Embrace Life

read | books for autumn

I am a collector of books - many books! I put so many books on shelves in our new house - and we had to purchase even more bookshelves for the overflow. I have read most of them, but in some cases I can't tell you any of the specifics found in them, except for a few absolute favourites. Most often I choose books to read by author, there are some authors who are, to me, "must read" and happily some of them have books being released in the next few months!

I am hoping to put the magazines away and pick up my Kindle. When the kids get back to school and I spend more time in parking lots waiting for them finish up with their day, with their lessons, with their practices, it will be nice to have company in the truck. Kindle? I am starting to read more and more on my e-reader as it is so much more portable and it collects far less dust than those on the shelves. All of the books contained within are works of fiction. If it's a book I don't expect to have to make notes, it's on the Kindle.

Jan Karon: Somewhere Safe with Somebody Good. Even if I weren't a huge fan of Jan Karon's Mitford Years series, doesn't that title just sound wonderful? I so enjoy the setting and characters of her books. I cannot wait to return to Mitford, I've been too long away!

Randall Munroe: What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions. So this got my attention - who can pass by "serious" and "absurd" in the same title?

Anna Quindlen: Still Life with Bread Crumbs. With many of the reviews comparing this novel with "comfort food." I felt it was perfect to add to my collection of sweater weather reads.

Oprah Winfrey: What I Know For Sure. I know Oprah has her detractors - loud ones, but I'm not one of them. She has exposed me to more concepts and ideas than any other person I know. You go girl!

Anne Lamott: Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments Of Grace. I need a bit of wise mixed with irreverant right now. This should do the trick - but I have to wait until mid-November!

Graeme Simsion: The Rosie Effect. Oh how I loved reading The Rosie Project - and gave it to my sisters for Christmas last year. I am thrilled to see this follow-up to the first book. It comes out in late-September.

Reza Aslan: Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth. I've read the reviews and the idea of reading more than just the parables and stories learned by rote as a child is appealing.

Editors of Martha Stewart Living: One Pot. I enjoy flavourful recipes that make both prep and clean-up easy. I've set up "experiment night" for Saturdays!

Pam Grout: E-Cubed: Nine More Energy Experiments. The experiments in E-Squared worked last summer and I've gotten away from my habit of being midfully observant. Time to do this again :)

Barbara Erskine: The Darkest Hour. I have been a fan of Barbara Erskine since I read Lady of Hay years ago while living and working in Buffalo, NY - it was a nice escape! I have read all of her books and am looking forward to this new page-turner.

Deborah Harkness: A Discovery of Witches: A Novel. Recommended when I was ordering, I read the reviews and figured it was worth the read. We'll see :)

I know that in order to write what I like to read, I have to read more of what I like. Over the course of autumn, I'm deliberately setting aside time to focus on guilt-free reading. Right now I'm a super slow reader (and always have been) but maybe with more pages turned I'll get quicker and this daunting collection of 10 books won't look so intimidating!

What are you reading?

Morning | 30-minute Ritual

Now that the weather is improving and morning is more welcome, I've realized I want to savour the start of my day rather than continue with the frantic jump out of bed at the sound of the alarm slapping my clock, setting up the coffee maker (I had not yet mastered the automatic setting), jockeying of cars to take kids to school, a quick shower and then drive to the school and back with green juice in hand.

Just when I was forming my desire, I realized I wasn't the only one as I read this article which confirmed exactly what I suspected: it is time to slow down.

For the last few weeks, I've set the alarm a little earlier: 6:30AM vs 6:45AM to build in a 15 minute cushion before our daily 7:30AM departure for drop off at school. I have now mastered the automatic brew setting on the coffee maker so when I enter the kitchen I simply have to pour a cup.

I anchor my new peace and calm ritual with:

1. My first, and only, cup of coffee for the day,
2. I open a single serve greek yogurt and add 10 almonds,
3. doors at the front and back are opened and I enjoy the weather that greets me, relieved that the temperatures are now consistently balmy,
4. enjoying the silence, I spend about 5 minutes breathing and becoming centred, often outside on the back deck,
5. my writing computer - a little 11" MacBook Air - is opened and I spend the time, before hollering up to wake children at 7AM, writing out my morning pages.

