is good for adults.
Right? I was reminded of this post over at Simple Mom while reading this post over at the Daily Digi. I was inspired to write about the original post last October until I forgot ... you know, kids and life! At that time in my blogging evolution, I was also less confident offering my parenting opinions. Now, I have come to realize that my opinion is just an opinion. It can differ from yours but it doesn't make yours any less valid. So, I'm no longer fearful of offering my two cents when it comes to children and raising them.
Over the years, as a parent, I've been a pretty good model in a behaviour and cerebral sense, but not so much a good model in a physical sense. We have one rule: do unto others; after that things are pretty simple. I do my best, but don't always manage, to teach by doing:
1. Do your chores.
Do you do your chores? Though my house is rarely spotless, and almost always looks "lived in" the kids do often see me folding laundry, doing dishes, cleaning out the fridge, washing floors and windows, even (if reluctantly) cooking. Now we're handing off a number of chores to the children, more for them to know how to do the activity than to get them done. Case in point:
I'd like for us to be better examples, and surround myself by fewer half-done projects (sometimes I feel like I live in a junk yard of unending projects) but I can only do what I can do.
2. Eat your vegetables.
I think this portion is nailed since I've now banned, yes banned, the purchase of ice cream for household consumption. That and potato chips. And cookies. They are all now "special occasion" purchases, usually requiring that we leave the house. We now go to the ice cream store for a treat. The condition is that we all, every member of the family, must be in attendance. That drastically cuts down the visits and calories!
We are perimeter shoppers. Most of the product put in our shopping cart is found on the outside walls of the grocery store: produce, meat, dairy. Other than paper products, coffee & tea, spices & oils, pasta & brown rice, cereal and Perrier, everything else is fresh. I don't need more cupboard space, I need another fridge! Correction, we also eat peanut butter now that my kids have discovered it tastes good and it's not as "evil" as they have been lead to believe (at school) their whole lives. Hard to get kids to eat something that has been banned from schools and can kill their friends.
It can be an expensive choice since in Canada most fresh fruit and veg is imported all winter long, and winter is a very long season. In the end, I justify purchases by this simple belief: the expense of good food is far better spent than the expense of health care later.
Do you snack between meals? Of course, but it is usually baba ghanouj or tzatziki on whole wheat pita or green apples with peanut butter. I buy at least 2 dozen green apples a week, and that's for Cole alone!
3. Be kind.
I am blessed with four really great kids who get along, most of the time. When the don't they are sent to their respective corners and come out when things calm down. I can honestly say I've never had to deal with the occasional hair pulling, pushing, or punching, but I have dealt with refusal to share and plenty of yelling.
I do not subscribe to the theory "kids will be kids", kids will be whatever you let them be. Yes, I'm all about dynamic parenting.
Louis and I do a lot of talking in front of the kids but we have rarely, if ever, discussed anyone in a negative manner unless it was an issue of the kids safety and well being. It is my fundamental belief that every parent does the best they can, but sometimes that's not enough. I am amazed at the number of my kid's friends who are included in conversations with their parents on a peer level. Those are the tough questions for me to answer when our kids have too much information about a person or situation which is not age appropriate or controversial, something inappropriate shared with them by their friends. I will say here, but not to my kids, that I resent those parents who treat their kids as friends or confessionals. They are hurting everyone, mostly their kids, but mine as well.
We do our best to be either candid and honest, or we shut them down immediately and tell them that the topic is none of their business, and indeed, not any of ours either.
4. Run and play.
This is where, as an example, I fail my kids. By example they see me: cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, taking photos or typing. Rarely, if ever, do they see me exercising, walking, swimming or playing tennis (sigh, I miss tennis) or any other physical challenge.
I have to give them credit. They are very active. At least, three out of four of them are active.
In this, I have let my kids, and myself down. This has to change and I've asked my kids to be my "personal trainer". I'm curious to know which one will be like Jillian and who will be like Bob. I have my suspicions, but will wait to see.
To my credit, I've never said no to my kids when they ask me to get up and move with them. We've enjoyed many walks and frisbee games and sword fights!
5. Go outside.
I love the outdoors. I join them in Spring and Fall. Great photo ops with no humidity, no bugs and no snow :) My excuse for not being out lately? I'm allergic to everything out there!
We do "field trips" which are actual trips in the field or forest. I encourage them to kayak on the lake, go to the park and skate park, walk to Bronte to the harbour. On those occasions, I bring along the camera and they indulge me. Probably a couple of times a week, not enough, but better than staying inside all day.
6. Money doesn’t grow on trees.
I loathe shopping. The idea of going to the mall invokes a visceral reaction - it's not good. I will go, but I have to have a list. I stick with the list and only buy items if I feel they have value. Often, when buying clothes, I wonder how many times an article can be worn to amortize the initial cost. I head straight for the back racks and rarely, if ever, buy anything that is not on sale.
This does not mean I don't spend money. I just spend it as wisely as I can. My kids hear a lot of "no" and I'm seeing signs that it's working.
As for money management, the actual bill paying? It's all done on-line and as I've mentioned before, I'm not interested in over-sharing with my children. My kids learn practical budgeting. They budget their own money. For example: Claire and Cole both have "X" amount deposited in their accounts on their birthday. That is their money for the year. They use it to buy things that are not my responsibility as parent to purchase, so that would be entertainment (books, movies), clothes (non-uniform) and activities. If they run through their money they can earn more, but I'll not give them anything for nothing.
7. Go to bed.
I am fortunate, now, that I have grown up time whenever I want it. Gone are the days when I was home all day with four kids all born in five years and me desperate for bedtime when there would be a bit of silence and maybe adult interaction. I have great respect for sleep.
In summer, our days are more laid-back and we eat dinner around 6PM, finish cleaning-up by 7PM and we all relax and enjoy our evenings until about 9PM and then it's off to bed soon thereafter. Me included. I get up around 6AM if not earlier, the only kid up before noon is Caden!
Our winter schedule is far more frantic and scattered. During school the importance of sleep is emphasized regularly with my children, and I am all about a good night's sleep. Early to bed, early to rise. My days of attempting Superwoman are long gone!
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What about you? Do you employ these strategies in your home? Do you struggle with some? What comes easiest to you? Share!
