Embrace Life

#HouseRules

Inspired by a recent IKEA ad, it got me thinking about our own house rules. Things are so different now in a house of teens rather than a house of toddlers. Some of the rules have stayed the same and some of the rules have changed along the way.

I thought I had just two simple rules in my house: treat people the way you want to be treated; and, give me 24-hours notice of plans.

My kids corrected me! It turns out there are a few more:

Don't impose your bad mood on others. A good mood? Impose!

Put glassware away in the cupboard upside down.

Don't leave the house without letting someone know where you're going - and when you plan to return.

Wood spoons and white spatulas go with wood spoons and white spatulas, all other kitchen utensils go with all other kitchen utensils. There is no reason to mix them all up.

Always answer your phone if the caller is someone related to you. (Unless you're in the shower or sleeping. Then call back as soon as you can.)

Show up. Own it. Look for good. Only good.

Let me repeat: what others think of you is none of your business.

Toilet paper comes over the top and the roll must be replaced in the same manner when empty.

If you can't live your life as though your actions and words were to be printed on the front page of the newspaper, perhaps you should reconsider those actions and words.

Put the driver's seat back to position #1 and turn down the music when you return the truck.

When empty (only drops left = empty) replace the milk bag in the fridge. Do not leave the container empty on the counter. And throw the little plastic triangles in the garbage when a new bag is opened.

Secrets are toxic. No whispering.

Get yourself up in the morning. You don't like to hear yelling in the morning only half as much as I don't like yelling.

Intollerance will not be tolerated. (Yes, I understand the hypocricy.)

Make sure you have everything with you that you need for school. With rare exception will it be delivered to you. That includes homework, gym clothes and food.

Do not delete shows from the DVR if they were not recorded for your own personal enjoyment.

When out of the house or off school property, do not use data on your phone!

When going to Fortino's, check to make sure we have the basics: bread & milk etc. before you go. And then buy what's missing.

This too shall pass - the bad times and the good times.

Who you choose to be your boyfriend/girlfriend is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Your family will tell you the truth. Listen. We love you.

The toilet seat is always to be in the down position. Unless in use, of course.

Tell mama first. I do not want to hear from someone else's mum that you did *gasp* at an event. Best to own it and let me know first so I am prepared for the well-meaning - or pot-stirring - "friend" and her "news".

From a place of pure joy and trust, you all sing in the shower. We all suffer through every note - no one can complain about the other! :D

Clothes on your floor do not get washed. And still-folded clothes returned to the laundry room do not get washed either.

Teddy was right: comparison is the thief of joy.

Bickering over provable nonsense is exhausting. If you're going to argue please determine an idea to ease world hunger, devise a plan to stop all wars, find a cure for ebola and other terrible diseases. Nonsense? Ugh.

Check the COZI, if there is nothing, the answer is probably "yes". (Even with the 24-hour rule in place!)

Homework first.

If someone - anyone is talking trash about anyone in your family, defend first and get the facts later.

If in doubt: breathe. In-two-three. Out-two-three. Then speak.

And with that, we're done! What "rules" do you have in your house? How many have changed along the way? 

PROJECT | NaNoWriMo

A couple of years ago, I faithfully participated in the NaNoWriMo which is what their website calls a "good old-fashioned kick in the pants you need to write the rough draft of your novel in November". That is to say, write 50,000 words by the end of the month, or approximately 1,667 words every day, each day of November.

That last almost-50,000 words I wrote ended up in a landfill in St. Catharine's - which is where it probably belonged! Those words were written years before the NaNoWriMo website, forums and the idea of pre-planning or peer support - 2009 to be precise. When November 1 arrived, I just started to write with no preparation and not a glimmer of an idea. At all. Granted, there is a certain beauty in that, but this year I decided to take what I've learned in the last five years, particularly the last 6-months, and put a plan together.

First step: What do I want to write?

• A short-short story, or "flash fiction" is defined as 100 to 500 words
• A short story is defined as 1,000 to 7,500 words
• A novelette is defined as 7,500 to 17,500 words
• A novella is defined as 17,500 to 60,000 words
• A novel is defined as 60,000 to 125,000 words

Within these guidelines the genre also determines length:

• Literary, Commercial and Women's fiction: 100,000 words
• Crime Fiction: 90,000 words
• Mysteries, Thrillers & Suspense: 70,000 for contemporary and 90,000 for historical
• Romance: Between 70,000 and 100,000 words
• Fantasy: Though often longer, 90,000 is a preferred number
• Paranormal: Tighter is better, 75,000 words
• Horror: To keep up the tension, not past 100,000 words
• Memoir: 80,000 words
• Historical: Up to 120,000 words but not much more
• Young Adult: Stay under 80,000 words
• Middle Grade: 35,000 and no more.

Keep in mind: a chapter can be any length, but since most people read around 2,000-2,500 words in 15 minutes, keep them a manageable size.

Picture books are generally 32 pages in length with less than 1,000 words.

Second step: What genre do I want to write?

Fiction Genre List

• General
• Action & Adventure
• Alternative History
• Anthologies (multiple authors)
• Biographical
• Christian
• Coming of Age
• Contemporary Women
• Crime
• Cultural Heritage
• Dystopian
• Erotica/Gay & Lesbian
• Fairy Tales, Folk Tales, Legends & Mythology
• Family Life
• Family Saga
• Fantasy
• Gay
• Ghost
• Gothic
• Graphic Novels & Comics
• Historical
• Holidays
• Horror
• Humorous
• Legal
• Literary
• Magical Realism
• Medical
• Metaphysical & Visionary
• Mystery & Detective
• Noir
• Occult & Supernatural
• Political
• Psychological
• Romance
• Religious & Ethnic
• Satire
• Science
• Sea Stories
• Short Stories (multiple authors)
• Short Stories (single author)
• Sports
• Superheroes
• Thrillers
• Urban
• Visionary & Metaphysical
• War & Military
• Westerns

As for non-fiction there are oodles of choices from Antiques & Collectibles to True Crime and everything in between. For my purposes I'll be focusing on fiction, or possibly memoir, or even better a fictionalized memoir!

Third step: what do I want to express, teach, convey, explain?

I've been told to write what I read.

I like many things and it would be fascinating to see a combination of it all put together! My most favourite recent fiction books was GONE GIRL: the pacing, the character development, the story, it all came together so well. That is not to be duplicated! And yes, I will go see it in the theatre.

On my current "to read" and pre-order list:

• First Frost - I love the whimsy and characters in Sarah Addison Allen's books
• Nightbird - Alice Hoffman has a talent for making the ordinary extraordinary
• Happiness for Beginners - Katherine Center is so adept at making her audience notice the small glorious details in the day-to-day

On my "to read" pile in the basket next to my chair:

• The Rosie Effect - because The Rosie Project was brilliant - so well crafted - this is sure to please, I hope!
• Somewhere Safe with Somebody Good - oh how I love visiting the people and stories of Mitford, NC wth Jan Karon.
• What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions - fun to read in small doses!
• What I Know for Sure - it's Oprah, and though it may not be a popular opinion, I adore her
• E-Cubed: Nine More Energy Experiments That Prove Manifesting Magic and Miracles Is Your Full-Time Gig - because E-Squared was fabulous it's going to be fun to see what this

In my "keep by the bedside" pile:

• The Desire Map which teaches me new things each time I read it
• The Gifts of Imperfection an integral part of my complete transformation back to myself
• I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - because Maya Angelou was simply brilliant
• A Pad of Paper
• A Pencil

Even with all of that, it is often tempting to back and read the wonderful books of my past. I have recently realized were almost exclusively mysteries, from my start with Nancy Drew to the works of Scott Turow, Robert Ludlum, Ken Follet, Sue Grafton, Barbara Erskine, John Grisham, Father Andrew Greeley, Lawrence Sanders and more. Oh so many characters, stories, plots and places!

At any rate, I'm well armed with a fresh pack of post-it notes, a fully charged laptop, new multicoloured highlighters and endless resources via Google! Now, to avoid distraction and settle on an idea .....

Words | The Home Key

Recently I started another creative writing course held on Tuesdays in Burlington. Last week I received a note from my instructor, Brian Henry, asking me to do a "Show and Tell" piece for the class. The parameters were broad: pick something to show and then tell about it. Simple enough. Ha! I started the process at least 20 times and finally settled on this one.

SHOW:

TELL:

The Home Key
Creative Writing Class | 500 Words | 30 September 2014

        I look at this small gold house key with cautious anticipation. It may be a small bit of metal with sharp grooves and notches, but it packs an emotional wallop! Will it be the last house key I have on my chain or is it just another one in a collection of many I’ve had over the years?

        According to Dr. Brené Brown, the single emotion people are most afraid of is joy. Seriously. We are collectively conditioned to wait for the other shoe to drop so we never fully appreciate the moments of joy when they are right in front of us. We anticipate with more surety the promise of disaster or, at the very least, failure. Joy is terrifying.

        I don’t want to be afraid of my joy and this house key represents my opportunity to overcome my history, my fear and lean into and fully embrace gratitude. Only then will I fully understand joy.

        The journey to this one key is found in all of the keys before it. The house to which I was born in Saint John, New Brunswick, where my mum was a nurse and my dad worked at the sugar refinery and I spent my days with my grandmother. The tiny two-bedroom townhouse in married student housing in Watertown, Massachusetts, where I moved with my dad, pregnant mum and little sister so my dad could attend school to earn his business degree. The split-level ranch house just outside Cleveland where I was initiated into the lifestyle of quintessential (read: tacky) 1970s suburbia with dads gone through the workweek and cheesy neighbourhood gatherings on the weekends. The house in North Toronto where my mother thought wallpapering the dining room ceiling and putting indoor-outdoor carpet in the kitchen was some kind of interior design statement - it was, and it was not good! The house in the Chicago suburbs with the pool, the ping-pong table and the basketball court in the barn. The other house in Toronto, which would become home-base until I left for boarding school six years later. Then there were no keys since in the all-girls school of 165 students the idea of privacy was absurd. My rooms at university had keys but who ever thought to use them? We never had anything of any value to steal so why bother locking up? My first job took me to Buffalo, New York and a full-on transient existence with various roommates and a boyfriend or two. There were plenty of house keys but the only keys that mattered opened office doors. A favourite key was the one I got when I bought my first house after my transfer to Calgary: a sweet bungalow where I housed my fiancé-then-husband, my first baby and a second soon after. Another transfer brought us to Ontario where I had three more keys to houses that welcomed two more children, survived one bout with cancer, endured one near-death experience, lost one business, and initiated one divorce.

        This key? This key is so much more than a small bit of metal with sharp grooves and notches. This key opens the door to a home as I no longer live in just a house. This key opens the door to my home.

* * * * *

I have always felt, to my bones, that more than anything else, I am a writer.

Growing up I was mocked, ridiculed and told regularly that my idea of being a writer was simply ridiculous. I was too sensitive, I had my head in the clouds, I had to come down to earth and make something of myself. When I was 15 my mother took it upon herself to take one of my hidden works and read it aloud at the Thanksgiving table. I was mortified and never wrote with the same freedom of expression again. It was time to stop dreaming and focus on more practical pursuits. Until now.

Lately I've found some workshops and courses that have lead me to believe that maybe, just maybe, I can tap back into the writer buried deep inside.

anticipation | autumn (the original post)

So, last week when I was writing my anticipation | autumn post, I had a niggling feeling that I had written one already. For the life of me I couldn't find it in my drafts folder! Until now. So here it is, part 2, which is really the original:

Daily breathing and meditation.

Daily walks and stretching.

Daily mindful eating and compassionate self talk.

Daily reading and writing.

Daily creating and imagining.

Daily practices of only those things that are good for me and therefore good for everyone around me.

* * * * *

Autumn is filled with all those things that make me feel much more alive than any other time of year. Odd given that it is the time of year when everything is harvested and dying.

• I'm enjoying the crunch of leaves beneath my Merrills on my walks through the forest at the school and through the cemetery in my back yard. I've also taken a trip or ten to walk the Labrynth in Burlington.
• Claire does not call often enough but when she does it is so wonderful to hear from her and catch up on the happenings in her life!
• University applications are on the agenda for Cole and all of the Senior Two students at school. He's pretty focused and determined to get into his top choice - Kings College in Halifax.
• Volleyball tryouts are over and the sport is keeping Caden busy. He's playing on the varsity team at school and has hopes of the U15 town team with practices and training through the week.
• Chloé is happy with her choice to stay home. I'm proud of her for deciding to stick to it. It's a brutal lesson, but she is fully acquainted with the idea that "people show you who they are, believe them the first time". It's not rude to believe them.
• Thanksgiving is coming up quickly! We're looking forward to spending time with family.
• First term is super important - it is where the kids lay down the foundation for the year. The marks can't be made up later without unnecessary hurculean effort. (I'm fond of saying that a ball team can lose the pennant in April - a student can lose their year in first term.)
• I'm sad to be missing reformer Pilates due to injury. I'll be back! Baby steps!
• I'm hoping to learn something at the Your Possible Life presentation at the Art Gallery in Burlington. I love Beth, Lisa and Shelley!
• I'm looking forward to the Ryder Cup - in Scotland this year!
• Writing workshops and classes are keeping me on track. That elusive book of my imagination is now becoming more real.
• Sunday morning yoga is lovely. Any morning yoga is lovely!
• We're looking forward to watching Scandal, Elementary, The Blacklist, The Good Wife and Once Upon A Time this season. I wonder what other new shows will be put on our "must watch" list?
• Mercury will enter it's final retrograde of the year in early October. Good! I need to re-visit some things - and this will be a perfect time to edit, too!
• Cole is enjoying his time in boarding. We're happy to see him and I encourage more spontaneous drop-ins. (He is not enjoying the cold he caught! Boarding = Germ Soup)
• We're off to see Wicked! I can't wait. I love the music and the story but have never seen it on stage.
• My annual Ali Edwards-inspired Week in the Life project is expected to start on October 27th. I am very fond of this project and can't wait to see what memorable treasures are discovered through the week.
• Speaking of Ali Edwards, there's a rumour she is coming to Crop & Create and I'm hoping to get a spot!
• Chloé loves percussion and is spending plenty of time practicing and participating with the concert band at school.
• Hallowe'en promises to be different this year. We are in a real neighbourhood loaded with little kids. We had no door bell rings last year or the one before, I'm sure we'll have more than a few this year! Hmm. I might even dress up! I wonder where I put that broom and caudron?
• Should Caden make the team, there is lots of local-ish travel from volleyball venue to volleyball venue. I'm hoping to get some really good photos this season. I'll have the time as I'm not the manager this year!
• After a brutally cold winter, then a cool wet spring and summer, we're hoping for some cool but sunny days. At least a few!
• Our home, our routines, our fridge, our life is all geared toward study and preparing for success.
• Exams will be here before we know it - early December!
• Just as fall turns to winter, on that last day, Claire turns 19. I wonder if I should send out warnings to the all the bars in downtown Toronto!

I'm looking forward to getting in to the cool swing of autumn. Fireplaces on. Chunky sweaters. Lazy afternoons on the couch reading stories. Bright blue skies. Perfect!

anticipation | autumn

We are just rolling into autumn like summer never happened. The leaves started to change before the kids headed back to school, so I anticipate things will be pretty cold pretty quickly around here. They've already had measurable snow out west. At my age and stage, I'm happy for the cooler weather no matter the season!

We are adjusting to some big changes around here: Claire is back in Kingston, Cole is in his boarding year, Chloé elected to stay and is finding her footing and Caden has started high school! We almost totally settled in a new house, with new spaces, new chores, new routines. Lots of lessons being learned.

With the arrival of autumn we are looking forward to:

• Volleyball training for Caden. He's made it onto the school team and hopefully he will make it onto a town team, but he's all signed up for training through the year.
• Cole and Chloé are back at vocal lessons with Greg. They are not going to perform in the festivals this year, but they do plan on attending the Conservatory Exams.
• Even I got in on things and am all signed up for My Pop Choir. Our first song is Ain't No Mountain High Enough.
• Caden is leaving for the Upper One trip to Temagami - it still fills me with dread. I will hold my breath the whole time he is away.
• Homecoming is coming up and I'm looking forward to it, especially since Claire is expected to come home for it! It'll be nice to have all four in the house even if it is for just one day.
• I've put together a meal plan and look forward to more stews and hearty fare in keeping with the season.
• I've even put together a whole "let's create" plan and look forward to new projects to complete.
• The new television season: The Good Wife, Elementary, The Blacklist, Scandal and Once Upon A Time will watched for sure, as well as the new Tea Leone show, Madame Secretary and Viola Davis in How to Get Away with Murder.
• Derek Jeter retires from baseball on September 28th in Boston for his last game in a Yankees uniform. We'll all be watching.
• Fingers crossed the townhouse is sold and we can finally move all of the furniture and be completely settled in our new space.
• Cole will be sending out his University applications! Blink. It all goes by so fast.
• The Ryder Cup is much anticipated - by me, anyway!
• More plumbers, electricians, heat & air, landscapers and now to find a carpenter.
• I'm taking a virtual Desire Map Workshop and am greatly looking forward to it.
• Thanksgiving should be lovely. Not sure what the plans are, but I know it will include good food, good wine and lots of family.
• Thunderstorms, a roaring fireplace, a cup of tea, a good book and a big blanket set the stage for me to get comfortable atop the new Crate & Barrel couch. I hope to have a chance to do this - a lot!
• Kundalini yoga continues on Friday mornings.
• I'm changing up my coaching to include some more energy and metaphysical aspects. I anticipate it will be fascinating.
• The Worldwide Photo Walk is being held on October 11. I'll probably make a trek somewhere, just not sure where, yet.
• We're looking forward to going into Toronto for a matinée of Wicked. I've read the book, know the soundtrack, but have never seen the musical. I can't wait!
• Writing classes start again in Burlington. Lots of my life happens in Burlington.
• Hallowe'en will be much different in this neighbourhood as it is LOADED with kids. I may just have to carve some pumpkins and put out some decorations. It'll be a nice change after enjoying a couple of years hiatus.
• Mercury will be in retrograde again. Time for me to get lots done!
• Judging from the multitude of signs around town, it looks like we have an election coming up. Since I recognize almost all of the names and most of the signs say "re-elect" I suppose it's just more of the same-old-same-old.
• I'm heading out to The Possible Life event in Burlington which is being headed by a couple of friends of mine. I'm looking forward to it!
• Late in October is Week In The Life time again. I looked at my calendar and put it in. I realized how much of my memory keeping projects revolve around autumn. I think I'm going to have to shuffle a few things in the future!
• Daylight savings - how depressing.
• The TreadClimber will be getting a workout - and so will the new studio!
• In a couple of short months the kids will be writing exams! (Shh. I won't tell them. There's enough pressure!)
• I will continue with my crazy meds and supplement schedule - and IV treatments every Wednesday until they tell me I'm healthy again. Gotta tell you, it better be before Christmas :)

The kids are in key years at school so around here it's all about focus-focus-focus, with a bit of fun and distraction thrown in to help maintain their sense of humour! I realized there is no travel in our plans for the next few months. I must remedy that. Maybe a quick day trip somewhere?

Happy autumn :)

real right now | many moving parts

Just in case you feel this has turned into a "hello monday" blog, I can promise it has not! In fact, I've been working on it, in draft form, a lot. Other creative endeavours are keeping me away, too. All will be shared, at some point!

In the meantime, I have:

A house to sell.
Plumbers to employ.
Yardwork guy to find.
Workshops to attend.
A crazy supplement/med schedule to follow
.Kids activities to manage.
To shedule appointments with the doctor, dentist and orthodontist.
To put a price on my Suburban. Anyone looking for a 2011 LTZ?
Meals to make. Laundry to wash. Toilets to scrub.
And more.

I'm excited about all that is going on, it's just keeping me away.

What have you been up to?

My Truth About Getting Older

I turn 50 today.

If I could have predicted what life would be like at 50 when I was 25, 35 or even 45, my current experience is not what I would have imagined, not in my wildest dreams. It is so much better than anything I could have ever considered.

Truth. You don't know what you don't know.

50 may seem like a big number and I suppose it is. Most days I don't really feel much older than I did when I was 20! Then again there are those other days I feel much older.

When I was younger I spent a lot of time and effort running toward growing up, proceeded to grow up way too fast and then desperately looked back at what I'd missed and tried to fix what was broken while trying to hold onto the good bits. It was exhausting - physically and emotionally.

