Embrace Life

Happier You | Day 26

A SMOOTH SEA NEVER MADE A SKILLFUL SAILOR

I can handle anything.

In my life the seas have not often been calm and for that I have learned to be grateful. There is a lesson in everything - good and bad - and I look for the opportunity within the chaos to take whatever good is available in what can appear challenging.

The assignment: How do you deal with stormy seas?

In general I just bear down and deal with what is thrown at me the best way I can. I have been given plenty of opportunity to perfect this technique.

One thing I have learned is that many people react in a very negative way to the how I manage to handle challenges and stress, with seeming ease. They don't know that from birth to my mid-teens I was provided a ton of practice - my mother was not a nice woman. Years ago there was the mum at playgroup who felt compelled to insist that while my husband was out of town for business for weeks on end that he couldn't possibly be faithful and I should spend more time worrying about it. My biggest callenge to date was my youngest nearly drowning while I was away from home and the subsequent coma and rehabilitation for which I was fully present and accountable. There was the whack-job client who went out of her way to smear me to anyone who would listen, and became offended when I made a (futile) attempt to defend myself. Spending the last seven consecutive years in Middle School where I have experienced some of the most excruciatingly mean behaviour I've ever witnessed and it's affect on each of my four children. My recent divorce and being awarded sole custody has brought with it it's fair share of opinions - and advice.

I used to deal with it all very badly. Maybe not so everyone could see, but I felt like an old fashioned pin ball machine and I was the ball bouncing all over the place with no direction amidst bright lights and pounding noise. I simply reacted the best I could to all of the crazy around me.

Then I learned.

Though I often cannot recognize the lesson in the midst of the storm, I am able to immediately recognize what is going on and quickly let go of what I cannot control and I do my utmost to not make anything personal. I find myself repeating "this too shall change" and it brings me comfort to know that I've managed to live for years on end in a state of stress, but it did change. Everything changes.

People act badly based on their own experience. It has little, or more often nothing, to do with me. Some people behave the way they do out of habit or ignorance or both. People project their fears onto others. With some I've learned it is just better for me to armour-up but for most I just let them have their say and not engage in motivations that I don't understand. The only time I get truly fierce is when the behaviour of others directly impacts my kids.

With every big or small experience, once the skies have cleared, I sit down and evaluate what happened, what to take away, and what to throw away.

__________________________________________________________________________

Like Bree Hester, I believe you choose to be happy. Sure there are bad (out of your control) things that happen, but how you handle them is completely up to you. Your choices are your responsibility - there is no blame, no shame, no nothing but accountability. Your attitude is your decision. I choose to be happy. Happy within the context of not wearing the proverbial rose-coloured glasses or any expectation that those who populate my life have made the same choice :) Last October, Bree put together 31 DAYS TO A HAPPIER YOU and, armed with her PDF, I'm using March - that dreary time between winter and spring that seems to drag on forever - to make the conscious choice to be happy every day this month!

around the house | project closet purge

For the last few years I've gone to tremendous effort to get healthy and lose weight. Well, it turns out, according to my doctor - and the other doctor, and the other one, too, you can be healthy and heavy. I am both. I am thankful for the healthy and ever so tired of the heavy. BUT I am no longer going to defeat myself with my closet filled half with clothes that fit and the other half with clothes that make me sad.

I've been holding onto clothes I love because I will fit in them again. I've been holding onto that idea for years. I purchase pretty simple, classic and timeless cuts, so style is not an issue. The issue is how defeated I feel every time I go in my closet or open a drawer. So one day last week I decided to go from this:

(Not a true representation as there were so many clothes on the bench on the end of my bed - so imagine this stuffed even more.) See those tags? Brand NEW clothes I've never worn. Clothes I won't ever wear.

Along with most of the clothes in my dresser, they ended up:

in these three super sized garbage bags which were promptly delivered to the clothing bin behind the local grocery store.

Now, I have this:

My plan? Because I always have to have a plan, is to not purchase anything - unless it is a direct replacement - for the next year. I'm done with purchasing things "in case" or "for the day when". I have everything I am possibly going to need to get me through. I am never throwing out items with a tag on them EVER again. The disappointment I felt in myself was crushing while going through the process, but results were completely liberating.

This was a wonderful project.

Now to organize the linen closet!

pmm | claire is fierce

Last week was full around here. It was also very Claire-centric with her leaving class dinner, graduation and formal one day after the other.

On top of it all, she got through everything with a broken thumb and a smile.

The picture above was taken after she had been hit by a pitch at her game last Tuesday. Right after it happened, she was in a lot of pain but told her coach that she was tough and could handle it. She stayed in and ended up walking to 1st base. She then stole to 2nd base. At that point she realized there was something seriously wrong.

The poor thing took off her glove and her thumb was a bloody mess.

She came off the field and one of the mums took over - thanks Kathie - since I just couldn't handle it. Quickly Claire got wrapped up and I took her to our local hospital, after a quick stop home to pick up her medical card.

We took over the emergency waiting room: me, Claire, her cousin Taylor (who had only just arrived in town), her friend Michelle, her coach and his daughter. Claire was so embarrassed by all of the attention, a lot of people were worried about her - and showed up to support her.

I won't go into the gory details, but it was not pretty. Five hours and five stitches later, we were home, with pain killers and antibiotics, by 3AM.

In all that time, I don't think she was upset by anything other than the fact she is out of baseball for at least six weeks. Then it dawned on her that she was going to attend her leaving class dinner, graduation and formal! Melt down? Not my girl. She figured she'd bedazzle the bandage and not miss a minute.

The word "trooper" has been used in most of the notes we've received.

Yes, my girl is fierce. And she rocked the bandage at all of her events. At least at prom she had a broad back to hide it behind!

live a better life | don't feed the demons

[source]

I don't often go onto my "stats" page. Imagine my surprise when I was clicking around and realized over this past weekend that I was getting a ridiculous number of hits and page reads - starting last Thursday. We're talking in the area of 300+ per day. This, I can assure you, is not normal.

The good thing is I can see where the weird clicks are coming from and in this case it was a link from Two Peas in a Bucket. No, it was not a beautiful layout I had posted, it was an article I had written five years ago.

Ah yes. It's summertime. The annual dragging up of "the post".

What's the big deal? Once I realized where all the activity was coming from, I did not click through myself to see what was being said. Now, all of us familar with Two Peas know that, like too many a lot of online forums, the "General" Message Board is toxic and troll-filled. This suited my purpose perfectly when I originally posted my rant - which I posted on my blog at the time, as well. Then, like all things on a toxic message board, it burst well out of my control. People did not read my actual post, they read the comments and that is where they formed their opinions.

