Embrace Life

things we do | homecoming

September is filled with activities that revolve around the school: grade parties, camping trips and Homecoming. Each month is filled with its share of activities but September is my favourite as everything is shiny and new with everyone enthusiastic and ready to start the year on the right footing.

My kids are always involved in many activities at the school - and sometimes more than they can manage. Homecoming was a lovely event:

When we arrived at 10:30AM the junior varsity soccer team was already playing the rival Hillfield Strathallan team from Hamilton.

Chloé and Caden were happy to find the Bake Sale table.

Distance (and time) clearly makes the heart grow fonder!

Claire has some lovely - and spirited - friends.

The Varsity team was busy on Main Field. I don't think they won, but they were great to watch!

She amazes me with her enthusiasm and courage. In front of the community in the dining hall she sang with Appleby Rocks. "Little Black Submarine" by The Black Keys was this number. Claire has a lovely voice and really enjoys this creative release.

Last year I was struck with all of the talent at the school. I had no idea so many kids did so many things so well! I promised myself I wouldn't miss any performances this year and the kids are off to a great start!

The Varsity Volleyball team was amazing to watch. They are going to have a great year ahead!

The new principal and his wife greeted many visitors all day long - welcoming many back to the school they love and greeting more than a few of the current parents, too.

Friends drove up in this happy VW van and the boys jumped right in. Such a funny vehicle! After such a gray day the orange was a welcome distraction.

And with that, Homecoming was over for another year. Just five more to go!

challenge | big question 10

At the end of August, to celebrate the launch of her new virtual home, Tiffany Moore asked a number of her favourite bloggers to answer some BIG questions. I have been looking for a challenge and decided to take a stab at this particular exercise.

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What are you waiting for?

I am waiting for time.

I am very familiar with the idea that life is what happens when we're making other plans, but I figure, if I'm aware of my here-and-now I can fully absorb the small joys of everyday life while planning the bigger joys of there-and-then.

I can prepare and prepare but cannot execute until I have time to savour and appreciate.

So I will live fully while I prepare and dream and make lists and plans.

Until I have time.

Life is good.

Go see what Jessica Swift had to say when she was posed this question.

challenge | big question 9

At the end of August, to celebrate the launch of her new virtual home, Tiffany Moore asked a number of her favourite bloggers to answer some BIG questions. I have been looking for a challenge and decided to take a stab at this particular exercise.

* * * * *

What do you want out of your one, precious life?

It sounds simple but out of my one, precious life I want three things: someone to love, something to do and something to look forward to ... every day.

I love and adore my children of that fact everyone is certain! It fills me to almost full, but I've come to recognize that there is some space that needs topping up. I need someone - an adult someone - to love, and to love me. Upon reflection, I am sad to note that in my adult life that has never happened and now that I'm closing in on 50, I think it would be a nice thing to experience.

I have an insatiable appetite for learning. For experiencing. There will always be something for me to do because there will always be something for me to learn. Something that piques my curiosity and natural precociousness. Who knows? Perhaps I'll realize that there may be a thing or two that I can teach and I'll figure out how to do that, too.

If I play my cards right, I might just have another 50 years in me, so within that there will be much for me to look forward: graduations, careers and career changes, grandchildren, travel, partners, writing, designing, playing board games and cards, singing, joys, challenges, heartbreak, healing, long walks and laughter, new friends, old friends, good wine and fresh crusty bread.

There is no longer a reason for me to hide in myself and let the world pass me by. I am enough and I now have the courage to live that way.

 

Go see what Meredith Nguyen had to say when she was posed this question.

challenge | big question 8

At the end of August, to celebrate the launch of her new virtual home, Tiffany Moore asked a number of her favourite bloggers to answer some BIG questions. I have been looking for a challenge and decided to take a stab at this particular exercise.

* * * * *

Of what are you most afraid?

Bar none, I am afraid of losing the love and respect of my children.

Beyond that ...

I am afraid of growing old alone.

I am afraid of water where you can't see the bottom.

I am afraid of not having something to look forward to.

I am afraid of having nothing to do.

I am afraid of losing my sight.

I am afraid of more water damage in my house.

I am afraid of heights.

I am afraid of sitting on theatre seats - and public toilets.

I am afraid of not having full and complete directions to a new place.

I am afraid for my children that, in future, they will model their father's behaviour.

I am afraid of not getting a handle on my B12 issues.

I am afraid of losing my voice. My courage. My resolve.

 

Go see what Tara Gentile had to say when she was posed this question.

challenge | big question 7

At the end of August, to celebrate the launch of her new virtual home, Tiffany Moore asked a number of her favourite bloggers to answer some BIG questions. I have been looking for a challenge and decided to take a stab at this particular exercise.

* * * * *

Of what story (stories?) do you need to let go?