I can do difficult things. My divorce, final for almost a year, was a needlessly long and expensive process. It turned out to be simply one event in a long list of hard lessons I've learned along my way to 50. What my divorce did was remind me of who I once was - 20 years ago. Today, I am able to move forward holding onto the many good bits - named Claire, Cole, Chloé and Caden - and leave behind the limiting beliefs and lazy habits that don't serve me.

Every day I learn something new. What a relief it was for me to learn that I could not possibly have all of the answersl - and that was okay - I no longer needed to! I was practically giddy when I realized there is always something new to learn. I am insatiably curious and once I think I've learned enough I realize there is still more. I love this feeling of openness and acceptance. My latest discovery: the continual learning held within the daily practice of practice. If something I learn resonates, I incorporate it into my daily practice which includes meditation, gratitude, writing, cooking and creating; all of which provide for many opportunities to discover new things.

I say yes. After years of overwhelm and emotional stress, I am now open enough and strong enough to say yes to every opportunity that resonates positively within me. Lunch with someone new? Yes. Meditation? Yes. Manage a volleyball team? Yes. Reformer Pilates class? Yes. A trip? Yes, well, yes with limits. Rarely do I say no, but when I do it is a well considered reply and no longer an automatic response.

The opposite of love is indifference. Really. If you still feel a pang, an inkling of guilt, a need to have the last word, an ounce of fight left, a molecule of longing, then you are not done - that chapter is not closed and you cannot move on. Done is when you can let a person leave your life with the knowledge you gave all you had to give and send them away with a simple wish that they make the best of their life without you in it.

I live with the courage of my convictions. When challenged, I no longer feel the need to justify why I feel the way I feel or how I learned what I know to be true. It took years to figure out what works for me and I no longer feel the defensive need to explain myself. As others are entitled to their beliefs, so am I.

I am more accepting. Of my flaws and the flaws of others; well considered opinions of others. I find the truth in the cracks, the light in the journey, the lessons in the differences. I am so relieved to be in a space where I can be simply happy for other people instead of feeling threatened or jealous or judgmental. I am no longer resistant to change. In fact, I am resistant to stagnation and stubborn beliefs borne of habit and laziness.

This too shall pass has become my mantra. Good times don't stay forever, neither do bad times. A full life has within it many changes. I've learned to roll with it - all of it. Bad times hold within them good lessons; good times hold the rewards for all the hard work. Cliché but true, without the bad times we'd never appreciate and value the good. I have learned that neither stays around for long. I am hopeful that at the end of my days there were a few more good than bad times and any catastrophe is balanced with glorious windfalls.

I worry less and expect little. You'd think the opposite would be true, but once I relinquished the laughable idea that I had any control, real control, over anything, my life became far more calm and manageable. I easily avoid drama and have completely disengaged from blame, shoulds, shame and as many negative influences and emotions as possible. Expectations can be the root of much sadness, disappointment and confusion. I no longer expect but I do have standards and boundaries - high for some, reasonable for me. I can only control what I can control - me - and my reactions and interactions in any given situation.

I lean in. I lean into resistance, into my fear. I've learned that on the other side of fear is usually exactly what I need, that for which has been elusive is found when I suck it up and face my fear head-on. Resistance indicates that I'm ohsoclose to what I want whether it be at reformer Pilates class and I don't think I can take more pain, at Kundalini meditation when I don't think I can take more enlightenment, a writing assignment I'm afraid to hand in for critique, a limiting belief that has a big "stop" sign (virtual, of course) making me doubt myself and my capability. I take the time to question and explore anything that strikes me with an immediate "no, I can't/won't do that" and have discovered so much about myself, the people and world around me.

I just can't fix some things. I can't fix mean. I can't fix neglect. I can't fix stupid. I can't fix selfish. I can't fix hypocrisy. I can't fix unaccountable. I can acknowledge, avoid and ignore, but I can't fix. My new response? I do not engage. I do not attend every fight I'm invited to and often turn and walk away after any failed attempt at giving voice to my view. I live a life of kindness and truth engaged fully in my own authenticity.

I show up. Every day. For my life. For my kids' lives. For anything that makes me a better person, regardless of the level of challenge. For my kids, I always advocate for them, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I always show up for them.

I am a work in progress. After stagnating for a long time, I am now hopeful, optimistic and looking forward to what life has to offer. Not only that, but I've come to know for sure that I have plenty to offer and am planning to do more of that in the near future.

Do I have regrets? Not many. Though, every single regret has propelled me to use the experience to make better decisions going forward. The only rule in our house (besides the much maligned 24-hour notice to mama before kids go out rule) is a simple one: treat people the way you want to be treated. Nothing defuses a mean person faster than kindness - especially if you are kinder than necessary.

I've had a full summer and I'm taking this, our last week of holiday for the two kids still living at home, to construct a plan for the year ahead. I'm going to revisit the Desire Map and determine my Core Desired Feelings for 50 and beyond. From there I'll be able to chart a course for my future that will be fulfilling and heart-centred.

I am well on my way!

anticipation | back to school, again

Blink! Summer is over ...

John Bell Chapel bell, Appleby College, 2011

I am a big fan of this time of year as it is a time for renewal for me. I take a look and re-evaluate where I am compared to where I want to be. Back-to-School season, for me, is a time for coloured pencils, glue and renewal of focus and projects. As a fan of beginnings, I love this season!

• Claire has left to return to Kingston. She is was chosen to be a Gael - an orientation leader for the freshmen - and has returned to Queen's to prepare for the new academic (and more) year ahead.
• Cole is preparing to move into residence for Grade 12. This is part of the deal at their school. I believe it is that way to prepare students for university life. I don't know how effective it is - or if the lesson is for the kids or the parents. It is what it is, and we signed up for it.
• Chloé has elected to stay home and not attend prep school in Massachusetts. This was for a few reasons: she did not want to be so very far away from home; and, she didn't want to feel she was "running away" from her problems (aka, bullying) and is prepared to stand up for herself moving forward.
• Caden is entering - wait as I take a deep breath - high school! He's now over 6 feet tall and open to all high school has to offer - and some classes as well :S
• Academic calendars have been purchased and our "new year" is all set to begin.
• The move into our new house continues. As we wait for the closing of the townhouse, we miss beds, tables, cupboards and other furniture. I laugh that we moved the contents but none of the cupboards, but the clutter is starting to get to me!
• Uniforms are in with the dry cleaner and the missing pieces are being purchased. I can't believe how many ties and socks we've collected over the years!
• I'm turning 50 in a few days. Seriously. When did that happen?
• Pre-season camps are being held at the school and both Cole and Caden are at four days of varsity volleyball preparation. I hope they both do well!
• Town tryouts are coming up, too!
• Books, so many books! My kids don't often take the same courses as the child before them - and by the time they do, the text has changed. All of the books have been sorted and all of the new books ordered.
• For the first time in ever I do not have to purchase any new shoes for the start of the school year. What is going on?
• Softball is winding down for Chloé. I love that she still loves this game. I hope she plays it for the rest of her life.
• The weather has been so wonky. In mid-August the breezes were blowing hard at 15C - today they're still blowing but up to 25C!
• I have caught a brutal summer cold. I've been hacking up my lungs for over a week now with no sign of it clearning up.
• I miss my daily walks.
• Cleaning out the garages. They have collected a lot of "extras" of summer and the clutter collected during the move. At least I know one will soon be 100% empty!
• The truck and Claire's car have been fully checked out and all necessary repairs made. We should be good through Thanksgiving when the snow tires go on.
• Rumours of fired teachers - and the stories - abound. I'm looking forward to just starting the year so that the kids, and parents, focus on the work and not the drama.
• Cole is moving into residence and taking two positions of responsibility in Powells House: Deck Captain and Health & Wellness Leader. He's going to have a full year!
• I look out at all the beautiful trees in our new back yard, towering oaks and others, filled with leaves. Leaves that will eventually land on the ground. It's a good thing I never got rid of the rakes! This will add a whole new aspect to my fitness routine. I think I'd better start looking for the snow shovel, too.
• Chloé has a new faculty advisor and we expect DT to be a nice calming influence making sure Chloé feels supported and valued.
• Vocal lessons are scheduled with both Cole and Chloé returning to Gregory Cross for instruction. Chloé is going all-in to OPERA! Such good stuff. Not only that, but I'm starting in My Pop Choir. I'm so looking forward to be sing again.
• The annual Temagami trips are coming up. My heart will be in my throat until Caden returns!
• My routine will get back into full swing: reformer Pilates and Meditation at iGita; yoga and pod at Zenbar; art therapy; writing workshops; and, lunches and catch-up with my cottage-loving friends who have been away all summer.
• I may even get into a regular blog routine?

Hmm ...

What are your plans for back to school?

Reflection | July 2014

Cruising down I-90. Kids. Snacks. Tunes. Vacation has begun!

The month started with Mercury moving out of retrograde and a pretty quiet house: Claire went to Windsor for baseball provincials, Cole was in Poland and Caden was in cottage country. Chloé and I were in a nice quiet groove. On the 2nd, Chloé started her Grade 10 math course to prepare for her to attend prep school in Massachusetts - we've learned that they're a bit ahead in math in the States so best be prepared! Lots of work was done around the house: locks were changed and I hired my friend Lynne's son and friend to fix up the gardens at the new house and a painter to fix up the old house and some new windows were installed. Caden arrived home with a broken iPhone which we replaced and then upgraded our family plan. My kids use too much data! I switched our online calendar to Cozi and it's working so well for all of us. A few of the ladies from the Desire Map Book Club met up for a quick catch-up - it's tough to get everyone together in the summer! My creative writing class started and it is a big leap, but a good one. It has dovetailed nicely with The Conscious Booksmith course I'm taking online. Along with Helen, I joined a writers Meet Up group and I don't think it's what I want - it doesn't seem to appeal to Helen either. Maybe we can have a writers group of just the two of us :) I'm looking for a photographer to take photos of me and the kids in the fall - it'll be my 50th birthday gift to myself. I (reluctantly) fired my cleaning service but it had to be done - you never want to come home and feel ripped off regularly. Claire got her full G license, I am so proud of her. My sister came out to the new house with her family to check it out and I'm happy she likes it! Both Chloé and Caden got their new computers for school. Not sure what is going on, but I'm constantly seeing 1:11 or 1:23 or 11:11 on the clock - to the point where I'm noticing it, all the time, every day. Caden went up to OELC just outside Orillia - all 4 of my kids have participated in the Intermediate Athletics leadership program in a row. I'm so proud of their collective accomplishment! I'm making an effort to get in front of the camera instead of always behind. Grampy and Nanna use their fax machine which is frustrating because we do not have a fax - so I signed up for eFax and I'm so glad I did! Another sister - Andrea - came over to check things out and I got another stamp of approval. I'm participating in #100happydays over on twitter and I'm happy to be still going strong! Chloé is still enjoying her softball and is making it to practice and games as often as her studies allow. Living on the cemetery is very quiet, every day except Friday where all you hear is the sound of lawn mowers by 8AM and continue for hours. I watched four seasons of "The Good Wife" in about 10 days. Holy binge watching! Claire and I waited at the walk-in clinic only for her to be told not to worry about the bump on the inside of her throat - she worries anyway :) On the 22nd I celebrated what I thought (last year) was the end of my marriage - at 2 years, 2 months and 2 days of the "official" process. Little did I know then that I'd actually have to wait for two more judges approval and it really being final in December! Live and learn. That's okay, the Veuve Cliquot was just as enjoyable the second time! Cole arrived home from Europe - he frequently got in touch while he was gone via Skype and FaceTime but it was nice to have him home in the flesh! Caden was finally around to play in a baseball game with his team. Chloé wrote her final math exam and we patiently await the results. The wait at the Queenston/Lewiston Bridge was over 90 minutes, but we did manage to make it to Cape Cod in good time. I agreed to not list our townhouse until the one next to us sold, with a deadline which arrived the exact day 157 finally sold. Up went our "for sale" sign at 155. Fingers crossed! It was A LOT of work, but the townhouse looks spectacular with everything cleared out. Many meals were enjoyed at the Oakville Club through the course of the month, every time we go I'm happy we joined. Claire stayed in Oakville to work and play baseball. Cole taught Caden the fine skill of "beer pong" - with ginger ale, though maybe root beer would be more appropriate? My kids, all of them, are finally eating seafood. It is wonderful for them to spend time with their Grampy and Nanna - and for their grandparents to get to know us all better.

In the lives of the kids:

Claire | is learning a ton about the daily grind of an 8:30AM - 5PM job: making lunches, time spent to commute, logistics of making it through traffic after work, exhaustion, time management. I'm hoping this experience will encourage her to stay in school (where she just chose her courses for next year) and learn as much as she can so she has more flexibility in her life. No settling!

Cole | returned from Europe with a ton of experiences and stories to share. He spent time in Warsaw (depressing), Krakow (nice but with an unsettling visit to Auschwitz), Prague (stunning), Dresden (meh), Berlin (where they watched the FIFA final game!), St. Petersburg (rude people but the Hermitage was amazing) and Helsinki (beautiful) while earning his Grade 12 World History credit.

Chloé | got word that she had been accepted to the prep school in Massachusetts but there aren't enough beds! She's on the wait list with her fingers tightly crossed! In the meantime, she prepared for her acceptance by completing her Grade 10 math course: trigonometry, quadratics, linear systems and analytical geometry. Every day for the month she woke at 6:30 and got to class for 8AM. I love her determination and drive!

Caden | enjoyed a couple of weeks up north with a buddy and has definitely been bitten by the Muskoka-cottage-bug. He loves boating and fishing (yay!). He was home for a few days then reluctantly off to OELC and equally reluctant to come home as he met some great people and enjoyed himself. He's growing like mad and eating us out of house and home.

Life in general:

Weather | lots of humidity, then rain, then cool, then hot. I've quite enjoyed the moodiness of it all. Though, I do prefer cooler and less humid moodiness.

News | There is some scary stuff happening in the world. Cole being in Russia at the same time the Malaysian airline was shot down was far too close to home! The events in the Middle East are becoming more tense. As a child of the Cold War I thought I'd be more relaxed about it all, but at this age and stage, with more understanding of what is actually happening I am gripped with dread.

Sports | We started the month watching Wimbledon and celebrating the great accomplishments of the Canadians (the surprise was Vasek Pospisil who WON the Gentlemen's Doubles with his American partner Jack Sock; media darling, Eugenie Bouchard who made it into the finals where Kvitova won; and, Milos Raonic who lost to the great Roger Federer in the Semi-Finals). I enjoyed watching Rory McIlroy win the British Open and watched the Canadian Open while in Cape Cod - weird! 

Discovery | I have really good instincts and I have to listen to (and act on) them more!

Looking forward, goals I want to keep at the forefront include:

Work | Its time to take a deep breath, sit down and figure it all out.

Health | I'm making good, consistent choices. I love nuts and seeds and grains so I've finally bought myself a cookbook so I can enjoy them at home in my own kitchen.

Home | Wow! The Honey-Do Boys are amazing. Talk about curb appeal! I love the way the new house looks like a cottage with all of the river rock and that we gained about 15 feet in the back yard clearing out all of the overgrowth. The perennial gardens shine and now we have a starting place for improvement :) Tony from Fel-Con Painting got all of the rooms painted and done while we were away and we will return to a new, new house - one that feels exactly like home. The old house is on the market and it was a ton of work - with everyone pitching in - to get it all done in time for the listing date!

Fun | I love people watching. The new "hot spot" in town is Harper's Landing. I'm not a fan of the food, but I'm a big fan of the clientele! Sometimes I go with the kids, other times I go with girlfriends. It is always entertaining.

Me | My life is full and I am rarely idle. Every day I am doing something - one project or another is often on the go or in the planning stages. Lately it's been dealing with the pressure of creating something "brilliant" for my creative writing class. The last couple of months had a lot of moving parts and I often felt as though things were running away from me. They weren't but when I look back I realize that within a matter of weeks I bought a house with no planning, no purcolating and no list. Talk about out of my comfort zone! I hit the ground running and have finally taken a chance to slow down. Now that I am idle(ish) I wonder: what's next?

* * * * *

A couple of years ago I consistently wrote up posts summing up the month that had just past. Then life got both complicated and overwhelming, so much so I was just going from day-to-day in complete survival mode. With this new year I'm getting back into the practices of my past that I have missed.

Reflection | June 2014

So many moving parts this month with activities starting while others were winding down, it was overwhelming and my introvert self just wanted to turtle for a while. Maybe next month? We started with the volleyball banquet, it was eye opening - on so many levels. Bloodwork was re-done and 15 vials should yield some answers, I hope! I drove Chloé to Massachusetts to interview with a prep school. Sixteen hours in the truck for two hours of interview/tour should be sufficient proof that we're serious! The first day of exams was on a Saturday and Cole had two! He actually managed to have SEVEN exams in three days - crazy. Claire had her first Whitecaps tournament in Dundas and it was made clear they need to communicate better as a team if they want to be successful. River Oaks diamond is still out of commission so Caden is attending practice in our backyard, Trafalgar Park. So convenient! Chloé and her grade 9 classmates survived ASCENT which consisted of long days filled with group activities in lieu of exams. Caden presented his POL and got rave reviews from his panel. I learned it's easier to deal with a "lost" child when she is not yours. After four months of healing, Cole has a new girlfriend and I'm happy he's happy. Mercury was in retrograde for most of the month and it made it's presence felt! Claire and I have become quite expert at using jumper cables. Every few months the radio stations in my truck get switched around - this time it must have been Cole since the new addition is the XM Country music station. The best part of no school for Chloé is binge watching shows she missed all school year! Netflix is going to get a workout. I ordered and received an EZ Pass in the mail - for our future trips to New York and Mass - no more waiting at toll booths! Painters, flooring repair guys, roofers, plumbers and electricians have been keeping me company through most of the month in one home or the other. Lots of heavy-duty non-sexy home work is happening! I enjoyed a writers workshop at the Oakville Library, Brian is such a great teacher. The boys enjoyed heading into Toronto to watch the Scotland vs Canada rugby match. We all went into Toronto to Mistura Restaurant to celebrate my nephew's recent graduation from high school. Father's Day was spent (back) in Toronto where we celebrated with Grampy and sisters and families. Caden attended the year-end dinner dance - I know he ate, but doubt he danced! He has become quite social, rounding off the time between the last day of school and closing ceremonies with a few parties and get togethers with friends. The move was perfect - completely uneventful! Well, until Caden had FIVE friends over for a slumber party! Over the course of the first few days it was so nice to have a few friends drop by to say "hi" during the chaos of it all. Chloé had a blast at a surprise party for a friend - and she was surprised at some revelations. I started Yoga for Beginners a 4-week course that has proven to be very infomative. Braces: Chloé's can come off and Caden had his lower hardware installed. We're all measured up for our Phantom Screens - and I was able to take advantage of Claire's employee discount :) Closing ceremonies came and went with little notice - next year is a big one. As Jessica's escort, Cole went to the Appleby Prom - what a difference having a son attend rather than a daughter. So a friend could go away with her husband it was "all hands" to care for her aging mother - and I'm pleased to say my kids enjoyed the experience! Chloé went to Kundalini Meditation for me and plans to return - I miss it and can't wait to get all settled to I can return to my routine. Caden represented by attending the beach volleyball bbq - he brought the burgers :) Report cards arrived and all of the kids did well - no suprises, thank goodness. Claire went skydiving! Cole got his bags packed and left for his World History course - in Eastern Europe. He's off to Poland, Czech Republic, Germany, Russia and Finland. Caden left for his first visit with friends to cottage country - off to Muskoka for a couple of weeks. Chloé and I found ourselves somewhat deserted when we were the only two left at home! She was able to fill her time with shopping, friends and endless Netflix. On that note, over a weekend I managed to watch "The Blacklist" and I really enjoyed it! The flooring guy was remarkably quick and now Tony the Painter has started "fixing" up the old house to prep for sale - he and his team are so good - now I'm choosing colours for the new place!

In the lives of the kids:

Claire | Claire got herself a job as a summer receptionist. I'm so proud of her and the lessons she's learning: "rush hour" is a new and frustrating concept as is the realization, lunch out every day is not cheap and time management is indeed an art. She's putting tons of mileage on Gandalf - taking care of the house in Kingston and all over for ball tournaments.