They were not kind.

As tempting as it was, I didn't need to relive that experience. Though there was a pull of curiosity*, I realized it would provide me with no positive or helpful information or insight.

This year I've chosen not to feed the demons.

What I found very interesting, of the hundreds of clicks here through the week there was not one comment left here for me to read. Did you agree? I don't know. Did you disagree? I don't know. Can we have a conversation? I guess not.

We all have moments of insecurity. I doubt myself often enough as the sole provider of four teenagers without having a few hundred people who don't know me at all making harsh judgments about me, my character and my parenting. 

The past couple of years, and indeed up until a couple of months ago I would have given into my curiosity*. Now? I know better. I am really learning to understand and embrace the concept that what others think of me really isn't any of my business. For those who found their way here, who want to have a conversation, let's have one. For those who don't, fine with me. I hope for those who spent over an hour and read over 100 pages that you learned what you think you needed to know.

What was that "famous" post?

Here it is:

13 June 2008

I am so looking forward to the end of the school year. Perhaps more than my kids are anticipating it! I cannot wait to spend some time with each of them ... and all of them!

Don't get me wrong. We do not experience the lazy days of summer as this season can be pretty hectic around here. There is no sleeping-in as most week days the kids are off to camp. This year camp includes: canoe, sports, adventure, basketball, soccer, leadership, golf, dance, theatre arts, baseball, sailing, archery, explorer, hockey, fitness, math, French and computers. Hey, I have four kids. It just looks like a lot ;)

We've also scheduled one "mama week" for each kid. They get to choose the agenda for the day for five days in a row. I've overheard conversations about visiting the Science Centre, R.O.M., Canada's Wonderland, Maid of the Mist in Niagara Falls, Art Gallery of Ontario, Royal Botanical Garden, a visit to the Hockey Hall of Fame, Butterfly Conservatory in Niagara. I'm kind of hoping Claire suggests some kind of a Spa Day! We may even go for an overnight visit someplace depending on the 3on3 hockey, baseball, dryland training schedules that are ongoing every evening. As most of my friends know, I am not adverse to taking a small trip - 4 hours one way - to visit family and friends overnight. Yes, consider that a warning!

Not only that, but we have friends coming in to visit with us from all parts! My kids are thrilled to meet new people and entertain. My friends are thrilled to have a chance to kick back, have a BBQ and enjoy a glass of wine (or four) and let their kids go. It's always good when they run in a pack: with Claire keeping everyone safe; and, Chloe ready to step in and either report or boss around.

We have a theme going here: busy is good; bored is bad.

We make the most of every minute. We play hard. We relax hard. Though there is some structure, it is, for the most part, pretty flexible and pretty easy going.

Okay, to the bee in my bonnet: What is wrong with all of these wretched mothers?

Stay at Home mothers who dread summer holidays? Teachers who don't want to spend more time with more children - hey, newsflash, these are your children in the summer! Worse? Caregivers who are taking care of working mother's children because they cannot take the time off leaving children in your care and you're crabbing about how awful it's going to be?

Get over it! Why have children if not to enjoy them, nurture them, have fun with them, spend time with them? Why offer to take care of other children if you don't like it?

I know there are times when being a parent is trying and exhausting. It's certainly not all sunshine and flowers around here, but hey, that was our choice to have four delightful monsters. It is your choice.

You made a mistake? Suck it up buttercup.

Don't let those kids feel like the worst thing in the world is them being around ruining your time. You think they don't feel it? You make comments in the grocery line, to your friend at the park, to your sister on the phone, to your on line friends, at the ballpark or soccer field, to other mothers at after school pick-up, to your husband at the top of your lungs (with the door closed, of course), at the community pool, everywhere you think people are willing to hear you whine about how wretched your life is going to be for the nine weeks of summer holiday.

You think those children don't hear you? They don't feel it?

Come on. Be the GROWN UP. You are responsible for them. For nine weeks it is NOT ABOUT YOU. Deal.

Or even, dare I say it? Enjoy!

Originally published here: http://l2l-lemons2lemonade.blogspot.ca/2008/06/latest-bee-in-my-bonnet.html

Like I said, it served it's purpose at the time. Would I write the same thing now? For the most part, yes. Some of the words might change, but the concept would stay the same.

What about you? Agree? Disagree?

*curiosity = demon

real right now | never say never

After a concussion sustained in hockey made worse by another concussion last rugby season combined with the chronic bursitis in his shoulder, I never thought Cole would ever play any contact sport ever again. A good reminder to never say never!

I forgot to take into account passion.

He loves rugby. Truly loves it.

Well, he still has the ball. It was quickly passed off and a try scored.

As much as I flinch when there are a number of other-coloured jerseys surrounding him, I know he is playing something he loves. And he's good at it. He doesn't want to play for the Crusaders Club. Or Ontario. Or Canada. He's happy to focus on his position as 8-Man for his school team.

Life is good - and never dull :)

BONUS

I couldn't say yes to one and not to the other:

Caden is the "back-up everything" for his Middle School rugby team. There are a huge number of boys so not a spot for everyone. During this game he was the back-up 8-Man and scored the final try of the game.

I'm just settling in to get a good tan this spring :)

nourish | good choices

Last week I found myself back in Tucson, AZ with my sister, Beth. I went to have some tests run in an effort to try to figure out the whole over-weight thing. Ugh. Frustrating! After all blood tests were run and analyzed, it turns out I am a remarkably fit heavy person. Blood pressure is low. Thyroid is fine. B12 is fine. Liver and kidney function are great. Vitamin D is in the tank. With a few tweaks things should be fine. Reluctantly, the doctor agreed that once my cortisol levels lower, my body should be more receptive to shrinking! We'll have to wait and see. Patience is not one of my virtues.

Right now I'm just waiting for the results of some allergy tests. Who knows, maybe they hold the key to what's holding me back?

While I wait, listening to the rain hit the windows, I've been going through the photos taken on the trip. Hundreds were taken, below are just a few of them to keep me warm until Spring arrives here at home:

It was a 17-hour ordeal to get to Tucson with major flooding leading to delays in Chicago. I landed in Phoenix and drove the two hours to Tucson. I started at 5AM my time and ended up at Canyon Ranch at 9PM their time. I have to say, it was totally worth it. Even when I realized - a week later, just as it was time to leave - that I left my passport on the plane! Further proof that there never is a dull moment.

