Embrace Life

Reflection | September 2014

Cole was asked to step in and help out at orientation so he moved into boarding early - on September 1. Varsity camps started at school and Caden was thrilled to be back on the volleyball court, and by all accounts, the coach was happy to have him there. After much frustration I finally had my meeting with the doctor and all of the tests confirmed that my body is being eaten up by cortisol and my thyroid (with meds) cannot convert T4 to T3. I am now taking oodles of supplements and doing all I can to get healthy. I enjoyed a lovely lunch with my dad for my birthday - in a garden in the middle of the city of Toronto - it was such a wonderful setting and even better company. I was stuck in construction directly in front of one of my favourite childhood venues: the McLaughlin Planetarium which has been closed for at least 20 years, so very sad. After a bit of research, I decided to get myself a Canon 70D and hand off the 40D to Cole. My sister and kids came over to deliver a big pink package then we went to Jonathan's for a delicious lunch. The treadclimber needs assembly so has found it's new home in our front hall for the beginning of the month. Chloé and Caden are looking forward to the year ahead and enjoyed volunteering at the new student orientation as well as the welcome back barbeque at school. Knowing he couldn't be the "best boyfriend ever", Cole decided to break things off with Alex so she didn't feel like he wasn't giving her the attention she deserved. With much thanks to Warby Parker, Chloé is starting her year with a new accessory: many pairs of glasses! The insurance adjustor came to take a look at things in the new place. It's a miracle - the books came in before classes started! The great sock sort of 2014 was accomplished in record time and we have so many pairs none have to be purchased! I applied for, and was accepted (whoot!!), to be a member of The Desire Map Licensing Inner Circle and I am looking forward to where this new chapter takes me.  (What I hope is) The final piece of the puzzle was mailed off to Thunder Bay, now we wait. My friend Jill and her husband John, collected me to attend the Senior Two dinner at the school - my friends are now my "ride" to make sure I get where I'm going :) Crate & Barrel has been open for a while but I've never been to one in Canada - fear I'd like it too much - well, that was dead on! I went and bought two gorgeous couches for the family room and took full advantage of the big sale. After a long wait the tale of the travelling armoir is over and it is now in it's new home in the games room - damaged, but it's here! I'm back at coaching with Helen, and this session - from now through November - is all about the WooHoo! Caden was busy at varsity volleyball tryouts and town volleyball tryouts - he made both teams. I started my first IV treatment and it was odd and good. I missed an Angel Seminar I had really wanted to attend, but sometimes life gets in the way of our plans. More grade parties for the Upper One crowd - I didn't attend the one for Upper Two. Continuing to be helpful, Cole has really stepped up at school. I am so very proud of him - especially when he sent a quick text to assure me he was having "a blast" at Camp Pine Crest with the new international boarders. He then ended up in the infirmary at school for a 42-hour stay with bronchitis and thrush. Poor beast! Caden doesn't understand why the boys can't wear kilts to school so a note was sent asking about it - and he got a response! On the receiving end of a few phone calls from Claire which has been equally unexpected and fun. I enjoy hearing about all of the things she is learning. I continue to be surprised when a peer who trashes the reputation of a child cries victim - time to grow up! I love to sing, so I joined My Pop Choir - then decided not to join. Honouring my instincts. On that note - haha - Chloé and Cole are both signed up for vocal classes and Chloé is benefit from Cole's being so busy with his school responsibilities. I ordered my first vegan bag from Matt & Nat. Chloé is settling in and enjoying her courses, I think she's happy she's decided to stay. Caden spent his week in Temagami, and by all accounts, survived, arriving home with a need for a shower! While our kids were away, Jill and I met for dinner for a big 4-month catch up. Claire came home for Homecoming then went off to Waterloo to visit friends at Laurier then back again for dinner with Nanna & Grampy. Caden had been home only a few hours when he was off to play volleyball vs HSC - though they lost, he played well (though he would disagree). Paperwork is signed and cheque written and now Caden is playing Oakville Thunder 15U this year. Kundalini yoga is now TWICE a week and I am very happy about it. As the month ends, I'm working on a "quick" writing assignment which has turned into a bear because it was supposed to be quick and I couldn't just let it be :S

In the lives of the kids:

Claire | by all Facebook accounts it looks like she enjoyed her time as Gael (orientation leader) at school and her second year at university is off to a brilliant start. I just hope she's making it to all of her classes! I'm pleased that she seems to be making really good choices from a place of security and no longer from a place of scarcity.

Cole | is taking on quite a bit of responsibility at school this year as Health & Wellness Rep and Deck Captain and stepped in as Orientation Leader for the international students the week before school started. Now his focus is on recovering from bronchitis and catching up on all of his school work. Great lessons as he learns to adjust based on circumstance and expectation. A life skill for sure!

Chloé | helped out with new student orientation and is looking forward to the year ahead, while mindful of the social lessons learned last year. She's ROCKING her new Warby Parker glasses - and angling for more! The new haircut and the new smile are also adding to her confidence. She chose to take G11 math and so far, so good!

