It has always been a painful reality to me that my girls do not get along.
Sure they are polite and helpful around the house when told to perform a chore; they engage in polite conversation at the table or during family activities; they share a passing awareness of what is going on in each other's life. As a mama, I don't demand much, but I do demand respect, of everyone.
My concern is that there is no genuine curiosity or interest in the activities of the other. From first hand experience I know that these are not qualities you can force on siblings, you certainly can't tell the eldest to "do the right thing because" as it always takes two to have a relationship. As a parent, I believe, all you can do is step in when necessary and consistently foster an environment for change and acceptance. Oh, and keep your fingers crossed that maybe, just maybe, something will
happen that makes them sit up and take notice that they are potentially
the best friends they could ever have, ever.
I very hopefully and quietly (shhh, don't jinx it) think this day may have arrived!
It has become a family tradition that whichever grandchild turns 10 that year, and some years there will be multiple members who meet that criteria, they get to go visit Nanna and Grampy at their winter home in Florida for a few days. Claire went a few years ago when she turned 10 and Cole went with his cousin when they turned 10. This year it is Chloé's turn. Not that my parents aren't company enough, but to ensure
Chloé
is fully engaged and does not suffer a boring moment, Claire has been invited to tag along to keep her company and give Nanna and Grampy a bit of a break now and then - a tennis game, biking, a ride in the golf cart, endless hours in the pool and hot tub - you get the idea.
They left at 3PM today. They don't return until late next Monday. I was fearful of this day and spent many hours just hoping against hope that they'd just get along rather than sit in stony silence, which is more often than not the case. Way better than the alternative, but still not quite right.
Yesterday it happened. After speaking with Nanna about the weather, which using her words was "cold", I decided to take the girls over to the mall to pick up a few things. Primarily a trench coat for Claire (which we found, very cute, black and traditional) but more important was to find more than a few things for Chloé who seems to find fashion in her brother's closet rather than her own. Ugh. Madam Fashionista, Claire, took off with her friend to find some things and I took Chloé with me. To me shopping is a pain worse than childbirth, so this was a big deal. We went to two places: Garage and American Eagle. (I'm trying to deal with the shock I'm no longer shopping for sweetly coordinated duds at Children's Place and Gap for Kids!) Many outfits were tried on, many rejected, many purchased. We regrouped at the food court where we shared our finds.
Then reality dawned: my girls wear the same size.
They're both smart and gorgeous: blonde, blue eyed; but, that is where the similarity ends. Claire is tall, athletic, lanky at 5'9" and Chloé is short, plump and curvy at 5' flat. I have no doubt she will gain some inches and thin out over the next couple of years, but now, in this moment, they are the same.
Tentatively I said: "well, your wardrobes have just doubled." Fingers crossed, breathe held, bracing for the worst. The idea was met with big eyes, big smiles and eventually a couple of squeals. Never in my wildest imaginings did I think clothing would be the environment to foster sisterly change, but hey, you take what you can get!
The minute we got in the door at home, they spent two hours dumping out their closets, drawers and all the clean laundry they could find to mix and match all of their clothes. I enjoyed the squeals and giggles as they ran into the kitchen with their outfits. I have to say, Claire has a very good sense of style. A little traditional mixed with a little edgy and always very modest. It works!
I know the potential pitfalls and drama caused by clothing damage, loss and dirt but that's all been discussed and I think they're both so relieved and happy to have this little bit of serendipity, they want this to work.
We'll see. The combination of a new-found mutual interest and forced quarters may just be the formula. Let's hope it's a successful one!
In the meantime, this was the reaction of my boys to the house becoming almost estrogen-free:
Looks like it's going to be a pretty entertaining - and testosterone filled - six days :)
Canadian Patriotism
No, that title is not an oxymoron. Most Canadians I know, by birth or by choice, are the most fiercely patriotic people I've ever met. Always compared to Americans, but we are not. Always defined by our natural resources, and hockey players, and comedians. We have a small but mighty population of talented, peaceful, resourceful people and we are generally reserved about touting it. Don't mistake our reserve for anything but what it is: confidence and quiet resolve.
Uncharacteristically, during the brilliant, positively BRILLIANT, opening ceremony of the Olympics last night, the main entertainment portion featured so much, including: fiddlers, tappers, whales, wheat, a lesbian singer, flying children, lit bears, aboriginal performers, snowboarders and a slam poem read by it's author. Honestly, how many nations would represent like that at a major event? There are many places to see fantastic images, for a small selection of incredible photos, head here.