I mulled this question for a long time and the reality of it is I thought I had let go of most of the stories - or the mythology - of my past. Some linger ...

I am no longer defined by the vicious stories-that-became-truth as told by a mother who never considered me worthy. I have to stop remembering the awful things she did and said - about me and many, many, many others - and refocus the memories of my childhood through new eyes without the taint of her cruelty. My adult self knows fully that I am enough, I just have to remind my child self that this is the case and look backward without fear and reluctance, but with the perspective of kindness, distance and time.

I need to forgive myself for being a disappointment because I did not get my degree. (Though, I have to admit, when my dad told my kids this summer that he hopes for all of them to have letters after their names, it stung. More than a little bit. Ouch.) A few times over the years I have considered going back to school. I do not find it appealing - at all. I'm learning a ton of skills, just in a less formal or restricted manner.

I need to forget the morning of my wedding when my soon-to-be mother- and sister-in-law took me out for coffee. I thought it was to be a festive event. It was not. They expressed concern over the fact I had a terrible relationship with my mother that they feared that I would, in turn, be a bad mother myself. They essentially told me I was not good enough and strongly encouraged me not to go through with the marriage. Now, 18 years later, the irony of that concern is not lost.

I was not home when my youngest son almost drown. That was almost 10 years ago. I recently heard that I am considered not worthy of friendship because I almost let my child die. Wow. People are mean and that story is such a false representation of the facts, but it still feeds my overwhelming guilt for leaving home that day - for a scrapbooking day with friends. In fact, it happened to be the first time I left home, alone, in over two years. I need to not let opinions and false stories like that devastate me.

I need to remind myself that my weight is a symptom of a disease. I am angry at the disease that makes me look like a distorted version of myself. I cannot be angry at myself and have to excuse those around me who focus their fat phobia at me.

Bottom line, it looks like there are still a number of stories I need to let go. Those stories all have one common theme of my either being not worthy or not enough. I know that is not true and I have to purge those stories that sabotage my daily efforts.

For me, for my children, I am enough. Every day.

challenge | big question 6

At the end of August, to celebrate the launch of her new virtual home, Tiffany Moore asked a number of her favourite bloggers to answer some BIG questions. I have been looking for a challenge and decided to take a stab at this particular exercise.

* * * * *

How do you take care of yourself? Tell the truth.

Such a simple question.

My answer today is so vastly different than what it would have been a year ago, even six months ago.

I take good care of myself.

• I quit smoking over 11 years ago and some days I crave a cigarette desperately. I really thought it would go away, but it hasn't. I do exactly what I did to quit smoking - I brush my teeth. It works!
• I discovered I have Hashimoto's Disease and take medication every day. I still don't think I'm right, but it's way better than it was. I really believe that the cronic depression epidemic taking over North America is a lot undiagnosed thyroid disease.
• Since I was a kid, I've had asthma and psoriasis. Both are exascerbated by stress. I'm divorcing reducing the stress and the psoriasis is going away. I take my asthma meds.
• I no longer eat processed sugar, save the one teaspoon of raw sugar I put in my single cup of coffee in the morning.
• I have been prescribed supplements from my naturopath. I take them regularly.
• My Fitbit has given me a lot of great data and I'm using it to design an effective "move more" program. I swim and walk at the YMCA.
• I've remembered how to dream. In the night and in the day.
• I have new Asics.
• I have cut back to very little processed or fast food, especially if circumstances are such that I can make a "real" meal. I shop the perimetre of the grocery store and have learned to make a ton of "real" food.
• I sleep at least 7 hours each night and have really make an effort to get 8.
• I've cut back on my wine consumption - not completely, but certainly a lot. I replace it with Perrier - in a wine glass.
• I see my doctor, dentist and naturopath regularly.

I continue to surround myself with genuine, kind, flawed and fun people.

I continue to read inspiring books by incredibly intelligent, warm and qualified people.

I continue to do my best.

 

Go see what Elise Blaha Cripe had to say when she was posed this question.

anticipation | autumn

After a long and hot summer I welcome autumn with open arms!

The cooler weather has me wearing long sleeves and I even replaced my ratty old sweatpants, though, I haven't found a replacement for my equally (or more) ratty old black duster sweater so it will be worn for another season!

Back to school heralded some incredible changes in our world. Claire is in boarding and really learning wonderful lessons. Cole feels safe and he is fully engaged in the arts world. Chloé is coming into her own which is incredible since I always thought she was there already. Caden takes my breath away with his commitment to making an effort - he puts his hand up in class, he's made some buddies and he looks adorable in his uniform! We are only just settling into a routine.