Cole | Is happily off with a group of teenagers to take his Grade 12 World History course in Eastern Europe. This is going to be a tremendous experience for him and I appreciate all of the Skype updates! It's a great distraction as he waits to hear whether or not he will get a leadership position at school next year.

Chloé | Completed her ASCENT (group activity evaluations) to get through her brutal Grade 9 year. The whole process of middle school was tough, and I never thought it could get worse. I was wrong. This year topped it all off so I'm glad she had a couple of years to test her resilience muscles. I'm so proud of her for grinding through the drama and mean of it all.

Caden | Started his POL with "The doctors said I wouldn't be here right now" - quite the attention-getter for my drama-free boy. He is off to Muskoka for his first time ever with friends to celebrate surviving middle school :) I look forward to hear what he thinks of the whole cottage experience. He has lots of things going on this summer and I know he's going to have a ton of fun.

There was a collective exhale as the school year came to an end.

Life in general:

Weather | We've had a very slow start to summer. We get these crazy hot and muggy days that seem to come out of nowhere. Most of the time things have been quite pleasant, but I do prefer things on the cool side :) With the unstable temperatures and humidity come some really violent weather - some far away, but much too close for comfort.

News | Sometimes I wonder if it's a good thing to have 24/7/365 access to the news. It's so often violent and inconceivable to me. I didn't mind having no cable for the better part of a week. I get my news via television and I had to wait for Claire to hook it up for me. Even with it hooked up I've been busy watching sports - so I'm completely out of touch, and that's not a bad thing.

Sports | Seasons winding down: basketball has the Spurs beating the Heat and the LA Kings took home the Stanley Cup. FIFA World Cup is creating a stir in Brazil with many upsets - as well as violence in the streets. We watched the French Open and have enjoyed Wimbledon, so far. In less elite play, Claire has been enjoying her baseball season - well, seasons as she's on two teams; Cole has really improved as a volleyball player; Chloé is fun to watch play softball and Caden is really becoming a great hitter (except he's somehow managed to lose his equipment bag!) at baseball and is all arms and legs at volleyball - now to get him on the golf course!

Discovery | I can do just about anything.

Looking forward, goals I want to keep at the forefront include:

Work | Everything is on hold until the move is complete and things have settled enough to focus on other things. Though, I find I come up with ideas at the weirdest times - while folding, while re-arranging furniture, while hooking up electronics - so I have a pad of paper set up in the kitchen (centre of my universe) so I can keep a running list of things that flitter through my mind. Who knows what will come of it! Though, I'm keeping myself "in the game" by taking a creative writing course, first assignment is due today!

Health | I started a Yoga for Beginners course up at Zenbar and am finally starting to "get it". Blood was drawn (again) and I'm tracking my eating (again).

Home | I'm doing all I can, as quickly as I can, to make our new house a home. There is a revolving door of kids coming and going so I'm glad I knew this was going to be a Mama-project from the outset!

Fun | Choosing new paint colours! Window shopping for new furniture! Purging and keeping only things I love, things that are useful or that I know to be beautiful :)

Me | I worked really hard for our volleyball team and organization and ended up being the only manager not thanked by the team coach at the big awards banquet. I have to admit, that really hurt. The team parents and players were great and all very kind and went out of their way to "make up" for the ommission for which I am truly grateful. Lesson learned? I won't be saying "yes" next season!

* * * * *

A couple of years ago I consistently wrote up posts summing up the month that had just past. Then life got both complicated and overwhelming, so much so I was just going from day-to-day in complete survival mode. With this new year I'm getting back into the practices of my past that I have missed.

mindful | word elimination

Words are powerful things.

I am becoming more mindful of how my words effect me and those around me. Surrounded each day by four teenagers, I often have to pause and take my time to construct, carefully, exactly what I say. I love words. All words. Or so I thought.

Over the past few months, I have realized there are a handful of words that bring with them unkind,  negative or judgmental connotations. With their simple elimination have added vastly to constructive conversation in my home.

Those words include:

WHATEVER is so passive-aggressive it makes my teeth grit and brain explode - simultaneously! The word combined with the inevitable shrug or stomp or turn in the other direction is a teenage (or immature adult) tactic that had to stop around here.

CAN'T is the one word that makes me sad. The whole idea that my kids think they can't do something makes my heart sick. I have told my kids for years the Henry Ford quote, "if you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." Nothing frustrates me more than my children having an immediate response to an idea or project with "I can't". They are so capable, it annoys me when they limit themselves. If there is one word banned from my home it is this one.

SHOULD implies that something needs to be fixed and there is some level of judgment involved on behalf of the speaker (authority) to someone who is deficient in some way. Nothing like putting your audience on the defensive by evoking feelings of guilt and shame!

JUST is not a word I like to use - it is so limiting. Sometimes I use it depending on my audience, though I find it negative. Ever since I heard it in terms of "I'm just a mom" the word has rankled me.

ACTUALLY might be annoying more in the tone used when the word is said than the word itself. When a sentence starts with "actually" I know the words that follow with will be tinged with condescension.

BUT because (usually) every word after it is the truth. I find that the use of "but" is a way of saying uncomfortable or mean things with a disclaimer. Speak plainly with your intent and you never have to use "but" ever again.

ALWAYS absolutes are trouble - as is the opposite NEVER. I ask that we try to speak in a basis of truth and not exaggeration, which both words represent. Tough with this crowd when adolescence is all about extremes!

Words that need to be spoken only after a mindful pause are YES and NO. Once you have fully considered the implications of the words then say them.

I do my best to encourage my children by setting an example*. Each time I hear a "whatever", "can't", "should", "just", "actually", "but", "always" and "never" out of my mouth, I bite my tongue and then apologise. Behaviour modification at it's finest! I figure, if I expect my kids to behave one way I'd better hold myself to the same standard!

I have been toying with the idea of a Swear Jar to hold monetary penalties for the use of each word. Ironically, I have no problem with the use of the F-bomb or S-word, if used in proper context.

* Often this method is too subtle for my teenaged lot, but at least it strengthens my argument should it come to it.

Reflection | May 2014

Every year for the last decade, May is crazytime: tons of activity for everyone in the family! I'm pretty sure at the beginning of the month I took complete leave of my senses: for many reasons we're now in search of a Havanese puppy. I finished up B-School - and by that I mean barely started, but the course is over! Transcripts have been secured, SSAT test taken and results submitted and essays written - we are prepared and well-armed for new education adventures. I am so incredibly grateful for old friends who have become new friends in a new context. A new house? Well, when my dad called after seeing a listing in the Globe & Mail Claire and I went to take a look - we did not buy that one. With a friend, I headed into Toronto for a MedCan forum and ended up on the QEW for 2+ hours then unable to make it into the city due to a marathon. Sometimes the universe speaks. Claire has mastered her VW manual transmission and is buzzing around town (I have to admit I liked it when she didn't enjoy it so I got to drive it!). Allergies! The Milton Music Festival was missed due to allergies and no one had their voice :( Claire tried out, and made, the Whitecaps (select) baseball team. Cole and Caden are playing beach volleyball at Coronation Park and having a blast! My sisters and I enjoyed our Dad & Daughter lunch in Toronto - always lots to learn. After many dresses tried and rejected, shoes tried and rejected, I was ready to head to the Appleby Gala. My purpose? Have fun and get a tent for Cole's graduation in 2015. With thanks to my host, Lisa, mission accomplished. And more! Softball season started for Chloé and she's looking forward to the season ahead. I'm enjoying the #1 Morning Glory and #3 Get Up and Go juices from Tree of Life. Mother's Day was celebrated in Toronto and with the kids getting so big it was the first time the big house felt small! I gave my camera - and photography duties - to my niece for the occasion. Windows need replacing - my home is officially the money pit. Cole had Prefect interviews, he'd like to be considered for Arts, Community, Upper School and Head. Fingers crossed! Oh the RAIN! Buckets-full rendering the beach volleyball courts and ball diamonds unusable. My two courses: writing memoir and art therapy have been fabulous, I'll be sad when they end. By mid-month, the side mirror on my truck was replaced. Out with girlfriends for lunches and dinners through the month is always a pleasure. Caden can really hit the ball! After a tornado delay, Chloé went on the music trip to Cleveland and enjoyed the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and other spots. A quick but wonderful trip that included Cedar Point! Claire was off with Myles to Chatham for the long weekend. My friend Meg makes wicked Marguaritas! Back in to Toronto to see The Lion King which was a spectacle - beautiful costumes and music, too bad the leads couldn't sing - or act :( The day improved with a BBQ at my sister Beth's place with everyone. Canada's Wonderland is open and Caden went on the Leviothin FOUR times. Crazy! LOTS of time spent in Toronto this month. Goodbye townhouse, hello house! A now-busy summer lies ahead. Rehearsal crunch-time for The Little Mermaid - though rugby games are interfering with preparations. Blyth orientation at The Old Mill went well and history will come alive for Cole this summer, for sure. Now to organize the paperwork for his Russian visa! Caden and his rugby team made it into the finals at TCS - yet another trip to Port Hope :) Sadly they did not win. Sign, sign, sign. Notarize, notarize, notarize. I'm delighted to finally find a local place to notarize documents for a reasonable price and no appointment hassle! Hello Tuesday evening crazy with two baseball practices, one beach volleyball game and a softball game all happening simultaneously! We got early news that Caden is in Powell's House next year - with his big brother and a few of his good friends. I cannot wrap my brain around Caden going INTO HIGH SCHOOL in September! We had a fun, spontaneous, dinner out at the OC followed with the kids going to the movies and a sleepover. With much stubborn effort Claire has learned that her baseball schedule and part time work will simply not coexist this summer. Caden turned 14 and we have entered that awkward time of year when I have two children the same age for three weeks as we wait for Chloé to turn 15 in mid-June. We went as a family to watch Caden as King Triton in the Middle School production of The Little Mermaid and it was fabulous - we were the loudest four audience members in Willis Hall :) With a quick turn-around he was off to Ottawa on the Middle School trip. I love my Suburban, but it's a beast: by the end of the month was regular maintenace: an oil change; and irregular maintenance: new brakes. A month into the season I was able to go and watch Claire's house league team play. Relay for Life had Cole and Chloé busy at school for a full day of luminary lighting, preparing and walking - no studying or exam prep :) One of the families hosted the rugby year-end party and it was so much fun getting to know the parents and the boys better. The big de-clutter is well underway. So happy we've made an effort to keep things flowing in and out so the project is not overwhelming.

In the lives of the kids:

Claire | Claire learned that it is not easy to find a part time job that would accomodate her baseball and tournament schedule. As an alternative, she is engaging her entrepreneurial spirit and is taking care of kids - chauffeuring, supervising, organizing - for friends over the summer, and had a few bumps during her first job, but all ended well. For $20 an hour she will drive your kid wherever they need to go, keep them entertained and well supervised! She has also learned that maintaining a home away from home - and collecting everyone's share of the rent - is not glamourous or fun or easy.

Cole | Rugby was ever-present this month. Cole got a gash over his brow at a tournament in Quebec that kept opening but is now finally on the mend - because rugby is (finally) over! The last game they played was versus the indominable St. Mike's team. There was little expectation by our boys that they would win. Out in the mud they did just that. Probably the best rugby game I've ever witnessed. So good!

Chloé | This was a big month for my girl. Once she decided (and it was overwhelmingly confirmed) it was time for her to head to a different school we did everything we could to research the schools to determine the best fit; wrote endless essays; completed the SSAT in St Catharine's; completed forms and submitted paperwork - all of this done and complete in two weeks. Now the waiting begins. The beauty of the wait? She's been distracted with summatives and course study for ASCENT and the fun of the Arts trip to  Cleveland - high stress, but lots of fun.

Caden | Caden is my most laid-back lovely child who has entered the throes of adolescence with a bang. Touchy, touchy, touchy. We've all been put on notice :) He did manage to get his New Zealand project done - he embraced a minimalist approach - as well as some kind of geometric-shape-mouse. My job? Go to Michael's and Staples for supplies. I refuse to do any more than that. Within hours of his (fabulous) performance as King Triton in the Middle School Musical production of The Little Mermaid, Caden was off with his schoolmates for the annual trip to Ottawa. And, my baby is growing up. Not only did he turn 14, but he has himself a girlfriend. Oh my!

A full month was had by all.

Life in general:

Weather | I don't remember a slower entrance of spring with the exception of the year we moved to Oakville in 1997. Not one tulip or daffodil spotted until mid-to-late in the month. It has been slow to see, but the kids have been chewing Reactine since April. So . much . rain . With it has come a very slow start to ball season! By the end of the month came soaring heat and humidity, no one wanted to complain, but the house was shut tight and the air put on.

News | Even in rehab Rob Ford manages to be in the news. The kidnapping of 200+ girls in Nigeria captured international attention. Prince Charles on part-of-Canada tour with wife Camilla - visits Manitoba, Nova Scotia and PEI. The Ontario provincial election is well underway. There seem to be a general feeling of international unrest: Ukraine, China, Thailand - tense months ahead. Looks like a Conservative MP is pushing for the Turks & Caicos to become our 11th province. #yesallwomen vs #notallmen represents a huge disconnect of entitlement in our patriarchal society - and deserves serious consideration. The U.S. seriously has to reconsider it's disgraceful gun and incarceration situation and do something about it. We lost a great woman with the passing of Maya Angelou (1928-2014).

Sports | Watching hockey and cheering the HABS through the Stanley Cup playoffs. Okay, the kids have been cheering and I've been in the room. And, the Blue Jays are off to a good start - maintaining the success throughout the season will be, as always, the challenge. The French Open is my preferred mid-day television fare.

Discovery | I am not a "cleanse" person, expecially in this cold climate, BUT I have discovered some green juices to supplement my daily diet. I've been supporting a local business: Tree of Life. So good!

Looking forward, goals I want to keep at the forefront include:

Work | Traditionally my work has been 100% my kids with the occasional dabble in photography and writing. This month was exactly that and amped up to the point of craziness! Puppy, house, identities, school ... I long for the simple days when all I had to do was wonder about what to make for dinner. Much will be put on the back burner until September!

Health | With better weather came a fully charged FitBit and many steps each day. My health is forever a work in progress and always at the forefront of my thoughts and choices. It's exhausting (read: discouraging) when there are no noticeable results - at least, on the outside.

Home | In my world nothing stays static for long. Again, things are changing. Purge, purge, purge. Pack, pack, pack. Paint, paint, paint. Love it! Loathe it!

Fun | I've started #100happydays challenge. Here at Day 10, I'm 1/10th done and 100% happier than when I took up the challenge :D A pretty good ROI, I'd say!

Me | Traditionally May is the start of the season I call "exhaustion". This year the month brought so much more than I could have ever planned or expected. I am being mindful that I have to pace myself and though I have not given up: my writing class, my art therapy class, lunch/dinner/drinks with girlfriends, meditation, reformer Pilates x2 a week, I realize there may be a time something "has to give". I just know that with lots going on and tons to look forward to attending and doing, I will never lose sight of myself and what I need for me, again. I am so grateful for this journey.

* * * * *

A couple of years ago I consistently wrote up posts summing up the month that had just past. Then life got both complicated and overwhelming, so much so I was just going from day-to-day in complete survival mode. With this new year I'm getting back into the practices of my past that I have missed.

move more | national walking day

Who knew the first Wednesday in April was National Walking Day? I learned about it last year when I was reading a Walking Challenge article as part of my "reset".

I have to admit I haven't done a lot of walking since winter started back in November. A combination of my left hip "catching" regularly, my right knee blowing up like a balloon when pushed too hard at Pilates, and a winter filled with ice on every sidewalk has made me feel unsteady and older than I should! I walked as often as I could but certainly not as much as I'd have liked. I even gave up on charging my Fitbit!

Keeping in mind my own personal limits, I'm hoping to lace up my sneakers every day from this point forward. The ice - the consistency of which I have never experienced ever before - has finally melted and I'm hoping to put in a few thousand steps each day in an effort to get back to a healthy form and habit. Within a month I'm hoping to consistently hit the 10,000 step mark in an effort to make that my minimum through to when the snow flies next Fall.

I've learned a lot this year.

I get so demanding with myself and forget that I am no longer the competitive tennis player I was in my youth. I push too hard, unable to face the frustration that my body is not reacting well and won't perform the way it's supposed to by failing even the simplest of tasks.

I shall be gentle. I shall not push. I shall remember the goal is long-term fitness and flexibility not short term mobility and weight loss.

So flipping frustrating!

Hopefully by the first Wednesday in April 2015, I'll be in a better space and more able to welcome with enthusiasm National Walking Day!

Happier You | Day 28

PLAN YOUR MEALS

We eat well. Just not well planned. After growing up in and then spending 20+ years in the grocery industry, the one thing I know is food. We eat well chosen, healthy selections found mainly on the perimeter of our grocery store - lots of fresh meat, produce, dairy and little processed (aka plastic) food.

The assignment: Do you plan your meals? What works for you and your family?

I am awful at planning our meals. Every time I think I have a handle on it, I don't. We live across the street from a big grocery store (sounds terrible, but it's not bad!) and I use it as my extra refrigerator. I have a list of "staples" we have on hand at (almost) all times. We only run out when we need things most! At least it's a quick walk for whatever is missing. I'd like to focus more on having things here at the house for more spontaneous meals. I don't know if planning will help as much as simply having things on hand.

Time to change things up!

 

__________________________________________________________________________

Like Bree Hester, I believe you choose to be happy. Sure there are bad (out of your control) things that happen, but how you handle them is completely up to you. Your choices are your responsibility - there is no blame, no shame, no nothing but accountability. Your attitude is your decision. I choose to be happy. Happy within the context of not wearing the proverbial rose-coloured glasses or any expectation that those who populate my life have made the same choice :) Last October, Bree put together 31 DAYS TO A HAPPIER YOU and, armed with her PDF, I'm using March - that dreary time between winter and spring that seems to drag on forever - to make the conscious choice to be happy every day this month!

things we do | spring clean

The big closet purge with Chloé. It took a couple of hours, and a couple of bags, but it was worth it!

I live in chaos.

Over this past year I've implemented some changes around the house to reduce the clutter, but it seems as soon as one area is addressed another becomes the focus of my attention. A couple of projects were completed that have greatly added to my sense of calm: the installation of drawer inserts in my kitchen cupboards; the purchase of new slim hangers and the purge of my closet; and, the complete purge and organize of all child ephemera that had been housed in my room are now in big file boxes.

So, while I live in chaos, my kids do not seem to see it! Does that mean it's not there?

Sigh. (Yes, the mama kind of heavy sigh!)

Adding to my sense of chaos is an unnatural need to keep mindless everyday ephemera. I started "Project Life" a couple of years ago and in order to do it "the right way" I had to start keeping ticket stubs, food wrappers, cards and other things that are not in my nature to keep around. I've recently decided that I'm no longer willing to do "Project LIfe" like everyone else and I'm tired of the paper/garbage I have collected. I've converted to 100% digital and though I'm still in the habit of collecting ticket stubs, cards and other things, I'm trying to remember to toss the trash!

There are a lot of things that simply need to be purged. This list of 37 Things to Toss was just the beginning!

This is a busy time of year with musical competitions, baseball, rugby, softball and play rehearsals, but I'm hoping to get a few things completed:

• Organize and sweep out the underground garage - implement functional recycling system
• Tidy and make the back deck 100% functional - replace sectional and buy fun, bright pillows
• Buy planters for the front entry and back deck
• Clear out "extra" closets on 3rd floor (I have cases of Mona Vie - free to anyone who wants them, just pick them up!)
• Be ruthless in all bathrooms and clear out all cupboards
• Build, stain and install wall shelves for pictures up the main stairway

All projects completely do-able. I just need some muscle and cooperation!

I do believe that I'll feel like there is less chaos when I address the one file bin left - the undone "projects". Once I let go of those that are either repetitive or won't serve me in my new direction I think I'll feel less disheveled.

Happier You | Day 26

A SMOOTH SEA NEVER MADE A SKILLFUL SAILOR

I can handle anything.

In my life the seas have not often been calm and for that I have learned to be grateful. There is a lesson in everything - good and bad - and I look for the opportunity within the chaos to take whatever good is available in what can appear challenging.

The assignment: How do you deal with stormy seas?

In general I just bear down and deal with what is thrown at me the best way I can. I have been given plenty of opportunity to perfect this technique.

