 Get up and clean the first floor and kitchen
    10:50 Get up and walk around the block or to Fortino's (grocery store) and back
    11:50 Get up and fold laundry and make lunch
    13:50 Get up and walk/bike one of four routes for an hour
    14:50 Start prepping dinner

3. Nightly, will go to bed for 11PM starting an electronic- and technology-free wind-down routine at 10PM.

Like everything else I've chosen to do over the last 18 months - it's good for me. There is no downside to moving more, and who knows, there may even be an upside. I'll just keep my expectations in check since everything else I've done, based in logic, has had illogical results, I don't want to be disappointed!

Move More, Eat Well: Redux

I have been captivated with Cathy Zielske's journey to health over the last couple of years. She and I share many similar stories and choices and I greatly appreciate having someone relatable and accessible giving me encouragement. I made one less-than-successful attempt at the Move More Eat Less idea early last year, but life got in the way and other priorities took over.

Yes, other priorities. Something more important than health? Yep.

So now that I've got things in hand - if not quite well in hand, they are no longer out of control - it is time to attempt this revamped idea along with Cathy Zielske. Even better? This year, her Move More, Eat Well program is being hosted and available on Big Picture Classes. It starts on January 1st!

I received the pre-class assignments a while back. Then I got stuck, as I often do, on the periferals. In this case, the immense cost of buying the page protectors (not the actual page protectors but the shipping to Canada was insane!). I resisted. Then it got to the point if I didn't order them I knew I'd be sunk before I started. In the end, I realized I sign up for these instructor-lead classes so I don't have to re-think anything. I ordered the page protectors, cringed at the $20+ for shipping, and then did the assignments - on December 27th - just in time! 

For many people this will be an intensely private journey. Not for me. Over the years, I have chosen to live an absurdly open and honest existence. I have no secrets. There is no ammunition given to anyone "out there" that can hurt me. I've faced up to the mistakes of my youth and live, with comfort and resignation, the mistakes made as an adult. I can't imagine anything in this journey that will bring up something I haven't faced before. I plan to share the whole process here on the blog. There are two reasons for that: maybe I can encourage someone else to join in their own journey and, for me, it will keep me accountable.

MOVE MORE EAT WELL: Pre-class Assignment

Page 1

Statement of Intention

 Page 2

Five Things

Along with my own resolve, my kids will, as always, be key to the success of this program. I hope they benefit greatly from not just the consumption of the foods being chosen but be an integral part of the choosing, purchasing and preparing the food that comes into the house. They are, generally, active but I know I can convince a couple to come out walking with me and Cole will be happy to be my "personal trainer" over at the park during the spring and summer months. Who knows? Maybe I can convince one or two to play tennis with me?

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Right now I will be content with baby steps: MOVE MORE and EAT WELL.

What about you?

Canyon Ranch: Follow Up #1

I am still living with many of the lessons learned while at Canyon Ranch last month. There really is so much it is almost overwhelming. I loved receiving so much information from the nutritionist to the exercise physiologist to the MD to the acupuncturist to the therapist to the other clients who have positive previous experiences, it has taken a bit of time to settle in and incorporate itself into my life.

I admit I am having some personal challenges meeting all of the targets - funny how being in the desert for 10 days with absolutely no responsibility whatsoever outside of eating, exercising, and taking tests can be difficult to recreate while at home taking care of four kids, laundry and cooking!

I have managed:

• The one thing I am most proud of is taking my meds - every day. I haven't missed one dose, and for me that really is a feat. I'm not one for medication, but this is serious so my routine is simple: roll out of bed, open the bottle of meds and take two pills, as instructed.
• I've gone for a follow up with my own doctor who was beyond put out that I dared to go to the States to take care of myself. I have to tell you, one thing that really puts me off about any professional (especially painters and contractors - but I suppose now doctors, too) is their attacking any other member of their profession. In this case the whole American medical system and how they don't even "measure anything right" and "ridiculous overtesting". Yeah, but they at least ran the test that found out my problem - he just blamed my lack of will and eating too much, which was completely wrong. Proof it's time for a new doctor! Once I finish my first round of blood tests that is exactly what I'm going to do - any recommendations?
• I've been trying to find an underwater treadmill in the area. No luck so far! So I'll be getting my jacket and boots and go from there!
• Plans are underway to address my stress and reduce it to a manageable level. There are a number of issues I have to face head-on and am in the process of doing that. There is a huge purge being planned. Nothing worth doing is easy.
• The best part? My kids LOVE the food. Upon my return I completely reworked all of the cupboards in the kitchen and got rid of anything that had ingredients we couldn't pronounce - with the exception of Caden's Honeycomb cereal (bleck!). I'm working on it! I made great choices while I was gone and decided to make it virtually impossible to make a bad choice here at home. My only problem? I still can't eat enough! Holy smokes.

The food my kids love best? BREAKFAST CHICKEN SAUSAGE which I had every morning while I was away with Oatmeal Brûlée and a bowl of berries.

BREAKFAST CHICKEN SAUSAGE

1 pound ground chicken breast
1/4 cup minced yellow onion
1 1/2 teaspoons minced garlic
1 1/2 teaspoon dry sage
1 teaspoon cider vinegar
3/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Instructions

1. In a medium bowl, combine ground chicken with all other ingredients and mix well.
2. Form into patties, using 1/4 cup mixture for each patty.
3. Place patties in a large saute pan. Saute over medium heat until cooked through, about 3 to 5 minues on each side or until golden brown.

Serving Information

Makes 8 servings, each containing approximately:
110 calories
0g carbohydrate
4g fat
46mg cholesterol
14g protein
202mg sodium
Trace Fibre

All recipes can be found online. So far we've tried about a dozen. The kids have enjoyed EVERY ONE OF THEM - even the vegetarian burgers!

There are still plenty of challenges to incorporate and overcome. I can't do it all at once, but I have a slow and steady plan and I can see it's working. This is not just a lifestyle change for me, but I really have to sell my family on it - without the benefit of taking everyone to the desert! Though, that is high on my list of priorities :)

Like I said, and truly believe, anything worth doing isn't quick or easy. This is worth it.

2011 | Personal DO | 03 health

Much of January and February was spent in an effort to set myself up for success through this year, and beyond. Habits changed and systems put in place to address issues that had become out of control. One of those issues is my health.

I have a great and powerful force in my life - a secret weapon. Her name is Beth. She is small yet mighty. When she tells you to do something, you do it. In February she told me to book a flight to Tucson and plan to spend 10 days away from my family and dedicate some time to getting healthy. That is exactly what I did.

I just returned from spending 10 days focusing on my health. I did more things in those days than I had in the last 10 years! Between an awesome doctor and his team of nurses, nutritionist, therapist, exercise physiologist and amazing acupuncturist, I have a baseline, a diagnosis and a new direction.

One thing you do not want to hear, ever, is "you are very ill". Trust me. How do I know? I just heard it. To the point where right after getting the results a prescription was written and a bottle of medication was waiting for me by the time I returned to my room at the end of the day. The flip side of that is the relief and validation that courses through me when I realize the suffering - emotionally and physically - of the last few years could have been avoided if my doctor was not so insistent that my health issues were due to laziness or lack of will.

I have Thyroid Disease. The numbers are, and again I quote, "off the chart". I was told I should be at least twice the size I am now and that it is a wonder I am as energetic as I am - I have no outward indicators of the disease. That, according to my new doctor, is force of will. I am certainly not lacking in that department. (I cannot express adequately how much I love Dr. Brewer who is so kind, knowledgeable, honest and progressive in his approach.)

I went from my test results review and final meeting with the doctor over to the nutritionist who repeated the phrases "you are very ill" and "off the chart" a couple of more times. I don't know if she was afraid I didn't understand the severity of the disease or maybe it was a result of her own complete surprise and then finally understanding of my frustration. The good news? I already eat well. The better news? If I follow all of the instructions (from the exercise physiologist and nutritionist) I can eat almost triple my normal caloric intake. Crazy. Oh, and if I do that, I'll lose weight.

In 10 days in Tucson:

• I walked, a lot.
• I ate, a lot.
• I swam, a lot.
• I talked, a lot.
• I laughed, a lot.
• I sweat, a lot.
• I learned, a lot.
• I moved, a lot.
• I planned, a lot.

I am still absorbing it all and putting a plan together to incorporate all that I learned into a workable routine in my house, with my kids on board.

The bonus? If I do all these things and manage to lose some weight, I'll be able to do more than just buy some nice new clothes (after my 2+ year ban on new purchases that will be a welcome experience!) but the other health issues that have been negatively impacting my daily life will be addressed: poor sleeping, food intollerances, psoriasis and frozen shoulder. Everything is all tied in together which, without the benefit of these tests, I never would have known.

Now that I'm armed with good information and the bones of a plan, I'm looking forward to the months ahead. For the first time, in a long time.

Thank you Beth! You're the best sister, evah.

Wellness Wednesday: Pick Your Poison

*By no means is this to be considered anything more than Lee just saying what is on her mind. No endorsement. No encouragement. Just doing what I do.*

Option #1:

 

Option #2:

I pick the one with the skull & crossbones.