With the arrival of autumn we are looking forward to:

• Football games for Caden. He is enjoying the cooler weather. He is a great football player, often in for the whole game - offence and defence.
• The absense of hockey!
• Chloé is starting back at her vocal lessons. This year she is also taking up piano. I can hear her practicing so I think this is a brilliant new skill for her to master.
• Cole is busy with vocal coaching, the start of dance classes, and his agent planning modeling and acting gigs. It's deja vu all over again :) Though the business has changed a ton since the mid-80s that's for sure!
• Homecoming at the kids' school which includes Claire singing with the band. She tells me she has a couple of solos, so that should be fun! I love her fearless sense of adventure and fun.
• Lots of home cooking and maybe even some adventures in baking are in the planning stages. So, so happy CZ has come up with these recipe templates!
• New television shows. We're looking forward to Elemenary, Nashville, Go On and Revolution.
• Old television shows. We can't wait to see what's been happening over on Glee, Once Upon A Time, Blue Bloods, Grimm, Revenge, Castle and The Good Wife. Hmm. I think we watch too much television!
• And some "can't find" television shows. Hart of Dixie, Homeland, Arrow and Boss.
• Still miss the ladies of GCB :( Bless their hearts!
• It looks like we'll be changing our Thanksgiving plans - we were going to go to the Maritimes - since the SATs have to be written that weekend.
• I'm hoping to meet up with a girlfriend for a photo walk of the Badlands up in Caledon (about an hour away) to see the changing of the leaves.
• The greatly anticipated Daring Greatly read along. What a fantastic book - I'm really enjoying this read through, with tons of underlines and notes in the margins. I'm really looking forward to this author-lead experience.
• I'm taking Claire to Minneapolis to see the incomparable Maya Angelou. We'll be joined by friends and I can't wait to share this evening with all of them.
• This will be my first time participating in BlissdomCanada. Scared. Excited. Mostly feeling like a fraudulent fish-out-of-water.
• Thunderstorms, a roaring fireplace, music on the stereo, a cup of tea, a good book and a big blanket set the stage for me to get comfortable atop the new leather couch. I hope to have a chance to do this - a lot!
• A trip for Claire's (20-12-2012) birthday is in the works and we're all really looking forward to something new and different.
• Project REAL Life might just be too much to handle, but it should be good :) Any chance to learn something new is never a waste.
• Regular "move more" has been introduced and with the cooler weather coming I'll be spending a lot of time at the YMCA - in and out of the pool.
• Sunday is movie day around here with my focus being on Cole recognizing good acting, directing and writing. As a result LOTS of classics are going to be watched and critiqued. Where in the world is Elwy Yost of Saturday Night at the Movies when I need him!?! Maybe I could find re-runs on line?

This autumn is very different from years past. No hockey. At all. I'll miss the excitement of the games, cheering in the stands, sharing coffee and conversation with friends and the rosey cheeks of my boys giving it hard all game. I will not miss the ridiculous and pointless politics, mean parents or my youngest being targeted on the ice every. single. game. Happily all of my kids - players and cheerers - are equally relieved not to be back at the rink for many of the same reasons, though it is far more personal for the boys.

The kids finally recognize that you can lose the pennant early in the season so they've all taken their studies very seriously. I anticipate only a few bumps in our routine through to the Christmas break in order to keep continuity and focus through the exam period. I think they're enjoying quiet evenings and the regular early bedtime routines. I know I do!

Happy autumn :)

challenge | big question 5

At the end of August, to celebrate the launch of her new virtual home, Tiffany Moore asked a number of her favourite bloggers to answer some BIG questions. I have been looking for a challenge and decided to take a stab at this particular exercise.

* * * * *

For what do you want to be remembered?

I want to be remembered for doing my best, always.

I want to be remembered for making hard decisions and never taking the easy way out.

I want to be remembered for telling the truth, and accepting the truth.

I want to be remembered for raising kind and thoughtful children.

I want to be remembered for daring, greatly.

 

Go see what Brittni Mehlhoff had to say when she was posed this question.

challenge | big question 4

At the end of August, to celebrate the launch of her new virtual home, Tiffany Moore asked a number of her favourite bloggers to answer some BIG questions. I have been looking for a challenge and decided to take a stab at this particular exercise.

* * * * *

If money were no object, where do you see yourself in five years?

In five years I will have a sorta-kinda empty nest! Ideally, in September of 2017, Claire will be in Grad School, Cole entering 3rd year of University, Chloé will be starting her freshman year at some school as yet to be determined and Caden will all settled into his boarding year at Appleby.

Since money will be no object, they will be living in luxurious quarters with plenty of money to buy endless pizza and rotisserie chicken for the boys and sushi and ice cream for the girls while sitting in down filled leather chairs using their new MacBooks to learn all they can in order to get out of school with great marks :) This will hopefully distract them from realizing their mother is absent.

Yes!