Caden | was also on hand for the new student orientation which gave him a chance to scope out all of the new students starting high school with him this coming year. He will have his days filled with school and volleyball as he made it onto the school jv team as well as the town team.

Life in general:

Weather | the summer that never was became the autumn that felt like summer. Unless you're in Calgary where my friends woke to a 15cm snowfall in the first week of the month! Our first week brought it the only "summer" weather of the season and by mid-month we were plummeted into a bit of a freeze. Though friends on FB were talking about fireplaces and snuggies, we're waiting until October!

News | With all of the terrible things happening overseas I wonder if Cole is reconsidering his desire to be a war correspondent! The (never ending) Toronto Mayoral race is heating up and at the start of the month I found it stunning that Rob Ford was still in the running - and then he wasn't due to health issues - and then his brother took his place. In the weird and wonderful land of Toronto politics the Fords have turned the Mayoral race into some kind of old-time Chicago political game. In South Africa, the judge ruled that Oscar Pistorius was not guilty of pre-meditated murder but he was of manslaughter. ISIS is freaking scary and someone needs to figure out that they don't play by Western rules! In fluff-land: as one website put it, "Internationally Acclaimed Barrister Amal Alamuddin Marries An Actor." - George Clooney.

Sports | Caden tried out for the school JV volleyball team and then tried out for the Oakville Thunder U15 team and made both! After some hemming and hawing, Cole was a member of the varsity cross country team but was forced to withdraw with the bronchitis preventing his participation. As for pro sports: There was so much more bad behaviour in the NFL in one week this month, it's clear there is a desperate need for leadership, I missed the Ryder Cup :( but heard about it and how well the Europeans handled themselves, the Derek Jeter retirement season is over.

Discovery | People do NOT want to share their cleaning ladies or the name of their housekeeper :( Crate & Barrel ROCKS. Celine makes nice bags.

Looking forward, goals I want to keep at the forefront include:

Create | Ever since I participated in the first Me: A to Z project a few years ago, I've wanted to re-visit the project - especially with all of the changes I've made in my life! I was happy to learn Cathy Zielske is offering a new course! Tons of new things on the go, projects abound!

Health | The bad news? I blew up my left knee and I've been advised to stop reformer Pilates for a while - at least until there is less stress (read: weight) on my knees. The good news? The tests are all back and my sugar is fine, my cholesterol is fine, my health is fine - all except the thyroid. Now I'm on a schedule for daily meds and supplements - and weekly cocktails of healthy boosts.

Home | LEAVES! They've been turning and falling for weeks. Happily I found a groundskeeper to remove them all when they fall. Still no sign of a closing date on the townhouse! I am hoping to get all of our stuff moved over to the house - in time for Thanksgiving next month, Hallowe'en at the latest.

Inspiration | I really enjoy Brian Henry's courses and his workshop this month did not disappoint.

Me | In my quest to stay out of my comfort zone and lean into fear, I applied to help beta test the Desire Map workshop and ended up simply signing up for one instead :) Timing is everything. I'm working on the behind-the-scenes of leecurrie.com and it's a ton of work! I've been upgrading my wardrobe and it's been more fun than I thought it would be :)

* * * * *

A couple of years ago I consistently wrote up posts summing up the month that had just past. Then life got both complicated and overwhelming, so much so I was just going from day-to-day in complete survival mode. With this new year I'm getting back into the practices of my past that I have missed.

hello monday | 139

hello health centre. dealing with bronchitis and thrush for one. cramps and nausea for another. and warts, possible asthma and feet issues for the last. the last month has not been kind and gentle to my children.

hello kundalini yoga. now on wednesdays, too! i am so happy i will be able to attend twice each week and not feel so guilty if i'm unable to make one - there will always be the other. this has been such a good practice for me.

hello maintenance. this week is time for another cut & colour, waxing and a pedicure. yay! 

hello sleep pod. with the weather getting cooler it's time to get back into the pod. this time 'round will be sleep, i'll hit the super-hot metabolism program when the snow flies and it's super-cold outside!

hello plumber. the replacement parts are in!

hello volleyball season. it starts this week. i know caden is almost as excited to play as I am to watch him and his school team!

hello good choices that come from a position of self-love. the people we choose to spend time with are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. there is a lot of self-love happening around here and it is wonderful to experience!

hello mercury in retrograde. here we go again!

hello desire map virtual program. i am so very excited to get started on this workshop. the desire map is the foundation upon which i plan to build my future and it starts this week!

hello writing. lots and lots of writing!

hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week. i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

 

what are you saying hello to on this brand new monday?
head on over to lisa's blog and link up in the comments.

2014 | A Day in the Life | JUNE, JULY, AUGUST & SEPTEMBER

I am still creating memory pages (aka scrapbooking). I spent a great deal of time over the summer deciding what activities bring me joy and what I am willing to let go.  Memory keeping is something I will always do, to some degree. I took a memoir course and actually thought I'd be able to do it well because of the skills honed through album making - ha! Though, through it, I did learn something different but familliar and have plans to incorporate the two in a future project.