I have a few really good friends and we get together for lunch - not as often as we'd like! When we do, it is always lively with a ton of laughter and plenty of conversation: we cover all manner of topics like our children, the schools, extracurricular activities, our husbands, new finds and our health. A while back, when lunching with my girlfriends, we combined our new finds with our health.

New find: IODINE - the one with the skull and crossbones.

Mid-winter is never a good time to look toward feeling 100% but I've not been well for a while. It is more of a passive unwell, not an active or aggressive unwell. It took a long time to get here and I have no doubt it will take a while to feel good again. I'm taking some time to lay the groundwork: eating better, sleeping better, exercising better. Part of the new program is iodine.

Apparently iodine is necessary in our system: it enables the thyroid gland to produce hormones needed to develop and maintain the brain and nervous system. Without it you run the risk of heart, liver, kidney and muscle damage if not failure. There is plenty of anecdotal as well as official documentation that without iodine in your diet you run the risk of: hypothyroid and hyperthyroid conditions, goiter, fibrocystic breasts, uterine fibroids, ovarian cysts, brain fog, constipation, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, arrhythmias like atrial fibrillation, and detoxification issues. Highlighted in green are my obvious issues, the rest are being tested.

We here in the West get our iodine in iodized salt, which I cut out of our household diet years ago in favour of kosher salt which is not iodized. A typical choice made by a number of women I know.

My friend, E, had just been treated for breast cancer and the addition of iodine in her diet was one of many conversations she had with medical experts during her ordeal. There is plenty of evidence linking iodine deficiency with breast cancer. Am I afraid of breast cancer? Of course, but no more so than having a heart attack or contracting MS or Parkinson's Disease or Alzheimer's. What I am is concerned that something strange is going on and it needs to be fixed.

I was slow about doing this. You know, the skull and crossbones were a bit of a put off. While on Facebook last week E asked if I'd tried it and I admitted I had not. E refreshed my memory as to the brand to buy (for proper concentration) and the "test" to see if I actually needed it. A couple of drops on my upper arm (no chance of sweat or water getting to it) and if absorbed in 24-hours it would be a good indication that I was iodine deficient. Well, it was absorbed in six hours. Hmm. I immediately started to take a few drops (0.30 mL) in cranberry juice twice every day.

So, my diagnosis by the dining table may be as effective as the last four thyroid tests I've taken, which means not one bit; but, all things being equal, I'd rather take a moderate amount of poison that will taste dreadful and might cure me than something I know for sure will be tasty and kill me.

Here's to a clear head and weight loss!

Oh, and here's to lunch with my girlfriends - I meet them today at noon. Whoot!

(Now, those of you who promptly climbed up on your high horse while reading this entry, please do not leave any unkind comments if you know or endorse anyone who uses Botox or serve/eat countless things we know are bad for us but don't have a poison label - let's start with French Fries and add in some Pop/Soda just for fun. I stand behind my opinions 100% but am not voicing them for subjective attack purposes - there are plenty of other places for that brand of poison. Now, if you live a perfect life, with perfect choices, you are welcome to throw stones. Otherwise, say anything you want, I love hearing from you! Smooches!)

2011 | Personal DO | 02 sleep

Over the last little while I've heard plenty about sleep: Arianna Huffington appeared on The View, Oprah had a show or ten, Gretchen Rubin in The Happiness Project, Nancy Nally had a heartbreaking post; all saying the same thing: we live a sleep-deprived existence and it is getting dangerous.

Being married to someone with severe sleep apnea, I am familiar with the dangers of sleep deprivation. Living with someone with severe sleep apnea who refuses to use his C-Pap machine leaves me wracked in fear. Daily. Though, if nothing else, 16+ years of marriage has taught me I can only care for those in my home who want to be cared for, so I take care of myself an my children.

In my effort to be around for a good long time, part of my Personal Do this year is to address my sleep, or lack of sleep, depending upon how my 46-year-old hormones want to behave :) A while back, I found a sleep "to do" list which has been repeated in different ways by many experts and non experts alike. Bottom line? In order to maximize your productivity you have to maximize the opposite effort: sleep.

How?

AMOUNT

I am definitely the average person. Those people who go around wearing their "I only sleep 4 hours a night" like a badge of honour scare the crap out of me and are those I want to avoid on the highway! Anyway, the average person needs about 7-8 hours a night to stay fully alert and refreshed all day, and I am now heading to bed at 10PM. Yes, I miss the "good" shows. Oh well. The only exception? Wednesday nights I stay up and watch "The Good Wife" because it is the best show on television - network or cable.

Status: DONE

CONSISTENCY

As I make every effort to be settled in bed by 10PM, the alarm is set every morning for 5:50AM. It used to be earlier - 5AM, but I was always fighting being tired until well into mid-morning. Getting up a little before 6AM makes an easier transition into my day. I consistently get a little less than 8 hours a night. It works. The key? Do the same on the weekends. The weekend is not the time to sleep in. Now, around here the weekends usually mean an earlier alarm as often Claire is timekeeping for a 7AM game and Caden can be at his hockey game, on the other side of town for 7AM. On those days the alarm is set for 4:50AM to get everyone up, fed and out the door on time. 

Status: DONE

DARKNESS

I have always been loathe to do this because I don't want to put up curtains in my bedroom. I have a gorgeous view of the lake and even at night the glow of the moon on the water is so magical. As it turns out, after reading and reading, the light went on and I realized the easiest way to make this happen is to wear a night mask. Why sleeping in the dark is so important? Lots of reasons, but this one really had me take notice.

Status: Mask purchased and I'm getting used to it. Still considering curtains.

NO ALCOHOL OR CAFFEINE

We've all been told to avoid alcohol and caffeine, right? A no-brainer. Well, I'm a slow learner. As part of my Personal Do, I have reduced my alcohol intake and really only have an occasional glass of wine. Well, since January 3rd, and more in an effort to take in less sugar than in an effort to sleep better. But better choices are better for lots of reasons, right? As for caffeine, I have one cup of coffee in the morning and usually it gets cold. It really is that first sip. Love it.

Status: DONE.

NO FOOD OR DRINK 

Rule of thumb is no food or drink two hours before you go to sleep. In my case I rarely eat after 7PM but I've been trying so hard to increase my fluids that I always bring a glass of water up to bed with me! Hmm. Maybe that's why I'm up at 3AM!

Status: In Progress.

RELAX & ROUTINE

The only way to fall asleep is to stop actively trying to fall asleep so it's best to set yourself up for success. The best way to wind down is to have a routine that results in us doing absolutely nothing. Routines can include taking a hot bath, read a book, write in a diary, engage in easy and reflective activities, not stimulating ones like a mystery novel, surfing the net or watching television. Easier said than done. I got into some terrible habits when I had the kids: there were four kids in five years and Louis worked out of town every week - sometimes for weeks at a time - for seven or eight years. The television would be on all night long while I was up for feedings, sick children, sleepless nights. I often have the news channel blaring all night long. 

Status: Relax? Routine? Thinking about it. Have to work on it. Right now it is epic fail!

TEMPERATURE

Turns out the temperature in our bedroom affects the way we sleep, too. Sleep is so complicated! Who knew? Well, in my case I need things to be cool, but I have to have a blanket, some weight on me. Nothing binding and definitely no socks! My bouts with frozen shoulder also force me to have something on my back make things far to tense.

Status: DONE.

EXERCISE

Regular exercise is probably the easiest, quickest way to get better sleep. Seems to be key to a lot of things on my personal do list!

Status: In Progress

It's a slow go, but I am definitely starting to feel much better. There are a few things I definitely have to start doing, but making wholesale change is hard and I don't want to change so many things at one time that I just get fed up and give up. Baby steps. Baby steps.

Wellness Wednesday: Encouragement Box

In mid-January, once all of the frantic idea-a-minute posts were read through and I sifted the do-able from the rest, I found one entry from the thoughtful and inspiring Jamie Ridler that didn't just speak to me, it shouted (nicely, of course) and I found it irresistible.

I knew it would be important to get my "box" put together quickly as mid-winter was approaching and it is one time of the year I find difficult to navigate. The days are bleak and cold and there is little motivation to be found. I'm certainly not comparing my days to anyone who might be diagnosed with SAD, but a little support is welcome.

I have been very fortunate to receive kindness here on the blog in form of comments, and often some of you take it one step further to send me an e-mail, and I have been the recipient of cards and letters in the much coveted snail mail. Taking Jamie's advice to make this simple and not a chore on my "to do" list. I printed the e-mails. I collected the notes. I screen printed the comments. YOU will keep me going through the bleak days and for that I am very grateful.

What helps you work through the winter blues? Do you have an encouragement box? Something similar?

Wellness Wednesday: Practising Positivity

image source

Have you ever visited over at Positively Present? On a regular basis I receive little bits of positivity into my reader which are always welcome and inspiring. A while back there was a great pimer for those beginning their journey to practice positivity and an equally great refresher for those of us practicing and need a bit of a reminder. It was the to-do list for living a positive life. I think she nailed it.