Me? My bags will be packed and the camera batteries charged and I'll be running for a plane to somewhere exotic. Or many places exotic. Of course I will have an iPhone with an (expensive) international plan in order to keep in touch with my children.

Then when I get back I will trade one set of luggage for another set, already packed by my housekeeper, for my scheduled trip to New York City with friends. We will jet off to see a few of the hottest shows on Broadway and eat in the swankiest restaurants and stay in the most chi-chi hotel.

Then there will be a golf trip to Pebble Beach for lessons with their top pro and a nice weekend in Carmel or Big Sur; a trip to Hawai'i where I'll learn to stand up paddle board; a visit to the ruins in Scotland; a ski trip in the Swiss Alps - where I'll spend my time cozy in the lodge people watching; a visit to Bali to stay in those neat huts that seem to grow out of the ocean; a cruise, of my own design, with multiple stops in Northern Africa and Southern Europe; a quick trip to Paris to see the Louvre and other museums ... so many places to go, so many places to see.

I suppose if money were no object I'd travel - a lot.

Go see what Dottie & Alix of Modern Kiddo had to say when posed this question.

challenge | big question 3

At the end of August, to celebrate the launch of her new virtual home, Tiffany Moore asked a number of her favourite bloggers to answer some BIG questions. I have been looking for a challenge and decided to take a stab at this particular exercise.

* * * * *

What is your mark to leave on this world?

It may sound cliché, but I hope to leave this world better than I found it.

I've made a conscious effort to change what is easy - lots of "use less": use less water, use less gas by maintaining good tire pressure, move to a modest sized home and use less energy to run it, purchase energy efficient appliances, turn off lights, buy less stuff, eat meals from scratch with clean food, maintain our health with regular visits to the doctor, dentist and naturopath, keep things organized and tidy so things can be found the first time. You know, do my bit, and teach my kids to do their bit.

I've made a conscious effort to change what is challenging - familial behaviours have been acknowledged, addressed and are changing - for the better. So far. I want to set up and model a pattern of positive communication, maintain reasonable expectation, encourage displays of kindness and affection, express to each of my children that even with the complete absense of their father they are enough, show the incredible strength that can be found in owning your vulnerability and being okay with showing yourself to the world for exactly who you are - a work in progress.

My mark? It will be small, but I hope it will resonate through generations and become huge, in time.

Go see what Tiffany Moore had to say when she answered this question.

challenge | big question 2

At the end of August, to celebrate the launch of her new virtual home, Tiffany Moore asked a number of her favourite bloggers to answer some BIG questions. I have been looking for a challenge and decided to take a stab at this particular exercise.

* * * * *

What is most sacred to you?

My relationship with my children.

This was the first thing that entered my head when I read the question. Then I checked out dictionary.com and their defininition: "worthy of or regarded with reverence, awe, or respect" confirmed it.

The only thing I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a good mother. I believe that is often the case for those of us raised by a not-so-good mother. Coming from such a negative experience, the last thing I would ever wish upon my children would be the same sense of abandonment or cruelty I experienced as a child.

I am raising them, alone, with as much love, support, common sense, consistency, patience, respect and boundaries as I can manage. In return they provide me with constant challenge, laughter, questions, energy, frustration and concern. I wouldn't change anything for the world. Our relationships are all different and complex and sacred. I am forever blessed to have them in my life.

They, all four of them, are worthy of my reverence, awe and respect.

Go see what Carolyn Rubenstein had to say when she was posed this question.

challenge | big question 1

At the end of August, to celebrate the launch of her new virtual home, Tiffany Moore asked a number of her favourite bloggers to answer some BIG questions. I have been looking for a challenge and decided to take a stab at this particular exercise.

* * * * *

What makes you feel most alive?

A plan.

A blank page.

A list.

A calendar.

An idea.

A challenge.

I have felt incredibly alive this month as September is filled with new routines and challenges. I am a great "starter". I love developing and planning events and taking on creative challenges. I must admit that right after execution I kind of fall off things a bit, but I've been working on my consistency and enthusiasm. In my former life - otherwise known as life before children - I went from project to project as the nature of retail is constant change. It suited me well. Now that I'm working on plans for my future life - one I have to prepare for now that I've fully grasped that I can't keep them home forever - I have to pay attention and find something that makes me feel alive, and keeps me that way. In the meantime, I have oodles of creative projects - and laundry - to keep me on the go. Time to refocus on the blog. What do you think?

Go see what Kelly Rae Roberts had to say when she was posed this question.

learn | my journey to dangerous

You know how you go from link to link and end up someplace completely different from where you started? And it ends up being brilliant and strange and familiar? Well, I happily I ended up back at a post I had bookmarked last summer. It describes a place I thought I'd never find, and yet, here I am.

According to the post by the brilliant Jen Lemon, I know how to be dangerous.

Regularly.

There is no more avoiding it.