Once the kids come downstairs in various stages of dress, maybe eat something (none are enthusiastic breakfast eaters), put their bags together with whatever is needed for their school day, the chaos is in full swing. The deal is that the first one downstairs, fully dressed and organized gets "shotgun". While they're getting organized, I run down to the garage and move up Claire's car and park it on the street. I walk in the front door, grab a green drink out of the fridge, and follow the kids to the basement and out to the garage and we leave as close to 7:30AM as possible.

What I no longer do is:

1. Resent the alarm clock,
2. frantically do anything,
3. skip breakfast,
4. immediately shuffle the cars,
5. take a quick shower before leaving for drop off, I now shower upon my return.

This new ritual really resonates with me and my well-being. I am far more mindful of myself and what I need to do during the day, week, month. I find that by being far more centred I am more energized through the day. I'm not sure how it will change now that we're in exams and school will be finished for the year in little more than a week.

I am happy I've established a practice of peace and calm that is good for me, reinforcing my need a kind and positive start to my days.

Of course, this will all be changed up in a few days when we enter our summer holidays. I am hoping to continue to wake earlier than the kids and keep a slower pace, a more gentle entry to my days. I find over summer I lose my sense of routine and it affects me in a negative way as I tend to spin when I have no anchor for my thoughts and activity. I hope this will provide that daily ritual that keeps me grounded!k

move more | national walking day

Who knew the first Wednesday in April was National Walking Day? I learned about it last year when I was reading a Walking Challenge article as part of my "reset".

I have to admit I haven't done a lot of walking since winter started back in November. A combination of my left hip "catching" regularly, my right knee blowing up like a balloon when pushed too hard at Pilates, and a winter filled with ice on every sidewalk has made me feel unsteady and older than I should! I walked as often as I could but certainly not as much as I'd have liked. I even gave up on charging my Fitbit!

Keeping in mind my own personal limits, I'm hoping to lace up my sneakers every day from this point forward. The ice - the consistency of which I have never experienced ever before - has finally melted and I'm hoping to put in a few thousand steps each day in an effort to get back to a healthy form and habit. Within a month I'm hoping to consistently hit the 10,000 step mark in an effort to make that my minimum through to when the snow flies next Fall.

I've learned a lot this year.

I get so demanding with myself and forget that I am no longer the competitive tennis player I was in my youth. I push too hard, unable to face the frustration that my body is not reacting well and won't perform the way it's supposed to by failing even the simplest of tasks.

I shall be gentle. I shall not push. I shall remember the goal is long-term fitness and flexibility not short term mobility and weight loss.

So flipping frustrating!

Hopefully by the first Wednesday in April 2015, I'll be in a better space and more able to welcome with enthusiasm National Walking Day!

me | endless self improvement

I have spent an awful lot of time trying to figure out what to do with my life. Seriously, what should I DO? To make a living. To be a better person. To contribute to society. That kind of do with my life.

It turns out that my goal of being a good mum was not as far-sighted as I once thought. Not that my role as mother will ever end, but my role as ever-present mum will. That realization makes me happy and sad at the same time! As my kids need me less, I realize I had better figure out what I should do with the rest of my life. To that end I've engaged a wonderful life coach, considered many business models and ideas, I have even bought a domain name, set up a website with business cards to match!

Ugh.

I feel both defeated and excited to start, all at the same time. I'm a freaking information magpie. Then I discoverered the Daily Muse which is the WORST (read: BEST!) at giving me more things to consider. Like the article on the 50 (cheap) Professional Develop Classes Anyone Can Take. Information magpie NIRVANA!