Every day I walked the 2-mile loop around the property, though, unlike my sister, I did it just the once and avoided the "big hill" even though it meant more steps :)

Every day I swam at least 20 laps of the T-pool and took at least one water-fitness class.

Every day I ate oatmeal brulée, chicken sausage and kefir for breakfast.

Every day I met someone new and heard their story.

Every day I spoke to or texted with my kids. Though, I have to admit, Caden is a bit too quiet for my comfort! They had a great time with their cousins, and limited independence :)

Every day I discovered something new. I also discovered more things I can - and will - do.

Every day I did at least one thing outside my comfort zone.

Every day I enjoyed conversations with my sister. I did a lot of listening. I learned a ton!

Every day I realized how far I have come since my first visit to Canyon Ranch two years ago. Dr. Brewer barely recognized me and confessed his fear for me when I left in 2011.

Every day I realized, with gratitude, how wonderful my life has become - extra weight and all!

I really enjoy the desert. There is something incredibly beautiful in the stark heat and vast expanse of cracked brown earth and endless blue sky. This year my focus was more outward and I took everything in - from the beautiful buds of spring, to the turtles in the pond, to the people around me.

Only 350-some days until I return!

hello monday | 65

hello justin trudeau. coronation. really? just the idea of that word puts me off. never a fan of his dad, but i get it. the son? not even a shadow.

hello rugby. yes, i've caved-in and both boys are playing again - though only for their school teams. cole is thrilled to be 8-man, and even happier to have scored 3 trys on his first game back. caden is happy to simply gain the respect of the older boys on his team.

hello soccer. who knew i'd have a soccer player in my brood? chloé decided to play this year - the first time since she was five - and she loves it. it's never been my sport so I'm happy to have her follow her heart and discover something new!

hello new dishwasher. it feels like only a little while ago that i had a new one installed - and i did! two weeks out of warranty and there is a crack in the base of the drum. my lovely plumber checked it out and it was clearly a defect. not happy with kitchen aid.

hello canyon ranch. for our third annual trip my sister and i talked. a lot. we always do, but this time it was different. i loved every minute of it though the topics were often tough. oh, and it turns out that - other than dismal vitamin d levels - i'm totally healthy. the doc cannot figure out the weight thing, but he seems to agree with my naturopath that once the cortisol levels are regulated - fingers crossed and positive vibes to the universe on may 14 - it'll come off. i'm totally setting up myself for success!

hello morning walks. there is a 2-mile walk (as well as others) at the ranch. before the sun got too hot - yes, too hot - we would walk the route. it was amazing to get 6,000 steps in by breakfast! definitely implementing the practice now that i'm home.

hello passport. long story short, it was left in a plane on the way to arizona. a 17-hour ordeal. sigh. not discovered until it was time to leave. never a dull moment!

hello facebook news. last friday morning cole made a noise i had never heard before (and hope to never hear again!). i jumped out of bed after 3 hours of jet-lagged sleep to comfort him. he had just read that his paternal grandfather had passed away. it was heart-wrenching. it brought out the mama-bear in me!

hello nyc. how do you honour a grandfather recently passed? after such an emotionally exhausting early morning, cole went on a planned trip to new york city with his other grandfather - my dad. i think grandpapa would have approved.

 hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week.
i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

 

what are you saying hello to on this brand new monday?
head on over to lisa's blog and link up in the comments.

Nourish | Rediscovery

Sometimes it just isn't worth the argument. Then enough time passes and you forget the things you loved. It sounds impossible.

That's exactly what happened.

And then the years passed.

You would think it would be easy to just go back and do the things you enjoyed, but echos of criticism is paralyzing even well after the cause is gone. I'm here to say, it isn't easy. First you have to remember where you once found joy and then you have to brace yourself to find it again. It sounds so silly, but it isn't. At all.

Now that I've embraced my fears, I'm savouring and enjoying three things I had to abandon to keep the peace:

MUSIC

I was in Organic Garage in early November and heard Laura Brannigan's "Gloria" come on in the background. Every woman in the store, of a certain age (ahem), stopped. We listened and smiled. I took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. When I was younger I loved Laura Brannigan. I sang her songs, I danced around my apartment, I felt free and joyful. Oh, the years of verbal abuse I suffered, from the resident music expert, for daring to find joy music created by someone who was simply a vocalist. Standing there, in a grocery store, watching the women around me have the exact same response as I did had to be one of the most validating experiences in recent memory.

COOKING

Nothing I cooked was good enough. Ever. Why didn't I cook like his mother? I don't know. Perhaps because I wasn't his mother and even his mother didn't cook as well as his memory! As a result of constant criticism I just stopped cooking. I feigned disinterest. I did a lot of re-heating. You know, pick up pre-packaged crap from the frozen food aisle, toss a salad and voila, dinner is served. Green Giant brussels sprouts saturated in butter in a plastic boil-in-bag is not what I consider to be a vegetable - for that matter, neither is shake-n-bake or canned soup.

MOVIES

I like happy movies. Adventure movies. Documentaries and historical dramatizations. Rom-com-adventure-fun movies. Give me a movie with a great story, realistic writing and great cinematography. Often I don't care who is in it. As long as I learn something or feel something positive when it's over, I'm happy. Gross movies are ... gross. War movies are ... about war. Heavy subjects do not automatically make for a good movie. A big "star" does not always make for a good experience. I stopped going to movies, claiming fear of germs, so as not to be lectured on why I was wrong about my interpretation or opinion.

How does a person live without music, movies or food - for years? You choose your battles and these were not the battles I was willing to fight. There were others that were more important - at the time.

I have to admit, I am incredibly happy to have music, cooking and movies back. Whenever I want!

Every day, when I'm reading or writing or driving, I am listening to AltNation or some other Alternative Rock station. On my iPod I have plenty of "classic" rock (including the much maligned Laura Brannigan). My music compromise of now is to listen to more of what interests my kids. As a teen I remember music being very important to me. I hear certain songs and the memories come rushing back. It is equally important to my kids. They enjoy introducing music to me and I honour their enthusiasm by listening to - and enjoying - every single song. It's been fun to introduce them to a few tunes, too!

Though our schedule is crazy, having us going here-there-everywhere after school every day, I have managed to introduce a number of new recipes to the kids. They have developed their own tastes and I often cater to them, sometimes I offer up something new. They also have hot lunch options at school each day which have expanded their food repertoire. Yay! Most of my experimentation happens on the weekends and then I modify things to be a quick mid-week version. It's worked really well and I enjoy the challenge as well as the health benefits.