1. I state my truth. I do not candy coat. I am outrageously plain. I say what should not be said. Yes, I say it anyway. That elephant no longer takes up residence in my head.

2. I am giving way to the lead of my body. Following my gut.

3. Without analysis, I am acting boldly. I realize I cannot control or direct the outcome of any situation. From the perspective of "nothing to lose", choices are far more instinctive.

4. I am finally open enough to allow myself to feel. As a result, I experience ridiculous joy. I am serious about giving suffering the boot.

5. I embrace fear. Every day.

6. More importantly, I embrace my instincts. They help me face my fear.

7. My memories are more vivid than ever before and the lessons of my youth are surfacing loud and clear. They are reminding me of the promise that was once me and showing me how to get back there again.

8. I am not going mad. I am becoming whole.

9. There is very little left to hide. My head, my heart and my gut have been laid bare. Is there more? Only time and new experiences will tell.

10. My whole heart is full. I am holding nothing back. Those closest to me reap the benefits of this power in my newfound state of vulnerable. And strong.

11. Once I know exactly what I want, I will ask for it. I am recognizing what I need and I am able to express it. I am pushing the edge.

Hey, I think nailing 10 out of 11 is pretty good given the year I've had! The reality is things were pretty miserable for a long time. Too long. This year, as hard and exhausting as it was, was far more liberating and kind than anything I'd experienced up to it's start.

12 of 12 | September

Bleery-eyed I headed straight to the laundry room. "Favourite" white shirts had to be "emergency" washed and dried for school this morning :) Thank goodness Wednesday is a late (9AM) start!

Antonio is lovely. I was off to to the Benjamin Moore store right after dropping the kids at school. As I got home he was already priming the dining room wall. This project just might get done!

My birthday was last week and I bought myself something online - not crazy extravagant, but certainly not something I'd normally splurge on. But I did and I love it!

It was a big mail day: books from Chapters, including the new Daring Greatly; my Persnickety Prints order, the Tiffany order shown above, and my final shipment from My Scrapbook Nook.

This was a brilliant talk.

Our beloved Bill's practice has been replaced with a cake shop. Somehow I think he'd be happy. Anyway, we got a vanilla and a chocolate to test. I have to say, my friend Lorraine still makes the best cupcakes, ever.

My kids love Wanda and not just because she brings random treats from Starbucks :) I dropped off Chloé at her singing/piano lesson, Cole was still at school and Caden loved being spoiled with a vanilla frappaccino.

This happy girl had her first piano lesson ever and she loved it! Nothing makes her happier than her once-a-week time with Janet. So glad we've expanded it to an hour :)

Time to get homework done! Everyone into their backpacks (er, correction - napsack) and Caden pulled out a contract with Ms. Tan to be signed for science class. LOVED the whole contract and thrilled that my boys - both of them - have this particular teacher. No nonsense. High expectation. Mistakes encouraged.

The exterior work has been phenominal and I'm so glad these guys were hired to deal with the issues throughout the complex. My home wins the prize for the most damage. I now know more about how to not build a house than I ever thought possible. I appreciate the time and care these men have taken to explain what they are doing and why. Brian and his skilled workers at Sharp Exteriors rock!

For those left in the house (Claire's absense is of constant notice), if you were to poll them, this would be their favourite meal: lemon chicken thighs, rice and sweet peas. I made 18 pieces of chicken. A crazy amount, right? When I cleaned up, I had 0 thighs. Between the boys they ate 12 thighs. Holy smokes!

 

 Our day ended with "Big Brother". One more week until the finalé!

It was a pretty full 12th. What did you do?

hello monday | 42

summer reading completed. just in time!

hello day one. school has started. yay!

hello construction. happy my home will be 100% - take your time!

hello next summer festival season. making plans for claire.

hello extra 20 hours a week. remind me to never raise my hand again.

hello brain gym. finally time to take the course.

hello blog schedule. oops. time to get back on track!

hello rain. and wind. and heat. and humidity. crazy few days.

hello new schedule. this is going to rock.

hello boarding child. you are greatly missed. by everyone.

hello minneapolis. counting the days!

hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week.
i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

places we go | stratford

The last time we were in Stratford it was for a baseball tournament. This time around, all four kids were with me and we had a chance to take a look around and enjoy some shows. It's good for them to know that Stratford is known world wide for it's Theatre as well as the birth place of Justin Bieber! This weekend, as many have been, was interrupted by a baseball tournament in Cambridge, but we got a lot of good stuff in a short period of time!

So glad to get a good shot of all four kids. Actually, I got a few of them.

The swans look lovely but they're mean creatures. A good metaphor.

I could sit under this tree, on this bench, for days!

Keeping it real. Big space or small space, boys wrestle.

I've promised the kids that next time we're in Stratford we'll rent paddle boats for an afternoon.