I am often in situations where I am surrounded by negative and destructive energy, I do my utter best to hold true to what works for me, and included in that is my effort to maintain a hard-earned positive perspective. Every once in a while I appreciate a little check in:

01. Stop doing the things that make you unhappy.

02. Surround yourself with people who bring you up - not down. 

03. Invest some serious time in self-love and soul searching.

04. Spend your time doing the things you love to do. 

05. Revise the way you look at the world around you. 

06. Be open-minded to new (or old!) ideas of living a positive life. 

07. Stop beating yourself up about the past.

08. Don't seek happiness outside of yourself in things or people.

09. Believe you have the ability to change your own life.

10. Refuse to give up, no matter what happens or what people say. 

Each point is covered in-depth on Positively Present if you are interested in a more full understanding of each element on the to-do list. Many of the entries over the last year or so have provided the catalyst for new perspectives and refreshed approaches. Of the list above, I make every effort to keep in balance any number from one through ten though to be honest, I've never managed all ten at the same time. The fun is in the journey, right?

All I know is that it takes way more energy and effort to be positive. Every once in a while I feel a slip back into the easy world of negative and snappish, it is then I remember how much work it was to leave that behind. I am always a work in progress. I am just happy I am now a (mostly) positive one.

For further insight, be sure to read the article uncovering the difference between positive and cheerful. Enlightening and true.

Wellness Wednesday: Minimalist Cooking

Pictured above: preparing Jamie Chicken

Sounds like an oxymoron, eh?

As it turns out, it is really appealing, and tasty.

Mid way through 2010, I decided to cut out all processed and almost all prepared foods in our diets. No more pizza ordered on Friday or Chinese Take Out on the occasional Saturday, no emergency run to McDonalds to feed starving hockey players, we even cut out the occasional donut at Tim Horton's. As much as I loathe cooking, and I do loathe cooking, I decided for the health of my family, I would make good, healthy, mostly-made-from-scratch food. I became the ultimate perimeter shopper.

[Actually, I became the ultimate perimeter list maker since I do not do the grocery shopping. After 20+ years in the retail food industry, I find it to be a frustrating experience so I make the list and Louis, who enjoys the process, does the shopping.]

Mid-year, I discovered Stone Soup and downloaded her 97-page e-book: [5 ingredients | 10 minutes] In it I found oodles of good stuff to supplement my meagre (read: boring) offerings. Go check it out! Of the seven reasons she lists why her book will help:

1. less time in the kitchen

2. less time shopping

3. eating more fresh, healthy food

4. more pleasure & enjoyment

5. save money

6. less stress

7. more kitchen confidence

the most appealing to me is the less stress. With four kids going in four directions on a regular basis, it's important to feed them well and quickly. I'm all about the less stress!

Over the holidays she came out with another e-book: [5 ingredients | simple baking] which has some fantastic ideas packed into 73 pages. My kids have folded over or starred just about every recipe in the book! I'd give you a favourite, but there are too many.

Anyway, if you are like me and have limited time and a full calendar of activities but want to give the best food options available to your family, download these recipe books. Let me know how the recipes work for you! 

I think there's something to this minimalist thing!

Now, on those occasions when I'm going a bit less minimalist, I head on over to Baked Bree. Delicious! And, of course, since the Jamie Oliver invasion of our house, some of his creations have become staples around here. The favourite? Jamie Chicken. Yum.

Oh no! I think I'm enjoying this cooking thing. * gasp *

2011 | Personal DO | 01

[This post got really long, so you're welcome to visit again tomorrow instead :) This is the why of how I got where I am. The why of my need to change. I need to put it "out there" to: own it, to account for it and hopefully change it. The story needs context: a begining, middle and end. I can't just start at my 46-year-old self. Read, or skip.]

As I announced earlier in the week I'm letting go and embracing my YEAR OF DO. My first area of focus is my Personal DO. In that area my priority is my weight.

I've whined for a while and I have made a half dozen or so half-hearted attempts at doing something about losing weight, with some success and some failure. I've let the failure win.

Self-sabotage is an pavlovian response with which I am very familiar. Through #reverb10, a process in which I was very honest in my thoughts and words, I addressed the concept of weight as my armour. Years ago I was shaped much like my eldest daughter: tall, broad shoulders, long legs, and curvy with a bubbly personality, lots of well-informed opinions and tons of athletic energy. In essence, a lightening rod for attention - some wanted and some not. The only thing left of that girl of my youth is my height, shoulders and well-informed opinions.

I have found, over the last couple of years, that my size makes me invisible. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but it is true. It also feeds my self-sabotage because on those rare occasions I am noticed often people are mean. Yes, people are mean to fatties. Really mean. To the point where my losing 20 pounds would never be noticed so therefore, I wrongfully reasoned, gaining 20 pounds wouldn't be either. I live in a town with a great number of lovely people, but most of them are the LuLu Lemon crowd and rarely are they in sizes with double digits, let alone a digit that starts with a 2. *gasp*

Let's be straight here - I have no clue how much I weigh. It doesn't matter to me. It never has. What I am is 5'11" and I wear a size 22. What matters to me is my size. The size that worked best for me was years ago, before I had children and I was a size 14. Smaller than that I look emaciated and (to me) unattractive. That is my goal. Even a 16 would be welcome.

A bit of background:

When I graduated high school (in 1982) I was a size 8. I went to university I was a size 8. When I modelled I was a size 4, sometimes a 6. I looked like tits on a stick. It was terrible. In a fit of rage, many years ago, I destroyed all of those photos because I couldn't get work. I had been hospitalized for my asthma and put on prednisone, a powerful steroid and as a result, I gained enough that my wardrobe had to be replaced. In three months I became a size 10. I was deemed "unhirable". Time passed, I took a transfer, life changed and I became dedicated to my demanding career, I settled in a comfortable size 12 - 14. Amazing what happens when you work 70-80 hours a week, eat every lunch at the local food joint, fly at least 3 days a week and never make a meal at home - unless it's a dinner party for friends and then it's all "special" foods which are usually delicious and caloric.

For a very long time I lived a wild existence. I could do what I wanted. I could date who I wanted. I got what I wanted, when I wanted. I was confident. I was unattainable. I was selfish. I was competitive. I was sleep-deprived. I was successful. I was living life out loud, 100% carefree and looking for a good time. I loved every single minute of it - with and without the hangover.

Until I had children I don't think I ever had much more than a lemon and a jar of dijon mustard in my fridge. Nothing fresh or with an expiration date!

(Not even wine. Truth be told, I never drank wine until I moved to Oakville.)

Then I grew up, conformed, settled down. Four kids in five years, in a body over 30, is probably not the recommended course to keep your body fit and firm, but it isn't the reason I am now a size 22. So much more added to it: I often don't eat breakfast or lunch and live on coffee until around 2PM; except for housework and laundry I don't move as much as I should; there were two non-baby-related hospital visits where there was more prednisone, ugh; my wine discovery; I quit my 25+ year smoking habit; almost lost my youngest child; two failed businesses (aka a stop to pouring good money into bad decisions); a challenging marriage; the regular demands of children and change. Life is getting in my way! An emotional, physical and intellectual whirlwind.

Essentially I forced myself, with intent, into a position of non-priority. In some warped fashion it is my armour. My safety net. My forced resistance to temptation. By becoming so large and unattractive I have provided prevention; in this condition there is no chance to revert to my wild and carefree days. It screams that I am a mum - not a mum with a need for attention or extracurricular activity - which has reached epidemic proportions in my town. (On that note, it has worked for the most part, but news to the ladies struggling to be a size 2 and have such drawn and old looking faces as a result of their tremendous (admirable) control and effort: some of your husbands like some meat, and I have plenty, which has not proven to be the deterrent I had hoped!)

I took a while, but I've come to realize that my weight no longer defines my self worth. Or lack thereof. It isn't even providing the armour I thought I needed. My health and weight should be a reflection of my love for my children and myself.

And it is.

Plans for my Personal DO

Move More, Eat Less is a program put together by Cathy Zielske who has impeccable timing. I'm so ready to do this, though, in my case it might be a matter of move more, eat more since my biggest problem is not eating breakfast or lunch then binging by dinner.  

My preparation includes: downloading Cathy's fitness journal templates from Designer Digitals, joining the group on Flickr, loading classic books (lots of Jane Austen and Fyodor Dostoyevsky) onto my iPad and dusting off my recumbent bike. I'm even thinking of heading to the mall - not to shop (ick) but to do join the seniors and walk a couple of hours each day until the weather improves. That or buy a treadmill.

When did I start? Well, I start on SATURDAY, JANUARY 8th, yep, tomorrow. Why a Saturday? According to the brilliant Dr. Oz, most resolutions are stuck to when they start on a Saturday rather than a Monday and this is the first Saturday when things are "normal" as all of my kids were back to school by Wednesday. From the lessons learned when I quit smoking (hardest thing I've ever done ... ever, that last time) I am giving myself the best opportunity for success possible.