I don't know if it was a good thing that the first movie seen in a theatre in years was ARGO. I really think it may have spoiled me for every other movie! We have a theatre in walking distance from the house and I'm trying to figure out how to incorporate a mid-afternoon visit a couple of times a month. Just imagine all of the conversations I can now participate in as I'll have an opinion of my own rather than one gleened from eTalk!

This journey of rediscovery has been wonderful. I am genuinely grateful for all of it. Truly nourishing and enriching my soul. You don't really appreciate things until they're gone - and then return.

real around here | pet peeves

I poured a calming cup of cranberry tea then started thinking about this post!

I don't often focus on the things I find annoying, but lately I feel like there's a conspiracy to have me lose my temper. It's a good thing I'm slow to boil - but when I do, look out! Keep in mind, I'm a complete control-freak-single-mother-of-four-celt-by-blood. Okay, you've been warned. Proceed. With caution!

• Repetitive noises drive me bonkers. bonkers. bonkers.
• Waste. Any kinds of waste. Food. Time. Money. It turns on my internal calculator which annoys me!
• The word "actually" when used by my children in a condescending know-it-all manner. Oh that tone! It drives me nuts!
• Telemarketers.
• Sperm donors who think they are entitled to more than they deserve.
• When you ask someone to stop a specific behaviour, just until you are out of the way, and they don't.
• To those children with no table (or toilet seat or respect your elders or don't interrupt) manners. Sigh. Your parents really did you a disservice. So when you're corrected the answer is not "but my mum lets me" - the correct response is, "thanks for letting me know." And then don't do it again.
• Sweat. Ick. A necessary evil, but I really hate it.
• Uninformed opinions. Spout off all you want, but please educate yourself with the basic unarguable facts first.
• Anyone who goes into a public place - book store, restaurant, theatre - sick. I can understand a pharmacy - or even the grocery store if you have no one to bring  you food, but leisure activities? Spare us all, please.
• When my children don't listen the first time. This is not a democracy.
• Or when they interject when I'm speaking with someone. Argh!
• When solicitors come to the door and ring the doorbell repeatedly when it is not answered. I know YOU think your cause is important, I do not have to agree. I respect your passion. Respect my right to not answer - the first time.
• When talking about universities, to all those uber competitive parents who say "but he could have got in" - shut up. He didn't get in which means he couldn't get in. Get over it.
• Dirty dishes left in the sink.
• When you try to take a photo and the exact same person makes a stupid face, or movement, over and over and over again. Thereby ruining every photo taken. This is particularly annoying at the end of a championship game, on holiday and in celebration of something that won't happen again.
• If things are not put away where they belong in the garage and I cannot get the truck parked.
• When my kids speak - out loud - about what a deadbeat their dad is and what they think of him. Not that it's not true, but I'm tired of hearing about it. I'm doing all I can to make it better for them.
• When my kids "can't find" something in the fridge. That something is usually directly in front of them!
• At the grocery check out and the person in front of me has forgotten one thing. They realize when they are almost done. They don't ask, but run off to get whatever that one thing is and come back, minutes later, with arms full of stuff. Irksome, especially when this happens at the express lane!
• Most of this stuff happens and I just keep my mouth shut, head down and move along. Unless it is some stupidity on the road. Bad manners on the road rarely hear my horn, but my kids have learned more than a curse word or two! Those same children hear when they've stepped out of line - I chalk it up to parenting.

Whew. Okay, I feel much better now. Hmm. My kids are clearly driving me crazy of late. Must find a way to fix that :)

What is your greatest pet peeve?

12 of 12 | January '13

I have been participating in this 12 of 12 project for what seems forever - but it's only been since February 2008 - thank you so much Cathy Zielske and Susan Keuter! This posting will be the completion of my fourth year. Of all the projects I've participated in through the years this has been the most consistent and ultimately rewarding. For me and my kids, this twelfth of the month event has become time capsule of sorts. Caden is now the age Claire was when I started. The kids are so used to it they all remind each other on the 11th that "Mama is going to be taking lots of pictures tomorrow" as a form of warning, but delight as well.

And with that, this was our January 12 of 12:

01. Like every morning, this one started with coffee. I drink it really strong. It goes into a travel mug with a teaspoon of raw sugar and some half and half. Mid-way through the morning I will top it up and add a bit more cream, but no more sugar. It's as refined-free as I've managed.

02. We discovered that there was no milk in the fridge. I couldn't send Caden off to his swim meet in Hamilton without breakfast. Fortino's doesn't open until 8AM. (Crazy) So we were off to the local Mac's convenience store.

3. After dropping Caden off at Appleby to catch the bus to Hamilton with the swim team, I stopped in front of the cemetery. It was so warm out and the snow melting so fast it was eerie with all of the fog that was produced. Fabulous!

4. The house was quiet upon my return so I spent part of the morning editing photos. The night before we had celebrated Jess' birthday. Love those girls!

5. The Moe was the first downstairs. LOVE her new haircut! She was filling me in on the drama of the night before. Sigh. Grade eight sucks.

6. Around 10AM Cole came tearing down the stairs talking on his phone. It turns out he has an audition for a feature film on Monday afternoon after school, in Toronto. The part? A hockey player. Made me - and him - laugh :) FIVE pages of dialogue was sent through for him to memorize.

7. Time to update his acting resumé. That includes height. As much as he might argue, he is 5'10". We confirmed it. We also confirmed that Claire is now 5'9 3/4". When did that happen?

8. Time to pick up Caden. He came in last in two races and second-last in the front crawl. He makes me laugh as those results do not deter him at all. He's looking forward to the next meet and that Ms Core is going to give him some more instruction. LOVE his attitude!

9. For about a millisecond I thought I'd lay on the couch and close my eyes. Ha!

10. The temperatures broke records today. The thermometer said 15*C but it really felt warmer. A perfect opportunity to gather up and pack away the outdoor Christmas garland and lights.

11. Lots of screens! Most of the evening was spent watching the Denver Broncos play the Baltimore Ravens. Wow. What an amazing football game. Truly a pleasure to watch.

12. Claire returned from her volleyball tournament in Kingston earlier in the day (no, that is not a good thing returning early on a Saturday!) and had contingency plans! I picked her up and took her to the movie theatre to see Django Unchained. (I have no idea how she can watch a movie like that - eek!)

And with that another 12 of 12 is complete.