One thing I have learned is that many people react in a very negative way to the how I manage to handle challenges and stress, with seeming ease. They don't know that from birth to my mid-teens I was provided a ton of practice - my mother was not a nice woman. Years ago there was the mum at playgroup who felt compelled to insist that while my husband was out of town for business for weeks on end that he couldn't possibly be faithful and I should spend more time worrying about it. My biggest callenge to date was my youngest nearly drowning while I was away from home and the subsequent coma and rehabilitation for which I was fully present and accountable. There was the whack-job client who went out of her way to smear me to anyone who would listen, and became offended when I made a (futile) attempt to defend myself. Spending the last seven consecutive years in Middle School where I have experienced some of the most excruciatingly mean behaviour I've ever witnessed and it's affect on each of my four children. My recent divorce and being awarded sole custody has brought with it it's fair share of opinions - and advice.

I used to deal with it all very badly. Maybe not so everyone could see, but I felt like an old fashioned pin ball machine and I was the ball bouncing all over the place with no direction amidst bright lights and pounding noise. I simply reacted the best I could to all of the crazy around me.

Then I learned.

Though I often cannot recognize the lesson in the midst of the storm, I am able to immediately recognize what is going on and quickly let go of what I cannot control and I do my utmost to not make anything personal. I find myself repeating "this too shall change" and it brings me comfort to know that I've managed to live for years on end in a state of stress, but it did change. Everything changes.

People act badly based on their own experience. It has little, or more often nothing, to do with me. Some people behave the way they do out of habit or ignorance or both. People project their fears onto others. With some I've learned it is just better for me to armour-up but for most I just let them have their say and not engage in motivations that I don't understand. The only time I get truly fierce is when the behaviour of others directly impacts my kids.

With every big or small experience, once the skies have cleared, I sit down and evaluate what happened, what to take away, and what to throw away.

__________________________________________________________________________

Like Bree Hester, I believe you choose to be happy. Sure there are bad (out of your control) things that happen, but how you handle them is completely up to you. Your choices are your responsibility - there is no blame, no shame, no nothing but accountability. Your attitude is your decision. I choose to be happy. Happy within the context of not wearing the proverbial rose-coloured glasses or any expectation that those who populate my life have made the same choice :) Last October, Bree put together 31 DAYS TO A HAPPIER YOU and, armed with her PDF, I'm using March - that dreary time between winter and spring that seems to drag on forever - to make the conscious choice to be happy every day this month!

Happier You | Day 23

NO MORE COMPLAINING

I don't know that I complain, well, not any more. I've given up the idea of control and along with it the need to express dissatisfaction when things don't go the way I'd prefer. I have done my very best to come back from drowning in the depths of an exhausting, negative and narcissistic experience. What that relationship did do was force me to take another, more resilient and kinder, point of view.

The assignment: How can you start to change your thinking from negative to positive?

On my journey to mindfulness, I learned a neat trick. I learned to turn shit into sunshine. The benefit of being around someone who is always negative, or living in the past, or in a constant state of scarcity and want, you simply have to say, do and be the complete opposite. All. The. Time.

On my own it was harder, I had no one to repel me into the opposite direction. It was pretty scary and hard to find my own path, an easier way. When my thoughts stray toward "I can't" or "I'm not (good) enough" or general questioning of my own ability to accomplish things and focus on my lack of confidence, I am aware and pull on the rubber band around my wrist and snap it. It smarts! It is a physical reminder to change my train of thought.

At that point I consider the great many things for which I am grateful. Those things are abundant and the list just keeps growing and growing.

Like most people, my moods tend to go in cycles. I don't have my rubberband on my wrist all the time. When my energy is low and I find it easy to slip down that slope to negativity, I remember to grab the rubberband off my bathroom vanity and wear it for a couple of days. It doesn't take long to bring my thoughts back to the positive. It is my preferred place to dwell.

__________________________________________________________________________

Like Bree Hester, I believe you choose to be happy. Sure there are bad (out of your control) things that happen, but how you handle them is completely up to you. Your choices are your responsibility - there is no blame, no shame, no nothing but accountability. Your attitude is your decision. I choose to be happy. Happy within the context of not wearing the proverbial rose-coloured glasses or any expectation that those who populate my life have made the same choice :) Last October, Bree put together 31 DAYS TO A HAPPIER YOU and, armed with her PDF, I'm using March - that dreary time between winter and spring that seems to drag on forever - to make the conscious choice to be happy every day this month!

Happier You | Day 22

DRINK MORE WATER

It took a long time to get into the habit of drinking water and then the weather changed and I stopped. That's no excuse but it is the reason.

The assignment: do you drink enough water? How do you make drinking water more enjoyable?

When I was drinking enough water it was simple:

• I bought myself a Tervis Tumbler which holds 24 ounces (700mL) with a lid
• I filled our Brita water jug
• I calculated that based on my weight I needed to drink 4 litres* of water every day - six full tumblers of water (I also need to compensate for any coffee or wine I drink by drinking an equal amount in water)
• In the bottom of the tumbler I would put a few slices of lemon, or cucumber, or a few berries to make the experience a bit less blah.
• I recently purchased an ice maker which I know will make the experience better, or at least crisper.

Now I just have to get into the practice of filling up the tumbler with water, ice and fruit and just have it with me most of the day. So far I've had three tumblers today and I feel like I'm about to float away!

* Take your body weight in pounds. Divide that number in half. That number represents the number of ounces you should drink in a day.

__________________________________________________________________________

Like Bree Hester, I believe you choose to be happy. Sure there are bad (out of your control) things that happen, but how you handle them is completely up to you. Your choices are your responsibility - there is no blame, no shame, no nothing but accountability. Your attitude is your decision. I choose to be happy. Happy within the context of not wearing the proverbial rose-coloured glasses or any expectation that those who populate my life have made the same choice :) Last October, Bree put together 31 DAYS TO A HAPPIER YOU and, armed with her PDF, I'm using March - that dreary time between winter and spring that seems to drag on forever - to make the conscious choice to be happy every day this month!

things we do | uni-task

I suppose I am a multi-tasker simply because I'm a mum. There is always something going on, or multiple somethings. If not involved, I am playing traffic cop trying to have everything run as smoothly as possible with people coming and going, activities happening and the endless meals being planned and prepared.

In my heart and soul I am a uni-tasker.

I find when I'm doing too many things at once that:

1. Nothing gets done properly

2. I am inefficient and scattered

3. It is hard to get back on track

4. I miss deadlines and become forgetful

I known people pride themselves on being brilliant multi-taskers and kudos to them.

I am not.

Recently I spent my March Break filing. It's not that I don't file at other times, I have plenty of files. I had about 6 different "systems" in the house because I've never been able to start-and-finish a project. So? I dedicated as much time as possible, probably 20-24 hours in total, to put together:

BOX 1-4. For each of the kids, I filled to-date, a 64L file box of ephemera, awards, documents spanning their years from Pre-School to Grade 12.

BOX 5. For me, I filled a 32L file box of all current household bills.

BOX 6. For me, I filled to-date, a 32L file box of ephemera collected raising the kids.

BOX 7. Is another 32L box, now home to all of the "important" papers: my health files, house purchase, tax returns, divorce and other legal documents.

BOX 8. For me, I filled a 32L file box of all creative projects. This one is not done as I need a second box - or a bigger one!

This last box will take a while to work through. The box of projects is not complete, but about as done as it can get for the moment as I need to wrap my brain around the projects I want to do and those that have served me well in the past but it's time to let go and move on to new challenges.

The break was the perfect time as I could work when inspiration struck as I wasn't taking kids to school, appointments, activities or anything. It was as uninterrupted time as I'll ever get! Even better? Staples delivers! I ordered boxes, file folders and everything else for the project and it was delivered to my front door.

I feel lighter. The emotional weight of those piles of paper really took a lot out of me. Now? No more burden. Things are filed, I can find what I need whenever I need it. Not only that but through the process:

• Cupboards were emptied and space was made for other things - or maybe left empty?
• The floor of my room is clear and I am reclaiming my space for me!
• Seven garbage bags of c.r.a.p. were eliminated from my home.

Things are far from perfect as paper, in my world, is a constant battle. I believe I've got the upper hand - for now!

Happier You | Day 17

A HOME YOU LOVE

It took years and I am now, finally, in a house I chose for myself. I love it.

Since we moved in, complete with furniture in December 2011, our home has been a work in progress. Discovered once we moved in, there were a number of things that had to be fixed - I think we're finally at the end of that process. Now I can focus on the things that will not only provide function but bring us joy as well.

The assignment: how do you make your house feel like home?

Everything in my home has to have form as well as function. I am very sensitive to colour and I enjoy the depth it gives each room.

Year round, my home is kept at 20C (68F) - any warmer and I feel like I can't work properly. In the winter, if it's too cold, I put on the fireplace and there are always a few throws around. In the summer it can be a wonderful relief from the often-sticky heat of outside. One of the first things I did was replace the inefficient air conditioner and added two room units to the top floor of the townhouse.

I have huge book shelves in the living room and each of the kids have space in their rooms for books. Not only are they wonderful for absorbing sound, but they make me feel grounded and happy. I love books and am happy my kids do, too.

With four teenagers it's a good idea to have a leather couch. and we do. A big wonderful dark brown sectional with big pillows and throws. It's placed so that you can enjoy the warmth of the fireplace and watch the tv and talk to whoever is in the kitchen.

I have a glass desk which is located in between the kitchen and the living room. In the evening my kids are doing homework or watching television and I am in the midst of the chaos. Just where I want to be!

Throughout my home we have an eclectic mix of art - some formal with ornate frames, some photographs and prints, some fun and funky pieces. There is a flow to it all but I can't tell you what makes it work. It just works!

The walls on the main floor are +10 feet high. They've been painted an icy gray-blue (Puritan Gray, Benjamin Moore). This was an experiment when I first moved in. I put all of my earth toned furniture, rugs and extras, normally housed in a home with earth-toned walls in this cool interior. It works. I like the change - far more subtle than you'd think.

It might be my age and stage, but integral to my happiness in my home is a ceiling fan. I have one in my bedroom and one in the living room. Lighting is also very important - and all must be on a dimmer switch!

My personal space? It's becoming personal again as opposed to a dumping ground for kids things, laundry piles, projects and crap. The best part? I took five of my favourite photos, the most evocative I have taken in the last couple of years, blew them up to 12"x12", framed and hung them above my headboard. My room continues to be a delicious colour of orange. The mattress is new and perfect, my sheets are decadent (made of a bagillion count bamboo) and my pillows are fluffy and multiple. I love the crisp white of my bedding and pillows against the orange and dark brown/oyster accents of the room.

I do not have a green thumb so not many plants are in my house - just a couple of bamboo plants I have not (yet) killed off. I love spring and summer and have plenty of container plants on our back deck as well as two big pots at the entrance to our home. Last year I put together some simple lavender at the front door and everyone remarked how lovely it was to come into the house. I plan on doing the same this year.

The location of our home is very central. The kids can walk to school in one direction, west 1km and walk to the downtown core in the other direction, east 1km. If we don't want to go "all the way" downtown we are in the heart of Kerr Village which has a ton of neat stuff: restaurants, shops and galleries. We have a huge park with ball diamonds, a pool, a rink and tennis courts, north one block away. The lake is a couple of blocks from us heading south. We enjoy the hustle and bustle right outside our door, and the quiet anonymity when sit in the comfort of our home.

Another bonus, we live down the block from a fabulous grocery store. I don't have to fill up the fridge as we go to the store almost every day. The one thing I have noticed is that I miss having a full fridge, the choices it affords as well as the opportunity for more spontaneous gatherings and meals. This is one thing I plan to fix in the near future. Just a few more fresh choices.

As much as they drive me bonkers, I can't seem to get away from the piles! I prefer clutter free, but I love learning and enjoy projects that stretch my creative limits. Piles seem to be part of the deal.

I do feel a purge coming on. Oh how I love Spring Cleaning!

__________________________________________________________________________

Like Bree Hester, I believe you choose to be happy. Sure there are bad (out of your control) things that happen, but how you handle them is completely up to you. Your choices are your responsibility - there is no blame, no shame, no nothing but accountability. Your attitude is your decision. I choose to be happy. Happy within the context of not wearing the proverbial rose-coloured glasses or any expectation that those who populate my life have made the same choice :) Last October, Bree put together 31 DAYS TO A HAPPIER YOU and, armed with her PDF, I'm using March - that dreary time between winter and spring that seems to drag on forever - to make the conscious choice to be happy every day this month!

Happier You | Day 05

PRIORITIZE YOUR TIME

My tombstone will be in the shape of a clock!

Keeping a productive schedule, that serves me and my kids, is of paramount importance in my life. I have very simple rules:

1. never disrespect anyone (or myself) by being late

2. my kids come first; and,

3. choose "yes" or "no" in alignment with my desires and not the needs of those, who are not my kids, around me

The assignment: how can you prioritize your time to make your hours serve you better?

I thrive in structure and order. I am often caught behind because life often gets in the way of my plans. In order to keep on track and make the best use of my time I use a few tools:

Two calendars: iCal on my phone, on my computer and the accompanying cloud that goes on my kids telephones. Everyone is colour coded and aware of the flow - or the crazy - of each day. My day-at-a-glance spiral-bound paper calendar, with me everywhere, with my writing schedule.

Reminders: within my iPhone I've set up alarms that go off at regularly spaced intervals.

• Wake up (same time every day)
• Meal 1
• Leave for school (5x per week)
• Write
• Meditate (7x per week)
• Snack 1
• Work (5x per week)
• Meal 2
• Pilates (2x per week)
• Start dinner
• Snack 2
• School pick up (5x per week)
• Meal 3

After School activities (voice, volleyball, rugby, etc.) are keyed in separately with times to leave for drop off, times to leave for pick up and everything in between.

• Homework for kids/Work for me
• Evening wind-down

Every 50 minutes on the hour, between 8AM and 4PM I'm reminded to get up and: walk around the block, fill or empty washer/dryer, call my sister, fold laundry, walk around the block again.

My days are structured so as to stop me from going down the rabbit hole of reading or writing. There will come a day when I don't have to be stopped, but that day is not now or in the near future.

I've also designed "day blocks" so that each day of the week has some kind of focus:

MONDAY has me running errands, cleaning the house, paying bills, visiting my life coach with a busy after school schedule.

TUESDAY has me at a writing class in Burlington, then focused on Project Life and other digital projects and an hour of private reformer Pilates in the late afternoon. Evenings are spent completing schoolwork and relaxing.

WEDNESDAY has me offline all day and I spend my time working on projects that require space or mess to complete. Evenings are spent completing schoolwork and relaxing.

THURSDAY has me focused on writing all day and a late pick up from school. Evenings are spent completing schoolwork and relaxing.

FRIDAY has me writing early in the morning, Kundalini meditation, reformer Pilates and a late lunch with a friend.

SATURDAY & SUNDAY are kept as open and lazy as possible. This is time for sleep, homework and projects, visiting family and friends, relaxing and watching movies, whatever we decide to do individually or as a group. I can be social but do that on my time during the week so the kids don't feel the pressure of forced socialization or activities on the weekends.

I realize this looks daunting, but my schedule for myself is simply a guideline. I am not rigid in my need, for example, to only write on Thursday - after all, its a creative outlet and I might forego errands or bill paying on Monday to sit on the computer and write. The day-block schedule is to have me quickly snap back into flow if I've been distracted by my life - an all too common occurance!

__________________________________________________________________________

Like Bree Hester, I believe you choose to be happy. Sure there are bad (out of your control) things that happen, but how you handle them is completely up to you. Your choices are your responsibility - there is no blame, no shame, no nothing but accountability. Your attitude is your decision. I choose to be happy. Happy within the context of not wearing the proverbial rose-coloured glasses or any expectation that those who populate my life have made the same choice :) Last October, Bree put together 31 DAYS TO A HAPPIER YOU and, armed with her PDF, I'm using March - that dreary time between winter and spring that seems to drag on forever - to make the conscious choice to be happy every day this month!

list | 06 show love

52 LISTS | Week Six | List the ways in which you can love others

Show up, every day . Listen . Treat others the way I want to be treated . Be honest - with others as well as myself . Fold laundry . Provide for my family . Put myself on the list . Honour my desires and dreams . Provide healthy meals for my kids . Make the best choices based on the circumstances at the time . Give voice to genuine complements . Remember that others have their own point of view . Camouflage broccoli . Encourage the dreams of my children in every way possible . Support the choices of my friends . Stand up for my beliefs . Practice patience . Share ideas and plans for the future . Count to ten . Smile and say "hello" to strangers . Stay open to new concepts and ideas . Bathe regularly . Model the best behaviour possible at all times - live the example . Embrace silence . Ask questions and then wait for the answer . Be generous with my time . Look on the bright side . Nurture connection . Keep in touch with friends, old and new . Hug like you mean it . Foster an atmosphere of kindness and consideration . Say "I love you, too" .

What about you? How do you show love?

* * * * *

Do you want to join in? Head over to Moorea Seal and check out the 52 Lists.

* * * * *

The 2014 collection:

1 of 52 | 2 of 52 | 3 of 52 | 4 of 52 | 5 of 52 | 6 of 52 | 7 of 52 | 8 of 52 | 9 of 52 | 10 of 52 | 11 of 52 | 12 of 52 | 13 of 52 | 14 of 52 | 15 of 52 | 16 of 52 | 17 of 52 | 18 of 52 | 19 of 52 | 20 of 52 | 21 of 52 | 22 of 52 | 23 of 52 | 24 of 52 | 25 of 52 | 26 of 52 | 37 of 52 | 38 of 52 | 39 of 52 | 40 of 52 | 41 of 52 | 42 of 52 | 43 of 52 | 44 of 52 | 45 of 52 | 46 of 52 | 47 of 52 | 48 of 52 | 49 of 52 | 50 of 52 | 51 of 52 | 52 of 52

the current | thirty-five

dateline: atlantis, paradise island, the bahamas @ 11:07pm on 19 february 2014
weather outside: clear skies and 24C
mood inside: happily enjoying our last evening here in paradise

drinking an overpriced, yet tasty, margarita.

eating meals i don't have to cook. though, i have to admit, mine are starting to taste better.

embracing any one-on-one time i am able to spend with my kids. especially enjoying the last few days.

enjoying knowing i can migrate websites, set up emails and lay the groundwork for a plan, still rattling around in my head :)

cooking as clean as possible. and it has been surprisingly possible. now to get the kids on board!

trying to experience at least one or two new things each month. though, for the shortest month of the year, there were plenty of new things this month! more than two each week!

missing the rest of my kids.

feeling crispy, rejuvinated and happy.

listening to the evening sounds of water and air. lovely.

watching the olympics kept us glued to the television for most of the month. weird having access to cbc here in the almost-tropics! enjoying watching everyone at plato's bar glued to the hockey!

reading with my kindle so i didn't have to lug any big books with me. it's been enjoyable. i have to remember to do this with any novels - or books that don't have to be read with a pen in hand.

wearing an old and worn night shirt. comfy! glad no one has to see me :D

packing my bags for our departure. sad to leave but happy for having the opportunity to escape the ice and snow - worse this season than in recent memory.

planning to enjoy cole as he performs in "leader of the pack", the school musical next week. rehearsals are underway!

stopping my hope that people will change. they'll change when they want to and that may not be in my lifetime :) there are oodles of things to stop, and i'm glad there's very little left on the list.

wanting to clean out the garage and give it a good sweep, take the bikes in for tune ups, replace the grungy recycle bins. really? i just want a dose of spring and the cleaning that comes with it.

needing to remember this wonderous state of well-rested and not succumb to exhaustion again.

wishing my kids would clean their rooms and do their own laundry. (a mum can only live with hope in her heart!)

waiting for some suppliers to get back to me with quotes.

thinking of the stories i want to write. short stories. novels. poems. plenty of things (finally) swirling in my head.

enjoying the process of learning "brush script" techniques with kal barteski.

paying close attention to the kids as we wind down this second, and shortest, term. they won't volunteer what they need for the next, but they will have to buckle down and focus on studying. good grades = good opportunities. i don't like it, but that's how the system works. my job is to support them.

encouraging my kids to follow their dreams. then make them happen.

celebrating days filled with sunshine. even in the cold the sunshine makes everything feel better.

cultivating friendships with a diverse group of people.

marveling at the resilience of my kids. even chloé currently on crutches is showing the stuff she's made of and not succumbing to any negative and drama.

anticipating the march break which is coming up quickly. no real plans have been made. there'll be plenty of time for sleeping, reading, enjoying and dreaming. sounds good to me! 

and tada, a photo from my week:

anticipation | mercury in retrograde

(source)

Recently I've run across the phrase "Mercury in Retrograde" always said in a hushed tone that implies that only bad things lie ahead. Articles usually reference "how to survive" or "hold on tight" when describing it. Or, as it was put when I googled it "A regularly occurring, astrological event that gives New Agers an excuse for getting fired, wrecking their car, breaking a leg, or having an overall shitty day."