In the meantime, I have been celebrating one day each month in more depth than my usual Project Life though I have been inconsistent in my posting. I'd promise to change that, but hey, who are we kidding?

It was a full summer!

Wishcasting | 33, 34, 35 & 36

WISHCASTING | 33 What do you wish to feed?

I wish to feed my innate nature: I am curious. I am sensitive. I am a dreamer. I am kind. I am fiercely loyal to those loyal to me. After years of trying to keep my truth in check - I was told it was rude, emotional, distracted, needy and difficult - I am giving my innate nature free reign and I wish to make up for lost time and feed it at every opportunity.

What about you? What do you wish to feed?

WISHCASTING | 34 How do you wish to spend your day?

My day would start enjoying breakfast, well, brunch, with all of my kids around the same table. My kitchen would be miraculously spotless so I could leave to grab my camera and take a photo walk. I'd spend the afternoon with my sister - shopping, a show, a class, whatever. Then I'd join my girlfriends for a meal that would have us laughing and drinking until well past dessert. I'd get home, change into comfy pajamas, read a few pages in my latest book. I'd turn out the light and snuggle up tight with my partner who is happy I had a wonderful day and happier he now has me to himself :)

What about you? How do you wish to spend your day?

WISHCASTING | 35 To what do you wish to say "no"?

My friend Robin is fond of the old Polish proverb: Not my circus. Not my monkeys. I couldn't agree more. I am so incredibly tired of drama. And not just the teenage variety of which there is much, daily. I'm tired of adults acting like children by making more of a situation than what is there and going to such an extreme as to make it absurd. Drama is boring. Focus on other things: world peace and tollerance, bringing light into darkness, kindness to evil, patience to bigotry. Please.

What about you? To what do you wish to say "no"?

WISHCASTING | 36 What do you wish to create?

A genuine life, one full of truth, tolerance, authenticity, love and kindness.

What about you? What do you wish to create?

_______________________________________________________________________

These are responses to the prompts found in Jamie Ridler's 52-week e-course: What If You Filled Your Year With Wishes. Though I'm more goal-oriented than a dream-believer, I have a fondness for wishes. Recently, there has been much heart-work done and I can be more authentic, more gentle and more kind with myself and my wishes.

anticipation | autumn (the original post)

So, last week when I was writing my anticipation | autumn post, I had a niggling feeling that I had written one already. For the life of me I couldn't find it in my drafts folder! Until now. So here it is, part 2, which is really the original:

Daily breathing and meditation.

Daily walks and stretching.

Daily mindful eating and compassionate self talk.

Daily reading and writing.

Daily creating and imagining.

Daily practices of only those things that are good for me and therefore good for everyone around me.

* * * * *

Autumn is filled with all those things that make me feel much more alive than any other time of year. Odd given that it is the time of year when everything is harvested and dying.

• I'm enjoying the crunch of leaves beneath my Merrills on my walks through the forest at the school and through the cemetery in my back yard. I've also taken a trip or ten to walk the Labrynth in Burlington.
• Claire does not call often enough but when she does it is so wonderful to hear from her and catch up on the happenings in her life!
• University applications are on the agenda for Cole and all of the Senior Two students at school. He's pretty focused and determined to get into his top choice - Kings College in Halifax.
• Volleyball tryouts are over and the sport is keeping Caden busy. He's playing on the varsity team at school and has hopes of the U15 town team with practices and training through the week.
• Chloé is happy with her choice to stay home. I'm proud of her for deciding to stick to it. It's a brutal lesson, but she is fully acquainted with the idea that "people show you who they are, believe them the first time". It's not rude to believe them.
• Thanksgiving is coming up quickly! We're looking forward to spending time with family.
• First term is super important - it is where the kids lay down the foundation for the year. The marks can't be made up later without unnecessary hurculean effort. (I'm fond of saying that a ball team can lose the pennant in April - a student can lose their year in first term.)
• I'm sad to be missing reformer Pilates due to injury. I'll be back! Baby steps!
• I'm hoping to learn something at the Your Possible Life presentation at the Art Gallery in Burlington. I love Beth, Lisa and Shelley!
• I'm looking forward to the Ryder Cup - in Scotland this year!
• Writing workshops and classes are keeping me on track. That elusive book of my imagination is now becoming more real.
• Sunday morning yoga is lovely. Any morning yoga is lovely!
• We're looking forward to watching Scandal, Elementary, The Blacklist, The Good Wife and Once Upon A Time this season. I wonder what other new shows will be put on our "must watch" list?
• Mercury will enter it's final retrograde of the year in early October. Good! I need to re-visit some things - and this will be a perfect time to edit, too!
• Cole is enjoying his time in boarding. We're happy to see him and I encourage more spontaneous drop-ins. (He is not enjoying the cold he caught! Boarding = Germ Soup)
• We're off to see Wicked! I can't wait. I love the music and the story but have never seen it on stage.
• My annual Ali Edwards-inspired Week in the Life project is expected to start on October 27th. I am very fond of this project and can't wait to see what memorable treasures are discovered through the week.
• Speaking of Ali Edwards, there's a rumour she is coming to Crop & Create and I'm hoping to get a spot!
• Chloé loves percussion and is spending plenty of time practicing and participating with the concert band at school.
• Hallowe'en promises to be different this year. We are in a real neighbourhood loaded with little kids. We had no door bell rings last year or the one before, I'm sure we'll have more than a few this year! Hmm. I might even dress up! I wonder where I put that broom and caudron?
• Should Caden make the team, there is lots of local-ish travel from volleyball venue to volleyball venue. I'm hoping to get some really good photos this season. I'll have the time as I'm not the manager this year!
• After a brutally cold winter, then a cool wet spring and summer, we're hoping for some cool but sunny days. At least a few!
• Our home, our routines, our fridge, our life is all geared toward study and preparing for success.
• Exams will be here before we know it - early December!
• Just as fall turns to winter, on that last day, Claire turns 19. I wonder if I should send out warnings to the all the bars in downtown Toronto!