I have followed along with people who I admire and learn from and appreciate when they "introduce" me to others who are equally talented and I often take their recommendations for projects, courses, articles. I have taken oodles of photography, writing, scrapbooking, vulnerability, blogging, photoshop, branding and self-discovery courses, primarily online, for the last decade. I regularly manage to get myself into a cycle of taking similar courses, all taught by people well qualified, but redundant in their message.

I have spent a lot of time reflecting and figuring out who I am. I will always be a work in progress, I am far too curious and like learning way too much to be content for long. Who I am, at my essense, is pretty clear and I'm okay with it. More than okay.

Now, what to do about it?

It's time to move past taking similar courses over and over again and move forward to more challenging material. The work I've done was painful, enlightening, hard and rewarding. As a result I am now completely comfortable with who I am and now have to figure how I can parlay that knowledge into a means of financial independence and creative expression.

To that end, last month I put a note out, via Facebook, to those who could provide insight into the Danielle LaPorte-recommented B-School with Maria Forleo. My virtual friend Katrina Kennedy, sent a note in support as she had taken a previous course. Now, I tell my kids ALL THE TIME that you are "judged by the company you keep" and "birds of a feather" and I'm happy to be in company of Katrina, Danielle LaPorte and even Oprah!

I am seriously behind. Sign-up for B-School coincided with my kids' ridiculously long - 18 day - March Break. I have only just clicked on the first assignment and the class is already onto the third module. That being said, I like this change in direction. It feels good. It's stirring up a whole bunch of insecurity and questions of worthiness and ability I've already addressed. It's nice to put that personal work to the test. Something I would not have been able to do if I had continued to be content just repeating the same patterns - projects and courses.

My plan moving forward is to buckle down and really focus on this investment in my future. It's looking bright!

anticipation | mercury in retrograde

(source)

Recently I've run across the phrase "Mercury in Retrograde" always said in a hushed tone that implies that only bad things lie ahead. Articles usually reference "how to survive" or "hold on tight" when describing it. Or, as it was put when I googled it "A regularly occurring, astrological event that gives New Agers an excuse for getting fired, wrecking their car, breaking a leg, or having an overall shitty day."

Alrighty then.

And, this happens a few times each year. For 2014, these dates are:

06 February to 28 February
07 June to 02 July
04 October to 25 October

The one thing I've learned on this "New Age" journey of mine is that there is never anything only good or only bad. There is always the other side. Tomorrow we enter into another phase of mercury in retrograde and I'd perfer to know what good it will bring rather than focus on the bad. Full disclosure: I've already experienced a challenge when Cole mistakenly forgot to actually give me my wallet which he was bringing out to the car to me as I dropped him off for the bus to Temagami. Translation: I haven't had a wallet since Sunday and won't have one until the weekend. The good? I now have a reason to be creative and use up the food in the freezer and the pantry! See - there is always a bright side.

The best phrase I've ever read about this time is that Mercury in REtrograde is good for all things that start with RE.

REnew
REflect
REvive
REmind
REsearch
REconcile
REview
REmember
REfresh
REbound
REcall
RElocate
REconsider
REelect
REfinish
REnegotiate
REcycle
REstore
REmove
REmodel
RElinquish
REmit
REliable
REminisce

and on and on ...

Of those words on the list there is nothing particularly negative or scary. So, I will focus on the possibility of RE and focus on the good things the time brings. Apparently this is a very good time to:

Clean out your closet. Be merciless. Really, this is a great time to purge anything - files, books, magazines, whatever needs removal just toss!

Move on. This is a great time to forgive and forget.

Embrace nostalgia. Put those old records on. Read an old journal. Reconnect with an old friend. Go swimming for the first time in years. Remember the things in your life that have brought you joy and then enjoy them again.

Edit and review. For writers and creatives this is a wonderful time to reevaluate past works and polish them up - or toss.

Write a personal manifesto. Apparently this is a wonderful time to reflect on who you are as a person and what you want to represent to the world.

Mix it up. If you don't like the flow of your living room, or bedroom space - or your cutlery drawer, rearrange things to suit you and your flow!