How was your day?

hello monday | 53

hello daily walks. some are harder than others, but i'm moving at least 45 minutes a day. filling up my jar with beans!

hello article. i posted this brilliant article on facebook, but in case you missed it: 12 things you should never stop doing is a must read.

hello choices. the best choices are hard to make, but once made you wonder what in the world took you so long.

hello support system. my family and friends rock.

hello reading glasses. a year ago they were forgotten in their case, used only occasionally. now i have to use them 100 times a day! scary fast decline. though, i love them in their funky green-ness :)

hello new mattress. it's about time.

hello new sheets, too! based on the promise i'd be cooler at night, i bought the sheets made of bamboo. i live in perpetual hope!

 hello second term mandatory reading. all the books are in - hard copy and via audible.com - and i'm joining the kids in their reading this time around.

hello audition. taking cole to the city for his very first audition for a feature film. the part? a hockey player. oh, the irony if he were to actually get it :)

hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week.
i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

 

what are you saying hello to on this brand new monday?
head on over to lisa's blog and link up in the comments.

real right now | reframing my days

I am an introvert and the way I recharge my batteries is by being alone.

Alone to ponder, alone to listen to music, alone to read, alone to craft. Alone to me is not lonely. It is restorative and boosts my perspective. Being around people, constantly, is draining. Always having to be "on". Sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts and take a mental holiday when I should be paying attention to the conversations around me. That has been happening a lot lately.

That's not to say I don't enjoy company. I had a group of ladies to the house to have oracle readings and a neat story interpretation a couple of weeks ago. That was fun. I am organizing a lunch for a group of parents from our middle school - and the group is climbing past 50 participants! That will be fun. I like a bit of chaos - controlled - as long as there is a definite beginning, middle and end. I do enjoy company, in small doses.

The last six months, or more, has not been fun.

There were men working in my house - someone was always coming in and out. The front of the house was fixed, but it took all summer! Lighting and electrical was fixed. Air conditioners installed. Furnaces fixed. Garage door replaced. Security systems upgraded. Bathroom ripped out and a new one installed - and it's not even done yet! That added to the appointments with lawyers, doctors, dentists and orthodontists - oh, and the simple raising of FOUR children and their active schedules - has been stressful and not in the least bit restorative.

Rather than fighting it, I embraced the chaos as best I could. Every time I got into a groove I was interrupted - phone calls, emails, texts, doorbells. I gave up. I went out for lunch a lot. Talked a lot. Drank a lot of tea. I've been more available than I like and boundary-less due to circumstance.

I need to get those boundaries back.

Circumstances have changed and I feel I can get back to being me again. The cost of that change is high, but I am not the one who has to pay the price. In fact, it is just the opposite, I am surprisingly faultless but recognize that I am more than willing to take advantage of the shift.

I need to be alone. I need to design a routine that fits me, in my new normal. I need to create. I need to write. I need to take photos. I haven't taken a photo - a real photograph - since July! I've learned that they are needs not wants. I have very few needs, but they're big and time-consuming.

To help me get back into the creative groove I've decided to take this school term - NINE weeks - to really focus on the things that BRING ME JOY and fulfillment. I had to laugh when I told my eldest two children my plan. Their collective reaction: "finally"! You can't imagine the joy it gives me that my kids "get it". Not just that, they "get me" and I am so grateful to have their support.

What do I want to do?

BLOGGING/WRITING

When I did the Reverb12 exercise through December it really hit me how much I miss writing. Writing real stuff and putting it all out there. Writing takes time. A lot of time. Sometimes I forget to make dinner kind of time. I miss missing dinner. The kids do too since that was their chance to go to Harvey's (ick) rather than eat their mum's cooking. Hmm.

I want to write more. I want to blog more.

PHOTOGRAPHY

I signed up for Karen Russell's Snapshots of a Good Life and Tracy Clark's The Art of Composition and haven't signed into either and we're already past the first week of the month! The camera is out, memory cards cleared and batteries charged. I've been ready to do this for WEEKS. Again, photography takes time. A lot of time. Not just the capturing of images, but the reviewing of them. I use the viewfinder of my camera - not my screen - so I don't know what I have until it gets into my computer!

I want to photograph more. I want to learn more.

CREATIVE STUFF

Project Life and One Little Word are my paper-based creative focuses and I've discovered some other things I'd like to try.

I want to craft more. I want to discover more.

HEALTH:

I've joined MMEW2.0 with Cathy Zielske again this year. I haven't even gone into the classroom! I have put together a workout schedule. Okay, so my idea of workout at this point is different from my more fit and athletic friends, but it's better than no plan at all :) I've also adjusted my eating choices and really trying to make more time for the things that are good for me.

I want to move more. I want to weigh less.

Beyond simply wanting to do those things, I need to do these things. So, from now until the Spring Break, I will be making my time my own again. I am really excited to see what I manage to accomplish in the next nine weeks!

Things might be sporadic around here - or the complete opposite and I'll inundate the blog with fun stuff. Here's to reframing my days and recharging my soul!

real right now | body work

Nope, not my body :)

My truck ...

It's a really tight turn from the ramp on the right into my parking garage and the wall got the better part of the Suburban :(

It's painful to look at it - scraped off the back end. Gives me chills - the noise was awful. Lucky for me, I have a GREAT auto centre and the truck was dropped off within a couple of hours of this most recent act of stupidity! 

A few lessons:

Be more patient with that turn.
Remember that the turning radius is tighter for the back of any vehicle.
Treat myself with kindness. AKA: Shit Happens.

Funnily enough, earlier in the day, I was sitting writing notes which turned my mind to pondering the multitude of things - good and bad - that have happened in my life over the last few months. It seems like I'm on some kind of crazy, fast-forward, with so much going on. Life, it seems, has sped up significantly in the last year or so. I finally realized what's going on.

I am active and ENGAGED.

My life has always been busy, but not full. Now I can say, with relief, it has become full and rewarding. A lot happens, push and pull, when you are living conscious and conscientious life. We all can get so caught up in the competition for busy, but I've now turned the corner and adjusted my attitude. I don't compete with lists and to do's - I am content with full. I am content with REAL.

This accident is simply a representation of my getting up off my butt, getting out of the house, engaging the world and doing something. It was so easy to be fearful, small, disconnected while trapped in my house. It was easy and miserable.

Now I'm not in the least bit afraid, small, disconnected, trapped or miserable.

Though I recognize what made me that woman, I'm holding tight to that part of me which is fearful of returning to that place. I am holding, equally tight, that part of me that celebrates my engagement.