Alrighty then.

And, this happens a few times each year. For 2014, these dates are:

06 February to 28 February
07 June to 02 July
04 October to 25 October

The one thing I've learned on this "New Age" journey of mine is that there is never anything only good or only bad. There is always the other side. Tomorrow we enter into another phase of mercury in retrograde and I'd perfer to know what good it will bring rather than focus on the bad. Full disclosure: I've already experienced a challenge when Cole mistakenly forgot to actually give me my wallet which he was bringing out to the car to me as I dropped him off for the bus to Temagami. Translation: I haven't had a wallet since Sunday and won't have one until the weekend. The good? I now have a reason to be creative and use up the food in the freezer and the pantry! See - there is always a bright side.

The best phrase I've ever read about this time is that Mercury in REtrograde is good for all things that start with RE.

REnew
REflect
REvive
REmind
REsearch
REconcile
REview
REmember
REfresh
REbound
REcall
RElocate
REconsider
REelect
REfinish
REnegotiate
REcycle
REstore
REmove
REmodel
RElinquish
REmit
REliable
REminisce

and on and on ...

Of those words on the list there is nothing particularly negative or scary. So, I will focus on the possibility of RE and focus on the good things the time brings. Apparently this is a very good time to:

Clean out your closet. Be merciless. Really, this is a great time to purge anything - files, books, magazines, whatever needs removal just toss!

Move on. This is a great time to forgive and forget.

Embrace nostalgia. Put those old records on. Read an old journal. Reconnect with an old friend. Go swimming for the first time in years. Remember the things in your life that have brought you joy and then enjoy them again.

Edit and review. For writers and creatives this is a wonderful time to reevaluate past works and polish them up - or toss.

Write a personal manifesto. Apparently this is a wonderful time to reflect on who you are as a person and what you want to represent to the world.

Mix it up. If you don't like the flow of your living room, or bedroom space - or your cutlery drawer, rearrange things to suit you and your flow!

Dare to relax. Though communication at this time can be a challenge, release control and embrace any travel headaches and get away for a holiday. Or simply take a day to do what you love best - read, get a massage,

Reinforce routine. Or focus on developing the habits you want in your life: 8-hours of sleep, drink more water, eat more vegetables, read more biographies.

Finish. This is a perfect time to put a final end to things: projects, relationships. Anything you've been putting off should be finished off. For me this will include completing household files, collecting and returning anything that does not belong in my home, 

* * * * *

Remember that you'll want to be especially chill and relaxed during this time because for a lot of people things go completely bonkers. I'm told that Virgo and Gemini are particularly affected at this time - which means me and half of my children are expected to go a bit nuts! Poor Cole :(

A few things to keep in mind, things for us all to do anyway, but in this time we should be more mindful:

Back up important data.

Double check travel plans. Relax, part of the fun is in the journey!

Avoid signing contracts. A good time to review instead :)

EXPECT DELAYS and challenges and pack a magazine or book. Like everything in life, it's all in your attitude and how you choose to handle a situation. You know that old saying "this too shall pass" - it should be said in good times and bad times as they are both fluid and in constant state of flux.

* * * * *

I don't know about you but I think I'll enjoy this cosmic opportunity to reflect on the choices I'm making and determine what needs some extra care and attention. I liked how Danielle LaPorte described in one of her Desire Map videos that we, like the universe, are always expanding and contracting, but we never contract so much that we end up where we once were. We are always moving forward: expanding and growing.

Mercury in retrograde just gives us all an opportunity, if we are mindful about it, to measure our progress. If we all go with the flow and keep our sense of humour this should be a REwarding and REjuvinating time. We can choose to go through all our days that way. Sounds good to me!

 

notes to the universe | february

I am content.

Comfortable (most days) in my own skin, I don't want for much as I don't feel anything lacking in my life. I do not live with a sense of scarcity, angst or anxiety - at least not in any way that I dwell or consider a distraction during my days.

I am often asked what I want and it takes me a lot of time and effort to consider what they might be.

Of course, there are always a few things in my life that need to be addressed and improved. After all, like most of us, I am a work in progress. My wants are more internal than external. I found a little meme and liked the format. A fun way to put things into perspective and gather my thoughts together.

A bad habit I'm going to break is waiting for conditions to be "perfect" before I dive in

A destination I'd like to visit is Bora Bora or Atlantis in the Bahamas

I'm going to work harder at keeping my home clutter-free and organized

A project I'd like to finish is Project Life 2013, and print it in book form, too

A class I'd like to take would be pottery or painting - something messy

I'd like to spend more time doing things that feed my soul: read, write, photograph

A food I want to eat more is vegetables, dark green and flavourful

I want to wear more cashmere and colour, maybe a combination of the two :)

There it is, my wants sent out to the universe.

What do you want?

Reflection | January 2014

All months are full and January is no exception. It may be even more full than most.

Most of the month was spent re-establishing good habits and introducing some new ones. I decided my new year should start mid-January, there is just too much chaos in my house before the kids are back in school. My search for an accountant continues. I used my new Daily Planner and put on paper my goals with soul. I feel like I've got a good handle on the year ahead because goodness knows the universe does not allow real control! I got Claire back to Queen's in one piece though the ice gods did conspire against us. I made an blog writing plan and put it on the calendar. All but Cole are signed up for base/softball starting this spring. The Desire Map Book Club got off to a fantastic start and I'm thrilled to learn from the participants. I started back with my life coach, Helen, as there is always more work to do. Four weeks of Project Life 2014 have been completed, I'm off to a good start! I went to my reformer Pilates classes and am so happy for the increased flexibility - Jackie is even increasing the weights. I started a reading challenge and am enjoying the challenging material. I ate breakfast (whether it be left over Chinese take-out, Greek yogurt with almonds or simple oatmeal) every morning. My amarylis bloomed - and then fell over! I cut my wine consumption in half or more as things got a bit out of hand during the holidays. I had a new crown fitted. The garage door, not clearing the roof rack of the Suburban - was fixed in a few seconds, a quick twist of a knob resulted in a $150 bill. A mindful morning was enjoyed at iGita with Lisa Forwell and friends. A meeting was held at Appleby to promote the idea of a digital portfolio for each of the students. Semi-formal prep was enjoyed (?) at Oakville Place mall getting Cole a new sport coat and tie and a few things for Chloé. Helped out a friend and drove her daughter to the semi-formal, held at school. Plans made and tickets booked for the Bahamas, Florida, Arizona and Cape Cod. Mapped out plans for summer camps and started booking a few - Caden is actually on a wait list! Watching playoff football with Caden is a joy - he is such a rabid fan. A morning was spent at the school judging the Interpretive Reading competition for the Upper One students - so good. Big mid-week drive to Kingston to visit with Claire. Thank goodness for my sister who kept me talking over the bluetooth most of the 3+ hours there and 3+ hours back! Lunch was enjoyed with Robin and our project plans are fun to discuss. Dad's who step up for men who won't are endearing. A Pampered Chef evening was spent up at Elaine's place. I introduced Jill to Yame. All signed up for Life Organizer Navigation course with Jennifer Louden. Some personal maintenance to offset the onset of midwinter cabin fever: cut, colour, wax, pedicure - the works! Caught a wicked cold. Sadly had to give into my cold and postpone a meeting with someone who may supply product for the store, listening to the universe - and my body. In the most polite - though honest - way possible, I turned down a volunteer opportunity keeping in mind the addage: "when people show you who they are, believe them the first time." The electrician came and gave an estimate, I accepted, and he showed up and did the work. This is a miracle! We went out to our favourite restaurant to celebrate Cole's birthday. We finished watching all five seasons of "Chuck", such a wonderful show, it will be missed! I enjoyed the New Moon Goddess Celebration up at the new Zenbar studio.

In the lives of the kids:

Claire | Enjoyed her time at home and returned to Queen's with a new sense of purpose. In Kingston, we went to the mall, Loblaws and enjoyed dinner with mama and friends. She took a quick trip to Ottawa to see a friend in a production of RENT at Carleton. Lesson learned: taxis are unreliable only when you need them to be reliable. Claire sourced and signed a lease for a house next year with six friends - her priority was a washer and dryer in the house. No laundromat for my girl :) Lots of learning is happening for Claire!

Cole | Varsity rugby training has started in the bubble at school. The Semi-formal was enjoyed - with a before party at PJ's and after party at Nick's. Not sure how much time was actually spent at the dance? As much free time was spent with Hanne as was humanly possible either at her house or ours. Preparations and purchases were made for an upcoming trip to Temagami - brr! Cole just turned 17. We enjoyed a lovely mid-week dinner at his favourite restaurant. As is his way, plans are already underway for a new sport for first term next year: volleyball.

Chloé | On Chloé's behalf a meeting was had with Dr. Fasken and Dr. Aliki and it has been decided that the braces will be off a year early. Dr. Mungar took her through her paces and Chloé now have a 6-month supply of "daily" contact lenses. The semi brought with it some unkind girl drama and I'm proud of Chloé's response. The Upper School Cabaret was wonderful - even though the "mime" makeup was a "pain"! Play rehearsals keep the school days long.

Caden | Rep volleyball is keeping Caden busy outside of school and squash is his co-curricular choice for this school term. Summer camp plans are made and confirmed, with one camp already having a wait list - he's #8, it's not looking promising! Science Fair experiments were started and finished. With his buddies, Caden participated in a Leadership Workshop - in his onesie, as it was the required attire. Trip to London with Braeden and his family for a volleyball tournament that ended up cancelled due to blizzard conditions. In preparation for braces, the spacers have been installed. He ended the month with Service Day which took him to the Metro Toronto Zoo - a nice day away from desks and computers.

Life in general:

Weather | Flipping cold. The ice and wind kept us in the deep freeze for the first week of the month well into the second, third and fourth. I think we had three days of relief all month, though the cold temps has brought much sunshine. The phrase "polar vortex" is now part of our daily language. Canadians enjoy talking about the weather, but it was truly dangerous and the top national news story for weeks! I am beyond tired of the cold.

News | The weather. Pearson shut down and people waiting for days to collect their luggage. The upcoming Olympics and terror threats. PM Stephen Harper made historic trip and speech in Israel as part of a Middle East trip. Heartbreaking fire at seniors home in L'Isle-Verte, Quebec leaves 30+ dead. Value of our loonie (dollar) is sliding - this is good and bad. Justin Beiber - deported? not?

Sports | Everyone is looking forward to the Olympics. Much discussion about the Canadian hockey team being sent to the Games. Super Bowl! I'm watching golf in an effort to at least feel like I'm warming up! Eugenie Bouchard made it to the semi finals of the Australian Open, the first for a Canadian woman in 30 years.

Discovery | Cigdem Kobu has been very inspiring and I've joined her Progress Lounge. And, it looks like the year ahead should be active and illuminating. Zenbar is a lovely new spa, making plans to return.

Looking forward, goals I want to keep at the forefront include:

Work | I have to find a good accountant to clean up my taxes so I can start fresh moving forward. I also have to get a business tax number so I can get the online store all set up. I'm all signed up for a writing workshop and hope to focus on novel writing in the next few months.

Health | I'm getting a bit off track and have to start getting more sleep each night - a consistent 8+ hours. I also have to make a more mindful menu to follow each week. A menu that works in our schedule and not one I wish I could make if I had a better after school schedule.

Home | Sort through and organize all of the kids papers, files and ephemera into the boxes purchased for the purpose. Everything is in piles in my bedroom and they just have to get out of there! 100%.

Fun | Most of the supplies for the Kal Barteski class were picked up at Curry's and the rest ordered from Dick Blick. Class starts tomorrow! I am so looking forward to learning this process!

Me | I am feeling content and fulfilled. Completely calm and accepting. I have clearly defined expectations and desires. It is a strange juxtaposition of being present and engaged while still feeling somewhat "out of body" - lovely, scary and real. I am incredibly joyful and at peace for the first time in a very long time.

* * * * *

A couple of years ago I consistently wrote up posts summing up the month that had just past. Then life got both complicated and overwhelming, so much so I was just going from day-to-day in complete survival mode. With this new year I'm getting back into the practices of my past that I have missed.

desire map | personal revolution

When I started following the prompts for the Desire Map For Life, I was hoping they would be a regular addition to Danielle LaPorte's blog, then they stopped as quickly as they started. I sent a note and was disappointed to have it confirmed that they were indeed finished at seven prompts! The good news is that though there are to be no more formal "prompts" there is still plenty of fodder for thought to be found on her website on which I can reflect here on the blog. So, though it may not be designed, I will be making my own Desire Map For Life inspired by the incomparable Danielle LaPorte.

Prompt 7:

What is the one thing you would like to revolutionize in your life?

This was a difficult prompt. With all of the incredible positive and fulfilling changes in my life of late, I don't find much dissatisfaction - just opportunitites to re-evaluate, with which I either accept or deal.

I am pretty adept at taking a negative situation and have it yield a positive result. I call it "turning shit into sunshine" but there are plenty of other phrases. You get the idea :)

Revolutionary change?

I suppose if there were a battle I'd take on, it would be to convert the "mean girls" - which is to say, I'd find a way to make the mean mums not raise mean girls. I suppose, in order to accomplish that, I would have to engage and interact with a group of insecure adults and somehow make them feel whole and valued again. But, like all things, I'd have to invent a way to recognize they have an issue they are passing down to their children.

Can you imagine? A world where women who feel whole, valued, secure, content, fierce and confident raising children to be the same? What if everyone simply treated people the way they themselves want to be treated?

I am in my seventh consecutive year in middle school and I have to say it has not been a pretty experience. Some years have been better than others, but in the main it is a stressful time and I am more than a little done with the whole experience. Happy to move on. The "mean" does not necessarily improve in the higher grades, but the kids become so busy with their school work and seemingly manage to find contentment within their friend group with less judgment of others.

What about you? What dissatisfies you? What can you make it revolutionize for you?

* * * * *

One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven |

Project Life | 2014

Last June I moved my Project Life to a private blog* which made a lot of sense, and continues to make sense. Now that I'm starting a new year of Project Life, I considered just putting it back here on the primary blog but was reminded that the process had become inauthentic as I was not comfortable sharing all of the people and intimate details of the lifes shared by me and my children.

For me, Project Life is exactly what it is - representative of my life. In fits and starts. Better than nothing and far from perfect. Sounds about right!

There are a few things I'll be updating this year:

A new private blog for 2014 pages is set up. If you're interested in reading it, send me a note at linarstudio dot lc at gmail dot com and I'll get the password off to you. Anyone interested will have access by clicking the navigation bar ^ above.

I've decided, after a few successful experiments though this past year, that I'll be printing my book at the end of the year via Blurb in a 12" x 12" format. No muss, no fuss. Even better? No glare of page protectors, no lumpy bumpy, no elements to organize. Less time wasted on stuff and more time focused on recording and creating!

After much flip-flopping, the format will continue to be 12" x 12" and I'll be using Cathy Zielske's new Life Basics Minimal templates as I prefer the straight edges for the photos and journaling.

I enjoyed Museo Slab as my font last year as I like the readability. I think I'll continue with it, in different weights, through the project this year. I'll have to figure out a script font - maybe - if I need it.

The big decision? I played around with the idea of changing the dates to have the weekends included from week to week, having the weeks run Monday through Sunday but the reality is my life runs from Sunday through Saturday. If there is a special event that takes place on a weekend there is absolutely nothing stopping the idea of putting it in between the weeks as a 2-page spread. Indeed, that might be fun keeping a few 12" x 12" spreads of non-Project Life ideas in the finished book. This seems to be the big internal argument each year.

A few years ago, in my wildest imaginings, I'd never have thought I'd go 100% digital - in anything memory-keeping related. At best I thought I'd be a hybrid scrapbooker. Things have changed so much and access is so much easier in Canada to digital product whereas traditional product is so much harder to find and the premium for shipping (and counter space) is becoming absurd.

I still have oodles of goodies and hope to use them in smaller projects - maybe A Week In The Life, Recipe Books and Gratitude projects. I can't forget to get my latest December Daily put together!

I love memory keeping. My kids enjoy it too. Over the years they have learned it's value. Even Claire, who used to give me such a terrible time about posing for photos, now returns home from university on occasion and is far less grumbly about having her photo taken. I love that they "get" it and also know that I'm not going to stop, so they smile nicely the first time and then we don't have to keep at it shot after shot!

Since I am an "everyday" scrapbooker, they have plenty of opportunity to smile nicely for the camera - and me, too!

* This decision had much to do with the divorce proceedings and my not wanting their long-absent father to portray himself as anything more than who he is. You can't parent via blog post at the same time acquaintances should not know more about what is going on than a parent. So awkward. By removing access, I had hoped I could have forced the concept of parenting by direct communication and engagement. It did not work. The second reason was to protect private extended-family things: big newsworthy events and proud moments, sad happenings, big group photos of people we love. I figured it was best to maintain the privacy of those who don't live here on the internet.

Year in Review '13

Last year I wrote up a "year in review" post. I enjoyed it enough that I'm doing it again! Even with a full reflect and manifest project, it's fun to do a quick summary.

Dateline: Oakville, Ontario on Monday, December 30, 2013 at 7:23PM

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

I started to put me at the top of the list. The safety of my children was put first and Caden was pulled out of football - and I didn't give in when he begged to go back this spring. I went to, and enjoyed, guided meditation. I recognized old patterns and course corrected, immediately. I encouraged my kids to test themselves and face their fears. Reformer Pilates classes are a cornerstone of my new practice - a "skinny bitch" activity I never thought I'd enjoy but have to admit I love! When you appreciate someone, tell them; better, when you love someone, tell them. My home is smudged - what an incredible difference happy energy makes! Don't keep your positive and constructive comments to yourself! Share the good stuff - get comfortable in the goo.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

For a long time now, I have elected to choose a word to guide my year rather than making resolutions. I'd rather set myself up for success than deal with the inevitable failure found in a list of resolutions I'd never keep. Goals are always set, but they are often within the framework of my "one little word". This year I chose "grace".

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My step-sister had a baby boy! In my family that makes him grandchild #12. Wow.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Fortunately, no, no one close to me. Though, my children lost their paternal grandfather. The hard part? They had virtually no relationship with him and we had to navigate their feelings of abandonment, antipathy and longing. It was a difficult time. My step-sisters also lost their father. It was a very sad time and my heart hurt for them.

5. What countries did you visit?

United States - Arizona, Florida, New York and Massachusettes. Bahamas. St. Thomas. St. Maarten.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

This has not changed one syllable from my answer from last year: A more organized home, focused exercise, engagement with other people, fewer but better clothes, a book outline, adult male companionship.

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

When Claire made the decision to change all of her plans and re-apply to universitites to go for an Arts degree rather than Kin. The day my sister decided to move back home. Receiving the official paperwork confirming that I am sole custodian of my four children - legally as well as obviously. Watching Claire grow up with poise and grace: graduate from Appleby, head to prom and the drop-off and first term at Queen's. Cole on stage, both as Perchik in "Fiddler on the Roof" and when he recently earned his music scholarship. Listening to Deepak Chopra - and actually understanding much of what he had to say, certainly not all! Chloé having a blast on stage as The Genie in "Aladdin" and enjoyed a first summer of softball. Caden as fierce rugby player - even without glasses on the middle school team and now as fierce volleyball player. The day I had to cancel a much anticipated trip to attend something frivilous. Being chosen to lead the Desire Map Book Club here in my town. The start of our Dad & Daughter lunches. The official seal on my final divorce papers.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I reinstated long abandoned boundaries and a belief system that serves me and my highest good; one that does not destroy or sabotage me. Within that context I remembered my sense of humour, to trust my intuition and instincts, and rediscover my imagination which had been so long away. Sticking to and practicing meditation and pilates and still going strong. Finalizing my divorce. There is not one single achievement other than simply coming back to myself which was made up of many small victories.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not keeping on top of Project Life, again. Not always staying true to myself to accomodate the feelings of others - or maybe it was simply my not willing to deal with the fight or guilt.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I overdid the 10,000 steps a day and, as a result of compensating, hurt my foot and my hip - on opposite sides! Sigh. After weeks of going to the osteopath with short-term results each time, I was super frustrated. Jill got me to go to reformer Pilates and I discovered relief through stretching. I've decided that until we can figure out the chemical reasons for my weight issue, I'd rather be fat and flexible than just fat - so though I still suffer illness and injury, I've changed my attitude toward it and will do the best I can with what I have, now.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A new mattress for my bed - and bamboo sheets! Bliss. That "best thing" is closely followed by my Life Coach sessions, weekly meditation and private reformer Pilates classes.