Dare to relax. Though communication at this time can be a challenge, release control and embrace any travel headaches and get away for a holiday. Or simply take a day to do what you love best - read, get a massage,

Reinforce routine. Or focus on developing the habits you want in your life: 8-hours of sleep, drink more water, eat more vegetables, read more biographies.

Finish. This is a perfect time to put a final end to things: projects, relationships. Anything you've been putting off should be finished off. For me this will include completing household files, collecting and returning anything that does not belong in my home, 

* * * * *

Remember that you'll want to be especially chill and relaxed during this time because for a lot of people things go completely bonkers. I'm told that Virgo and Gemini are particularly affected at this time - which means me and half of my children are expected to go a bit nuts! Poor Cole :(

A few things to keep in mind, things for us all to do anyway, but in this time we should be more mindful:

Back up important data.

Double check travel plans. Relax, part of the fun is in the journey!

Avoid signing contracts. A good time to review instead :)

EXPECT DELAYS and challenges and pack a magazine or book. Like everything in life, it's all in your attitude and how you choose to handle a situation. You know that old saying "this too shall pass" - it should be said in good times and bad times as they are both fluid and in constant state of flux.

* * * * *

I don't know about you but I think I'll enjoy this cosmic opportunity to reflect on the choices I'm making and determine what needs some extra care and attention. I liked how Danielle LaPorte described in one of her Desire Map videos that we, like the universe, are always expanding and contracting, but we never contract so much that we end up where we once were. We are always moving forward: expanding and growing.

Mercury in retrograde just gives us all an opportunity, if we are mindful about it, to measure our progress. If we all go with the flow and keep our sense of humour this should be a REwarding and REjuvinating time. We can choose to go through all our days that way. Sounds good to me!

 

places we go | grail springs lady faire

Last week I left to go to Bancroft, Ontario (about 300km NE) with a plan to stay overnight and visit Grail Springs to attend the Lady Faire. The theme this year, their fifth, was The Colours of Woman. Colour is my thing, so off I went to explore this new aspect of my woo-hoo experience.

I arrived just in time.

Though the weather was volatile, with high humidity and huge thunderstorms rolling through, the setting is just lovely and calm.

The vendors had some interesting ware to sell and I couldn't resist picking up a few things. Perfect for my research!

THIS had to be captured for Claire - pop tab version of chain mail. Just amazing.

The gardens were spectacular - even after the rain came though.

I was nervous leaving home in the morning. I'm always tense leaving the kids, even when all the arrangements have been made for their care. Between my anxiety and the horses - I'm very allergic - I left to head home by mid-afternoon. I missed a speaker I wanted to hear, but hope to hear her at another event - maybe - someday!

I don't know that I learned anything particularly earth shatteringly new to me, but I did keep my heart and mind open to new things. And there was plenty of energy to absorb. One thing is for sure, as an introvert there are times being surrounded by a group of extroverts can be overwhelming!

What I did discover is so simple: driving is my meditation. My brain is calm and almost thought-free, except for paying attention to the traffic around me and the general rules of the road. Six hours behind the wheel was truly restorative, except when driving through the massive thunderstorms between Bradford and Peterborough! Yowza!

Will I go back? Yes. With a dose of Benadryl, a functioning power inverter for the truck (to keep my iPhone charged) and a friend.

nourish | growth

A couple of months ago, I received notice in my e-mail that Deepak Chopra would be coming to Toronto for a talk. I immediately ordered four tickets and then promptly forgot about it :)

The day before I left for Arizona, I got a reminder on my phone set, oddly, well ahead of the event. Luckily though since I completely forgot to ask anyone to join me! I sent a note out to 10 girlfriends, expecting a bit of interest, but received an immediate reponse from 5! In the end, it all worked out and I headed off to Toronto with a combination of high expectations and a completely open mind.

I was not disappointed.

My friend, Helen and I headed to a Japanese joint that had "floating food". Very fun.

