
Every year for the last decade, May is crazytime: tons of activity for everyone in the family! I'm pretty sure at the beginning of the month I took complete leave of my senses: for many reasons we're now in search of a Havanese puppy. I finished up B-School - and by that I mean barely started, but the course is over! Transcripts have been secured, SSAT test taken and results submitted and essays written - we are prepared and well-armed for new education adventures. I am so incredibly grateful for old friends who have become new friends in a new context. A new house? Well, when my dad called after seeing a listing in the Globe & Mail Claire and I went to take a look - we did not buy that one. With a friend, I headed into Toronto for a MedCan forum and ended up on the QEW for 2+ hours then unable to make it into the city due to a marathon. Sometimes the universe speaks. Claire has mastered her VW manual transmission and is buzzing around town (I have to admit I liked it when she didn't enjoy it so I got to drive it!). Allergies! The Milton Music Festival was missed due to allergies and no one had their voice :( Claire tried out, and made, the Whitecaps (select) baseball team. Cole and Caden are playing beach volleyball at Coronation Park and having a blast! My sisters and I enjoyed our Dad & Daughter lunch in Toronto - always lots to learn. After many dresses tried and rejected, shoes tried and rejected, I was ready to head to the Appleby Gala. My purpose? Have fun and get a tent for Cole's graduation in 2015. With thanks to my host, Lisa, mission accomplished. And more! Softball season started for Chloé and she's looking forward to the season ahead. I'm enjoying the #1 Morning Glory and #3 Get Up and Go juices from Tree of Life. Mother's Day was celebrated in Toronto and with the kids getting so big it was the first time the big house felt small! I gave my camera - and photography duties - to my niece for the occasion. Windows need replacing - my home is officially the money pit. Cole had Prefect interviews, he'd like to be considered for Arts, Community, Upper School and Head. Fingers crossed! Oh the RAIN! Buckets-full rendering the beach volleyball courts and ball diamonds unusable. My two courses: writing memoir and art therapy have been fabulous, I'll be sad when they end. By mid-month, the side mirror on my truck was replaced. Out with girlfriends for lunches and dinners through the month is always a pleasure. Caden can really hit the ball! After a tornado delay, Chloé went on the music trip to Cleveland and enjoyed the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and other spots. A quick but wonderful trip that included Cedar Point! Claire was off with Myles to Chatham for the long weekend. My friend Meg makes wicked Marguaritas! Back in to Toronto to see The Lion King which was a spectacle - beautiful costumes and music, too bad the leads couldn't sing - or act :( The day improved with a BBQ at my sister Beth's place with everyone. Canada's Wonderland is open and Caden went on the Leviothin FOUR times. Crazy! LOTS of time spent in Toronto this month. Goodbye townhouse, hello house! A now-busy summer lies ahead. Rehearsal crunch-time for The Little Mermaid - though rugby games are interfering with preparations. Blyth orientation at The Old Mill went well and history will come alive for Cole this summer, for sure. Now to organize the paperwork for his Russian visa! Caden and his rugby team made it into the finals at TCS - yet another trip to Port Hope :) Sadly they did not win. Sign, sign, sign. Notarize, notarize, notarize. I'm delighted to finally find a local place to notarize documents for a reasonable price and no appointment hassle! Hello Tuesday evening crazy with two baseball practices, one beach volleyball game and a softball game all happening simultaneously! We got early news that Caden is in Powell's House next year - with his big brother and a few of his good friends. I cannot wrap my brain around Caden going INTO HIGH SCHOOL in September! We had a fun, spontaneous, dinner out at the OC followed with the kids going to the movies and a sleepover. With much stubborn effort Claire has learned that her baseball schedule and part time work will simply not coexist this summer. Caden turned 14 and we have entered that awkward time of year when I have two children the same age for three weeks as we wait for Chloé to turn 15 in mid-June. We went as a family to watch Caden as King Triton in the Middle School production of The Little Mermaid and it was fabulous - we were the loudest four audience members in Willis Hall :) With a quick turn-around he was off to Ottawa on the Middle School trip. I love my Suburban, but it's a beast: by the end of the month was regular maintenace: an oil change; and irregular maintenance: new brakes. A month into the season I was able to go and watch Claire's house league team play. Relay for Life had Cole and Chloé busy at school for a full day of luminary lighting, preparing and walking - no studying or exam prep :) One of the families hosted the rugby year-end party and it was so much fun getting to know the parents and the boys better. The big de-clutter is well underway. So happy we've made an effort to keep things flowing in and out so the project is not overwhelming.