12. Where did most of your money go?

This was a second year of unsexy spending - and the kids are not cheap!

13. What did you get really excited about?

I was excited to witness Claire start her life. I was excited to join the Oakville Club. I was excited to become more proficient at Photoshop Elements. I was excited to discover Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map. I was excited to take cooking class to realize all I need are my Barefoot Contessa cook books. I was excited to organize and host parent gatherings for the middle and upper schools. I was excited for all of my kids to explore their independence by traveling to downtown Toronto via GO train - without me. I was excited for Claire to get her G2 and for Cole to get his G1 - and motorcycle permit, too! I was excited for a trouble- and drama-free U1 trip for Chloé to Temagami. I was excited for Cole to discover NYC - THREE times! I was excited to receive my new "Cape Cod" inspired living room rug. I was excited to make my very first dream board. I was excited for Caden to challenge himself by joining the school swim team. I was excited for Chloé to get her braces. I was excited to watch Cole perform as Perchik in "Fiddler on the Roof". I was excited to take the kids on their first cruise - maybe the last for some! I was excited for Claire to go to see her much loved JT with her friends. I was excited and grateful to be back in Arizona at Canyon Ranch. I was excited to share time with many girlfriends over lunches and dinners and walks and coffee. I was excited to watch my dogwood bloom for the first time. I was excited to watch all of my kids participate and learn new things. I was excited to have a new bathroom installed - no more leaks! I was excited to visit Claire in Kingston. I was excited for Caden to make the volleyball team - town and school. I was excited to host Thanksgiving for many! I was excited to attend Optimates dinners - plural! I was excited to make my first book of my own creating. I was excited to experience meditation and life coaching and all that came with it through the year. I was excited to have a big party at my home to thank all of the women who have been supportive of my kids and me over the last couple of years - it was a blast! I was excited to have a weekly format to foster smart investing. I was excited to get a functioning range before Christmas. I was excited to smudge my home and purchase my first pendulums. I was excited to develop my first product for sale in my new shop, opening soon! I was excited to have all of my kids at home for our low-key Christmas holidays.

14. What song(s) will always remind you of 2013?

Hold On To Your Heart | Man Man
Royals & Team | Lorde
Same Love | Makelmore & Ryan Lewis
Temple & Wait for Me | Kings of Leon
Babel, I Will Wait & Lover of the Night | Mumford & Sons
Best Day Of My Life | American Authors
Unbelievers & Diane Young | Vampire Weekend
Let It Go & Sweater Weather | The Neighbourhood
Pompeii & Bad Blood | Bastille
Hurricane | MS MR
Feels Like We Only Go Backwards & Elephant | Tame Impala
You, The City & Chocolate | The 1975
Come A Little Closer & Ain't No Rest For The Wicked | Cage The Elephant
The Wire | Haim
The Mother We Share | Churches
Little Talks, King and Lionheart & Dirty Paws | Of Monsters And Men
All I Want | Kodaline

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? Happier. So much happier.
– thinner or fatter? Exactly the same :(
– richer or poorer? Richer - in spirit!

Seems to be the status quo as my responses were the same last year :)

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Slept. Paced myself. Took more "artsy" photos.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Lose my patience.

18. How did you spend Christmas?

We have our big family dinner in Toronto with the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and Grandparents. We've been doing this since my kids were in high chairs. It is a wonderful tradition. To me, that is our big Christmas. The morning of the 25th is simply a nice lazy day spent with the kids. This year we changed it up a bit by being hit with an ice storm which made things a bit wonky. We followed thorugh with our plans to go to Toronto for Christmas Eve dinner and in the process forgot to pick up our dinner for the next day. No traditional roast - we had pasta instead!

19. What was your favorite TV program?

I am enjoying Hostages and The Blacklist and even though they have both been on for years, I've started watching and really enjoying Person of Interest and Scandal. I haven't been watching much of the others, though the DVR is filled with episodes of The Good Wife, Elementary and Grimm just waiting to be watched. I keep thinking I'll watch them during the day, but I never do! I'm considering just watching via Netflix a season at a time. The kids and I just finished binge-watching Chuck. Fantastic!

20. What were your favorite books of the year?

I enjoyed "The Desire Map" by Danielle LaPorte. While on the cruise I caught up on all of my unread Barbara Erskine books - too heavy to carry so I had them on my Kindle. By far and away the best book I read was "The Rosie Project" by Graeme Simsion - I smiled through every page. As always, I didn't read anywhere near as many books as I'd have liked to - but managed to collect a bunch!

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

I am a fan of alternative rock - which I find is a fun mix of folk and edge. I did find it distracting during the day when I was creating and writing so I discovered on Cogeco Galaxy, Channel 327 "The Spa" which is all melodic instrumental with the occasional ocean waves or thunderstorm. One Sunday in early December, while the kids were studying for exams, they each commented separately on how they enjoyed it and we left it on.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

I have to admit, as much as I thought it might be possible, I did not go to one movie - in a theatre - this year! I have a list, though. I'll have to catch up over the holidays - or while I'm in Cape Cod this summer.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

We had a full house - of kids! Pizza and vanilla cake :) It was my favourite kind of birthday, filled with friends and laughter.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A bit less teenage angst and attitude would have been lovely. Other than that, I can't say anything could have made my year much better than it was. I'm happy for all of the connections and lessons it contained.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

Laura Plus sale rack. I need new clothes and (until recently) I refused to buy anything at full price until I have a body that can wear it well. My recent purchases included a dress for Christmas - yes, a dress! And a couple of Eileen Fisher tops that are fabulous!

26. What kept you sane?

As always, my sanity depends on: My children. Photos + Words. My sister, Beth. Music. TED talks. My friends. Wine. My Life Coach. Trips to Cape Cod. Walks. Lunches with friends. PC Power Fruit Blend Smoothies. Meditation. Reformer Pilates classes with Jill and Jackie. Always having something to do.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

Never settle - keep your personal standards high.

Reverb 13 | REMIX is Underway!

I will be keeping this post here at the top for easy reference through December.

If there is nothing new posted below, click the links to go to the Reverb 13 Remix blog:

PART ONE | REFLECT

1. ONE EVENT. | 2. QUESTIONS. | 3. PERSPECTIVE. | 4. CONNECTION.

5. VULNERABILITY. | 6. WELL-BEING. 

7. 13 IN 2013. | 8. READING. | 9. YEAR IN REVIEW. | 10. ONE WORD | 2013.

 

PART TWO | MANIFEST

1. ONE WORD | 2014 | 2. EASE. | 3. GIVING. | 4. ORDINARY SPARKLING MOMENTS. 

5. CREATIVITY. | 6. RITUALS.

7. DREAM. | 8. VOCABULARY. | 9. NO | YES. | 10. CONSCIOUS ENTRY.

 

Do you want to participate in your own #reverb13 project? Be sure to go to Carolyn Rubenstein's blog and download her REMIX workbook!

 

Here's to reflecting on 2013 and looking forward to 2014 and beyond.

What about you? Reflect? Manifest? Share!

CREDITS | Prompts: Carolyn Rubenstein | Digital Template: Ali Edwards | Article Template: Cathy Zielske | Digital Papers: Katie Pertiet | Digital Embellishments: Karla Dudley | Fonts: Helvetica, Aire Bold Pro, Bebas Neue | Content, Stories & Opinions: All mine :)

Project | Thirty +1 Days of Thankful

I have a few flaws - some louder than others. I am doing my best to take a good look at them and change what I can or maybe just change my outlook and some of those flaws might not be "bad" after all.

The first thing to do is admit you have a problem. Right? Well, okay: I AM A PROJECT JUNKIE. To be honest, one of my biggest most consistent flaws is that of the "the unfinished project". I am REALLY GOOD at starting things. There are so many good ideas, I jump from one to another - to another - to another. Sometimes they are just started and I drop them because they didn't turn out to be what I expected. Sometimes there is that one "perfect" element needed to finish it off. Sometimes they are just waiting to be simply uploaded and/or printed to be completed and yet they sit in my computer. Very few meet the stage of finished. 100% done.

Today, I celebrate a triumph! I am sharing a 100% finished project.

This was a simple get-it-done, a 100% no-brainer project. The brilliant Cathy Zielske has her annual Thirty Days of Thankful project available over at Designer Digitals. I LOVE this project - it was one of the projects I finished last year: Thankful 2012.

I have so much in my life for which to be grateful, it is important for me to recognize and express it. The best way possible is via my favourite format: pictures + words.

Of the three options available, I chose the 6"x8" template and went so far as to order the Handbook Album System from Studio Calico. Then it occured to me that I've always wanted to order a bound book - a real honest to goodness printed book rather than an album. Could I do it? Could I "get over" my gutter issues?

I did!

This envelope arrived, only 5-days after the book was ordered:

WOW. Anything arriving completed, to Canada from anywhere is outrageously wonderful!

The pages are stunning. I am so pumped about this book!

Just click on any of the images below to make larger.

 

Do you participate in a Gratitude Project? Which one? For what are you most grateful this day? month? year? Could you, like me, have written pages and pages, or do you keep things pretty tight - maybe a top three? How do you honour those you feel fortunate to have in your life?

Spill!

around the house | project closet purge

For the last few years I've gone to tremendous effort to get healthy and lose weight. Well, it turns out, according to my doctor - and the other doctor, and the other one, too, you can be healthy and heavy. I am both. I am thankful for the healthy and ever so tired of the heavy. BUT I am no longer going to defeat myself with my closet filled half with clothes that fit and the other half with clothes that make me sad.

I've been holding onto clothes I love because I will fit in them again. I've been holding onto that idea for years. I purchase pretty simple, classic and timeless cuts, so style is not an issue. The issue is how defeated I feel every time I go in my closet or open a drawer. So one day last week I decided to go from this:

(Not a true representation as there were so many clothes on the bench on the end of my bed - so imagine this stuffed even more.) See those tags? Brand NEW clothes I've never worn. Clothes I won't ever wear.

Along with most of the clothes in my dresser, they ended up:

in these three super sized garbage bags which were promptly delivered to the clothing bin behind the local grocery store.

Now, I have this:

My plan? Because I always have to have a plan, is to not purchase anything - unless it is a direct replacement - for the next year. I'm done with purchasing things "in case" or "for the day when". I have everything I am possibly going to need to get me through. I am never throwing out items with a tag on them EVER again. The disappointment I felt in myself was crushing while going through the process, but results were completely liberating.

This was a wonderful project.

Now to organize the linen closet!

inspiration | more & less

Pinterest can be exhausting with all of it's inspiration! Like many of us, I was struck by a printable I found and though it was good, I wanted to make one more suited to me. And then I decided to take it further ...

my MORE

&

my LESS

Why both?

I've come to learn that sometimes you need to see both sides in order to get what you want in your life. I know "less" is perceived as negative, and I'm doing all I can to keep that out of my life, but in this case I think it gives some balance to what I want and need right now. I want to have all of my bases covered through the end of 2013!

What are you hoping for more of - and less of - going forward?

Hello 49

Me. Here. Now.

Today I've begun the last year of my fourth decade on this earth and it is both energising and exhausting to consider - but mostly, I can't wait to see what the future holds!

I've read plenty of articles sharing numerical lists of lessons learned as a celebration of birthdays. When I started this article I was skeptical of my reaching 49. Well, guess what? I did!

1. Treat people the way you yourself want to be treated. And, if you can't, remove yourself and be silent.
2. Show up. Be fully present and engaged. Life happens only when you show up.
3. Feel, fully. All of it. The good and the bad. Do not numb yourself with work or with distractions. Avoid the comfort of "busy".
4. The world is filled with introverts. It's okay to be one. Lean in.
5. Trust your gut. Every time. Your head may rationalize and tell you you're right or wrong. Your heart may honour walls of protection and tell you you're right or wrong. Your gut will always be true to you, your authentic self. Trust it.
6. Own it. Your actions, your words, your choices, all of it - all the time.
7. Learn the lessons from your past, do not dwell there. Though you might need to re-visit a few times.
8. Brush your teeth.
9. Your intelligence is not defined by the school you attend or the degree you earn. Sometimes the most intelligent people you will ever meet in your life never spent a minute in "higher education". 
10. Life is the best teacher. Stand your ground and stay open even when you want to run and hide.
11. Let the person in "shotgun" choose the music.
12. Make smaller, doable lists. Not those endless and-the-kitchen-sink-lists that defeat you before you start. In the morning write down 5 things you want to accomplish by the end of the day. Then do them. And celebrate your accomplishment at the end of the day - the things you did, not the things you did not do.
13. Smile, even when you don't want to. Especially when you don't want to!
14. Do not end sentences in a preposition ^ if you can help it.
15. Indulgences do not have to be expensive or time consuming. Honour your need to spoil yourself with simple things: a walk in the park, an hour reading, write in your journal, call a friend, go for a swim or run. Nourish your soul with the things that make you happy.
16. Sleep at least 7 hours every night. Aim for 9.
17. A handful of friends who will be there through a near drowning, a divorce, a move, and raising a few teenagers is way better than a few handfuls of friends who bail at the first sign of discomfort or conflict.
18. Those who live vicariously through their children are to be avoided. Really. Run the other way.
19. Do not smoke.
20. A paraphrase of the great William Morris quote: Surround yourself only with those things you find beautiful or of use to you. (His quote is: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.")
21. Do not settle. Ever.
22. Always be yourself. Do not conform to the expectation of others. After all, it's better to be liked or disliked for who you are and not for who you pretend to be. Right?
23. Being right has absolutely nothing to do with being in the majority.
24. When you change your mind it means you're listening and learning. Change is a good thing. Evidence that you are aware and flexible not rigid and stubborn.
25. Say "yes" as often as you can. Often someone else says "no" and you don't have to be the bad guy. And, by saying "yes" you may just have a really good - unexpected - experience.
26. Don't wait for the perfect time. It will not come.
27. Parenting has everything to do with accountability. If you can't be accountable, please do not be a parent.
28. Learn all that you can. Everywhere you can. Personal experiences. Stories from others. Formal education. Informal education. Books. Internet. Newspapers. Take it ALL in and make up your own mind about what you know, what you don't know and who can go screw themselves
29. If you have something nice to say, say it.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business. Really. (THIS was a liberating concept.)
31. The greatest parenting practice I've implemented in my home is my "24 Hour Rule". If it's not in the calendar with 24 hours notice you may have to make other plans.
32. Sing in the car. Hell, sing everywhere!
33. Sometimes you will be surprised by the support given by a stranger and the abandonment of a friend. Learn to live with the delight and disappointment.
34. Fill your life with people who do not agree with you all the time. Indeed, have a few who disagree with you most of the time. It keeps you humble. And informed.
35. On a medical form, the answer to SEX is Yes or No, not Male or Female.
36. I believe I am raising my children to make good choices. They may not be my choices. I have accept their free will and trust that they were raised well.
37. Laugh. Often.
38. If someone labels something or someone as "hard" or "difficult" remember that it is by their own experience that they measure. Something difficult for one person may not be difficult for you. Certainly take into consideration another experience, but evaluate based on your own.
39. Fair does not mean equal.
40. There really has to be an "I forget where I put the _____" gene.
41. Believe them when people show/tell you who they are - the first time. Okay, maybe give them a second chance, in case it was a bad day. But only one chance! Essentially? Trust your second impression, not the first.
42. Non-catastrophic mistakes are a part of growing up. They are expected. Make some. By that token, non-catastrophic mistakes are a part of being a grown-up. A chance to learn a few extra lessons.
43. There are bad people in the world.
44. In all things look for value. Cost means little.
45. The universe does not tolerate a vacuum. Be careful what door or window you open.
46. Find your meditation and practice it as often as you can. Mine? Folding laundry. Long Drives. Photo Walks.
47. Nurture a curious nature - yours and others.
48. Give up the need for control. Let things happen as they happen. If you try to control an outcome you are limiting your own opportunity for true joy. Your imagination is so much smaller than what the universe has available to you.
49. You can do hard things.

I'm looking forward to learning at least another 49 things this year!

 

hello monday | 79

 

weekend crossword puzzle - with aid of google, of course! 

hello friend list. sad to realize a friend, one who took ages to find, is now off facebook - completely! :( we were supposed to connect in october and now i have no way to follow through. note to self: in future get email addresses and don't depend on facebook.

hello body. listening and responding. lots of sleep. lots of water. lots of food - good food, only when i'm hungry. lots of movement. really? that's all i can do.

hello morning pages. slowly getting better with practice. they still take up a whole ton of time to write. enjoying the whole "stream of consciousness' concept. not enjoying the every morning cramps in my hand!

hello teenagers. even with cole still away on his service trip to british columbia, i enjoy a home that manages to be filled with teenagers. excited for his return. then the full house will be complete.

hello outlet mall. i'm not much of a shopper, but i'm sure to head up to the new mall pretty soon. i'm excited about restoration hardware, ralph lauren and levi's.

hello baseball playoffs. the season is (sadly) winding down. both teams have been so wonderful on and off the diamonds. the season is over for claire's blue jays and caden has a couple of weeks left. we'll definitely miss this season when it's over. i don't know the last time i was able to feel that way - and twice in one season? Crazy!

hello english lavender. two huge containers full as you walk up my front steps. such a happy, beautifully scented and simple idea!

hello deepak & oprah. more meditation. this time the theme is miraculous relationships. this should be an elightening month! love learning all of this new-to-me practice of self-care and awareness.

hello holiday. around here today is a holiday. i think it's country-wide though the grocery store is still open. around these parts i think it's called simcoe day. it's not terribly well recognized. can you tell? just a greatly appreciated day off in the middle of summer!

hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week. i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

 

what are you saying hello to on this brand new monday?
head on over to lisa's blog and link up in the comments.

hello monday | 78

flowers found in my neighbour's garden

hello joy. real, unquestionable, whole-hearted, joy. i earned a hard-won gift last week and i'm still in a state of bliss.

hello photography give-away. if you haven't checked it out, let me know your favourite and you might win a print! Deadline is this Wednesday at noon!

hello artist's way. i've collected a crazy number of books on writing and creative flow. then it dawned on me that i didn't have the original, quintessential tome on the subject. i do now and find myself immersed in week one!

hello sleep. i am exhausted. i've been keyed-up for so long i never realized what a toll it was taking on me. now i can barely keep my eyes open. so i'm giving into it: early to bed, naps during the day, sleeping in. listening to my body and giving it what it needs.

hello golf. caden is off with a buddy to golf in toronto this week. i love that he enjoys the sport. definitely going to have to consider bring the clubs on future holiday choices.

hello steak. my kids laugh at me, but i made the best steak of my life last week. this new process does not include the bbq. my life has been radically altered!

hello kitchen disasters. on the other hand - thank goodness i'm not preparing food for gordon ramsey. he'd have tossed me. other than the steak all other foodie experiments were a big fat fail!

hello spoiler updates. it just wouldn't be summer if i didn't get regular morning updates on what's happening on big brother. 

hello playoffs . it has just occurred to me that i will miss baseball at the end of the season. i don't know that i've been able to say that in the last couple of years. testament to a couple of great teams!

hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week. i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

 

what are you saying hello to on this brand new monday?
head on over to lisa's blog and link up in the comments.

real right now | heat + humidity

I haven't been absent on purpose. I find the "dog days" of summer arrived early this year and it has sapped me of all my strength! I woke up this morning surprised to realize it is Thursday. The temperatures have been in the mid-30s and feels in the mid-40s. Not ideal.

