Last week was particularly stressful. I imagine it was just the start of a stressful few weeks.
You know the kind of stress you cannot avoid? Circumstances demand that you endure the situation. Though it is short-term in nature it is incredibly intense and mean-spirited.
Now, those of you who know me well are wondering what the hell I'm doing as you well know I don't have the patience or constitution for crap and bullshit and extricate myself as quickly as possible from confrontational or negative situations. Oh, how I hate drama. So to you lovelies, I promise you, if I could get away, I would. Truly.
Since it is a situation I cannot change, I will focus on the positive.
Onward, right?
My lovely friend Cheri is reading Simple Abundance and last week made some really lovely, spirit-lifting posts, based on the exercises outlined for those days. (I have the book and am seriously considering reading the daily essays and participating as instructed!)
There were two exercises that piqued my interest which boil down to acceptance of self: body and character. I have to tell you, I balked a bit (as Cheri did) regarding the "body" acceptance part, but the character acceptance part was far easier to celebrate. I suppose the really hard part was coming up with a list of TEN THINGS. Oh my! So, I gave it a shot:
Ten Things I LOVE About My Body:My hair: It is very fine and very thick, with just enough bend to make it go any way I want it to. I have almost always dyed it some shade of red, and I had that insane blonde period last year. I am now embracing the gray. I wonder what texture and colour it will end up being?
My eyes: It took a long time to accept the fact that I was the only child in my family with brown eyes. Growing up with blonde hair and brown eyes was considered odd and I did get teased. I was happy for the onset of puberty when my hair got darker and I didn't look quite that different. I learned to love my brown eyes which are a chocolate brown shade. The only outward hint that I'm angry? They go from a warm chocolate brown to a dark chocolate brown - like all the sweet has been removed :)
My smile: I am often smiling and have many reasons to do so during the course of any given day. Even when I'm not having a particularly good day, I try to smile in spite of it all :) You know, release all those happy endorphins and all that. The key? Smile so it reaches your eyes. Everyone responds to smiling eyes!
My hands: I have very strong hands. My hands are rarely at rest: if I'm not typing or clicking, I'm cleaning or folding, washing or cooking or creating layouts or taking photos or holding hands with my children or helping them use a knife to cut vegetables or pushing them on a swing.
My skin: with the exception of the psoriasis which has gone crazy this winter - uh, yeah, stress does that to a person - my skin is young. Relatively speaking, of course. You know how with women you can tell their age by their neck or their hands, or even the skin by their ears? Mine is still somewhat taught, wrinkle-free and youthful. Ironically, while I was always considered older when I was a teen/young adult, now that I'm in my mid-forties many people guess me to be in my late-thirties. Perhaps now that I'm going gray I can finally just be my age!
My laugh: though not necessarily a body part, it is an integral part of my body. I can't imagine going through a day, not even a couple of hours, without a raucous belly laugh. I only laugh when something is funny and I'm blessed to be able to find so much fun in my days.
My belly: yes, the one with the laugh. It is also the belly that held itself together long enough for me to give birth to four kids in five years! Not something I'd recommend attempting with a 30+ year old body, but the resulting children is worth all of the residual health and weight issues.
My ass: Over the years, along with my belly it has become HUGE! But boy, in a cold rink it really comes in handy. Not only is it a wonderful cushion but it generates a lot of heat and some lucky person is always happy to sit next to me to stay warm :)
My legs: well, really my legs of 1986, which, when I look in a full length mirror (rarely) I still have :)
My height: I have always been tall and at 5'11" I am substantially taller than most of the women and many of the men I meet. Years ago when I modelled, my height was wonderful. In the '80s it was the thing to wear impossibly high heels and impossibly short skirts and I was able to do it. It took years of too short pants and sleeves, but now I like my height.
For a very long time, a very long time ago, my body defined much of who I was. Why not? It was rocking and I had all the time in the world and no responsibilities! At all. My body got me jobs, my body got me deals, my body got me noticed; now it shields me, it protects my children, it protects my marriage. Same woman. Different packages.
What ten things do you love about your body? Tell me!
I am really starting to feel better. There is much to be said for focusing on the positive with brutal honesty. Owning it is truly cathartic.
Now, here is the second part of the exercise.
Ten Things I LOVE About My Character:
I'm Nurturing: The only thing I ever wanted to be was a mum. Not just a mum, but a GREAT mum. Reality dawned this year that I no longer had a maternal roadmap. As my daughter reached the age of 14, I realized I never had a mother past that point. But I have had incredible role models. There is nothing more important than to provide kids with confidence, structure, acceptance, opportunity and love. My kids have taught me that I can't just talk the talk I have to walk the talk. And I do. And they're fabulous.
