Sometimes it just isn't worth the argument. Then enough time passes and you forget the things you loved. It sounds impossible.
That's exactly what happened.
And then the years passed.
You would think it would be easy to just go back and do the things you enjoyed, but echos of criticism is paralyzing even well after the cause is gone. I'm here to say, it isn't easy. First you have to remember where you once found joy and then you have to brace yourself to find it again. It sounds so silly, but it isn't. At all.
Now that I've embraced my fears, I'm savouring and enjoying three things I had to abandon to keep the peace:
MUSIC
I was in Organic Garage in early November and heard Laura Brannigan's "Gloria" come on in the background. Every woman in the store, of a certain age (ahem), stopped. We listened and smiled. I took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. When I was younger I loved Laura Brannigan. I sang her songs, I danced around my apartment, I felt free and joyful. Oh, the years of verbal abuse I suffered, from the resident music expert, for daring to find joy music created by someone who was simply a vocalist. Standing there, in a grocery store, watching the women around me have the exact same response as I did had to be one of the most validating experiences in recent memory.
COOKING
Nothing I cooked was good enough. Ever. Why didn't I cook like his mother? I don't know. Perhaps because I wasn't his mother and even his mother didn't cook as well as his memory! As a result of constant criticism I just stopped cooking. I feigned disinterest. I did a lot of re-heating. You know, pick up pre-packaged crap from the frozen food aisle, toss a salad and voila, dinner is served. Green Giant brussels sprouts saturated in butter in a plastic boil-in-bag is not what I consider to be a vegetable - for that matter, neither is shake-n-bake or canned soup.
MOVIES
I like happy movies. Adventure movies. Documentaries and historical dramatizations. Rom-com-adventure-fun movies. Give me a movie with a great story, realistic writing and great cinematography. Often I don't care who is in it. As long as I learn something or feel something positive when it's over, I'm happy. Gross movies are ... gross. War movies are ... about war. Heavy subjects do not automatically make for a good movie. A big "star" does not always make for a good experience. I stopped going to movies, claiming fear of germs, so as not to be lectured on why I was wrong about my interpretation or opinion.
How does a person live without music, movies or food - for years? You choose your battles and these were not the battles I was willing to fight. There were others that were more important - at the time.
I have to admit, I am incredibly happy to have music, cooking and movies back. Whenever I want!
Every day, when I'm reading or writing or driving, I am listening to AltNation or some other Alternative Rock station. On my iPod I have plenty of "classic" rock (including the much maligned Laura Brannigan). My music compromise of now is to listen to more of what interests my kids. As a teen I remember music being very important to me. I hear certain songs and the memories come rushing back. It is equally important to my kids. They enjoy introducing music to me and I honour their enthusiasm by listening to - and enjoying - every single song. It's been fun to introduce them to a few tunes, too!
Though our schedule is crazy, having us going here-there-everywhere after school every day, I have managed to introduce a number of new recipes to the kids. They have developed their own tastes and I often cater to them, sometimes I offer up something new. They also have hot lunch options at school each day which have expanded their food repertoire. Yay! Most of my experimentation happens on the weekends and then I modify things to be a quick mid-week version. It's worked really well and I enjoy the challenge as well as the health benefits.
I don't know if it was a good thing that the first movie seen in a theatre in years was ARGO. I really think it may have spoiled me for every other movie! We have a theatre in walking distance from the house and I'm trying to figure out how to incorporate a mid-afternoon visit a couple of times a month. Just imagine all of the conversations I can now participate in as I'll have an opinion of my own rather than one gleened from eTalk!
This journey of rediscovery has been wonderful. I am genuinely grateful for all of it. Truly nourishing and enriching my soul. You don't really appreciate things until they're gone - and then return.