In the lives of the kids:
Claire | Claire learned that it is not easy to find a part time job that would accomodate her baseball and tournament schedule. As an alternative, she is engaging her entrepreneurial spirit and is taking care of kids - chauffeuring, supervising, organizing - for friends over the summer, and had a few bumps during her first job, but all ended well. For $20 an hour she will drive your kid wherever they need to go, keep them entertained and well supervised! She has also learned that maintaining a home away from home - and collecting everyone's share of the rent - is not glamourous or fun or easy.
Cole | Rugby was ever-present this month. Cole got a gash over his brow at a tournament in Quebec that kept opening but is now finally on the mend - because rugby is (finally) over! The last game they played was versus the indominable St. Mike's team. There was little expectation by our boys that they would win. Out in the mud they did just that. Probably the best rugby game I've ever witnessed. So good!
Chloé | This was a big month for my girl. Once she decided (and it was overwhelmingly confirmed) it was time for her to head to a different school we did everything we could to research the schools to determine the best fit; wrote endless essays; completed the SSAT in St Catharine's; completed forms and submitted paperwork - all of this done and complete in two weeks. Now the waiting begins. The beauty of the wait? She's been distracted with summatives and course study for ASCENT and the fun of the Arts trip to Cleveland - high stress, but lots of fun.
Caden | Caden is my most laid-back lovely child who has entered the throes of adolescence with a bang. Touchy, touchy, touchy. We've all been put on notice :) He did manage to get his New Zealand project done - he embraced a minimalist approach - as well as some kind of geometric-shape-mouse. My job? Go to Michael's and Staples for supplies. I refuse to do any more than that. Within hours of his (fabulous) performance as King Triton in the Middle School Musical production of The Little Mermaid, Caden was off with his schoolmates for the annual trip to Ottawa. And, my baby is growing up. Not only did he turn 14, but he has himself a girlfriend. Oh my!
A full month was had by all.
Life in general:
Weather | I don't remember a slower entrance of spring with the exception of the year we moved to Oakville in 1997. Not one tulip or daffodil spotted until mid-to-late in the month. It has been slow to see, but the kids have been chewing Reactine since April. So . much . rain . With it has come a very slow start to ball season! By the end of the month came soaring heat and humidity, no one wanted to complain, but the house was shut tight and the air put on.
News | Even in rehab Rob Ford manages to be in the news. The kidnapping of 200+ girls in Nigeria captured international attention. Prince Charles on part-of-Canada tour with wife Camilla - visits Manitoba, Nova Scotia and PEI. The Ontario provincial election is well underway. There seem to be a general feeling of international unrest: Ukraine, China, Thailand - tense months ahead. Looks like a Conservative MP is pushing for the Turks & Caicos to become our 11th province. #yesallwomen vs #notallmen represents a huge disconnect of entitlement in our patriarchal society - and deserves serious consideration. The U.S. seriously has to reconsider it's disgraceful gun and incarceration situation and do something about it. We lost a great woman with the passing of Maya Angelou (1928-2014).
Sports | Watching hockey and cheering the HABS through the Stanley Cup playoffs. Okay, the kids have been cheering and I've been in the room. And, the Blue Jays are off to a good start - maintaining the success throughout the season will be, as always, the challenge. The French Open is my preferred mid-day television fare.
Discovery | I am not a "cleanse" person, expecially in this cold climate, BUT I have discovered some green juices to supplement my daily diet. I've been supporting a local business: Tree of Life. So good!