I'm looking forward to getting in to the cool swing of autumn. Fireplaces on. Chunky sweaters. Lazy afternoons on the couch reading stories. Bright blue skies. Perfect!

the current | forty-two

dateline: oakville, ontario, canada @ 9:17pm on 22 september 2014
weather outside: a cool 12C - feeling crisp
mood inside: quiet with just me and chloé at home

drinking a glass of perrier, no ice

eating a bowl of berries: black and blue

embracing the feeling that this house is starting to feel like home

enjoying the delivery of new couches from crate & barrel, delivered this morning

cooking minimally. with just two of us at home there is a lot of winging it!

trying to keep up with my supplement and medication schedule. an overhelming 37 pills a day!

missing claire at university, cole in boarding and caden in temagami.

feeling like i'm on the edge of something new and exciting.

listening to my intuition, and finally giving myself permission to pay attention and act on what it is telling me.

watching "the voice" is on in the background. i love this time of year, the start of the new tv season. i wonder which will survive? almost a guarantee it is not the one i fall in love with watching!

reading jan karon's new book "somewhere safe with somebody good" - it is so nice to be back in mitford, north carolina again!

wearing my new oversized olive-drab sweater. my sister will be horrified! :D

packing a box of school books for consignment. the forms have been filled. i just have to put it in the truck and head off to the store.

planning to sell the suburban. i think. i'm vascilating. not good. just one more project.

stopping all of the second guessing and negative self talk. it's time to leave all the f***ing drama to those creating it and not engage.

wanting a massage. oh, and a foot rub!

needing to find a way to make the "foundation formula" - am and pm versions and customized "amino acid" powder taste better. seriously. in their current state they are completely unpalatable! if i won't take it because it tastes like caca then it does no good for me, right?

wishing for my kids to make good choices.

waiting for the townhouse to sell so i can finally move all of our belongings into the new house and settle in completely. tired of having moved all of the contents and not the containers. living in clutter city!

thinking how incredibly fortunate to live the life i have.

enjoying always having something to do.

paying attention to all of the crazy wildlife around here. huge black squirrels hoarding small acorns and tiny red squirrels hoarding huge nuts of some kind. and the raccoons - very busy beasts.

encouraging all of my kids to make authentic choices - courses, friends, parties, activities and so many more challenges. choose what resonates with them and do it.

celebrating the change of season. i know most people think summer was just cold and wet and autumn is simply an extension of the same, but this season makes me joyful. time to use the new camera!

cultivating a new start, a foundation on which i plan to build my future.

marveling at match.com and the cesspool of crazy it contains. though, on a different level, it is great fodder for story characters!

anticipating more change, more kindness, more challenge, more frustration, more embracing, more learning, more love. yeah, that. more love.

and tada, a photo from my week:

One little WORD | 100 Days to Find GRACE

Today is September 22nd and that means there are 100 days left in 2014.

Blink.

Enough time to focus on a project I've had in mind. I enjoyed participating in #100happydays earlier this summer and it did provide a focus, an ability to be mindful of the events in my days. I'd like to use the next 100 days to perhaps focus a little more on my One Little Word: GRACE.

At this point of the year I am often weary of my one little word.

This year I want to focus and finish leaving 2014 in a state of grace.

A couple of weeks ago, I was wandering through the internet - you know the drill, click here, click there - and found a notebook, an art print and a day timer.

Finally, I found the proper words to express my definition of grace. There is no whisper of religion or dogma, it is about a state of being. This art print is now framed and put in a prominent place in my office so I can be reminded through my days to lean into GRACE.

For the next #100daysofgrace - in my new robins egg blue journal with the same quote on the cover - I plan to write a daily entry, stick in a daily photo, find a quote, make a doodle, copy an article, find some lyrics and whatever else suits my search. I do many, very many, photo + word based projects. This is going to be something different. The only real photos will be taken at the end of the year, when the project is complete and I can let go of grace to find another word for 2015 - but still have grace live within me knowing I did all I could to keep it around and make it present within me, to my core.