Our play adventures started with Much Ado About Nothing. Claire is a Shakespeare nut and LOVED every minute of it. My others? They appreciated it, but had a hard time understanding it.

In two days we saw:

Much Ado About Nothing, traditional Shakespeare - Claire's favourite show; 42nd Street, Broadway musical; Elektra, Greek tragedy; and Pirates of Penzance, Gilbert and Sullivan musical - favourite of the other three.

The performances were brilliant. I have always wanted my kids to be exposed to all kinds of different stage shows so they could decide what they like and what they don't. And, when else would they get a chance to see a traditional Greek tragedy? A tough watch for Caden, but greatly appreciated by everyone else. I don't know if I can express how happy I was that the kids are now old enough to not like or enjoy a performance but appreciate the talent and effort of the performers.

There are painted upright pianos all through town. We heard many talented players as we walked the streets. No, Cole was not one of them!

The shops are very quaint and boutique-y. Yes, that means outrageously expensive!

Claire, the duck whisperer! She and Caden got kibble and fed them as we waited for the theatre to open for the evening performance of 42nd Street.

The Festival Theatre has a ball diamond out front. The story of our summer :)

Years ago, I went to Stratford with my dad to see Maggie Smith perform in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. It was wonderful. We ate our lunch at The Church Restaurant and I took my kids there for lunch on the Friday. Unlike me, my kids were totally spooked about eating in a church. It was kind of funny to see their reaction, so different from mine!

I love this town. The architecture and culture of it all is such a surprise out in the Middle of Nowhere, Ontario. I love that my kids had the time to fall in love with it, too. They are all determined to return. I am too. Caden wants to go to camp at the Culinary School, Cole and Chloé are hoping to find an acting course or two to participate in and Claire is happy to just enjoy good entertainment and good food!

How can you not love a place that fuels enthusiasm and dreams?

anticipation | back to school

Though my kids may not think they actually left school with their July was spent either in math class or at camp where they actually go to school, this is in fact the "most wonderful time of the year". Back to school is here!

Growing up, I loved everything the start of school brought with it: new school clothes (even a fresh uniform is a nice thing!), new markers and pencil crayons, binders and fresh, blank, refill paper waiting to be filled and all the hubub that accompanied the last week of summer holidays. Now my kids are happy for fresh uniforms - at least new shirts, pants and socks - as markers and paper have been replaced with a laptop and fancy software. Well, there is always new shoes!

This year, we're looking forward to:

• Adventures in boarding for Claire (the final year of high school is mandatory boarding for all students in their school). She has her fridge, fuzzy robe and slippers; and, plenty of ramen noodles and KD.
• All four of the kids being in one school. For one year. It's better than nothing!
• University applications and the process of finding the right school for next year and trips to those institutions of higher learning to confirm the right fit.
• Through the summer there was a roll-out of new laptops. Still not Mac's, but hopefully better than what they've been using.
• Cole continues to suffer from concussion symptoms and we're hoping he can participate in alternative non-sport co-curriculars. The requests have been made of the right people.
• Less drama. Um, well, it is high school. I can hope.
• New courses. New teachers. New curriculum. New administrative team.
• Embracing change. A far better approach than the alternative!
• Opportunities to rise to challenges: learning from mistakes made last year and making better choices this year and beyond.
• Remembering that we teach people how to treat us and we are our own best advocate.
• Standing up to the bullies, as we know they are cowards. Even in numbers.

School is not just about books and learning their contents, but maneuvering around people and pushing ourselves to learn more things about: service, arts, academics and athletics. I love that our school, though flawed like anything human-conceived and -run, gives all four of my kids four unique experiences, tailored to their interests, strengths and weaknesses.

And what, you may wonder, will I do with my days between 8AM drop off and 5PM pick up? No doubt I'll find something to occupy my time. Well, in fact, that is exactly what has been going on. Caden has just completed his prep courses for e-school, French and Math; Claire is readying herself to move into boarding; Cole and Chloé have poured all over the calendar and have a game plan for the school year ahead that includes great marks and I've spent the last few weeks putting the College Shop together with all kinds of new and exciting products lining our shelves and playing "parent buddy" to a half-dozen new students starting next week!

We still have a few days to prepare. Most of our world went back to school yesterday, my kids and their classmates don't head back until next Monday.

I am hoping, with some free time, I'll catch up on my sleep, improve my health and read a couple of books!

What do you anticipate this new school year?

real right now | move more

source

Over the last 18 months I've made discoveries and changes in order to live a fuller, healthier, happier life. My primary focus has been medical and food:

Medical | I changed doctors and now go to my doctor on a regular basis. I control my asthma (that I've had since I was 14). I deal with my psoriasis (again, that I've had since my early teens). I go for regular tests (blood and urine) and am making an effort to get a handle on my thyroid disease - which is not yet under control. I go to my naturopath to complement the services of my doctor.