On that note, it's wrong to say I'm starting on the 8th as I've been going through some behaviour changes since before our Thanksiving in October:

• cut back on wine (though I think I should just cut it out completely)
• cut out cheese which has been brutally difficult
• eat only one meal a week outside of my kitchen (chicken fingers and garden salad with no dressing at the rink before Cole's home games on Thursday nights.)
• eat two fish-based dinners each week
• eat breakfast as often as I remember
• cut back to one cup of coffee every morning
• to bed at 10PM if not earlier

I've become consistent at all of those behaviour changes. With that I mean, over 90% of the time those statements above are true. What I have not done is add in any exercise. That has to change. NOW.

* * *

If you've made it this far, bless you.

Feel free to send me any advice, ideas, opinions, links, whatever you think I need to keep me on track!

Wellness Wednesday: 9.5" of Blonde Donated

Years ago my husband, Louis, at 36, discovered he had cancer.

It was a terrifying time. Long story very short, he (we) survived a grapefruit sized malignant tumour and life carried on. A life in which we are mindful and thankful. A life which included the birth of two more kids!

I have often considered Chloé to be Louis' "confirmation of life" baby. She arrived within a year after he was treated and we got the final all-clear.

To me it is a very fitting story that over the past year Chloé has been growing out her hair. All of our kids have grown up with the knowledge of Louis' illness and the Moe, in particular, was taken with the idea of growing out her hair and donating it to those who lose theirs as a reaction to chemotherapy.

We went to Euphoria to have her hair cut last week. Nathalie, the owner, has been cutting the girls hair, and mine, for the last four years. We were trying to remember when Chloé decided to focus on her project and figure she hasn't had her hair cut in about a year.

Once Natalie trimmed the ends 9.5" came off!

The whole process started with a thorough wash and condition. Isn't that the nicest feeling in the world, having your hair washed by someone else?

Time to trim the ends and tidy things up a bit. WOW. That is a lot of hair. Not just long, but thick, thick, THICK!

Before the official cut all the hair was dried.

A rubber band was tied to the top and the bottom and the cutting ... and cutting ... and cutting began! Very thick stuff.

And there it is, one fat pony tail. Look at that smile!

And there she is, with her new hairdo! Doesn't she look adorable? Natalie warned her not to whip her head around too much - all that weight off she might get whiplash!

Many thanks to Natalie who was very careful and precise with the cut. Even more thanks for the unexpected gift of the haircut itself. Once we were done, we went to pay and Natalie turned us down announcing that it was her donation to the cause. So sweet. And generous.

If you're local, be sure to treat yourself to a cut:

Euphoria Hair Salon
2307 Lakeshore Rd W., Bronte  
(905) 827-0650

The next morning the ponytail, first in a zippy then a thick mailing envelope, was delivered to the post office and sent off to Pantene Beautiful Lengths program for processing. Unfortunately that is the last we'll see of the hair. We don't know where or with whom it ends up. Chloé is content to know she did her part in helping out someone going through a difficult process. (I really hope that someday one of those shows on the Discovery Channel, the one my kids are so addicted to, will show what happens with the donated hair.)

We are all so very proud of her.

I'm also very happy to have her hair at a far more manageable length!

I think Chloé is happy with the cut too :)

 

Wellness Wednesday: Source of Discomfort

or evil. It all depends on your perspective.

[WARNING: This post may have TMI for some]

I have never had a finicky stomach, in actual fact, I can pretty much eat anything and not have it bother me. After years of boarding school, university and my first few years of enduring my own cooking, that was a good thing!

Those days are gone.

Over the past five weeks I've been having terrible pains: up-all-night, writhing-and-retching, almost-as-bad-as-childbirth pain which required me to pass out to sleep. I know I could have, and probably should have, gone to the doctor but I'm a bit stubborn and I was determined to find the cause myself. (It turns out, I did exactly what my doctor would have told me to do anyway - process of elimination).

The source of my pain:

Marble cheese. The reality? All cheese.

I have to say this makes me terribly sad. Now that I've read everything there is to read on cheese allergies, it may be the answer to a number of my recent health issues. Only time will tell. I will miss my Oka and my Brie, but I may welcome more comfort and less bloat. Fingers crossed!

So to all of you who have enquired as to my health (especially over on Facebook where I've been whining the most), thank you! I think I finally have it figured out. I appreciate your notes, your advice and your encouragement.

* * * * *

On another topic entirely, in answer to my plea posed on my September in Review, the lovely Becky from San Diego sent me a note suggesting I pick up some Emu Oil. Huh?

So I did.

So far it's working. And a bonus for me is that it is working on clearing up my psoriasis, too. (I know, we're a collection of medical annoyances!) I've also picked up some aqueaous cream suggested by Amy. Some how we'll manage to get this beat. My poor girl can't even sleep with the pain of it all. In case you are not aware: teenagers who do not get sleep are CRANKY.

* * * * *

I'm taking some advice from a girlfriend (thanks, Elaine) based on a lunch conversation we had a couple of weeks back. The fact is, over the last six months or more I've been doing a lot of healthy eating and healthy exercise and still not losing any weight. In actual fact, I have been gaining. My only indulgence - cheese - has recently been eliminated! I've endured a number of tests (thyroid) and though the tests all come out "normal" I continue to wonder.

Some years back I switched to Kosher and Sea salt in my kitchen. I don't add salt to my food and my girlfriend pointed out that there's a pretty good chance that my iodine levels are bad and that would effect my thyroid.

Hmm.

Now, admittedly, neither of us have vast medical knowlege; but I'm thinking this might be an avenue to pursue. Who knows.

* * * * *

So there ends the summary of my current battles! If you know or can further my knowlege of cheese allergies, eczema/psoriasis or benefits of iodine in any way, let me know!

Wellness Wednesday: Run for the Cure

One of the mums, Christine, (who we have not yet met) from the Oakville Ranger '97 group is in the midst of treatment for breast cancer. The entire Ranger group, four teams in total, representing our Oakville Rep Hockey program were encouraged to participate in the annual Run for the Cure.

It was a wet and cold morning. The boys didn't let it dampen their spirits!

They even got on stage and lead the crowd - over 6,000 participants - in cheers and the pre-race warm up. Some of us found it funny that the boys from Oakville were leading the participants in Burlington (the town next to us) on stage. Our boys enjoy the spotlight!

Poor Heather was cold and her sneakers were soaked through. As I'm sure was the case for many of the participants and spectators. We had a few good giggles while waiting for our team to come through the finish line!

Cole enjoyed the run and took it at a steady pace - no need to out-do anyone on his team. He ran with his buddy Kohler through most of the race and they made the most of 5km in the rain, joking and horsing around most of the way! (If you look really close at Cole's bib you'll see he was running for Christine and for my friend Elaine, who has also had a recent battle with breast cancer.)

It is such a worthy cause.

This just in, the photo that will be sent off to our local paper (thank goodness someone brought a camera with a wide angle - I'd give photo credit, but I don't know who took it):

 

As a family we are very fortunate [furiously knocking wood!] to not have been touched by this wrenching disease. Though Louis is a survivor of adrenal cancer in 1998 it is a record in my kids health files, not part of their every day. It is an uncomfortable conversation for most, but my kids are not afraid because they know their dad survived and my good friend Elaine has survived. I know we are very fortunate and I hope that message is being driven home when we discuss it with our kids.

Not everyone survives.

That is the reason for the run.

Wet and cold we called for Louis to drive in from Oakville to collect us (me, Cole, Heather, Matt and Ollie). It was actually a pretty smooth event with lots of laughs and lots of love.

Life is good. And as long as it's good we'll give back 100% when we can.

Wellness Wednesday: What's good for kids ...

is good for adults.

Right? I was reminded of this post over at Simple Mom while reading this post over at the Daily Digi. I was inspired to write about the original post last October until I forgot ... you know, kids and life! At that time in my blogging evolution, I was also less confident offering my parenting opinions. Now, I have come to realize that my opinion is just an opinion. It can differ from yours but it doesn't make yours any less valid. So, I'm no longer fearful of offering my two cents when it comes to children and raising them.

Over the years, as a parent, I've been a pretty good model in a behaviour and cerebral sense, but not so much a good model in a physical sense. We have one rule: do unto others; after that things are pretty simple. I do my best, but don't always manage, to teach by doing:

1. Do your chores.

Do you do your chores? Though my house is rarely spotless, and almost always looks "lived in" the kids do often see me folding laundry, doing dishes, cleaning out the fridge, washing floors and windows, even (if reluctantly) cooking. Now we're handing off a number of chores to the children, more for them to know how to do the activity than to get them done. Case in point:

I'd like for us to be better examples, and surround myself by fewer half-done projects (sometimes I feel like I live in a junk yard of unending projects) but I can only do what I can do. 

2. Eat your vegetables.

I think this portion is nailed since I've now banned, yes banned, the purchase of ice cream for household consumption. That and potato chips. And cookies. They are all now "special occasion" purchases, usually requiring that we leave the house. We now go to the ice cream store for a treat. The condition is that we all, every member of the family, must be in attendance. That drastically cuts down the visits and calories!