What about you? Do you have a guiding word for the year?

hello monday | 138

dropping off one child at school in the morning is just weird!

hello recipe book. i have kept putting off plans to make a recipe book. you know. waiting for perfect: the perfect template, the perfect amount of time, the perfect selection of perfect recipes. well, claire has called from school and has asked for a selection of foods that i make. so i guess i've started!

hello temagami. i am sitting nervously awaiting his return.

hello patience. as far as labels go, i would call myself impatient. until i realized that is no longer true. i have managed to overcome my biggest personal flaw. (oh, don't worry, there are plenty more!) i realized it and then this article arrived in my feed to confirm it.

hello sick child. i wish i didn't have to send him back into boarding. not one to overreact, i really think we should make sure it's not pneumonia!

hello new couches. i am beyond happy that they are to arrive on monday between 10:15am and 1:15pm. really. that's the time frame they gave me.

hello email. it is possible, using that aforementioned patience, to figure out what is wrong with multiple gmail accounts in your apple mail going out on one account and not the multiple accounts set up for different purposes. months of frustration eliminated with 7+ hours of stop. start. shut down. log in. log out. fingers crossed.

hello wordpress. if i can figure out email, i can figure out wordpress.

hello show premieres. this is going to be a fun week!

hello homecoming. one of my favourite events at the school. and bonus? claire will be home - for a few hours - but home nonetheless.

hello bombshells. doing my best to be casual when my kids ask very specific questions about sex, drugs, bullying, inappropriate party attire and a whole bunch of other questionable behaviour. i don't want to scare them but i don't want them to participate. i'm taking deep breaths. i'm walking on eggshells. doing the best i can to answer and engage in the most honest way possible!

hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week. i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

 

what are you saying hello to on this brand new monday?
head on over to lisa's blog and link up in the comments.

anticipation | autumn

We are just rolling into autumn like summer never happened. The leaves started to change before the kids headed back to school, so I anticipate things will be pretty cold pretty quickly around here. They've already had measurable snow out west. At my age and stage, I'm happy for the cooler weather no matter the season!

We are adjusting to some big changes around here: Claire is back in Kingston, Cole is in his boarding year, Chloé elected to stay and is finding her footing and Caden has started high school! We almost totally settled in a new house, with new spaces, new chores, new routines. Lots of lessons being learned.

With the arrival of autumn we are looking forward to:

• Volleyball training for Caden. He's made it onto the school team and hopefully he will make it onto a town team, but he's all signed up for training through the year.
• Cole and Chloé are back at vocal lessons with Greg. They are not going to perform in the festivals this year, but they do plan on attending the Conservatory Exams.
• Even I got in on things and am all signed up for My Pop Choir. Our first song is Ain't No Mountain High Enough.
• Caden is leaving for the Upper One trip to Temagami - it still fills me with dread. I will hold my breath the whole time he is away.
• Homecoming is coming up and I'm looking forward to it, especially since Claire is expected to come home for it! It'll be nice to have all four in the house even if it is for just one day.
• I've put together a meal plan and look forward to more stews and hearty fare in keeping with the season.
• I've even put together a whole "let's create" plan and look forward to new projects to complete.
• The new television season: The Good Wife, Elementary, The Blacklist, Scandal and Once Upon A Time will watched for sure, as well as the new Tea Leone show, Madame Secretary and Viola Davis in How to Get Away with Murder.
• Derek Jeter retires from baseball on September 28th in Boston for his last game in a Yankees uniform. We'll all be watching.
• Fingers crossed the townhouse is sold and we can finally move all of the furniture and be completely settled in our new space.
• Cole will be sending out his University applications! Blink. It all goes by so fast.
• The Ryder Cup is much anticipated - by me, anyway!
• More plumbers, electricians, heat & air, landscapers and now to find a carpenter.
• I'm taking a virtual Desire Map Workshop and am greatly looking forward to it.
• Thanksgiving should be lovely. Not sure what the plans are, but I know it will include good food, good wine and lots of family.
• Thunderstorms, a roaring fireplace, a cup of tea, a good book and a big blanket set the stage for me to get comfortable atop the new Crate & Barrel couch. I hope to have a chance to do this - a lot!
• Kundalini yoga continues on Friday mornings.
• I'm changing up my coaching to include some more energy and metaphysical aspects. I anticipate it will be fascinating.
• The Worldwide Photo Walk is being held on October 11. I'll probably make a trek somewhere, just not sure where, yet.
• We're looking forward to going into Toronto for a matinée of Wicked. I've read the book, know the soundtrack, but have never seen the musical. I can't wait!
• Writing classes start again in Burlington. Lots of my life happens in Burlington.
• Hallowe'en will be much different in this neighbourhood as it is LOADED with kids. I may just have to carve some pumpkins and put out some decorations. It'll be a nice change after enjoying a couple of years hiatus.
• Mercury will be in retrograde again. Time for me to get lots done!
• Judging from the multitude of signs around town, it looks like we have an election coming up. Since I recognize almost all of the names and most of the signs say "re-elect" I suppose it's just more of the same-old-same-old.
• I'm heading out to The Possible Life event in Burlington which is being headed by a couple of friends of mine. I'm looking forward to it!
• Late in October is Week In The Life time again. I looked at my calendar and put it in. I realized how much of my memory keeping projects revolve around autumn. I think I'm going to have to shuffle a few things in the future!
• Daylight savings - how depressing.
• The TreadClimber will be getting a workout - and so will the new studio!
• In a couple of short months the kids will be writing exams! (Shh. I won't tell them. There's enough pressure!)
• I will continue with my crazy meds and supplement schedule - and IV treatments every Wednesday until they tell me I'm healthy again. Gotta tell you, it better be before Christmas :)