Looking forward, goals I want to keep at the forefront include:
Work | Traditionally my work has been 100% my kids with the occasional dabble in photography and writing. This month was exactly that and amped up to the point of craziness! Puppy, house, identities, school ... I long for the simple days when all I had to do was wonder about what to make for dinner. Much will be put on the back burner until September!
Health | With better weather came a fully charged FitBit and many steps each day. My health is forever a work in progress and always at the forefront of my thoughts and choices. It's exhausting (read: discouraging) when there are no noticeable results - at least, on the outside.
Home | In my world nothing stays static for long. Again, things are changing. Purge, purge, purge. Pack, pack, pack. Paint, paint, paint. Love it! Loathe it!
Fun | I've started #100happydays challenge. Here at Day 10, I'm 1/10th done and 100% happier than when I took up the challenge :D A pretty good ROI, I'd say!
Me | Traditionally May is the start of the season I call "exhaustion". This year the month brought so much more than I could have ever planned or expected. I am being mindful that I have to pace myself and though I have not given up: my writing class, my art therapy class, lunch/dinner/drinks with girlfriends, meditation, reformer Pilates x2 a week, I realize there may be a time something "has to give". I just know that with lots going on and tons to look forward to attending and doing, I will never lose sight of myself and what I need for me, again. I am so grateful for this journey.
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A couple of years ago I consistently wrote up posts summing up the month that had just past. Then life got both complicated and overwhelming, so much so I was just going from day-to-day in complete survival mode. With this new year I'm getting back into the practices of my past that I have missed.
mindful | word elimination
Words are powerful things.
I am becoming more mindful of how my words effect me and those around me. Surrounded each day by four teenagers, I often have to pause and take my time to construct, carefully, exactly what I say. I love words. All words. Or so I thought.
Over the past few months, I have realized there are a handful of words that bring with them unkind, negative or judgmental connotations. With their simple elimination have added vastly to constructive conversation in my home.
Those words include:
WHATEVER is so passive-aggressive it makes my teeth grit and brain explode - simultaneously! The word combined with the inevitable shrug or stomp or turn in the other direction is a teenage (or immature adult) tactic that had to stop around here.
CAN'T is the one word that makes me sad. The whole idea that my kids think they can't do something makes my heart sick. I have told my kids for years the Henry Ford quote, "if you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." Nothing frustrates me more than my children having an immediate response to an idea or project with "I can't". They are so capable, it annoys me when they limit themselves. If there is one word banned from my home it is this one.
SHOULD implies that something needs to be fixed and there is some level of judgment involved on behalf of the speaker (authority) to someone who is deficient in some way. Nothing like putting your audience on the defensive by evoking feelings of guilt and shame!
JUST is not a word I like to use - it is so limiting. Sometimes I use it depending on my audience, though I find it negative. Ever since I heard it in terms of "I'm just a mom" the word has rankled me.
ACTUALLY might be annoying more in the tone used when the word is said than the word itself. When a sentence starts with "actually" I know the words that follow with will be tinged with condescension.
BUT because (usually) every word after it is the truth. I find that the use of "but" is a way of saying uncomfortable or mean things with a disclaimer. Speak plainly with your intent and you never have to use "but" ever again.
ALWAYS absolutes are trouble - as is the opposite NEVER. I ask that we try to speak in a basis of truth and not exaggeration, which both words represent. Tough with this crowd when adolescence is all about extremes!
Words that need to be spoken only after a mindful pause are YES and NO. Once you have fully considered the implications of the words then say them.
I do my best to encourage my children by setting an example*. Each time I hear a "whatever", "can't", "should", "just", "actually", "but", "always" and "never" out of my mouth, I bite my tongue and then apologise. Behaviour modification at it's finest! I figure, if I expect my kids to behave one way I'd better hold myself to the same standard!
I have been toying with the idea of a Swear Jar to hold monetary penalties for the use of each word. Ironically, I have no problem with the use of the F-bomb or S-word, if used in proper context.
* Often this method is too subtle for my teenaged lot, but at least it strengthens my argument should it come to it.
Posted on 11 June 2014 at 06:15 PM in celebrating the every day, embracing imperfection, parenting, real right now, social commentary, words | Permalink | Comments (0)
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