We are perimeter shoppers. Most of the product put in our shopping cart is found on the outside walls of the grocery store: produce, meat, dairy. Other than paper products, coffee & tea, spices & oils, pasta & brown rice, cereal and Perrier, everything else is fresh. I don't need more cupboard space, I need another fridge! Correction, we also eat peanut butter now that my kids have discovered it tastes good and it's not as "evil" as they have been lead to believe (at school) their whole lives. Hard to get kids to eat something that has been banned from schools and can kill their friends.

It can be an expensive choice since in Canada most fresh fruit and veg is imported all winter long, and winter is a very long season. In the end, I justify purchases by this simple belief: the expense of good food is far better spent than the expense of health care later.

Do you snack between meals? Of course, but it is usually baba ghanouj or tzatziki on whole wheat pita or green apples with peanut butter. I buy at least 2 dozen green apples a week, and that's for Cole alone!

3. Be kind.

I am blessed with four really great kids who get along, most of the time. When the don't they are sent to their respective corners and come out when things calm down. I can honestly say I've never had to deal with the occasional hair pulling, pushing, or punching, but I have dealt with refusal to share and plenty of yelling. 

I do not subscribe to the theory "kids will be kids", kids will be whatever you let them be. Yes, I'm all about dynamic parenting.

Louis and I do a lot of talking in front of the kids but we have rarely, if ever, discussed anyone in a negative manner unless it was an issue of the kids safety and well being. It is my fundamental belief that every parent does the best they can, but sometimes that's not enough. I am amazed at the number of my kid's friends who are included in conversations with their parents on a peer level. Those are the tough questions for me to answer when our kids have too much information about a person or situation which is not age appropriate or controversial, something inappropriate shared with them by their friends. I will say here, but not to my kids, that I resent those parents who treat their kids as friends or confessionals. They are hurting everyone, mostly their kids, but mine as well.

We do our best to be either candid and honest, or we shut them down immediately and tell them that the topic is none of their business, and indeed, not any of ours either.

4. Run and play.

This is where, as an example, I fail my kids. By example they see me: cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, taking photos or typing. Rarely, if ever, do they see me exercising, walking, swimming or playing tennis (sigh, I miss tennis) or any other physical challenge.

I have to give them credit. They are very active. At least, three out of four of them are active.

In this, I have let my kids, and myself down. This has to change and I've asked my kids to be my "personal trainer". I'm curious to know which one will be like Jillian and who will be like Bob. I have my suspicions, but will wait to see.

To my credit, I've never said no to my kids when they ask me to get up and move with them. We've enjoyed many walks and frisbee games and sword fights!

5. Go outside.

I love the outdoors. I join them in Spring and Fall. Great photo ops with no humidity, no bugs and no snow :) My excuse for not being out lately? I'm allergic to everything out there!

We do "field trips" which are actual trips in the field or forest. I encourage them to kayak on the lake, go to the park and skate park, walk to Bronte to the harbour. On those occasions, I bring along the camera and they indulge me. Probably a couple of times a week, not enough, but better than staying inside all day.

6. Money doesn’t grow on trees.

I loathe shopping. The idea of going to the mall invokes a visceral reaction - it's not good. I will go, but I have to have a list. I stick with the list and only buy items if I feel they have value. Often, when buying clothes, I wonder how many times an article can be worn to amortize the initial cost. I head straight for the back racks and rarely, if ever, buy anything that is not on sale. 

This does not mean I don't spend money. I just spend it as wisely as I can. My kids hear a lot of "no" and I'm seeing signs that it's working.

As for money management, the actual bill paying? It's all done on-line and as I've mentioned before, I'm not interested in over-sharing with my children. My kids learn practical budgeting. They budget their own money. For example: Claire and Cole both have "X" amount deposited in their accounts on their birthday. That is their money for the year. They use it to buy things that are not my responsibility as parent to purchase, so that would be entertainment (books, movies), clothes (non-uniform) and activities. If they run through their money they can earn more, but I'll not give them anything for nothing.

7. Go to bed.

I am fortunate, now, that I have grown up time whenever I want it. Gone are the days when I was home all day with four kids all born in five years and me desperate for bedtime when there would be a bit of silence and maybe adult interaction. I have great respect for sleep.

In summer, our days are more laid-back and we eat dinner around 6PM, finish cleaning-up by 7PM and we all relax and enjoy our evenings until about 9PM and then it's off to bed soon thereafter. Me included. I get up around 6AM if not earlier, the only kid up before noon is Caden!

Our winter schedule is far more frantic and scattered. During school the importance of sleep is emphasized regularly with my children, and I am all about a good night's sleep. Early to bed, early to rise. My days of attempting Superwoman are long gone!

* * * * *

What about you? Do you employ these strategies in your home? Do you struggle with some? What comes easiest to you? Share!

Wellness Wednesday: Boost Energy

A while back I shared with you my Happiness Project intentions and outlined my end-of-April plan:

"What will I be doing between now and May? I'll continue to receive the Happiness Project blog posts into my reader, I'll use the Happiness Project Toolbox, I'll re-read the book, maybe read one of the countless books recommended in the book, put some plans in motion and who knows, maybe I'll get a head start on Boost Energy by purchasing a pair of sneakers and get a pedometer that actually works!"

As it turns out, I had good intentions but in the last few weeks I have been very occupied simply living my life (read: chauffeuring children, taking a silly number of sport photos and participating in A Week in the Life!), but my intention of starting in May remain - and I did. Just a bit late!

After reading The Happiness Project once through, and bits and pieces over again, I agree with Gretchen Rubin that the best place to start is with VITALITY. Without energy you cannot possibly be happy with anything. My kids are very active and it's a wonder since they don't get much modelling done by their parents! That has to be the first thing to change. 

I've re-read the first chapter and have made a few observations: I have to make some definite changes! The issues at the forefront that I have to address are Exercise, Sleep and Order. Even if I make a small dent, it will be an accomplishment.

EXERCISE:

On the days Cole has football practice I'm going to walk the new track at Loyola Secondary School, (which has now moved over to Blakelock Secondary School). The Loyola track is 650 paces per lap and I will make 10 laps. This will be done on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. I've done it once and stopped only because my partner got tired. From now on I'll be putting on my iPod, tuning into one of my many Ted podcasts, and getting smart while I'm getting fit and ignoring the needs of my partner, this is (after all) about MY health and not about his complaints. Already, on the days I am unable to make it, I'm spending my "must watch" hour of television - The View - from 11AM to noon, on my recumbent bike. 

This may sound like a very small step, but I have been in the habit of trying to implement HUGE changes that I don't stick with for very long. It's not that there is no intent or desire, it's just that the change is too drastic or dynamic for my life. This is a very small step.

I have realized a few of my reasons/excuses over my lack of dedication to exercise:

• I hate sweating, really, I do
• Cole borrowed my sneakers and his huge feet stretched them out
• I'm too cheap to buy new runners to replace them until I'm actually wearing them regularly
• Ugh, I frustrate myself, too!
• I fail before I start with self-sabotaging thoughts that I've tried this before and failed, why would it be different this time around?
• I need to do this with Louis since he needs it more than I do (well, I quit smoking without him, so this will be no different)
• It's raining, it's too hot, you know, if the temperature is not 15C to 19C with a breeze, I'll sweat
• Or, it's snowing or there's too much ice, so it's unsafe

I'm really hoping the Nietzsche quote found in the book is right: "All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking". It's been my experience that they actually happen in the shower, with no means of recording them, but I'll embrace the walking nonetheless!

SLEEP:

Generally, I head upstairs to bed around 10PM. More often than not, I fall asleep while watching one of the dramas. I realize one of the no-no's is to have a television in your bedroom. I got into the habit when the kids were babies. Louis was almost always working out of town and I was always a bit freaked out in a dark, quiet house with new babies nursing. I put a small 13" television in my room and became quickly addicted to Columbo, Quincy and McMillan & Wife re-runs on A&E.

Since then, I've always had a TV in the room, one that remains on all.night.long. since I've not mastered the concept of hitting the sleep button. Almost every night I wake up to Dr. Ho hawking some massage device in his heavy Asian accent. Whether the television is on or not, I'm at the age where I will wake up in the middle of the night anyway. Do I turn the television off when I return to bed? No, I switch it over to the 24-hour news station!

I've added to the chaos by placing in the Master Bedroom mix: my desktop Mac, many stacks of books to read and pieces of overly-large and easily-ignored exercise equipment. Definitely an area requiring some focus!

ORDER:

Last month I fired my cleaning service for a variety of reasons. It was amicable, and they might be called back, but I really don't want to have to have someone clean up after us. It annoys my frugal nature. The kids are old enough now to manage some chores.

Messes completely freak me out. I always feel like I'm playing catch-up. I'm exhausted by some of the bad habits practised by my family! I really need things to be in order so that I can tackle some of the big things that need to be done around the house. I cannot stand the chaos of it all. Makes me crazy.

Each child has been given an area of responsibility and a few all-around chores. Instead of providing them an incentive to clean, I'm implementing a deduction approach. Not my preferred method, but hey, if they know they can't play Wii or go out with their friends maybe they might clean their rooms, right?