I will definitely be back! Yum :)

Then, on the way to Roy Thomson Hall, I was reminded of the fun and silly that used to be part of my daily wanderings. It's nice to enjoy a reminder. A guy, in a suit, playing a guitar (very well), with a bag over his head? Yep. Fun and silly.

Then the event of the night. I have to admit that a lot of it was "out there" in a place I cannot grasp, but an equal amount was right where I needed it to be. Like the Grinch who's heart grew three sizes, I believe my brain grew three sizes as a result of this evening.

All good stuff. Limiting beliefs. Meditation. Atoms. Space. Time. Unanswerable questions. Set points. Wellness. Choices. Understanding.

You can like him. You can dislike him. What I like is that, for an evening, he made me think in a way I haven't in a very long time - or ever. I was completely captivated for over two hours.

All good stuff.

learn | my journey to dangerous

You know how you go from link to link and end up someplace completely different from where you started? And it ends up being brilliant and strange and familiar? Well, I happily I ended up back at a post I had bookmarked last summer. It describes a place I thought I'd never find, and yet, here I am.

According to the post by the brilliant Jen Lemon, I know how to be dangerous.

Regularly.

There is no more avoiding it.

1. I state my truth. I do not candy coat. I am outrageously plain. I say what should not be said. Yes, I say it anyway. That elephant no longer takes up residence in my head.

2. I am giving way to the lead of my body. Following my gut.

3. Without analysis, I am acting boldly. I realize I cannot control or direct the outcome of any situation. From the perspective of "nothing to lose", choices are far more instinctive.

4. I am finally open enough to allow myself to feel. As a result, I experience ridiculous joy. I am serious about giving suffering the boot.

5. I embrace fear. Every day.

6. More importantly, I embrace my instincts. They help me face my fear.

7. My memories are more vivid than ever before and the lessons of my youth are surfacing loud and clear. They are reminding me of the promise that was once me and showing me how to get back there again.

8. I am not going mad. I am becoming whole.

9. There is very little left to hide. My head, my heart and my gut have been laid bare. Is there more? Only time and new experiences will tell.

10. My whole heart is full. I am holding nothing back. Those closest to me reap the benefits of this power in my newfound state of vulnerable. And strong.

11. Once I know exactly what I want, I will ask for it. I am recognizing what I need and I am able to express it. I am pushing the edge.

Hey, I think nailing 10 out of 11 is pretty good given the year I've had! The reality is things were pretty miserable for a long time. Too long. This year, as hard and exhausting as it was, was far more liberating and kind than anything I'd experienced up to it's start.

Learn | Enough

I love learning.

I wish I had taken advantage of my natural curiosity when I was younger, but that part of my nature was not nurtured or encouraged by those around me, and as a dutiful(ish) eldest it never occured to me rock that particular boat. Then life, as it does, got in the way.

Thank goodness for the internet. My learning can now come to me!

The brilliant Brené Brown has teamed up with Jen Lemen to bring Ordinary Courage - The E-Course to life. On her blog, Dr. Brown says: "I like to call it Gremlin Ninja Warrior training - it's all about recognizing the gremlins that keep us feeling small and "less than" and letting them go!"

I have gone through almost exactly one year of tremendous growth - and change. It's hard to believe that at the ripe age of 48 there is more to learn, but these past 12 months really have been about unlearning bad habits and the acceptance of mistakes made. A year of facing fears. A year of onward.

As my one year gift to myself, I think I have to embrace the gremlins and let them go.

For good.

(image from Ordinary Courage blog)

I think I have the unmolded potential to be enough.

Enough.

I just want to be enough. For me.

I just want to be enough. For my children.

I have resilience. A lot of it. I have consistency. Consistently.

Kindness. Compassion. Intelligence. Encouragement. Conviction. Positivity. Abundance.

And fear.

Absurd.

I own my own story. I am resilient. I resist shame. I embrace my lack of perfection, while still needing a degree of order and control. I am tired of lashing out - if only in my own mind.

But still, I need to take this journey - and many more - to embrace self-compassion and become enough. This will be a good start.

For me.

For my children.