There you have it, my real right now.

one frame at a time | weekend

Given that I didn't have my camera out of my hands much this weekend, I was surprised to see how few of our activities were recorded! Funny how our perspective can be wrong by the time the memory card is uploaded to the computer. I must be more mindful of the photos I take of OUR lives, rather than those of group activities.

At any rate, a bit of what it's like around here on the weekend:

It often feels like we are all together as a family, a lot. The reality is we are together but in fits and starts, not often all four of my kids all together at one time. Friday night I was determined and we all went to see Claire in her tournament in Mississauga. We enjoyed Cole's +1 who joined us at Jack Astor's for dinner then the game. It was a GREAT game and so glad all of my kids watched their sister - and her team - play so well!

It really is random what you can see at the back of a ball diamond. I often pass by this structure when getting off the 403 (highway) and to be so close, I took a ton of photos :)

Lots of action to capture on the field. I took over 400 photos of the three games on Friday and Saturday. I got some really great action shots!

No time is more optimistic than a group of players before a game. The energy is always so positive and upbeat. Love watching everyone relate to each other.

Claire uploaded all of the photos to Facebook. While at River Oaks, for the Provincial Championship for the age level above, she was showing the photos to her teammates who came by to cheer on the "Big League" team.

A new Starbucks opened by our house. I am not a fan of most of their products, but on a hot day I do enjoy the Mocha Frappacino - hold the whip!

The older kids needed their bikes repaired and we took them in. Not only did they get serviced, but I came home with a new bike. My balance is a bit off, but I'm looking forward to riding as an option to walking - and certainly better than driving!

What was not captured:

Watching the Wimbledon finals. Amazing! We were rooting for the Scot Murray, though, with a soft spot for Federer. A fabulous final. (We also watched a bit of the ladies' finals, Serena rocks!)

The boys went with their Titans team to London, ON for a football game. Cole as a coach and Caden as a player. The game was a challenge - losing 34-0. Caden was rarely on the bench as he played both ways (offence and defence) all game long.

Cole went off to a friend's house to play Dungeons & Dragons. I love that he tries a bunch of new things with is friends. One of those things is riding his bike to places. Saturday night I had to pick him up as the tire blew on his bike. :(

Nostalgia was relived with visits to Dairy Queen: after the big win on Friday night and then after the two losses on Saturday.

Not missing a beat, Claire is back with Conor, her math tutor, on Sunday afternoons.

My boys at the ball diamond helping the umpires. Caden was in charge of collecting foul balls and Cole was in charge of watering and caring for field umpires. With the exception of Cole taking a bathroom break, while Caden was off getting a foul ball, all went well.

The weather has been crazy hot. This has created a few freakish thunderstorms, but nothing really effected any sports. Right after I washed the car on Saturday morning, the heavens opened. Of course!

Lessons learned:

Too many to mention! I am so enjoying myself while getting to know my kids, their interests, their friends, all of it. I find people and the dynamics of relationships fascinating. I am really putting myself "out there" and embracing my vulnerability - and that of others. It has been so rewarding and, at times, utterly heart-breaking. I wouldn't change a minute of it.

What's Real Right Now | July 2012

I have been carrying a copy of this post by Ali Edwards in my bag since last September. I don't know what I've been waiting for, but this is what's real, right now, in my life:

WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is warm, humid evenings spent watching baseball games under the lights. Listening to the crack of the bats, the umpire calling the count, parents reactions and kids enjoying themselves in a game I love.

WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is having all of my kids out of school and starting "camp". Caden is at an engineering camp for the next couple of weeks; Chloé is at musical theatre - two camps over the next month; Cole and Claire start their respective math courses, for extra credit, tomorrow.

WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is having a long-overdue root canal. It is a long process this whole dental thing, with follow up visits, crowns and that terrible drill sound! Long, and expensive.

WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is realizing, after 5+ years of absence, it is time to open up my heart and make an effort to fill it with someone willing to be loved - someone who will offer respect, truth and kindness. I am no longer broken and am able to offer a whole me. Likely a better-than-ever version of me. Lessons have been well learned: I am worthy of love. I am enough.

WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is having all of the exterior wood on our townhouse replaced. It's a huge project but made easier - logistically and financially - with all of the freehold owners participating.

WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is the arrival of summer - the record breaking temperatures and off-the-chart humidex is withering. The burned grass and scorched plants are testament to an unnaturally un-Canadian start to summer. I'm ready for a cold snap, or at the very least a big storm to cool things off!

WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW was applying for my first (out of the house) job since 1997! I hadn't interviewed for one in over 25 years. I didn't get it, but I'm proud that I put myself out there. Everything happens for a reason and though I'm disappointed, I recognize it is time to move on and find something else to do.

WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is I am a full-time single parent dealing with four kids who feel abandoned and not worthy. They are conflicted over the (non)actions of their father and it has been a hard year. At least they take turns acting out. There has been a recent shift and now the youngers are cranky and out of sorts. I can only encourage them to be patient and compassionate and think of their father with kindness in their hearts. It's hard, very hard, but better than the alternative.

WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is the realization that 6 wine-free weeks were not in the least bit hard, but I don't know what I managed to accomplish. No weight loss. No change. Very discouraging. Blood tests have been taken and I'm awaiting the results. Time to kick this tyroid thing (and the weight) to the curb!

WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is our anticipation of Big Brother starting on the 12th. It is our annual summer indulgence in silly. We're looking forward to crazy challenges and a cast of intense and wild characters. There are and abundance of parenting opportunities and I will enjoy every one of them!

A Week In The Life 2012 | A Success

Starting a project like A Week In the Life while on the road is not ideal, though it definitely focuses the effort and simplifies the approach! I thought I'd share a peek at my week with a "photo of the day" - only a hint of what my day looked like through the week.

MONDAY, APRIL 23
Location: Tucson, AZ
Hilight: LOVE the underwater treadmill at Canyon Ranch

TUESDAY, APRIL 24
Location: Tucson, AZ
Hilight: Oatmeal Bruleé, Chicken Sausage and Kefir - perfect start

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25
Location: En Route from Tucson, AZ to Oakville, ON via Denver, CO
Hilight: Last morning, capturing my surroundings

THURSDAY, APRIL 26
Location: Oakville, ON
Hilight: Home just in time for "dress down" day at school

FRIDAY, APRIL 27
Location: Oakville, ON
Hilight: The boys enjoyed Camp Lee for their (surprise to me) PA Day

SATURDAY, APRIL 28
Location: Oakville, ON
Hilight: Claire on stage in RENT

SUNDAY, APRIL 29
Location: Oakville, ON
Hilight: Morning dragonboat meeting and practice

The plan? Simple.