Food | I eat very well. What does that mean? I eat a balanced diet that includes protein at every meal and minimal refined sugar. I eat no processed foods, I can pronounce ingredients and consume a ton of vegetables. I drink at least 2 litres of water each day and do not drink my calories. I do not diet. I do not embrace deprivation. I have learned much about balance and portion control.

I figured with those two things handled there would be a natural loss of weight. I wasn't expecting a ton, but I was assured by all of the experts that I would, with thyroid medication, reduced sugar consumption and consistent diet, lose at least 10% of my weight and most likely 20%.

I have not lost one ounce.

Indeed, when I quit drinking wine for 6-weeks the benefit was a gain of 7 pounds and tighter pants! The exact same thing happened when I cut out all cheese, over a year ago - I gained! I still don't eat cheese, but I do drink the occasional glass of wine, though less than before.

Sigh.

Is it possible that I have lost as much weight as I can without my thyroid in order? I can't possibly eat any better than I do. Maybe it's the B12 malabsorbtion. Or not. Could it be that I just have to move more?

I wrote out the reasons I don't move:

1. I hate sweating. Really, I do.
2. My asthma leaves me winded. Perhaps I should take my meds more regularly?
3. I don't have time. True, but only seasonally - summer.
4. Frozen shoulder keeps me from doing what I like. Better learn to like something else.
5. It's not fun. There are so many other things I'd rather do, even laundry!

Pretty good reasons, but not good enough to not just suck it up and do something about it. To that end, I did a few things:

1. I joined the YMCA and put together a program with a personal trainer: 40 minutes of walking the track and 40 minutes of swimming lengths four times a week. That was in January. I've not been back.
2. I bought a bike, really cute, with gears. That was in July and I've not taken it more than a couple of blocks away.

Damn. What was it going to take?

3. I got a FitBit while on holiday at the beach. That was in early August and I've used it every single day since I took it out of the package.

Turns out, I am good with immediate accountability. I can't cheat by thinking I've done more than I've done or convince myself it was "good enough". This thing lets me know exactly what I've been up to - and not.

Next week all of my kids start back to school, all four attending the same one! That means, for me, time and opportunity to do what is good for me. To do what I have to do.

Today is my 48th birthday. Tick tock. It's time to put my plan in action:

1. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I will be at the YMCA at 6:00AM to walk for 40 minutes and swim for 40 minutes. I will be home in time to take the kids to school - only on bad weather days. They have to be on campus for 7:45AM. On Saturdays and Sundays I will be at the YMCA with Cole, Chloé and Caden for 9AM to swim and I will walk the track while they play around.

2. Daily, I have programmed my iPhone alarm to ring at every 50 minutes on the hour:

    08:50 Get up and put in a load of laundry
    09:50 Get up and clean the first floor and kitchen
    10:50 Get up and walk around the block or to Fortino's (grocery store) and back
    11:50 Get up and fold laundry and make lunch
    13:50 Get up and walk/bike one of four routes for an hour
    14:50 Start prepping dinner

3. Nightly, will go to bed for 11PM starting an electronic- and technology-free wind-down routine at 10PM.

Like everything else I've chosen to do over the last 18 months - it's good for me. There is no downside to moving more, and who knows, there may even be an upside. I'll just keep my expectations in check since everything else I've done, based in logic, has had illogical results, I don't want to be disappointed!

hello monday | 41

remember the days when even a hint of unhappy would bring something lovely from a boy? well, claire got herself a lovely bouquet of very happy carnations to boost her mood :)

hello project life. i knew i was behind, but not that much! all caught up now :)

hello new manager. glad you're making all the decisions now. no more input from me.

hello clean windows. what a difference in the living room!

hello smashed iphone. claire is devastated.

hello goth party. who knew there was so much black in our home?

hello blog schedule. done. happy!

hello sunny days. glad the forecast has been wrong.

hello ribfest. shocked none of my kids want to go.

hello packing. almost ready for boarding.

hello more haircuts. girls now all tidied up, too.

hello monday. you are my most favourite day of the week.
i love that you provide me with 52 fresh starts every year.

places we go | darien lake

WARNING: for those who know me this adventure is entirely out of character for me - but yes, I was there and I did enjoy myself.

Yes it does say "hotel" but we were indeed in the campground line. I am not a fan of camping, but for the sake of my kids and their sense of adventure I struck a compromise. We rented a cabin on the camp grounds. It was brilliant!

All unpacked - and another trip to the Batavia Target later - it was time to hit the water park. This is Claire's typical "take the photo" pose. Um, okay! Keeping it real here, folks!

Really real!