I'm Conservative: This is not a political statement; though, I suppose it could be. At any rate, I'm very reserved, if not formal. There is a proper way to do things and I believe in social norms. I'm not as rigid as "children should be seen and not heard" but I do believe children have their place and that is not as my equal. I believe in lines. Things only get confused when lines are blurred. I believe in respect. I believe in responsibility. My reserve is often seen as rigid, snobby or difficult. It is what it is and I'm happy to err on quiet and reserved than the alternative.
I'm Optimistic: I prefer to believe that the glass is half full. Though I do have a temper, one of those slow to boil simmering tempers that sometimes boils over and I have made the occasional inopportune snarky comment, usually to someone who doesn't know me well, it only happens when the negative energy around me becomes unbearable. I re-adjust by thinking positive thoughts. Doing positive things.
I'm Curious: Never did I ever think THAT would be something I would ever write down about myself. Growing up in my incredibly WASP* world the idea that you would *gasp* ask a question was more than frowned upon, it was discouraged at every opportunity. I remember the day I announced I was going to be a journalist. I thought my mother was not going to recover, she went from pale to green to gray to white to "no". But the fact of the matter is I'm interested. Now I ask.
I'm Observant: As a result of my crazy WASP* upbringing, I learned to really watch people. I learned to listen to conversations, not necessarily engage in them. I learned to recognize evil comments draped in charm and smiles. Often in uncomfortable situations I feel myself reverting to that younger, less confident observer-self, in sheer fascination at how mean spirited and cruel some people can be, especially to their "friends".
I am Patient: I'm patient when it counts. This is a skill I am still learning. Patience is not something I believe is a part of the natural human condition; like sharing, it is a societal demand, it is something learned. I am patient enough wait and see what my kids will be when they grown up: I'm not patient when my kids have not put their hockey equipment on the "trees" to dry. Patience and Curiosity are natural enemies and they are (currently) warring in my heart!
I am Honest: but, in the words of my son, Cole (who chose this particular character trait ... I got stuck at #6) "you're honest but you're not mean when you're honest, what is the word for that?" My response: it just is. When I say things it is because it is. Sometimes my honesty timing leaves a bit to be desired, but it is never meant with malice. In my former life, when I was a "big shot", one of my clients called me a Mensch. NOTHING in my life, career-life or family-life has ever been that complimentary to me or as descriptive of my character.
I am Resilient: I have learned by cruel experience that I am like a Weeble. Remember those: "weebles wabble but they don't fall down?" That's me. I find that in my dogged pursuit of doing the "right thing" at all costs, in most circumstances there are many obstacles. I stay focused on the end result. Some times, I recognize that the end result isn't worth all the knocks, but more often than not, it is. Especially when it comes to my kids.
I am Creative: and though I often wish I were more creative in more ways, I find when faced with the creative road blocks of my friends, I really pull out the stops and am able to come up with all manner of wonderful things! Right now, personally, I'm fighting with my natural reserve and my entrepreneurial spirit. I'm rooting that creativity wins :)
I am Kind: Given all that, at the end of the day, I am kind. I consider the feelings of others. I treat those who treat me well with respect and kindness. I know my friends and I treat them well, they bring out the very best in me. I give of my time and I give of my expertise. I'm thoughtful and generous. If there is only one trait to have, this would be the best one in the bunch.
All in all, at the end of every day, I am a work in progress, for that I am immensely fortunate. I don't have all the answers and perfect is boring. I am always learning and I am always flawed. I like myself that way. For someone always active in something, it's always nice to know there is something to work on!
*NOTE: There is no actual AS blood running through my veins. The AS in WASP of course, stands for Anglo-Saxon, which I cannot claim to be, not even one drop. I am Celt: Scots and Irish. All of me, oh, with a dollop of German and a titch of French. But, alas, no Anglo Saxon.
Well, that was a very cathartic exercise. Thanks so much for bearing with my "all about me" post. I didn't realize when I started that it would be this long ... or this revealing! I feel much better about myself and my current sorry situation. I can handle it. I always do. Every once in a while you just have to know what you know about yourself and call on your character reserves to bring you through.
Thanks for being along for the ride!
Join in! What are your body and character traits you love about yourself? Share!
And, if you just need a pick-me-up and engage your creativity at the same time, head on over to Kind Over Matter and see what beautiful and positive affirmations they have waiting for you, me, all of us!
And, if you are like me and have been sliding in under the covers a bit too much lately, join us over at Lifehack and wake up early! It's a 5-day challenge he's proposed, starting Monday morning. For me? At 5AM!