I'm working on the theory that some outer order will bring me some inner peace. And, I seriously need to find my favourite brush obviously "borrowed" but alas no one will claim to have it. Argh. For me, the idea of order is not to go out and buy pretty baskets, or just get things put away: the idea of order is that everything have it's rightful place and it can be found when needed. Oh to be able to locate the things in my house! I'm so tired of re-buying little things. I must have a dozen sets of nail clippers - and can never locate any.

* * * * *

So, I'm going to spend the month of May and probably all of June embracing this quote by Walt Disney:

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."

Right he is!

Wellness Wednesday: Must See TV

I know, in our house, we spend plenty of time telling our kids to turn the television off and I personally complain of the Disnification of my children, Chloe in particular. I don't know how to make them realize that life is not a sit-com, and back-talk to adults is only acceptable in a the fantasy world of a child.

Is there such a thing as good television? Yes! What does wellness have to do with must see tv?

Every once in a while you run into something that captures the imagination of every single member of a household. From the oldest to the youngest. What could this be? We are completely enraptured with Jamie Oliver. I have been quite aware of The Naked Chef for years. Not because I'm a great cook or even a great cook wannabe, but this young man, (not quite young enough to be my child, but young enough to have the energy of youth and the knowledge of some life experience), has made quite a name for himself for the last decade or so. For good reason.

Digression: In our house we have dealt, on a regular basis, with some food issues. Not because, combined, Louis and I worked in the food industry for close to 40 years, which provides a whole different perspective; but, raising children brings many food-centred issues, some big, some small, but many issues which all need to be addressed at some level or other.

• Louis eats horribly: bad choices, bad portions.
• Me, I eat equally horribly. Bonus? I have learned to loathe cooking. I have always been an eat to live; not, live to eat person so the process has become torture to me.
• Claire has immense respect for food and has always chosen to eat the good stuff first. Though she does have a little addiction to Dr. Pepper ... and chocolate!
• Cole has a texture thing. Really. His gag reflex is award-winning. His food choices are limited, and though he understands intellectually what food does and does not do, he eats what he eats figuring he is young and active. Why not. Ugh.
• Chloe will eat anything as long as it meets two criteria: it must be processed and it must be white. Ick.
• Caden is much like Claire and loves food. He will eat anything. By anything I mean, from the time he was a baby he was happy to eat grapefruit, olives, dill pickles, lamb, beets but he hates peanut butter, cheese and potatoes - including french fries.

Everyone in this house is fully aware of the eating issues as it is a constant source of conversation. I do my best to tread lightly and be as non-confrontational (and non-hypocritical) as possible. Cole's relationship with food and his behaviour toward food has been the primary focus, but really, the whole family has some issues - except Caden!

Ugh.

But interesting?

We are glued to Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution on ABC, Friday evenings at 9PM. The first one parked in front of the television set? Cole. Viewing it has really family event where every member of the household is glued to the tube . Not only that, but for the last few weeks, as a bonus, we get to see an encore of the previous week's show at 8PM.

Jamie Oliver is attempting to implement his healthy eating model, (implemented 4 years ago) in the UK, in the US. He wants to get the public angry enough to change their eating habits. His experiment, the start of his revolution, for the kids has started in Huntington, West Virginia, statistically determined to be the fattest population in the United States.

I am enjoying watching his process, immensely!

If you don't have time to watch the show, or catch up, or Friday night in your life is still date night, you can get the gist of Jamie's mission by watching his TED Talk filmed in February. Did I mention energy? Knowledge? Jamie Oliver won the TED Prize this year. As a result, he gets $100,000US plus the chance to make his wish in front of the TED audience. Here is his wish:

“I wish for your help to create a strong, sustainable movement to educate every child about food, inspire families to cook again and empower people everywhere to fight obesity.”

It is our intention, as a family, to help Jamie realize his wish.

We went over to Chapter's on the weekend and Cole saw his new book in the Best Seller section of the store. I had already had a copy of the Cook with Jamie book. Last Friday, when I mentioned to Cole to go through the cookbook we already had, he managed to fold-over over more than TWENTY recipes he wants to try - with me. Even Caden wants in on the action and has offered to be my sous chef.

The recipes he wants to try include, from Cook with Jamie:

• Macaroni Cheese
• Gorgeous slow-cooked duck pasta (duck? he wants duck?)
• Pappardelle with a ragu of tiny meatballs
• Best stew with potato and arugula pasta cushions
• Spicy pangrattato risotto (without the spicy - he likes the picture)
• Leftover stew risotto
• Ultimate rib of beef with rosemary and garlic roast potatoes
• Rib roast of beef with beetroot and horseradish (without the horseradish)
• Pan fried sirloin steak with simple chianti butter sauce and olive oil mash
• Roast rack of lamb with potato and cauliflower dauphinois
• Overnight slow-roasted pork
• Old-school pork chops with apples and sage
• Blackened barbecued pork fillets (without the blackened)
• Roasted chicken breast
• Tender-as-you-like rabbit stew with the best dumplings ever (rabbit? really?)
• Perfectly cooked crispy duck with spiced plum chutney (what's with the duck already?)
• Pan-fried red mullet with crispy breadcrumbs and a herby tomato salad (it has to be the picture, I don't know that he has realized mullet is not a bad hairstyle but a fish)
• Tea-party cupcakes
• My nan's lemon drizzle cake
• Eton mess (a meringue based strawberry dessert - I'd fold down for the photo too!)
• Homemade ice cream
• The best shortbread in the world
• Doughnuts with Old English spiced sugar

Not a veg to be found in that selection, though there were more than a few surprises as I've noted!

As I was typing out the titles, and reading the recipes, I could feel my own desire to cook returning. I used to be, as in prior-to-children, a very good cook. I took lessons from top chefs and have an extensive collection of cookbooks which range from the pre-marriage days of the "Silver Palette" and my go-to "New York Times" cookbooks to the obviously-we-have-kids "One Dish Meals" and "No Time To Cook" variety. 

What was really exciting to me is the realization that my appreciation to cook good food can now be shared with my kids. And, Jamie Oliver has provided me this brilliant opportunity.

The recipes that appeal to Cole from the Jamie's Food Revolution book include:

• Chicken Fajitas
• Classic Tomato Spaghetti
• My Sweet and Sour Pork
• Hardly-Any-Prep Shrimp Stir-Fry
• Super-Quick Salmon Stir-Fry
• A Cracking Burger
• Meatballs and Pasta
• Ground Beef Wellington
• Pot Roast Meat Loaf
• Bolognese Sauce
• Good Old Chili Con Carne
• Basic Stew Recipe
• Perfect Roast Beef
• Perfect Roast Pork
• Perfect Roast Chicken
• Roasted Potatoes, Parsnips and Carrots (he, like me, doesn't like cooked vegetables, but realizes that some are just better cooked, particularly root vegetables - he will no doubt make gravy to cover them!)
• A Consistently Good Gravy
• Yorkshire Pudding
• Baked French Potatoes
• Mexican Style Corn (without the Mexican, which translates to corn on the cob with parmesan cheese)
• Pan-Fried Glazed Pork Chops
• Crunchy Garlic Chicken
• Parmesan Chicken Breasts with Crispy Posh Ham
• Grilled Lamb Chops with Chunky Salsa
• Tomato Salsa
• Shrimp and Sweet Corn Chowder
• Frozen Fruit Smoothies
• Scrambled Eggs
• Omelets
• Ice Cream
• Quick Steamed Microwave Pudding Cakes
• Baked Apples

Each and every recipe is very basic, using simple ingredients, tools and techniques. I'm more than a little excited to write up the shopping list and get food for the next couple of meals. The one thing, in order to embrace this new lifestyle, is to buy less and shop more often. I'm okay with that, though I don't know that Louis will be thrilled since he's the one who does the shopping! The bonus to this whole process is if I teach the kids to enjoy the process of cooking, perhaps I won't have to do it. What do you think?

The one thing I wanted that I was unable to locate in the new cookbook was the stir fry recipe he uses on the show. I'm fascinated with the concept of stir fry, and as it turns out so are all of the kids, but I'm totally intimidated. I checked the site and it is not included in the recipes section, so I'm now on a search for a steak and noodle stir fry - with easy to follow instructions!

Now to keep us all on track, check this out:

It turns out the brilliant Cathy Zielske has her own issues with her own Cole. Maybe there is something in the name? Last week, inspired by the program, she developed and shared her Discernible Palate Progress Tracker. I love the points system! It's like a big-boy/big-girl star chart system. I have printed off a blue version for Chloe and an orange one for Cole. Based on Cole's food and recipe choices, we'll see how many points they get this week. Bonus: they are very competitive, this could be fun! To get your own trackers, head on over to her Bits and Pieces blog and download a blue, green or orange version for yourself, or even one of each!

What do you think? Is Jamie's wish valid? I've read in many places complaints and winging that it is a small start and I think many miss the point: it is a small start, but it is a start. So many of us have been programmed to passively sit around and wait for things to be done for us. Well, this has been done, it is up to us to execute the change.