The kids are in key years at school so around here it's all about focus-focus-focus, with a bit of fun and distraction thrown in to help maintain their sense of humour! I realized there is no travel in our plans for the next few months. I must remedy that. Maybe a quick day trip somewhere?

Happy autumn :)

real right now | many moving parts

Just in case you feel this has turned into a "hello monday" blog, I can promise it has not! In fact, I've been working on it, in draft form, a lot. Other creative endeavours are keeping me away, too. All will be shared, at some point!

In the meantime, I have:

A house to sell.
Plumbers to employ.
Yardwork guy to find.
Workshops to attend.
A crazy supplement/med schedule to follow
.Kids activities to manage.
To shedule appointments with the doctor, dentist and orthodontist.
To put a price on my Suburban. Anyone looking for a 2011 LTZ?
Meals to make. Laundry to wash. Toilets to scrub.
And more.

I'm excited about all that is going on, it's just keeping me away.

What have you been up to?

hello monday | 137

hello desire map workshop. throughout the book club gatherings we had a book, a workbook and a brilliant idea. that idea is now broken down into still brilliant bite-sized pieces and i am so excited to get started. in my minds eye, this is the foundation upon which i plan to build my future.

hello volleyball tryouts. the town tryouts continue this week - in the meantime caden has made it onto the school jv team! i can only hope the town coach is more interesting in winning than whining.

hello cough. it really is past time to say goodbye!

hello my pop choir. i'm looking forward to this experience! now if only the cough and hoarse would go away so i can enjoy the process and get back to what i love to do. sing.

hello intuition. i have to trust it. pigs & grunts. seriously. i really have to trust that people do show you who they are and i need to believe them the first time. and, to top it off, remember that the universe always sends a test. this is a test. got it.

hello iv treatment. other than tasting weird sweet-ish breath, the vitamin treatments have been going well. though, i have to admit, i'm a bit exhausted with these regulated supplements and meds. i'm keeping my eye on the prize!

hello pendulum. i've just taken the first steps in a long metaphysical learning process. fascinating!

hello temagami. beyond the mean of it all, this camping trip is the scariest experience of the upper one year. hell, of the whole high school experience! well, maybe the middle-of-freaking-winter-with-ice-and-snow camping trip is worse. oh hell, it all makes me jittery!

hello party. this week brings the first big party of the year. holding on tight!

hello upcoming projects. this one. this one. and this one.

hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week. i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

 

what are you saying hello to on this brand new monday?
head on over to lisa's blog and link up in the comments.

hello (back to school) monday | 136

hello new school year ahead. holy crap on a cracker the year has begun! my "baby" has entered high school. his sister is leading the way in grade 10. cole is embracing his final year - and in boarding. claire is in her second year of university. wow. quadruple wow!!

hello only two in the annual photo. have i mentioned the days are long but the years are short? i am so very happy and proud and so very surprised and off balance with it all.

hello university sophmore. claire has been in kingston for a while organizing the freshman experience :) orientation is over and today is her first day of classes. i haven't heard a word so i'm defaulting to the belief that no news is good news :S

hello varsity volleyball tryouts. both caden and cole are in contention for the varsity team. neither expect to make it but i love their enthusiasm and how they compete, with good nature, with each other.

hello found items. it's a miracle, but over the months of summer which included a big move, my less-than-organized kids have been able to find their locks, their gym uniforms, their ties, kilts, dress shirts and pants. thank goodness!

hello uniform. cole? check! chloé? check! caden? omg. he's outgrown everything.

hello new books. just under the wire we got all of the books we need for the year. most are passed down, but often the texts change and new have to be purchased. we're all set, all books are in the house!

hello faculty advisors. there is the veteran, the switched and the new.

hello grade parties. each evening for the next few, the parents are invited to the school to meet-and-greet other parents and the faculty. the first one happens for cole's class tonight! wish me luck. i've known everyone for years but always feel awkward at these events.

hello smoothies. much to caden's surprise, i made breakfast. truth be told, it's the only breakfast i make for my kids through the year. not pancakes, oatmeal, eggs or waffles. they hate breakfast and i gave up attempting it ages ago. this time i'm trying smoothies. who knows? maybe it won't be the last time this year!

hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week. i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

 

what are you saying hello to on this brand new monday?
head on over to lisa's blog and link up in the comments.