Simple Fonts.

Simple Templates.

Simple Process.

I will be combining our collective stories of our week and putting it all together into a 12x12 digital book! I'm very excited about this and am anxious to show the final results ... once they're organized and ready to be shown.

What about you? Did you participate in A Week in the Life this year? Let me see what you created!

I hope to be able to show you how the whole project is coming along soon, but as you can imagine, life is full and it may take some time to get it all together. As far as projects come and go, this one is worth the effort, and I will get it done :)

Project Life | Update 1

I know.

What the heck happened after Week 4?

I got stuck in panic mode. Stars were not in perfect alignment. There were a few hiccups.

• My order from Persnickety Prints got hung up because I didn't place the order properly - completely my fault. (The order arrived and it is, as always, perfect.)
• My beautiful Orange We R Memory Keepers Album broke and had to be replaced - not easy to do here in the Great White North with almost no actual scrapbook stores that carry useful scrapbook product. I replaced on line. (The order arrived and I got smart and ordered extras.)
• My Sunday assemble rhythm was totally interrupted and I was stuck for a decent place to take a decent photo! Frustrating. (Still looking for a good photo-taking time and place.)
• I over-committed my time and was unable to carve out some time to dedicate to what I actually wanted to do between driving kids all over town, running my own errands and making plans for Spring Break. (Time is still at a premium, but the flow is improving.)

Did I quit? Nope. I'm moving right along capturing photos and stories. I'm on track and completed Week 14 on Sunday! I've actually perfected a system that is working really well, with the exception of the photo taking and uploading to share here. THAT will be my goal for this week. Catch up on all of my weekly layout photos and post them here.

How are you doing with your Project Life? Any hiccups of your own?

Guest Post | Finding the Bright Side

A while back I submitted a suggestion for a guest post over at Simple Scrapper and was thrilled when it was accepted. Last week I saw my article appear! Wow. That was fun :)

I'm happy that I went for it by responding to the article call and that I was able to write on a topic about which I have strong feelings.

I thought I'd re-print it here for anyone who might have missed it over there. Though, you really should add Simple Scrapper into your reader so you don't miss anything! Jennifer is fabulous, and now that she's taking a wee bit of time to get to know her new wee daughter, she has a number of great guests offering smart words and ideas.

. . . . .

FINDING THE BRIGHT SIDE

It has been my experience that often things do not go as planned and you can make any seemingly disastrous event something fun and memorable: it’s all about your choice of attitude.

This is especially true when you add four kids in the mix! A few examples of how some of my simple plans have gone awry:

PLAN: A christening with the kids wearing their gorgeous silk outfits purchased for the occasion, surrounded by our friends, family and church community.

REALITY: A christening with one child refusing to change out of her cute pink sweat suit. Refusing in a very vocal and decidedly non-church-like manner.

RESULT: If you convert all of the photos to black and white everything looks fine. And, we now have a fun story that makes our family unique and adds to the sense of belonging to each other through our experiences.

PLAN: To put the house on the market in the morning.

REALITY: My son figured it was a good time to flush his favourite Power Ranger down the toilet to fight the bad guys in our plumbing system.

RESULT: A late night visit from the plumber, a huge bill, a roll-you-eyes story and the house still went on the market, only a day later than originally planned.

PLAN: To get the house tidied up and the dishes put in the dishwasher so we could spend the afternoon at the beach.

REALITY: Dish soap and Dishwasher soap are not the same and we returned to a kitchen full of suds.

RESULT: A huge soap fight and a very clean kitchen. And a layout, of course, which told the story.

PLAN: Spring Cleaning in my house includes a dumpster. In that dumpster goes all non-essentials and non-loved items not previously donated.

REALITY: Someone (yet to confess) decided my old Toshiba laptop – which was home to over 30,000 images, two novels, a dozen or so outlines and plenty of historical data – was ready for the dumpster.

RESULT: A lesson in “do” not store. (My one little word choice keeps showing up!) Like many of us, I plan to do things “later” and often later does not arrive. This was a reminder that there is no time like the present and if it’s important, do it.

Chalk all of these, and many other, stories up to what makes life full and interesting. This stuff happens to everyone, all great plans don’t happen quite as expected. You really do have to prepare to be flexible and have your sense of humour firmly in place. A camera doesn’t hurt, either!

I choose to be happy. I’ve spent much of my life surrounded by negative and unhappy people; my defense mechanism has become my choice to find the bright side. It is so easy to get sucked into the mire of negative, and I spent a lot of time there. Then I learned it is so much more rewarding, for me and those around me, to take a kinder more positive approach. It was a hard skill to master, but worth every effort. For the most part, I’m successful, though I do have my moments of challenge.

For those moments, I ask myself the same few questions:

• Is it worth the fight, argument or grief? Sometimes you have to choose to be happy rather than choose to be right.
• Is it a situation over which I have any control? If no, move on. If yes, be responsible, deal with it firmly (do not be wishy-washy) and move on.
• Is there any humour to be found? If there is, and there always is, laugh. A big joy-filled belly laugh. Everything looks better with a bright smile and a laugh that reaches your eyes.

I am very clear that there are tragic circumstances that force us to look at things differently, for a time, but I’ve managed to survive my husband’s cancer, my son’s near drowning, and my own near-death hospitalization with a reinforced belief that there is always a bright side. Even in the most desperate of times there is light and hope and kindness.

Recently our family has been going through unexpected change, which has resulted in a number of events that were not considered even a few months ago! Not one to let things get me down for long, I’ve taken our current situation and made the most of it. Fortunately, my kids are equally resilient and are looking toward our future with a kind, positive and adventuresome attitude.

No doubt, going forward, my scrapbooks and photo albums will continue to be filled with celebrations of our imperfectly perfect lives – evidence of our existence. It is what we have chosen to do.

How about you? How can you take another look at a situation and find the positive? The rewarding? The challenge? How do you find your bright side?

. . . . . 

In addition to the question in the article, I have another. If you could write an article as a guest blogger, what topic would you choose?  I'd love to know :)

At 47 | A Work In Progress

They are not in season, but if I could have one thing, it would be a garden filled with white peonies.

As my (much) younger friends on the www tend to make a list for their birthday, I thought I'd join in.