Wellness Wednesday: My Happiness Project

I think it is my need for structure and order that appeals to me most about Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. I had been reading her blog for quite some time but didn't "get it" until I read her brilliant book. I took my time reading it for two reasons: I wanted to absorb the content between each chapter; and, I was invited to join a lovely group of insightful and honest women on a virtual book club. It became my parking lot book - that book you bring with you while you wait for your kids.

I shall endeavour to embark on a similar journey, my time line will be a bit different, but I think it is a worthwhile project to embrace and complete. Not only worth while, it will be economical and a bit of a personal improvement stay-cation. I appreciate the structured approach. My premise is very similar to that of Gretchen Rubin, I am, in general, a very content person. I'd say on a scale of 10 that I would be firmly at an 8 with a "glass is half full" attitude as well as a general need to always look at the bright side. Like her, I can make my surroundings far more pleasant by making some subtle and not-so-subtle changes in my attitude and approach to people and events. In fact, I took the Authentic Happiness Inventory Test and here are my results: 

I have to admit, when I left the crazy corporate world of grocery domination to became a full-time mama and *choke* suburban soccer mom (with nary a soccer player in the house) I made a conscious effort to do many of the projects outlined in the book, though in nowhere near as organized a fashion. My rules were very simple:

1. Smile
2. Say only nice things or remain silent
3. Do one thing out of my comfort zone each week
4. Engage with others in similar situation and learn from them
5. Get involved

For the most part I have continued to follow those rules, with varying degrees of success, over the last 12 years. I got off the plane from Calgary with a new attitude and a determination to accept whatever our new life had to offer.

It is time to re-evaluate my successes and failures and to do that I'd like to use The Happiness Project as my guideline. So, bear with me as I use my Wellness Wednesday posts to outline my plan. At least here on the blog I'm guaranteed to be able to locate it again! My laptop is currently exploding with projects, plans and ideas in many stages of incomplete.

By using the book, as well as the notes I made in the book, the Reading Guide I received a few weeks ago, conversations with the ladies in the virtual book club, I plan to rediscover my happy :)

I am not a tremendous believer in Resolutions that have to be made On January 1st or the first day of school; nor do I believe you have to start an endeavour at the beginning of a month or even the beginning of the week. I will follow a monthly outline as that is how the book is structured, but Gretchen Rubin's January will be my May.

Are you thinking: Lee, look at the calendar, why wait? Why not start in April?

Well, April, for me, is silly season, it is stressful and I don't know that I can focus on anything as big and potentially rewarding as the Energy & Vitality portion of my own personal Happiness Project while I'm nervously pacing and downing glasses of wine! What in the world is going on here, you may wonder? Hockey tryouts, aka the mean season. When bold faced lies are told and people forget that they are parents and their children are not pawns.

What I will do in April is pay attention. I will be more aware of myself, my actions and more, my reactions. I will use this month to focus on GETTING STARTED.

GETTING STARTED

The first 14 pages of the book are dedicated to the structure of getting started. Gretchen Rubin's journey started by a question asked, on a rainy day while sitting in a city bus:

"What do I want from my life, anyway?"

Her answer was "Well ... I want to be happy."

As I read along I realized how similar, yet different, our situations were.

DIFFERENT: I do not live in New York City, I do not have a law degree, I am not a published author, I do not have two adorable little girls, I do not have family close by (well not in the same city let alone the next block).

SIMILAR: Our likes and dislikes are very similar, her "be Gretchen" is very much like my "be Lee"; we are both hitting a midlife malaise; we both have a feeling that something is missing and a desire to be grateful for the ordinary.

Her comment: "I needed to find a way to do it here and now. I needed to change the lens through which I viewed everything familiar", spoke to me. Screamed from the page. Not only am I a visual person and amateur photographer, it was exactly it. Exactly what I had been feeling for months. She then continued with "I wasn't as happy as I could be, and my life wasn't going to change unless I made it change". Wow. I'm in that exact same space.

But I don't want to change so much that I'm no longer me, I just want to improve the good and put less focus on the bad. How could I change, be more observant, be more mindful, be more aware and remain myself?

I was relieved to read that in her effort to "find happiness" we had read many similar books, magazines and articles. Plato, Boethius, Thoreau, Tolstoy ... Oprah, Julie Morgenstern, Malcolm Gladwell, Dalai Lama, Flylady (Marla Cilley). And there were plenty of books listed which I had never considered!

Though GR's use of charts and score systems is a bit more regimented and compulsive than I'm comfortable doing ... scorekeeping is not something I do well in the literal or figurative sense! I'm far more comfortable in the knowledge of improvement than the need for empirical proof of that improvement. That being said, we are similar in that I do love lists!

LISTS

One of her lists is her TWELVE COMMANDMENTS. I have to admit, after reading the book through, she and I have very similar interests and temperament. I am no where near as regimented as she is, but then again, I am not a lawyer or published author. Perhaps there is more here for me to learn, eh?

Anyway, from her commandments, I was able to extract these to add to mine:

• Be me
• Let it go
• Act the way I want to feel
• Do it now
• Enjoy the process
• Lighten Up
• Do what ought to be done
• There is only love
  

I still have to work on my additional commandments. I rejected these:

#5: Be polite and be fair which I'm sure is admirable, but it has been my experience that "be polite" translates into evade at best and lie at worst; and, "be fair" generally means let the other guy win. I would probably replace this with: be honest, not confrontational or judgmental

#7: Spend out may be a valid commandment, but if I can't understand what it means immediately upon reading, it doesn't help me.

#8: Identify the problem should just be a way of life, not a commandment. With four active kids there is plenty of problem identification and it has become second-nature to identify and deal.

#11: No calculation is how I live my life so this commandment has no meaning.

Of course, to me, the commandment by which I live my life is "do unto others as you would have others do unto you" which, surprisingly, can get you into a lot of trouble when those around you do not follow or even understand that concept. Somehow I'll figure out how to shorten that and add it to my list - way at the top! Oh, and Carpe Diem has to be there as well :)

I hope that by the end of my adventure I will be able to produce for you a well considered list of personal commandments. Do you have any for yourself? A motto or creed you live by?

In addition to her commandments, she wrote down a list she calls SECRETS OF ADULTHOOD which you can find on her blog: here. Her one secret I love, and tell my kids over and over again: If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough. I must be trying very hard, every day! I wouldn't have it any other way! This is one project I'm happy to compile as I have a ton of little 'truisms' I've collected over the years.

Like Gretchen Rubin, I'm not interested in extraordinary change. I am equally not interested in rejecting my life. I am looking to tweak what I already have. What I have is wonderful. I suppose I want to appreciate what I have more, and like Gretchen Rubin, I think if I "felt happier, I"d behave better." This, MY Happiness Project is not about wholesale changes, but more about minor improvements and simple awareness.

One aspect where she and I diverge is at the very end of Getting Started; on page 14, the last paragraph she writes: "One of my goals for the happiness project was to prepare for adversity ... I didn't want to wait for a crisis to remake my life". Good for her to prepare.

I was not. prepared. at. all.

Three major crisis have happened to our little family in the 12 years since I made my simple rules: Louis had Cancer (malignant, surgically removed in 1998); Caden was in a coma for almost 3 weeks, during SARS, as he almost drown (2003); and, I had a near-death heart infection the week after Caden was born (2000). Maybe one of my commandments should be: pick your battles as I know what a real battle is all about.

So that I am better prepared for any future crisis, it is time to get things in order.

Following the formula set out in The Happiness Project, this is my plan:

MAY: Boost Energy Vitality

JUNE: Remember Love Marriage

JULY: Aim Higher Work

AUGUST: Lighten Up Parenthood

SEPTEMBER: Be Serious About Play Leisure

OCTOBER: Make Time for Friends Friendship

NOVEMBER: Buy Some Happiness Money

DECEMBER: Contemplate the Heavens Eternity

JANUARY: Pursue a Passion Books

FEBRUARY: Pay Attention Mindfulness

MARCH: Keep a Contented Heart Attitude

APRIL: Boot Camp Perfect Happiness

What will I be doing between now and May? I'll continue to receive the Happiness Project blog posts into my reader, I'll use the Happiness Project Toolbox, I'll re-read the book, maybe read one of the countless books recommended in the book, put some plans in motion and who knows, maybe I'll get a head start on Boost Energy by purchasing a pair of sneakers and get a pedometer that actually works!

Are you participating in the Happiness Project? Do you do something similar all by yourself? Who inspires you?

Who knew? Whoopi did!

As my friends know, I'm an avid watcher of The View. No matter what is going on, the television gets flicked on every weekday morning at 11AM. If I could be one person, I would want to be Whoopi when I grow up except that would require far more talent than I have, so I will have to be content to just watch and learn and be forever thankful for the privilege every week day.

She offers a measured amount of sanity and common sense on a show that can sometimes become pretty out of control. Somehow I don't think she ever envisioned herself as the moderate member of anything; but, she has proven to be insightful, kind-hearted and tolerant.

Now, there are many wonderful things she has discussed, defended and represented on the show since I tuned back in three years ago - on my birthday, September 4th, 2007. What a gift!

Okay, so less gush and more to my point.

A while ago she had been quite sick. A big cough had settled into her chest and she was having a difficult time getting rid of it. She had heard of an urban legend which she tried. I'm here to tell you, and thank Whoopi, because the lady got it right!!