• Chloé was delivered to OELC in Orillia for her week of Athletics. She was nervous but I think she'll be fabulous and make some wonderful friends. I hope she's not melting!
• I went for a long walk and talk with a friend on Monday.
• I got Cole all packed up and shipped out to his almost-month in Northern British Columbia where he, the lone Canadian, and 11 kids will be clearing trails and volunteering in a cannery while absorbing the culture of people indigineous to the area.
• Claire came home (finally) from her felt-like-forever-away trip to Ottawa with friends. She is desperately allergic to just about everything she was exposed to but managed to come home in one piece. Kinda.
• I went for a lovely lunch with a friend on Tuesday and caught up on all of her most recent entrepreneurial adventures. She's amazing.
• Another lunch was enjoyed with another friend on Wednesday. I love being with someone so like me and so not like me all in the same breath. Looking forward to many, many lunches in the years ahead.
• Love my osteopath and my foot is remarkably better - and so is my hip! I look forward to our appointments.
• Today takes me off to the dentist for a few hours. Not my favourite place to be, but I enjoy my dentist and the ladies at her practice. I'm looking forward to hearing their happy chatter and insights while all of my mercury fillings are removed and replaced.
• Caden, not to be forgotten, has a week off of baseball and is not happy about it. The irony of this break is that it has fallen on a dry week in a season of rain-outs. He's learning a ton at volleyball camp as that is his winter sport of choice now that he's not at a rink.
• Claire woke me at 1:30AM to let me know that the JT & Jay-Z concert last night in Toronto was fantastic. She had such a great time and very much enjoyed her grad gift from her Grampy.
• I cleared out THOUSANDS of photos and uploaded my favourites to 500px. I even set up a store!
• I'm enjoying having the British Open playing on TSN in the background. Golf is such a great game. I plan to imagine myself transported to the windy and overcast days forecast for Muirfield Golf Links in Scotland!
• Tomorrow will be spent figuring out my next big project. I think paint will be involved - the wall kind, not the canvas kind.

So, I've cranked up the AC and playing catch up on line!

What have you been up to lately?

things we do | read (aka collect books)

Last week I was asked about the oodles of books I've collected to read this summer. The reality is they are to be read through Christmas and beyond because I don't know that I could get through them in a mere few weeks!

This recent curation started with a few events: the summer reading list that came out for my kids and then a creative writing course I signed up to explore, then there was the influence of Brain Pickings, Hay House, Danielle LaPorte, Susannah Conway and conversations with my friends and I was overwhelmed with the need to read.

YOUNG ADULT READING

Mandatory Summer Reading:

THE GLASS CASTLE Jeannette Walls (Claire)

IN COLD BLOOD Trueman Capote (Cole)

LORD OF THE FLIES William Golding (Chloé)

THE OUTSIDERS S. E. Hinton (Caden)

Hopeful-Mama's List of Summer Reading for her children:

ELEANOR & PARK Rainbow Rowell

LOVE IS A MIX TAPE Rob Sheffield

THE KNIFE OF NEVER LETTING GO Patrick Ness

THE ASK AND THE ANSWER Patrick Ness

MONSTERS OF MEN Patrick Ness

THE SUMMER PRINCE Alaya Dawn Johnson

HIS FAIR ASSASSIN: GRAVE MERCY Robin LaFevers

HIS FAIR ASSASSIN: DARK TRIUMPH Robin LaFevers

CODE NAME VERITY Elizabeth Wein

THE MADMAN'S DAUGHTER Megan Shepherd

MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH Bethany Griffin

DANCE OF THE RED DEATH Bethany Griffin

Pre-ordered:

THE UNIDENTIFIED REDHEAD Alice Clayton

THE REDHEAD REVEALED Alice Clayton

THE READHEAD PLAYS HER HAND Alice Clayton

I love that my kids enjoy reading. For every book on the list that has a counterpart on Audible, I order that version so Caden can read and listen at the same time. This has proven to be very good strategy for him. He is no longer frustrated and his attention is held through more than a few pages at a time. The list includes a good mix of girl-focused and boy-focused fiction. Like me, the kids read anything.

FICTION - AKA, IT'S TIME TO START READING MORE OF WHAT I WANT TO WRITE!

THE 100-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO CLIMBED OUT THE WINDOW AND DISAPPEARED Jonas Jonasson

SKYLIGHT CONFESSIONS Alice Hoffman

A BEAUTIFUL TRUTH Colin McAdam

THE FEVER TREE Jennifer McVeigh

THE AGE OF MIRACLES Karen Thompson Walker

VALLEY OF THE DOLLS Jacqueline Susann

SUMMER AT TIFFANY Marjorie Hart

THE ROSIE PROJECT Graeme Simsion

THE AVIATOR'S WIFE Melanie Benjamin

HAROLD AND THE PURPLE CRAYON Crockett Johnson

I want to write fiction. I have many stories inside just waiting to be told. I've spent a great deal of time trying to supress those stories and for a while I succeeded. They were lost to me. It's time to be quiet and not "busy" to simply dwell in that creative space again. The best way to write what you want is to read what you want to write. There are thousands upon thousands of great books and I hope to spend a great portion of my life reading them! And re-reading the really good ones. Suggestions are always welcome :)

INSPIRATION & LIFE LESSONS - NON FICTION

ON BECOMING FEARLESS ... IN LOVE, WORK AND LIFE Arianna Huffington

SOULSPACE: TRANSFORM YOUR HOME, TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE Xorin Balbes

STEAL LIKE AN ARTIST Austin Kleon

DO MORE GREAT WORK Michael Bungay Stanier

SHIFT HAPPENS: HOW TO LIVE AN INSPIRED LIFE ... STARTING RIGHT NOW Robert Holden

LOVEABILITY: KNOWING HOW TO LOVE AND BE LOVED Robert Holden

THE FIRST 20 HOURS: HOW TO LEARN ANYTHING Josh Kauffman

FOCUS ON THE GOOD STUFF: THE ART OF APPRECIATION Mike Robbins

BE YOURSELF, EVERYONE ELSE IS ALREADY TAKEN: TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE WITH THE POWER OF AUTHENTICITY Mike Robbins

ZEN UNDER FIRE: HOW I FOUND PEACE IN THE MIDST OF WAR Marianne Elliott

THINK: STRAIGHT TALK FOR WOMEN TO STAY SMART IN A DUMBED DOWN WORLD Lisa Bloom

MANAGE YOUR DAY-TO-DAY: BUILD YOUR ROUTINE, FIND YOUR FOCUS & SHARPEN YOUR CREATIVE MIND Jocelyn K. Glei, Editor

MAKING IDEAS HAPPEN: OVERCOMING THE OBSTACLES BETWEEN VISION & REALITY Scott Belsky 

This is where I've been for the past couple of years - finding inspiration through the life lessons learned and shared by others. When I wasn't strong enough to take care of myself, I depended on the strength of others to provide me with hope and inspiration. I've grown a lot and now I read to have those feelings of independance, authenticity and growth reinforced.

WRITING & CREATIVE INSTRUCTION

THE NOTEBOOKS; INTERVIEWS AND NEW FICTION FROM CONTEMPORARY WRITERS Michelle Berry & Natalee Capel, Editors

WRITING LIFE: CELEBRATED CANADIAN AND INTERNATIONAL AUTHORS ON WRITING AND LIFE Constance Rooke, Editor

WRITERS GYM: EXERCISES AND TRAINING TIPS FOR WRITERS Eliza Clark

WRITING BEGINS WITH BREATH: EMBODYING YOUR AUTHENTIC VOICE Laraine Herring

344 QUESTIONS: THE CREATIVE PERSON'S DO-IT-YOURSELF GUIDE TO INSIGHT, SURVIVAL, AND ARTISTIC FULFILLMENT Stefan G. Butcher

BIRD BY BIRD: SOME INSTRUCTIONS ON WRITING AND LIFE Anne Lamott

WRITING FICTION: A GUIDE TO NARRATIVE CRAFT Janet Burroway

IMAGINATIVE WRITING: THE ELEMENT OF CRAFT Janet Burroway

NAMING THE WORLD: AND OTHER EXERCISES FOR THE CREATIVE WRITER Bret Anthony Johnston

COURAGE AND CRAFT: WRITING YOUR LIFE STORY Barbara Abercrombie

WRITING FOR MY LIFE ... RECLAIMING THE LOST PIECES OF ME: A POETIC JOURNEY Nancy Levin

THE WAR OF ART: BREAK THROUGH Stephen Pressfield

TURNING PRO: TAP YOUR INNER POWER AND CREATE YOUR LIFE'S WORK Stephen Pressfield

THE WRITING LIFE Annie Dillard

WHY WE WRITE: 20 ACCLAIMED AUTHORS ON HOW AND WHY THEY DO WHAT THEY DO Meredith Maran, Editor

Of course, in addition to the above, I have shelves lined with books all through my home. I have no doubt I've forgotten more than I've remembered with all of the brilliance - and drivel - I've read over the years, but it's all good! I'm looking forward to learning new things and challenging myself to new opportunities. Oh, if only my English-major -self had been as enthusiastic as my middle-aged-writer-wannabe-self has turned into being.

Though the stacks are uneven, I'm looking forward to absorbing all of those words and stories and emotions and plots and highs and lows.

I expect my posting here on the blog to be somewhat uneven as I focus my energy on this little endeavor. BUT imagine how much better - creative and articulate - my efforts will be once I'm in a state of inspired flow?

Me? I'm looking forward to finding out!

Project | iPhoto Purge

You know when a little project takes on a life of it's own? That's exactly what happened when I planned on finding a few photos to upload to my 500px account. I was thrilled to have someone want to order a photo and figured I'd set up a shop. Not one to do things half-assed, I thought I'd just upload all of my favourite photos and make a go of this little idea. Simple, right? Nope.

All of my "flags" had been corrupted over time by flagging photos to mail out to friends, to include in Project Life, to chose over another similar photo. What a mess!

Well, I had a lazy afternoon, why not clean it up? Easy. Then I realized - I had over 57,000 photos in my iPhoto. (Within that includes all of my digital files, so for pure photos, I'm not exactly sure what the number is as digi elements do make up a lot of that number.) I needed a full week of lazy afternoons and I've managed to get myself caught up to July 2012.

I have learned a few things about myself in the last little while:

1. I will not organize c.r.a.p. A purge must always preceed organizing.
2. A purge always needs specific criteria to follow.
3. The delete button is my best tool.

Since the computer-in-the-dumpster mishap of 2011*, I am not as attached to photos as I once was and probably purge way more than anyone else would. As a scrapbooker/album maker/memory curator, I'm sure that seems to be counterintuitive, but it works.

My criteria was simple:

1. Team or group photos that do not include my kid(s) get purged.
2. Of those photos only one or two of the very top best from the event are kept.
3. If there is a number of similar photos, pick the top one and delete the rest.
4. Any "everyday" photos for Project Life that have already been developed and put in the album that hold no meaning outside of their everyday-ness get zapped.
5. Delete, delete, delete.

One thing that surprised me is how awful so many of my photos were! Truly horrible. I'm a SOOC (Straight Out Of Camera) photographer and always prided myself on having a good "eye". Holy smokes. What a disappointment I am to myself. Purging became far easier once that realization was made. I also learned A LOT about what I was doing wrong and what I need to fix in the future. Though, it does look like I have been improving over time.

Another surprise? The realization I have two children who are complete pains in the butt when it comes to taking photos! Grr. Same two. Every time.

While I was in iPhoto I did manage to do some minimal "organizing":

1. Flagged any photo worth selling.
2. Moved to "Special Family Photos" file any special family photo or particularly good shot of people, places or things that mean something special to us.
3. Minimized the files containing any digital scrapbooking file.

I stopped at the July 2012 mark because that is where my analogue Project Life stops for 2012. Once I have that project completed, I'll zap anything that is not meaningful outside of the context of the album.

The end result, so far? I purged 22,000+ images from my iPhoto and now have little more than 30,000 images and digital files left. I know that sounds like a ton, but once I get 2012 cleared out, I think it'll be far more manageable. I'll be able to file and organize what's left. I'll be happy to have my iPhoto in alignment with the rest of my life: if it isn't loved or useful, it's gone.

A few of my "special photos" found:

Way back when Caden was in T-Ball he refused to hit the ball until the plate was perfectly cleaned of all dirt. Everyone patiently waited for him to finish and then smack the ball :) JUNE 2005

It was an Orange and Black summer when I enrolled Chloé and Caden onto two different teams to play ball. (Easier for the league - not easier for me. Live and learn!) Chloé loved the chance to play against her brother's team. Caden? I don't know that he was equally delighted. JULY 2006

Chloé is always so focused - and when she is, like all of my kids, the tongue comes out. I have no idea what she was doing, but love that I captured a moment so typical of Chloé! FEBRUARY 2008

It was a Game Boy Christmas in our house! DECEMBER 2003

Joy? Cole in Cape Cod. He cracks me up! AUGUST 2004

Do you think they would pose nicely? Nope. But this is exactly what they were like when together - like a bunch of puppies. JULY 2009

Can this girl ever pitch! Wow. It's always such a surprise to everyone. She's so happy and girly getting up to the mound. Then she turns into a fierce competitor. Love it! JUNE 2009

Spirit Day at school is always met with great enthusiasm. Claire's house was Walker which has light blue as it's colour and Cole's house is Powell's in yellow. Goofs! SEPTEMBER 2011

One of my most favourite family photos in one of our most favourite places on earth. JUNE 2008

So, now I have about 100 photos I feel comfortable uploading to my 500px account. There is always room for improvement and I hope to upload better and better photos as time goes on. With what I have, I can now spend the rest of the week making a virtual storefront and, fingers crossed, sell a photo or two!

I'm glad this project is almost completed. At least I'm a lot farther ahead than I was a week ago!

*My overly-enthusiastic son, Cole, took an "old laptop" and tossed it with the dumpster load of c.r.a.p. when the kids and I moved in 2011. I was devastated but only for long enough to know that the photos might be gone, but the memories are in my head and heart forever.

A Day In The Life | June 2013

I've had the Ali Edwards' Day in the Life templates and the coordinating photo collage templates since they came out and I've wanted to do this project for months now. It is much like my 12 of 12 practice, but more flexible as there is no limit to the number of photos. Kind of liberating that way :) Something clicked last Thursday and I remembered my camera - all day long!

Before the day started, I thought it was going to be hard to fill. As it turns out, even my lazy days, with three out of four kids (Cole was still away at OELC camp) can be pretty full. Life is good and gets better every day.

Do you participate in this #dayinthelife project?

the current | twenty-seven

dateline: oakville, ontario, canada @ 9:42pm on may 22, 2013
weather outside: missing the warmth of earlier this week. but the thunderstorms are cool!
mood inside: reflective and happy.

drinking earl grey tea. definitely in the mood for something warm.

eating lots of lentils. i am obsessed. love them!

cooking on the barbeque. it's super quick to roast veggies and so easy - my favourite way to cook.

listening to chloé singing in her bedroom. it's directly above the living room and it has become a routine that she sings at the top of her lungs before going to bed.

watching nhl hockey playoffs. at the moment the penguins are winning 5-2 over ottawa.

reading inferno by dan brown. it was only $15 at chapters - i couldn't pass it up!

wearing jeans and a long sleeved top. flip flops and my favourite pantone scarf.

packing a "tickle" file to get my upcoming activitites organized.

planning a dwindling number of household projects: column removal, room painting, pot lights. so pleased to have so little left to accomplish!

feeling a bit sunburned.

stopping to take stock of all that i have accomplished in the last couple of years. i've realized i should be more than a little proud of myself.

wanting a little bit of quiet in this insanely busy time of year. but that's just not going to happen. everyone is "itchy" with the arrival of the warm weather.

needing to focus on my plans - including my attitude - for my future!

wishing walking 10,000 steps every day would become easier - or at least not as time consuming.

waiting for nothing. not any more :)

thinking about which "big" project to start first. which needs more research? which needs more thought? which just needs to get done!

enjoying my morning smoothies. i can make them faster than the coffee drips. that works perfectly for me.

paying and paying. emotionally and financially, but thinking it might just be, fingers crossed, almost over.

encouraging the kids to bear down and avoid any and all distractions these last few weeks of school. june 22 will be here soon enough!

celebrating my recent ventures into uncomfortable situations. i've met some wonderful people and enjoyed the rewards of leaving the house - and my comfort zone :)

cultivating boundaries. the kids are very clear on what they want and don't want. i am encouraging them to honour themselves and give voice to their boundaries, with respect and grace.

marveling at how bright my life is, right now, in this moment.

anticipating a lot of study supervision in the next couple of weeks!

and a picture of my day:

Today was wonderful. It was FULL. I took over a thousand photos! We had two rugby games (won), an away softball game (lost) and two soccer games (split, they lost the championship game) and a thunderstorm. Chloé has not played soccer since she was 4 years old. I'm so proud of her for trying new things! I've enjoyed attending the games and I appreciate the patience of the parents willing to explain to me the sport. It is still not my favourite, but it doesn't have to be to enjoy watching my girl! (Note: it is an awkward crop only because the look of the players with their faces blurred just looked awful so this was the next best choice.) This is exactly where I was today. Appleby Main Field. Appleby East Field. Go Blue!

48 by 49 | 25 - 32 (a double dose!)

WEEK 25 | Swim Meet

It never occurred to me that Caden would ever swim. My immediate response, when the school coach came up and asked if he would consider it, was an emphatic "no". After all, this is a kid who almost drown when he was two years old! He does not swim. This instinct to protect him warred mightily with my natural inclination to let my kids discover for themselves their own passions. It looks like he does swim after all.

WEEK 26 | eBook Sacrilege

Imagine! Someone with shelves lined-to-bursting with books buying an eBook! I never thought the day would come, but it has. Caden had purchased a Kindle but the front was cracked when it arrived. I returned it and he said he wanted a "full colour" eBook which this one was not. So, I got to keep it. What was I going to do with it? Well, after filling up two boxes of books to donate to the school, I had a pretty good idea. I'm now purchasing most of my non-reference, big (heavy) novels, directly onto my Kindle. I have to say, I've read plenty of books on it and don't see me stopping anytime soon! So much lighter and portable than the paper-and-print version.

WEEK 27 | The Cruise

This goes in the never-say-never category of my life. In the late-'80s I went on a corporate trip, a cruise to the Caribbean. I had a great time - except for the boat part. I got so sick, it was just awful. I thought by going on the biggest Ocean Liner in the world sea sickness would be avoided. Alas, my children are not sailors! For the most part, we enjoyed ourselves, but I don't know that any of us would do it again, I know Chloé will have to be dragged on a boat - kicking and screaming!

WEEK 28 | Solo GO Train Rides

Chloé is a great kid and generally fearless. With my four kids usually going in four different directions, sometimes they have to fend for themselves - even if it scares me more than it scares them! In this case, Chloé had her acting lessons in downtown Toronto. Cole takes the train every Saturday and I drove Chloé down on Sunday and waited the three hours then drove her home. One weekend it just wasn't going to work. This kid does not like doing things she doesn't want to do. Eventually she capitulated and went on her way. We texted the whole way there - and back. After a couple of weeks of the same routine Chloé became a pro. Now there is nothing stopping her! She faced her fear and the world will have to look out!

WEEK 29 | Baseball Training

In a million years if you'd ask me if I'd sign up my kids for baseball training, you'd hear a "no" garbled somewhere in the groan. Claire had a hard time tracking the ball last year - that comes with missing two years where everyone learns to throw, and hit, a curveball. She struggled and it was painful for her to experience and for me to watch. (Gotta say, some parents are plain mean.) When it was suggested that she head over to Field House Athletics for training I was surprised at how quickly I agreed to take her. Clearly an indicator that I'll do all kinds of things for my kids - aka, it's not about me :) The best part was during her first game she got her first single in ages. So happy - and proud of herself! Thanks to Ryan and Field House.

WEEK 30 | Smoothies, etc.

It never occured to me that I would enjoy smoothies. I see them in the mall and they just never appealed to me. Perhaps it is my dislike for bananas - which, until recently, I believed to be the primary ingredient. Or, that the few I've had were so sweet - not my thing. The fact is, I don't eat breakfast and I have to. I read Harley Pasternak's Reset Diet book and *bam* I GOT IT. So, once that was done, the fitbit charged, the blender purchased, the protein powder researched and now I'm selling, I was on board. At least once a day I have a red, white or green smoothie. This has been such a healthy epiphany on so many levels. I feel so much better! The best part? I can make a smoothie in less time than it takes the coffee to drip - and that includes clean up!

