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I am always open to learn new things - maybe too open to too many things! Even those things that make me squirmy and uncomfortable or those that initially appear complicated or intimidating. As much as it drives me to distraction, I have an abundance of ideas and opinions floating around in my head at any given moment. I am constantly feeding those ideas and opinions with new, and sometimes conflicting, ideas and opinions of others. Curiosity and interest is a wonderful thing!
Until it isn't.
Monkey minds and relaxation don't coexist easily. More to the point, monkey minds and careers are often at cross purposes. It is frustrating that I am unable to nail down one thing to focus on and dedicate my time to in order to discover a purpose. Not just that, but to find a career that is rewarding - both in a spiritually fulfilling and bank account sense.
I realize that I am not the only one in this position. A number of people I know, and appreciate, are equally all-over-the-place in their heads. The difference? They have seemingly managed to find focus in a rewarding area of interest. Have they settled? Do they feel rewarded? Is it selfish to demand fulfillment?
I'm riddled with questions. A paralysis of what ifs!
Then there's the negative self-talk. Sabotage, so destructive:
- You're just a mum, what are you qualified to do?
- You haven't worked a "real" job in 17 years, what can you offer?
- You didn't get your degree, you have to go back to school or you're worthless.
- Making mistakes makes you inept.
- You don't do anything special. Thousands of people do what you do.
- Who doesn't know what they want to do for a living - at 48? Ridiculous! You want too much. Just get a job.
I am a fan of Danielle LaPorte and really enjoy her daily "Truthbombs" and welcome their arrival. Last week one arrived that kicked me in the gut, it was about limiting beliefs you should burn to a crisp. As I read them I found myself nodding. Oh, how I know about those!
Then I do what I do best: turn shit into sunshine (also known by the more politically correct: lemons to lemonade). I got to thinking about the flip side.
These are a few of the infinite truths I know:
- Secrets are powerful and always destructive. If you have a secret you may need to evaluate why.
- Fair does not mean equal.
- Being right has nothing to do with being in the majority.
- Late, with no legitimate reason - call, or explanation, is rude.
- Treat others the way you would like to be treated.
- Rip off the "bandaid" fast.
- Just because you say your opinion loudly, I do not have to agree with you.
- Bullies are cowards.
- The people and things in your life are a reflection of who and what you think you deserve.
- I am enough.
I need to stop listening to the destructive and negative limiting beliefs and trust the infinite truths and not waiver from those core values I know and hold them in my heart on my next adventure.
What might that be? I have hired a Life Coach and I will spend the next few months developing a 5-Year "what is Lee going to be when she grows up?" plan. I'm hoping that by hiring someone with the advantage of not living in my head, someone who can see what I can't with the perspective to help me develop a map for my future. Not just find a job that pays the bills but a lifestyle that incorporates all the things I love. A tall order, but I think we're up for it.