4 Simple Goals | 09-14 (a day late ...)

My Truth About Getting Older

I turn 50 today.

If I could have predicted what life would be like at 50 when I was 25, 35 or even 45, my current experience is not what I would have imagined, not in my wildest dreams. It is so much better than anything I could have ever considered.

Truth. You don't know what you don't know.

50 may seem like a big number and I suppose it is. Most days I don't really feel much older than I did when I was 20! Then again there are those other days I feel much older.

When I was younger I spent a lot of time and effort running toward growing up, proceeded to grow up way too fast and then desperately looked back at what I'd missed and tried to fix what was broken while trying to hold onto the good bits. It was exhausting - physically and emotionally.

I can do difficult things. My divorce, final for almost a year, was a needlessly long and expensive process. It turned out to be simply one event in a long list of hard lessons I've learned along my way to 50. What my divorce did was remind me of who I once was - 20 years ago. Today, I am able to move forward holding onto the many good bits - named Claire, Cole, Chloé and Caden - and leave behind the limiting beliefs and lazy habits that don't serve me.

Every day I learn something new. What a relief it was for me to learn that I could not possibly have all of the answersl - and that was okay - I no longer needed to! I was practically giddy when I realized there is always something new to learn. I am insatiably curious and once I think I've learned enough I realize there is still more. I love this feeling of openness and acceptance. My latest discovery: the continual learning held within the daily practice of practice. If something I learn resonates, I incorporate it into my daily practice which includes meditation, gratitude, writing, cooking and creating; all of which provide for many opportunities to discover new things.

I say yes. After years of overwhelm and emotional stress, I am now open enough and strong enough to say yes to every opportunity that resonates positively within me. Lunch with someone new? Yes. Meditation? Yes. Manage a volleyball team? Yes. Reformer Pilates class? Yes. A trip? Yes, well, yes with limits. Rarely do I say no, but when I do it is a well considered reply and no longer an automatic response.

The opposite of love is indifference. Really. If you still feel a pang, an inkling of guilt, a need to have the last word, an ounce of fight left, a molecule of longing, then you are not done - that chapter is not closed and you cannot move on. Done is when you can let a person leave your life with the knowledge you gave all you had to give and send them away with a simple wish that they make the best of their life without you in it.

I live with the courage of my convictions. When challenged, I no longer feel the need to justify why I feel the way I feel or how I learned what I know to be true. It took years to figure out what works for me and I no longer feel the defensive need to explain myself. As others are entitled to their beliefs, so am I.

I am more accepting. Of my flaws and the flaws of others; well considered opinions of others. I find the truth in the cracks, the light in the journey, the lessons in the differences. I am so relieved to be in a space where I can be simply happy for other people instead of feeling threatened or jealous or judgmental. I am no longer resistant to change. In fact, I am resistant to stagnation and stubborn beliefs borne of habit and laziness.

This too shall pass has become my mantra. Good times don't stay forever, neither do bad times. A full life has within it many changes. I've learned to roll with it - all of it. Bad times hold within them good lessons; good times hold the rewards for all the hard work. Cliché but true, without the bad times we'd never appreciate and value the good. I have learned that neither stays around for long. I am hopeful that at the end of my days there were a few more good than bad times and any catastrophe is balanced with glorious windfalls.

I worry less and expect little. You'd think the opposite would be true, but once I relinquished the laughable idea that I had any control, real control, over anything, my life became far more calm and manageable. I easily avoid drama and have completely disengaged from blame, shoulds, shame and as many negative influences and emotions as possible. Expectations can be the root of much sadness, disappointment and confusion. I no longer expect but I do have standards and boundaries - high for some, reasonable for me. I can only control what I can control - me - and my reactions and interactions in any given situation.

I lean in. I lean into resistance, into my fear. I've learned that on the other side of fear is usually exactly what I need, that for which has been elusive is found when I suck it up and face my fear head-on. Resistance indicates that I'm ohsoclose to what I want whether it be at reformer Pilates class and I don't think I can take more pain, at Kundalini meditation when I don't think I can take more enlightenment, a writing assignment I'm afraid to hand in for critique, a limiting belief that has a big "stop" sign (virtual, of course) making me doubt myself and my capability. I take the time to question and explore anything that strikes me with an immediate "no, I can't/won't do that" and have discovered so much about myself, the people and world around me.

I just can't fix some things. I can't fix mean. I can't fix neglect. I can't fix stupid. I can't fix selfish. I can't fix hypocrisy. I can't fix unaccountable. I can acknowledge, avoid and ignore, but I can't fix. My new response? I do not engage. I do not attend every fight I'm invited to and often turn and walk away after any failed attempt at giving voice to my view. I live a life of kindness and truth engaged fully in my own authenticity.

I show up. Every day. For my life. For my kids' lives. For anything that makes me a better person, regardless of the level of challenge. For my kids, I always advocate for them, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I always show up for them.