WEEK 31 | Queen's University

So the joke is that since the kids were babies I've told them they can go to any university in the world except for Queen's in Kingston. The reason is simple. Every jerk - of the collossal variety - I've ever met had one common denominator - they graduated from the Queen's business program sometime between 1982 and 1988. I don't want my babies exposed to such d-bags. The problem is, Queen's and Kingston is perfect for my girl, Claire. Then I started paying attention to some of the lovely people around me. My friend Dayna graduated from Queens. Our new principal, Innes, went to Queen's. Then there were a few more people - of the lovely variety. I was judging a place based on the intake/output of a six year period in one program. Guess what? I'll be driving to and from Kingston a lot next year as Claire has chosen, out of her options: Laurier, UNB, McMaster, and a few others, to attend Queen's.

WEEK 32 | Embracing my Inner Nonconformist

The neighbourhood has standard lilac trees in the front of each property. They are old-fashioned and not particularly attractive - especially the one that I had removed as it was totally not nurtured by the previous owners and was well beyond saving. To replace it was too expensive - like $500 too expensive. Why replace an ugly, old fashioned plant when you can put in one that is beautiful? Last fall, Cudmore's came over and pulled out the old tree and replaced it with my preferred (and much-missed) flowering dogwood. I know, what a rebel, eh? Ha!

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ABOUT THIS PROJECT | I followed New52 with awe and a bit of envy. My plate was so full I just couldn't join in but it was something that piqued my interest. Not that my plate is any less full, but it is more manageable and I hope to fill the wrong side of my 40s with a positive challenge. Let's see where it leads. Thank you to Peppermint and Christine for your weekly big and small inspiration! I love the idea that "it isn’t about making a life-altering change every week, it’s about keeping an open mind and embracing little changes in your life." Life is good.

Nourish | Rediscovery

Sometimes it just isn't worth the argument. Then enough time passes and you forget the things you loved. It sounds impossible.

That's exactly what happened.

And then the years passed.

You would think it would be easy to just go back and do the things you enjoyed, but echos of criticism is paralyzing even well after the cause is gone. I'm here to say, it isn't easy. First you have to remember where you once found joy and then you have to brace yourself to find it again. It sounds so silly, but it isn't. At all.

Now that I've embraced my fears, I'm savouring and enjoying three things I had to abandon to keep the peace:

MUSIC

I was in Organic Garage in early November and heard Laura Brannigan's "Gloria" come on in the background. Every woman in the store, of a certain age (ahem), stopped. We listened and smiled. I took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. When I was younger I loved Laura Brannigan. I sang her songs, I danced around my apartment, I felt free and joyful. Oh, the years of verbal abuse I suffered, from the resident music expert, for daring to find joy music created by someone who was simply a vocalist. Standing there, in a grocery store, watching the women around me have the exact same response as I did had to be one of the most validating experiences in recent memory.

COOKING

Nothing I cooked was good enough. Ever. Why didn't I cook like his mother? I don't know. Perhaps because I wasn't his mother and even his mother didn't cook as well as his memory! As a result of constant criticism I just stopped cooking. I feigned disinterest. I did a lot of re-heating. You know, pick up pre-packaged crap from the frozen food aisle, toss a salad and voila, dinner is served. Green Giant brussels sprouts saturated in butter in a plastic boil-in-bag is not what I consider to be a vegetable - for that matter, neither is shake-n-bake or canned soup.

MOVIES

I like happy movies. Adventure movies. Documentaries and historical dramatizations. Rom-com-adventure-fun movies. Give me a movie with a great story, realistic writing and great cinematography. Often I don't care who is in it. As long as I learn something or feel something positive when it's over, I'm happy. Gross movies are ... gross. War movies are ... about war. Heavy subjects do not automatically make for a good movie. A big "star" does not always make for a good experience. I stopped going to movies, claiming fear of germs, so as not to be lectured on why I was wrong about my interpretation or opinion.

How does a person live without music, movies or food - for years? You choose your battles and these were not the battles I was willing to fight. There were others that were more important - at the time.

I have to admit, I am incredibly happy to have music, cooking and movies back. Whenever I want!

Every day, when I'm reading or writing or driving, I am listening to AltNation or some other Alternative Rock station. On my iPod I have plenty of "classic" rock (including the much maligned Laura Brannigan). My music compromise of now is to listen to more of what interests my kids. As a teen I remember music being very important to me. I hear certain songs and the memories come rushing back. It is equally important to my kids. They enjoy introducing music to me and I honour their enthusiasm by listening to - and enjoying - every single song. It's been fun to introduce them to a few tunes, too!

Though our schedule is crazy, having us going here-there-everywhere after school every day, I have managed to introduce a number of new recipes to the kids. They have developed their own tastes and I often cater to them, sometimes I offer up something new. They also have hot lunch options at school each day which have expanded their food repertoire. Yay! Most of my experimentation happens on the weekends and then I modify things to be a quick mid-week version. It's worked really well and I enjoy the challenge as well as the health benefits.

I don't know if it was a good thing that the first movie seen in a theatre in years was ARGO. I really think it may have spoiled me for every other movie! We have a theatre in walking distance from the house and I'm trying to figure out how to incorporate a mid-afternoon visit a couple of times a month. Just imagine all of the conversations I can now participate in as I'll have an opinion of my own rather than one gleened from eTalk!

This journey of rediscovery has been wonderful. I am genuinely grateful for all of it. Truly nourishing and enriching my soul. You don't really appreciate things until they're gone - and then return.

48 by 49 | 21 - 24

And my catch up continues! Lots getting done, for sure :)

WEEK 21 | VISION BOARD

Vision boards have been around forever and I've considered making one - and have made a digital one ages ago - but never did I tear apart 50+ magazines to come up with a board that appealed to me. The One Little Word prompt from Ali Edwards for February was to make a vision board (full post and blog hop tomorrow!) and I did. I like how it turned out! It really does represent where I am right now - and where I want to be, soon.

WEEK 22 | RUG

For my birthday, last September, I bought a rug. A 10' x 12' rug for our living room. I have to say, it's a bit staggering to order a hand-knotted rug for a couple of reasons: it's expensive and the choices are many, too many! All I knew is, though it goes against the principle that dark colours go on the bottom, my experience with dark rugs has been the constant need to vacuum - I had to buy a lighter rug. The minute I saw the pattern I knew it was the one. When it arrived in early February, I was pleased that each of my children, separate from one another, exclaimed that it reminded them of Cape Cod. Mission accomplished!

WEEK 23 | PRINTED E-BOOKS

I take a lot of online courses. I have been taking them for YEARS and have accumulated quite a number of e-books as a result. They reside, quietly and unopened, in my computer. Well, they did. I took them up to Staples and had my favourites - 15 of them - printed and bound. Now they are being used!

WEEK 24 | DNA TEST

I have a pretty good idea of my own personal DNA, or at least I think I do! The same cannot be said for my children. Since Claire is going off into the world next year, I thought it was important to give her all of the information available so she can make solid decisions with regards to her health. I ordered a DNA test from www.23andme.com. She and I spit into the tubes, shook it up, sealed the bags and sent them in for evaluation. Now we just have to wait.

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ABOUT THIS PROJECT | I followed New52 with awe and a bit of envy. My plate was so full I just couldn't join in but it was something that piqued my interest. Not that my plate is any less full, but it is more manageable and I hope to fill the wrong side of my 40s with a positive challenge. Let's see where it leads. Thank you to Peppermint and Christine for your weekly big and small inspiration! I love the idea that "it isn’t about making a life-altering change every week, it’s about keeping an open mind and embracing little changes in your life." Life is good.

48 by 49 | 17 - 20

I'll be doing a 2-day catch up with this project. It seems I've been busy doing things rather than sharing them! Today, my new-to-me activities: 17-20, which was supposed to be posted at the end of January, is below. My 21-24 will be up tomorrow!

WEEK 17 | MIDDLE SCHOOL LUNCH

This is my sixth straight year having a child in our Middle School with this year being unique with both Chloé and Caden in Middle One and Middle Two. I have always found it to be an uncomfortable situation where the parents are treated like some necessary evil and not really engaged in the happenings of the school as a larger community. Most of the parents are nervous and unsure with little effort made to assure them, as a group, that the school is a good fit for their child, and for them. I kept waiting to see if something would happen, there was some talk about a lunch - or even a morning coffee, but nothing transpired. In November, I gathered as many email addresses as I could and with the help of many I was able to organize a lunch in mid-January at Alice Fazooli's for 50+ parents. It was a lovely time and I for one am happy to have met a number of new people.

WEEK 18 | BETTER THAN TAKE OUT

I love Chinese Take Out but know it is filled with all kinds of things not good for me - unnecessary fats and MSG. I found some really fabulous recipes via Iowa Girl Eats and a new family favourite is the Easy Chicken Lo Mein (pictured above) which includes noodles - a favourite of my kids as they are not fans of sticky rice. I've been doing my best to make a lot of recipes at home when we are not pressed for time in the evenings.

WEEK 19 | PRE-PAID CAR WASH CARD

It might sound ridiculous, but I am so happy to get this card. It took me a while to find a car wash I like, the one closest and most convenient is really awful and way too expensive for the poor job it did. After driving around town, I found the one at the Petro Canada at Iroquois Shore Road and Trafalgar had the best car wash. Now with a quick tap of the card I can just go for a wash and not have to have a fill at the same time. I loathe driving around in a dirty car (inside or out) and the winter weather has been so sloppy, this really has made me feel fabulous! I know, it sounds silly, but it's true :)

WEEK 20 | LIFE COACH

There is going to come a time when my my life is my own again and my kids will have lives of their own and won't need daily interference from their mama. I'm not looking forward to it, at all, but it is inevitable! I've embarked on a few ventures over the years and know that my biggest failing was in the preparation and anticipation of issues - and my poor choice of business partner. I believe that in our biggest mistakes are our greatest lessons so I'm taking those lessons and I've hired a Life Coach to help me figure out what I want to be when I grow up. By the time Caden is old enough to head off to University, I should have a plan together. Clearly there is no rush, but I have to do something.

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ABOUT THIS PROJECT | I followed New52 with awe and a bit of envy. My plate was so full I just couldn't join in but it was something that piqued my interest. Not that my plate is any less full, but it is more manageable and I hope to fill the wrong side of my 40s with a positive challenge. Let's see where it leads. Thank you to Peppermint and Christine for your weekly big and small inspiration! I love the idea that "it isn’t about making a life-altering change every week, it’s about keeping an open mind and embracing little changes in your life." Life is good.

Made My Day | Paperman

If you have six minutes to gift yourself with a bit of old fashioned Disney charm:

 

This just made me smile.

I wanted to share.

I hope it made you smile, too!

Project Life 2013 | Weeks 2 & 3

I am really enjoying this project - even more than last year.

I suppose I needed that time to work out the kinks and figure out what was important enough to be included. I am really getting a feel for how my "style" is evolving - and learning to be happy with it! I find there is a lot of pressure (self imposed!) when looking at the oodles of beautiful projects on blogs, forums and on the dreaded but lovely Pinterest. I've felt like I wasn't doing it right if I didn't do this project the way everyone else was doing it with cute pocket fillers and tons of ephemera. But that style doesn't reflect my life. There is just too much with all four of my kids going in all four directions at once to leave things out in order to make room to include lumpy-bumpy filler. I'll try to keep the pretty and consistent esthetic, but I've never been one for tons of ephemera or fill, for myself.

What appeals to me about Project Life is that I can get it done quickly. I've learned to use some organizational tools and scaled back my handling of pictures and stories to streamline my process. I spend an hour or two during the week making sure to record stories and take photos then put it all together on Sunday afternoon. I spend an hour choosing photos and mapping out my week. After those two hours of prep work, If it takes me more than an hour to get the spread finished - and photographed - then I've taken too much time. I want to live this life, not just record it.

WEEK TWO

WEEK 2 | LEFT SIDE

WEEK 2 | RIGHT SIDE

WEEK 2 | INSERTS

Wrapping up YEAR FIVE of 12 of 12 :) Best project ever because, for me, it was so do-able. I'm so glad to incorporate it into my Project Life last year and now this one, too!

I definitely needed this validation this week!

WEEK THREE

Week 3 | Left Side

Week 3 | Right Side

Week 3 | Inserts

There is a back side, but I've elected to keep it in the album, unshared :)

* * * * *

What is Project Life? Developed by Becky Higgins, Project Life is a memory-keeping system which I use to document, with words and photographs, our very full life, each week of the year! It is really flexible and has made it so much easier to save our stories.

Let's Try This Again | Project Life 2.0

Well, not really again, just a continuation of a wonderful project. After all, life doesn't really stop to start all over again. I have all of the components - photos and stories - to finish off 2012, I just haven't done it yet! I'm about a quarter (13 weeks) behind.

Alas, it has been put on the back burner, until I carve out some dedicated time.

Right now I'm fully engaged in keeping up with my life - and doing my best to record as much as I can to include in weekly layouts. Along the way, I've made a few tweaks to how I've approached this project. I'm hoping these changes will result in more finished weeks. I live forever in hope!

My cover page for 2013 is simple:

The best part of coming up with this opening page was going back through all of my "flagged" photos and finding my absolute favourite pics of my kids taken in 2012. My how they make me laugh and the photos bring back such wonderful memories of wonderful times: Claire snorts when she laughs, Cole kind of let me take "headshots", Chloé loses herself on stage and it is an amazing transformation and Caden, well, he's just a silly goofy pre-teen :)

The first week of 2013 looked like this:

WEEK 1 | LEFT SIDE

WEEK 1 | RIGHT SIDE

WEEK 1 | INSERTS

I wasn't sure if I was going to include inserts this year, but with my clear addiction to Pinterest, I don't know that it will be possible to avoid them! Plus, with so much going on around here all the time, inserts are inevitable.

To be honest, I have no clue where I got this (the link on Pinterest is broken), but it is bright and colourful and in keeping with my attitude toward the upcoming year :)

I've saved this quote a number of times. Perfect for any time of the year, but it is certainly fitting for the first week of the year. The colour is in keeping with my current mood and the font is Museo Slab which I'm using in the project this year.

And with that, my Opening Page and Week 1 is complete. Whoot! Well, complete and shared. I'm actually all up to date. Not bad for 3 full weeks in ;)

Are you participating in Project Life? What lessons have you learned? What are you looking for this project to bring to your life?

and ...

Help!

If anyone knows what lens to use, or settings on a point-and-shoot, to get less curve when taking photos of a 12x12 page for sharing, your advice would be greatly appreciated!

real around here | pet peeves

I poured a calming cup of cranberry tea then started thinking about this post!

I don't often focus on the things I find annoying, but lately I feel like there's a conspiracy to have me lose my temper. It's a good thing I'm slow to boil - but when I do, look out! Keep in mind, I'm a complete control-freak-single-mother-of-four-celt-by-blood. Okay, you've been warned. Proceed. With caution!

• Repetitive noises drive me bonkers. bonkers. bonkers.
• Waste. Any kinds of waste. Food. Time. Money. It turns on my internal calculator which annoys me!
• The word "actually" when used by my children in a condescending know-it-all manner. Oh that tone! It drives me nuts!
• Telemarketers.
• Sperm donors who think they are entitled to more than they deserve.
• When you ask someone to stop a specific behaviour, just until you are out of the way, and they don't.
• To those children with no table (or toilet seat or respect your elders or don't interrupt) manners. Sigh. Your parents really did you a disservice. So when you're corrected the answer is not "but my mum lets me" - the correct response is, "thanks for letting me know." And then don't do it again.
• Sweat. Ick. A necessary evil, but I really hate it.
• Uninformed opinions. Spout off all you want, but please educate yourself with the basic unarguable facts first.
• Anyone who goes into a public place - book store, restaurant, theatre - sick. I can understand a pharmacy - or even the grocery store if you have no one to bring  you food, but leisure activities? Spare us all, please.
• When my children don't listen the first time. This is not a democracy.
• Or when they interject when I'm speaking with someone. Argh!
• When solicitors come to the door and ring the doorbell repeatedly when it is not answered. I know YOU think your cause is important, I do not have to agree. I respect your passion. Respect my right to not answer - the first time.
• When talking about universities, to all those uber competitive parents who say "but he could have got in" - shut up. He didn't get in which means he couldn't get in. Get over it.
• Dirty dishes left in the sink.
• When you try to take a photo and the exact same person makes a stupid face, or movement, over and over and over again. Thereby ruining every photo taken. This is particularly annoying at the end of a championship game, on holiday and in celebration of something that won't happen again.
• If things are not put away where they belong in the garage and I cannot get the truck parked.
• When my kids speak - out loud - about what a deadbeat their dad is and what they think of him. Not that it's not true, but I'm tired of hearing about it. I'm doing all I can to make it better for them.
• When my kids "can't find" something in the fridge. That something is usually directly in front of them!
• At the grocery check out and the person in front of me has forgotten one thing. They realize when they are almost done. They don't ask, but run off to get whatever that one thing is and come back, minutes later, with arms full of stuff. Irksome, especially when this happens at the express lane!
• Most of this stuff happens and I just keep my mouth shut, head down and move along. Unless it is some stupidity on the road. Bad manners on the road rarely hear my horn, but my kids have learned more than a curse word or two! Those same children hear when they've stepped out of line - I chalk it up to parenting.

Whew. Okay, I feel much better now. Hmm. My kids are clearly driving me crazy of late. Must find a way to fix that :)

What is your greatest pet peeve?

12 of 12 | January '13

I have been participating in this 12 of 12 project for what seems forever - but it's only been since February 2008 - thank you so much Cathy Zielske and Susan Keuter! This posting will be the completion of my fourth year. Of all the projects I've participated in through the years this has been the most consistent and ultimately rewarding. For me and my kids, this twelfth of the month event has become time capsule of sorts. Caden is now the age Claire was when I started. The kids are so used to it they all remind each other on the 11th that "Mama is going to be taking lots of pictures tomorrow" as a form of warning, but delight as well.

And with that, this was our January 12 of 12:

01. Like every morning, this one started with coffee. I drink it really strong. It goes into a travel mug with a teaspoon of raw sugar and some half and half. Mid-way through the morning I will top it up and add a bit more cream, but no more sugar. It's as refined-free as I've managed.

02. We discovered that there was no milk in the fridge. I couldn't send Caden off to his swim meet in Hamilton without breakfast. Fortino's doesn't open until 8AM. (Crazy) So we were off to the local Mac's convenience store.

3. After dropping Caden off at Appleby to catch the bus to Hamilton with the swim team, I stopped in front of the cemetery. It was so warm out and the snow melting so fast it was eerie with all of the fog that was produced. Fabulous!

4. The house was quiet upon my return so I spent part of the morning editing photos. The night before we had celebrated Jess' birthday. Love those girls!

5. The Moe was the first downstairs. LOVE her new haircut! She was filling me in on the drama of the night before. Sigh. Grade eight sucks.

6. Around 10AM Cole came tearing down the stairs talking on his phone. It turns out he has an audition for a feature film on Monday afternoon after school, in Toronto. The part? A hockey player. Made me - and him - laugh :) FIVE pages of dialogue was sent through for him to memorize.

7. Time to update his acting resumé. That includes height. As much as he might argue, he is 5'10". We confirmed it. We also confirmed that Claire is now 5'9 3/4". When did that happen?

8. Time to pick up Caden. He came in last in two races and second-last in the front crawl. He makes me laugh as those results do not deter him at all. He's looking forward to the next meet and that Ms Core is going to give him some more instruction. LOVE his attitude!

9. For about a millisecond I thought I'd lay on the couch and close my eyes. Ha!

10. The temperatures broke records today. The thermometer said 15*C but it really felt warmer. A perfect opportunity to gather up and pack away the outdoor Christmas garland and lights.

11. Lots of screens! Most of the evening was spent watching the Denver Broncos play the Baltimore Ravens. Wow. What an amazing football game. Truly a pleasure to watch.

12. Claire returned from her volleyball tournament in Kingston earlier in the day (no, that is not a good thing returning early on a Saturday!) and had contingency plans! I picked her up and took her to the movie theatre to see Django Unchained. (I have no idea how she can watch a movie like that - eek!)

And with that another 12 of 12 is complete.

How was your day?