On occasion Danielle LaPorte shares, via her Desire Map emails, interviews with those participating in her Desire Map program. I'm taking those questions and digging deep. Time to answer them here as a way to keep myself on track and stay accountable to this program that has been revolutionary in the way I look at and live my life.
What are your core desired feelings?
I'm about to go through the Desire Map process again with my book club, and I have a feeling my current CDFs might change a bit, maybe even more than a bit. Today they are: align + connect + trust + grace
What are you doing this week, or lately, to generate your core desired feelings?
Every activity I engage in, a writing course (taken February 15 and another starts Apirl 22), a painting class (starts April 25), a business course (started March 10), a book club (started January 7), lunch or dinner out with friends and not my kids (at least twice each month), really any opportunity I have to pull myself out of my comfortable introvert coccoon is an opportunity to choose activities that
A) align my choices with my core beliefs;
B) gives me a chance to connect with people I might not have an opportunity to engage with otherwise;
C) each small escape from my safe world gives me an opportunity to trust - my instincts and the actions/words of others; and,
D) within all of it I have a choice to be or not be in a state of grace. So far, so good.
I have been told by many, and I know to my bones, I have a book inside me, I'm finally taking courses to encourage that creative and free part of me. I'm nothing if not fully prepared for greatness :) I have always loved painting but never really felt comfortable taking my time away from my kids to indulge in it. I lead a book club that went through the 5-week program and continues to meet for meetings and field trips which has fostered relationships with women I would never have met otherwise and that would have been a very sad thing. These woman are remarkable and I am privileged to have them in my life. I am moving every day and nourishing myself through meditation, pilates and my sleep and metabolism pod.
On top of it all, I spent two solid weeks working on getting my paper-life in order. I am so relieved. I feel like I lost a bagillion pounds of stress and weight. Order makes me beyond happy.
What lightbulb went off for you when you started to look at how your feelings related to how you did your life/work?
The outrageous idea that I was not wrong, just by being, was revolutionary. Shocking. I have spent a lot of my life being wrong. The idea that I can create a life in complete alignment with what I feel to my core of my being is right was overwhelming and liberating. It took me a bit of time to wrap my brain around the audacity of it all. I was always so goal driven. I truly believed that I would only be worthy if I reached a specific result outlined by others with specific demands. To realize that I am completely in charge of a life that my own personal design was breathtaking.
When you got clear on your CDFs were there any goals that you were chasing that fell to the way side? Did new or different goals/intentions emerge?
Becoming clear on my CDFs really let me see exactly where I was as a result of my divorce and sole parent/provider of my four children. I had never taken pause to take in that reality. I just dealt with the aftermath. I am 100% mum 100% of the time and I love it. My identity has been, for the past 18 years, in being a mum and I've enjoyed every minute of it. To be a better mum, I had to model even better behaviour by showing my kids that it's okay to have dreams and expectations of yourself. Now it's time to let them take the lessons they've learned and thrive on their own. It's my turn to take the lessons I've learned from them and thrive on my own, too.
What tunes are revving up your core desired feelings these days?
I love listening to XM36, the Alt Rock station. So many great bands!
Kaiser Chiefs. Kings of Leon. Cage the Elephant. Coldplay. Manchester Orchestra. Lorde. Arctic Monkeys. Grouplove. Bastille. Foster the People. The Black Keys. Young the Giant. Muse. fun. The Killers. Foo Fighters. Jimmy Eat World. Vampire Weekend. Arcade Fire. Two Door Cinema Club. American Authors. MS MR. The 1975. Smallpools. Of Monsters and Men. The Neighbourhood. Imagine Dragons. Capital Cities. Passion Pit. Chvrches. Atlas Genius. HAIM. The Airborne Toxic Event. AWOLNATION. Mumford & Sons. The Lumineers. The XX.
My kids listen to alt rock and instead of fighting with them, I decided to embrace their choices. I am so glad I did. Some of this music is so powerful and poetic, I'm glad I didn't miss it.
What's a goal that you're focusing on this year?
I am really interested in seeing where my writing course takes me. If I could accomplish anything it would be to connect with my creative self and trust myself to come up with a kick-ass, insightful, fun, engaging and magical book - or, in my more ambitious moments - series of books that brings out the very best in everyone who reads them.
What's not working that you want to change?
I have a problem. I need conditions to be perfect before I start. I know I can start anything at any time, but I get so hung up on perfect. I have taken the whole "set yourself up for success" to a ridiculous level. It drives. me. bonkers. I'd like to just START and go for it! I need to not give a damn if I fail. I need to just let go and get started.
What are you feeling really grateful for?
So, so much. I have to catch my breath when I realize all of the good I have in my life. The enthusiasm and trust of my children. The support and kindness of my family. The unwavering belief in my ability from my friends. Truly? Realizing who my friends are and aren't and being okay with the difference between the two has been enlightening. I am grateful that I have the confidence to shed emotional and unnecessary baggage to focus on what is important to me and my future.