I am a work in progress. After stagnating for a long time, I am now hopeful, optimistic and looking forward to what life has to offer. Not only that, but I've come to know for sure that I have plenty to offer and am planning to do more of that in the near future.

Do I have regrets? Not many. Though, every single regret has propelled me to use the experience to make better decisions going forward. The only rule in our house (besides the much maligned 24-hour notice to mama before kids go out rule) is a simple one: treat people the way you want to be treated. Nothing defuses a mean person faster than kindness - especially if you are kinder than necessary.

I've had a full summer and I'm taking this, our last week of holiday for the two kids still living at home, to construct a plan for the year ahead. I'm going to revisit the Desire Map and determine my Core Desired Feelings for 50 and beyond. From there I'll be able to chart a course for my future that will be fulfilling and heart-centred.

I am well on my way!

read | books for autumn

I am a collector of books - many books! I put so many books on shelves in our new house - and we had to purchase even more bookshelves for the overflow. I have read most of them, but in some cases I can't tell you any of the specifics found in them, except for a few absolute favourites. Most often I choose books to read by author, there are some authors who are, to me, "must read" and happily some of them have books being released in the next few months!

I am hoping to put the magazines away and pick up my Kindle. When the kids get back to school and I spend more time in parking lots waiting for them finish up with their day, with their lessons, with their practices, it will be nice to have company in the truck. Kindle? I am starting to read more and more on my e-reader as it is so much more portable and it collects far less dust than those on the shelves. All of the books contained within are works of fiction. If it's a book I don't expect to have to make notes, it's on the Kindle.

Jan Karon: Somewhere Safe with Somebody Good. Even if I weren't a huge fan of Jan Karon's Mitford Years series, doesn't that title just sound wonderful? I so enjoy the setting and characters of her books. I cannot wait to return to Mitford, I've been too long away!

Randall Munroe: What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions. So this got my attention - who can pass by "serious" and "absurd" in the same title?

Anna Quindlen: Still Life with Bread Crumbs. With many of the reviews comparing this novel with "comfort food." I felt it was perfect to add to my collection of sweater weather reads.

Oprah Winfrey: What I Know For Sure. I know Oprah has her detractors - loud ones, but I'm not one of them. She has exposed me to more concepts and ideas than any other person I know. You go girl!

Anne Lamott: Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments Of Grace. I need a bit of wise mixed with irreverant right now. This should do the trick - but I have to wait until mid-November!

Graeme Simsion: The Rosie Effect. Oh how I loved reading The Rosie Project - and gave it to my sisters for Christmas last year. I am thrilled to see this follow-up to the first book. It comes out in late-September.

Reza Aslan: Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth. I've read the reviews and the idea of reading more than just the parables and stories learned by rote as a child is appealing.

Editors of Martha Stewart Living: One Pot. I enjoy flavourful recipes that make both prep and clean-up easy. I've set up "experiment night" for Saturdays!

Pam Grout: E-Cubed: Nine More Energy Experiments. The experiments in E-Squared worked last summer and I've gotten away from my habit of being midfully observant. Time to do this again :)

Barbara Erskine: The Darkest Hour. I have been a fan of Barbara Erskine since I read Lady of Hay years ago while living and working in Buffalo, NY - it was a nice escape! I have read all of her books and am looking forward to this new page-turner.

Deborah Harkness: A Discovery of Witches: A Novel. Recommended when I was ordering, I read the reviews and figured it was worth the read. We'll see :)

I know that in order to write what I like to read, I have to read more of what I like. Over the course of autumn, I'm deliberately setting aside time to focus on guilt-free reading. Right now I'm a super slow reader (and always have been) but maybe with more pages turned I'll get quicker and this daunting collection of 10 books won't look so intimidating!

What are you reading?

hello monday | 135

 

hello tiff. i may not actually go sit in a theatre, but i enjoy movies and thoroughly enjoy the early reviews that come from tiff! i think we'll pop some corn and spend tiff (september 4 - 14) watching the people's choice winning films from the past. 

hello traffic. i know if i need to head to toronto for anything in the next couple of weeks i'll be taking public transit.

hello birthday lunch. i'm looking forward to lunch with my dad.

hello treadclimber. i've been thinking of buying this for a couple of years and had no space. now i have space. if this winter is like last winter (all ice, all the time) i will have no excuses!

hello knee. after a summer of no pain (er, minimal activity) my knee is reminding me of its now-swollen presence. i'm going to grind through the pain and just keep working on getting strong and fit.

hello routine. it's almost all mapped out from now through december. the only question is caden's volleyball. where and when will he play and practice?

hello baseball championships. this should be fun!

hello last week of holiday. claire and cole are already back at their schools. chloé and caden have another week home with me. i'm torn! i love them home, but i love more when they have something consistent to do every day.

hello smile. i have been a fan of sandra boynton for a very long time and my children were raised on her books. every day i get a happy glimpse back to those happy times by following her facebook feed.

hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week. i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

 

what are you saying hello to on this brand new monday?
head on over to lisa's blog and link up in the comments.