Vicks Vaporub

Yep, that little blue jar with the powerful smell has come to my rescue. Take a generous amount and rub (about a tablespoon worth) of the greasy, minty goo onto the bottom of your feet and cover them with socks. Take yourself to bed. When you wake up, voila, cough is G.O.N.E.

I've had a terrible cough deep in my chest (shut up) and have had a terrible weekend. My whole body rattled. I hate this kind of cough as it often triggers my finally-under-control-asthma. I've had asthma since I was a 14-year-old competitive swimmer and tennis player and though I've always taken care of it, once a cold hits, fear strikes. I've never been able to find a way to catch it before I have an asthma attack or end up at the doctor receiving a prescription for a huge amount of drugs for bronchitis, or worse, pneumonia.

Though, I have a lovely doctor, John, I am not a fan of prescriptions though I take some to keep me alive, every day.

I'm far more a fan of homoeopathic remedies. Give me the chiropractor, the acupuncturist, the juice, the balanced diet before you give me the pill or the scalpel!

I whined about my condition on Facebook and one of my friends suggested Buckley's and it was next on my list. I remembered the off-hand Whoopie comment from months ago and got myself some Vicks Vaporub to try first. When I woke this morning, I realized I'm breathing fine with no sign of a cough. No need for the Buckley's!

So Vicks rocks.

Whoopi rocks.

Being able to stay home in the middle of the day to watch television rocks.

Wellness Wednesday: Done

Can you believe it? I've finally completed my Me: The Abridged Version project!

Why is a completed album a Wellness Wednesday post? Well, it is because we all know how good you can feel to have projects completed, especially a project like this! Not only has it been sitting around for a few months, mocking me every time I entered my studio, but one that has so many different elements, thoughts and photographs to gather together and have all available at one time.

What a tremendous process putting this album together. I percolated a very long time over my words and ideas; paper choices and fonts; representative photographs; for months. The Me: The Abridged Version course was taught by the lovely and engaging Cathy Zielske over at Big Picture Scrapbooking last October. The idea that sparked her first album was Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krouse Rosenthal, which in turn sparked the course. The book is a fantastic concept, very engaging. If you're a wordie, like me; and clearly, like Cathy.

For some reason, I chose to tackle this album project during this albeit short but still crazy-busy and emotionally exhausting month. Sometimes the best time to get things completed is when you're firing on all cylinders. What's that saying? If you need something done, ask a busy mum; well, that was what worked in this case.

Done.

And, lots of lessons learned. I started out strong in October choosing all of my words and developing the corresponding photos. Then life got in my way! The problem I ran into was that by the time I was typing everything out this week, four months later, most of my words had changed. So, I chose a bunch of new images to correspond with my new words and headed back over to get them all developed (no, I never print my album or project photos at home). I also chose to change my font from the original to reflect my two current favourites: Amelie and American Typewriter. I figure this album is to reflect who I am, right now, at this moment. Those small details will provide some insight to some reader of my esthetic tastes long after I'm gone.

I am a big believer that every album you make is a reflection of you. I'm not one of those types who feels some form of drudgery making albums for everyone else because they really are mine: the photos all come from my camera, the stories are all from my perspective. Every album I've ever made had a part of me in it, some more than others. This album is all about me.

I made some changes from the formula because, as much as I love Cathy Zielske (and my friend Lorraine can attest that in the presence of the wonderful CZ I behave in a strangely giddy, she-is-a-rock-star fashion) I don't need her signature Archer type to identify the project as hers, so I made this album a bit more hybrid by adding American Crafts white felt letters.

It is also suggested that we go through this process every couple of years, and if I do manage to do it again, I think every five might work just fine. After all, I'm in my mid-40s, not some young upstart with lots to see, do and explore. No need to take a photo of every costume worn, every mess made or every event attended by my splendid offspring. My album is far more reflective than anything else. Though, I am considering making an album for each of my kids when they hit 15. Maybe a modified version with just one word per letter. We'll see. It really is easier to do for someone else. You know how we always put ourselves on the back burner, right?

I'm going to be using part of this post to fill in the back page blank you'll see in the first image, above. We were asked to hand-write a bit about the process and tuck it in the back of the album. Here it is, let me know if you've done your own Me: The Abridged Version and provide a link in the comments!

 

Whew!

Thanks for looking :)

Wellness Wednesday: Just let it go

Image found here. LOVE that it has a lemon :)

"Just" is the wrong word.

Since this was not a little thing.

It was a big thing. More than "just".

But I did let go.

Let go of something big.

Not one but two somethings big.

Big to me.

I have been working, steadily, on two projects. Eighteen months on one and almost a year on the other. What were they? Manuscripts is the big word. Stories, to me. For the longest time I was consumed by them, riveted with wonder. What was going to happen next for the one, and how I could make the second creatively different, original. 

Many times I've dragged the laptop with me to hockey practice, to choir practice, to the parking lot at each school. During the process, I learned one thing for sure: I can't write like a job - no regular hours. Inspiration seems to find me most often when I'm distracted or busy doing other things! Laundry alone will guarantee I always have something to do, so I'm grateful for laundry :)

I really enjoy the process.

Molding.

Creating.

Exploring.

Then, one day last week, I realized that some of the negative influences in my life over the last two years had seeped into my writing. I clicked and clicked only to find that the writing I was using to escape was acting more like a sponge. The negative had seeped into my creative process.

I was no longer proud of my creations. I was no longer happy.

I had to let it go.

No more dreams of hard covers.

No more planning of illustrations.

No more thoughts of readers nodding in recognition.

This is what it looks like now:

All evidence removed from my laptop and moved onto a flash drive.

Tossed in a drawer.

Hours, days, weeks, months of work.

Now to start anew.

Wellness Wednesday: A more FOCUSED life

As anyone who reads here, or knows me in person, is aware that our family has one of those crazy activity-driven schedules that kicks-in every day after school. Unfortunately, with Claire playing volleyball and timekeeping for hockey and Cole playing hockey for two different teams, that schedule can be somewhat inconsistent. Chloe has a bit of crazy with her choir performances and our slow-and-steady Caden provides a bit of relief as his practices are Saturdays and his games on Sundays. It makes for some pretty frantic hours between 3:15 (pick up of the youngers) and around 9PM (when we pull into the driveway from a hockey event).

In December, I managed to put together a couple of Excel files in an effort to keep my life in order. As I mentioned it on my Focus post, I had a bit of a break-up with lists and routine with less than stellar results. Here is my mid-month report card to show what I did and whether I met with any success. The most success? I now know what I'm doing and when I'm doing it - for the routine, repeated events. The older I get the less capable I am of staying on task and believe me, I need it!

Here is a screen shot of our weekly schedule (modified for publication):

It was really important for me to map out my don't forgets (plenty) and my free time (surprisingly little) and make it all work as seamlessly as possible. Once I realized how my time was spent, it was important to delegate it well; which lead me to the Personal, Blog, Health, Household and Dinner categories. Of course, 10PM has my favourite shows so I know not to forget it. I'm more than tired of realizing the next day and later that I had missed The Good Wife!

How do you keep yourself on track?

I know it seems insane to start dinner prep at 2:30 most afternoons, but it really has worked out well. Some days, especially when it's a quick meal to be made (Tuesday and Wednesday) I make both on the Tuesday and just refrigerate the Wednesday meal. Since my kids prefer raw vegetables (just like their mama) we eat a lot of salad and sliced tomatoes, avocado, carrots and celery. Potatoes are almost always mashed with the skins on but I'm thinking of introducing baked potatoes with a bunch of different toppings from which to choose.

Anyway, this is how the 4-week meal rotation works out:

The kids aren't nearly as regimented in their eating of meals prior to dinner, Claire and Cole are fed a hot lunch at school every day, but I want to keep myself on track. It's working well! I think. We'll have to see.

I've just run off a bunch of recipes I found on the Prevention website as well as quite a few from Martha Stewart. I'm considering making Experiment Night a weekly, rather than monthly event. It's always nice to find some new things for my kids to eat. They are all now of an age that I can have them eat things that they used to greet with a hearty "eww" and a shove of the plate. I never coddled their palates, but now that they enjoy more selection, I'm introducing it at our home table. What are your family favourites? Anything your kids particularly enjoy?

I am finding it hard to stay on track only because Cole has just recently had a tournament, as has Caden. Chloe had a choir event and Claire has been spending time at the rink timekeeping. Even I spent time at the rink convening a hockey game so Louis could attend a meeting.

LIFE is getting in the way of my schedule!

Ah well, the freezer is reaping the benefit.

In addition to my schedules, the new "control journal" includes:

• A 2010 Calendar & A list of things on which to FOCUS in 2010
• Monthly Reminders with every birthday and special event listed
• My Creative commitments and workflow
• My list of things to do (big and small) around the house, by room
• Bloggy notes and Digi Notes
• Books to buy

Anything else is kept in my handy-dandy Blackberry which I've learned to sync with my computer so anything I miss is out of sheer stupidity.

HUGE change, but I really hope all of this keeps me on track.