Embrace Life

monday musings | noticed

birds are weird, even when the windows are dirty from the wind, dirt and wet of winter they still hit at full speed
- and leave an impression behind (fortunately this time he stunned himself and flew away)
Photo credit: Claire Ouellette (who noticed the strange impression upon her return from school)

• when I watch cooking shows I get all motivated to cook, but once the show is clicked off I loose all desire.
• with only a couple of changes this, here and now, would be my best life.
  
• some people will always be all talk - or worse - all whispers.
• my 40D needs cleaning and I don't want to part with it!
  
• the best part of sleeping, in the winter, is the cold side of the pillow is always really cold.
• when I go to collect the olders from school - after 5PM - it is now light out.
• quitting cheese is brutally hard and I still haven't found a suitable substitute - or lost an ounce.
• the phrase "customer service" really is an oximoron.
  
• the rinks get colder the longer the season goes on. Brr. We start the season wearing shirts and shorts and by the end we're in parkas and Uggs. I'm officially chilled to the bone.
  
• my best creative energy happens mid-afternoon, just as I'm leaving to pick up the kids from school and take them to activities. No chance to settle in until late at night. Sigh.
  
• it is much easier to read a "real" book than one on my iPad.
• the words out of my mouth do sound like a "broken record" which makes me giggle because my kids have no idea what that means.
  
• my new Asics are the best shoes ever.
  
• change and transition is a condition in which I thrive. Strange.
• my children laughing together is the sweetest sound I can imagine.

monday musings | if only

Rarely do I spend a lot of time looking back with a need to change much of anything. The past is the past. I've learned from and apply all lessons, moving forward. Every once in a while there is a twinge of regret for things that never were or never could be ... all of my regrets are mostly "if only" ...

This would be the "since I got married" version because to think of anything before that would be madness.

* * * * *

if only I had not left my first digital camera in its box, unopened, on the shelf for almost 2 years
if only I had taken the time to write it all down
if only I had learned to say no, and stop raising my hand
if only I had spaced the kids out maybe my brain wouldn't have been so mushy (four kids in five years was a bit over the top)
if only I had not been so tired
if only I had just defended myself, or picked my battles better
if only my husband didn't work out of town from 1994 to 2002 - weeks on end with a rare weekend "off"
if only I hadn't been so frustrated and alone
if only I got on the floor more with the kids
if only I was the photographer I am today
if only I could remember the details, they're becoming fuzzy
if only I trusted my instincts more, ignored the need to "be polite"
if only I wasn't so impatient with mess and clutter
if only I hadn't left that day
if only I learned to put myself first, if only once in a while

* * * * *

I realize that if any of those "if only" statements had been different the whole trajectory of my life may have been altered, and that is not something I would want. Well, not at the moment. What would you change, if only?

 

monday musings | want

i want to make a blurb book of my favourite blog posts.
i want to sing regularly.
i want to sit in a neighbourhood pub and fill myself with stories.
i want to take photos of interesting doors (and wonder about the lives inside).
i want to hear the distant sound of a buoy bell ringing.
i want to scan all of my old negatives.
i want to find a good writing app for my iPad.
i want to draw.
i want to write a memoir - all in short stories.
i want to start my notecard project.
i want to feel a tropical breeze.
i want to take a photo walk of my town.
i want teaspoons.
i want to design a course on how to embrace authenticity.
i want a clean house.