Mine will be the extended version as I turn 47 today. Did you hear that? *GASP* Most days I feel more like I did when was 27 :)

So, here's my list:

1. Go see a stage show in Toronto with the kids
2. Buy a new lens for my camera
3. Update my resume
4. Start my own Project Life
5. Send two handwritten cards, via post, each month
6. Eat more fruits + veggies :: try some new varieties
7. Create + publish a photo book
8. Go back to the desert for renewal
9. Empty all cupboards and drawers of unused things - round 2
10. Bake cookies a couple of times each month
11. Unpack my sewing machine and sew something
12. Read more books :: fiction + biographies
13. Go for a spa day with a friend
14. Light candles regularly
15. Put my own art on my own walls
16. Update all household files
17. Take a photography workshop
18. Find + buy new dishes
19. Then throw a dinner party
20. Gain better control of my frustration and breathe
21. Learn to snowshoe
22. Have all kitchen knives professionally sharpened
23. Plan regular one-on-one date nights with my kids
24. Replace all of the pillows on my bed
25. Take a cooking course
26. Plan an evening out with girlfriends
27. Enjoy a game night with the kids
28. Visit the ROM and AGO
29. Make + maintain a family Control Journal
30. Learn to spraypaint - properly
31. Watch all of my "Gilmour Girls" DVDs
32. Participate in this Worldwide Photo Walk - join me?
33. Go swimming
34. Take Claire on a University tour - at least four schools
35. Volunteer at the kids' schools
36. Go to bed early - like 9PM - for a whole week
37. Walk. Every. Day.
38. Sit down and outline the novel, really
39. Redesign my blog
40. Visit my sister in Virginia
41. Organize my recipes
42. Plan a Mediterranean cruise
43. Plan a weekend away, alone - just me and my camera. Anyone local ('cuz I know Kiri would take them in Charlotte!) want four kids for three days? :)
44. Read at least 2 books each month
45. Enjoy a TV-free week
46. Re-do the master, err, mistress bathroom
47. Make more time for play

When I sat down to write this list I thought it would be crazy to even attempt. After all, this being my "year of do" has been so fruitful I thought there was nothing left! Maybe I should have attempted a list of things already done, or the mistakes I've made in my 46 years ;)

I think it turned out okay. Hard to believe all of the things still left undone. Can you tell I enjoying being a constant work in progress? I hate the idea that I would ever stop learning, or growing as a person. Thank goodness there is always something to look forward to ... especially the next 47 years!

12 of 12 July: Delayed!

To say our 12th was full would be a collossal understatement.

• Crack of dawn visit to our health hero, Dr. Jason Lee.
• House on the market, finally!
• A mid-day visit to the lovely Lisa.
• Cole to Markham to play rugby.
• Claire and Nikki to see Hugh Jackman in Toronto.
• Giving my new Canon G12 a whirl.
• So much more, regular, things filling our day.

The problem? Today. The 13th is so full I can't get it all done!

I'll post our adventures of the 12th as soon as I can. Until then, you are welcome to see our whole 12 of 12 Project and why, after 52 MONTHS, without one miss, this has been the most consistent and rewarding of memory keeping projects. I'm a big believer that it is the moments of every day that make a full life. This is a celebration of that philosophy.

2011 | Personal DO | 05 attitude

Finding a quote that suits my guiding word "do" and my expectation of it is hard! Most searches will not work with a two-letter word. I'm sure it is because the one- and two-letter words are so common as to render any search unusable. Anyway. With perseverance I have found one that sums my feelings toward "do" perfectly:

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
- Theodore Roosevelt -

It really appeals to my practical and optimistic approach to this year. I want to:

• Work with what I have, fully aware of who I am, now.

• Understand and acknowledge my limitations - time, physical/health, money, personality ...

• Use what I have and accumulate less, with purpose.

• Be clear on my options and opportunities for knowledge and growth.

• Make the most of my life, here and now, and move forward in a mindful manner continuing to build on a foundation that is authentic and progressive.

Though I find I'm firmly planted in reality, sometimes I get ahead of myself and I am far too ambitious. I completely forget about my limitations and I take on more than I can actually accomplish. Either that or I really believe I can manufacture time in my basement :) Sadly, that is not the case, but what a wonderful idea, no? Or better, manufacture enthusiasm and drive. So hard!

It doesn't help much that, though I am a reformed perfectionist, I still demand excellence. When I do it has to be done right. When I commit to something, I see it through.

Gah!

With all of that in mind ...

When I don't do well, I have to acknowledge it and face it.

Right now, something has to give. I have not done well with two out of three design teams. One is too rigid. One is too loose. (The third is, thankfully, just right.) I am doing my best to face up to it and not consider myself a failure. Perhaps, in hindsight, agreeing to three design teams when I had never been on ONE before may have been a bit too ambitious! I feel I have let people down and I know I have - I agreed to perform a consistent and enthusiastic service and I have not. It is not that I don't have time, I just don't make the time. Those projects are constantly being moved to the bottom of the pile - so often I might as well just not do them. Which is exactly the case.

Sigh.

I've just written words I really dislike "It is with regret ..." and it is with regret. The flip side? I was taking space that rightfully belongs to someone else, someone with enthusiasm and passion.

(Sigh. I still feel awful.)

Doing what I can, with what I have, where I am. Now.

Taking stock ...

because the alternative is to disolve into a puddle of tears.

I am a calendar person. My life is one big logistical puzzle as I keep track of my own schedule and that of my four kids, and the biggest kid of them all, my husband. Over the course of the last couple of months I've had an issue with my calendars synching. I thought I had it figured out, all the right buttons pushed and things were fine ... until this last sync. My Google Calendar - iCal - Blackberry Calendar have not only unsynched they are all a complete mish mash of valuable data, none of it in the right place - all together!

So disheartening.

Hot angry tears of frustration welled up when I realized that hours of input was lost and I would have to do it all over again.

Gah.

So, this time, instead of wasting hours and hours trying to figure out what I did right, fix what I did wrong and backing it all up, I headed over to my favourite store like I should have done months ago! I found the calendar I've wanted and bought a monthly notebook and a more detailed weekly diary (bonus: 75% off!!). To hell with Google, iCal and Blackberry, I'm going analogue.

This weekend I'm investing hours and hours and try to reconstruct the important history and put in all future plans. I may not be able to automatically push a button and have regular events repeat into infinity and beyond, but I will be able to know when and where to attend the next pub night, the next blog assignment, the next doctor appointment is being held!

I hope to be back on track by Monday. If I have anything due to you over the weekend or the first part of next week, and I hope I don't, but please forgive me if I'm late or forget altogether. I'll work quick!

Happy Saturday :)

(Yes, I know I get to be in a rink today. Two of them! I'm sure to see one of you there!)