Anyway, it was the poem that stuck with me. (I wasn't able to stay up late enough to see much after the parade of nations. I even missed the lighting ceremony - but managed to catch the highlights on the morning coverage.) Some on twitter and Facebook were shocked at the poem, but being a Canadian, I'm not. I knew exactly what he was saying. Giving voice to what is in the heart of every Canadian I have ever met.
When defining Canada
you might list some statistics
you might mention our tallest building
or biggest lake
you might shake a tree in the fall
and call a red leaf Canada
you might rattle off some celebrities
might mention Buffy Sainte-Marie
might even mention the fact that we've got a few
Barenaked Ladies
or that we made these crazy things
like zippers
electric cars
and washing machines
when defining Canada
it seems the world's anthem has been
" been there done that"
and maybe that's where we used to be at
it's true
we've done and we've been
we've seen
all the great themes get swallowed up by the machine
and turned into theme parks
but when defining Canada
don't forget to mention that we have set sparks
we are not just fishing stories
about the one that got away
we do more than sit around and say "eh?"
and yes
we are the home of the Rocket and the Great One
who inspired little number nines
and little number ninety-nines
but we're more than just hockey and fishing lines
off of the rocky coast of the Maritimes
and some say what defines us
is something as simple as please and thank you
and as for you're welcome
well we say that too
but we are more
than genteel or civilized
we are an idea in the process
of being realized
we are young
we are cultures strung together
then woven into a tapestry
and the design
is what makes us more
than the sum total of our history
we are an experiment going right for a change
with influences that range from a to zed
and yes we say zed instead of zee
we are the colours of Chinatown and the coffee of Little Italy
we dream so big that there are those
who would call our ambition an industry
because we are more than sticky maple syrup and clean snow
we do more than grow wheat and brew beer
we are vineyards of good year after good year
we reforest what we clear
because we believe in generations beyond our own
knowing now that so many of us
have grown past what used to be
we can stand here today
filled with all the hope people have
when they say things like "someday"
someday we'll be great
someday we'll be this
or that
someday we'll be at a point
when someday was yesterday
and all of our aspirations will pay the way
for those who on that day
look towards tomorrow
and still they say someday
we will reach the goals we set
and we will get interest on our inspiration
because we are more than a nation of whale watchers and lumberjacks
more than backpacks and hiking trails
we are hammers and nails building bridges
towards those who are willing to walk across
we are the lost-and-found for all those who might find themselves at a loss
we are not the see-through gloss or glamour
of those who clamour for the failings of others
we are fathers brothers sisters and mothers
uncles and nephews aunts and nieces
we are cousins
we are found missing puzzle pieces
we are families with room at the table for newcomers
we are more than summers and winters
more than on and off seasons
we are the reasons people have for wanting to stay
because we are more than what we say or do
we live to get past what we go through
and learn who we are
we are students
students who study the studiousness of studying
so we know what as well as why
we don't have all the answers
but we try
and the effort is what makes us more
we don't all know what it is in life we're looking for
so keep exploring
go far and wide
or go inside but go deep
go deep
as if James Cameron was filming a sequel to The Abyss
and suddenly there was this location scout
trying to figure some way out
to get inside you
because you've been through hell and high water
and you went deep
keep exploring
because we are more
than a laundry list of things to do and places to see
we are more than hills to ski
or countryside ponds to skate
we are the abandoned hesitation of all those who can't wait
we are first-rate greasy-spoon diners and healthy-living cafes
a country that is all the ways you choose to live
a land that can give you variety
because we are choices
we are millions upon millions of voices shouting
" keep exploring... we are more"
we are the surprise the world has in store for you
it's true
Canada is the "what" in "what's new?"
so don't say "been there done that"
unless you've sat on the sidewalk
while chalk artists draw still lifes
on the concrete of a kid in the street
beatboxing to Neil Young for fun
don't say you've been there done that
unless you've been here doing it
let this country be your first-aid kit
for all the times you get sick of the same old same old
let us be the story told to your friends
and when that story ends
leave chapters for the next time you'll come back
next time pack for all the things
you didn't pack for the first time
but don't let your luggage define your travels
each life unravels differently
and experiences are what make up
the colours of our tapestry
we are the true north
strong and free
and what's more
is that we didn't just say it
we made it be.
Posted on 13 February 2010 at 02:00 PM in celebrating the special occasions, inspiration, made my day, social commentary, sports | Permalink | Comments (6)
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