Austin participated in the odd spoon-hanging-from-nose ritual my kids seem to enjoy with his own hanging-from-chin twist. One of my very first jobs when I moved to Buffalo in 1984 had me working at the Darien Lake Country Store right next door to this restaurant. Very nostalgic this whole trip, for me. Even the food - I started with Pizza Rolls as an appetizer (totally not healthy!) and followed that up with a Beef on 'Weck as my meal. To make it really authentic, I should have ordered a Vodka Tea!

Thank goodness for Wanda and my kids or we'd never have a fire! Goodness knows I don't have a clue what to do. Then it was off to bed after a very long and full day.

We woke up and started a lazy day and my kids discovered a new and exotic piece of furniture called a "futon". :)

LOVE getting a decent photo of the youngers.

Many stuffed animals were won.

The joy of this trip was found in the complete and utter freedom the kids found at the park. I really loved the idea that while I was at "home", the kids were able to come and go and enjoy the amusement and water parks at their pace, not mine. Perfect!

While they were away, I indulged in my new found desire to find some decent recipes. Imagine if I actually managed to make every recipe on every page I've dog-eared? THERE is a challenge!

My girl has a big heart - picking up strays and wounded creatures everywhere she goes. This little guy fell out of a tree and broke his wing. She brought him back to the cabin in hopes he'd feel better. (I can't tell you the outcome as our "neighbours" took the bird for their pre-schooler to play with ... )

Should I mention the episode of our keys locked in the truck and the trying to find a locksmith? He was lovely - and only $45 - after hours on a Saturday!

The boys headed off to the Brad Paisley concert and Wanda set a fire with Claire's help.

Claire (wearing my glasses) enjoyed her first ever s'more. I know, first one! Have I mentioned the kids never went camping en famille? Well, they have now! Sweet vindication - I am no longer a "bad parent" :) Well, at least where camping is concerned.

The Moe became quite an expert marshmallow roaster following the knowledgeable directions of Wanda who explained about flame and coals. Good lessons - good student.

Roasting continued when the boys got back from the concert.

 

And just like that, blink, the weekend was over and it was time to pack up and head home. Our adventure had come to an end. We had such a fabulous time, definitely something I'd consider doing again. My only regret? Not discovering this idea a couple of years ago. I have already keyed in a "reminder" put into my computer to book something for next year.

What great idea have you discovered? Something that has you going back year-after-year?

Challenge | 5 Daily Habits

Are you tired of me mentioning what an inspiration Jenny Meyerson is to me? Well, she's done it again.

I write my lists and focus on my goals, but rarely (since I quit smoking over 10 years ago) do I spend much time in an effort to break bad habits or, on a more positive note, encourage better habits. There are a few small things, tweaks, I think I could introduce that would make my life fuller, more routine and smooth. I simply have to add a few good - mindful - practices.

For the next 30 days, I plan to consciously focus on:

MOVE MORE | I really have to stop allowing excuses (usually weather!) to stop me from doing this. Though I've incorporated some pretty good habits, it's not enough to just park at the furthest spot in the lot to get in a few extra steps through my day. I have to carve out time - one hour each day - and walk. And when I don't walk, I need to use that new-ish YMCA membership and swim for an hour. Give the FitBit something to record!

REPLACE WINE | Like many, I drink wine in the evenings. On those rare evenings we are not leaving the house, it's not a stretch for me to have a glass while making dinner. A glass while eating dinner. Maybe a glass while cleaning up after dinner. Probably a glass while watching television or surfing the internet in the evenings. This is completely out of habit not out of any great need or desire. I plan to replace those glasses with Perrier - in a wine glass - with a slice of fruit, a splash of cranberry juice, or muddled mint :)

READ BOOKS | All day long I read something: blogs, e-mails and facebook updates. I do not read anything with a front and back cover! I do have a huge collection of books, just not enough focus on time to read them. This has to change. I can't encourage my kids to read by not doing it myself.

EMPTY SINK | Even though the dinner dishes are cleaned up, I always come downstairs in the morning to a sink full of dishes! It is not a good start to my day and it has to change. Before I head up to bed in the evenings, I have to clean out the sink in order to start the next day without a sigh of frustration.

MANAGING PHOTOS | I take a lot of photos - about 1,500 each month. I have no problem deleting photos, I just don't do it. I'll stick the card into the reader, upload the photos, get distracted and leave even the good ones and the crappy ones on iPhoto. I have to make a more conscious of uploading only when I have time to cull. Then, by the end of the month, I won't be as overwhelmed when I'm putting together a review or coordinating my Project Life images.

In addition to the lovely Pinterest find above*, I love the quote Jenny had on her initial post: "The pain of self-discipline will never be as great as the pain of regret." Truth.

* The ending in a preposition does bother me - a lot. I must find something similar but less disagreeable.

 

Originally written March 23, 2012
Published September 1, 2012