~ William Thomas
To be frank, I will not be unhappy to see the end of 2009.
Though similar to my *8 Things post about Lessons Learned and Re-Learned, I was inspired by the quote above and thought to take a deeper look into the events - the regrets - of this past year. I am a great believer that you learn your greatest lessons through your greatest mistakes or errors in judgment, it depends on the perspective of the day. And every day changes, doesn't it? This last year was filled with many regrets, not the least of which were, in no particular order:
Often stereotypes really are true. As despised as they are, maybe when enough people, similar in size, conviction, colour, religion or whatever, behave consistently the same way, there is a reason to make a profile. For example: large men are generally teddy bears because they've always been big and realize their own strength, they would do anything before entering a physical confrontation. True for all? No. But you know, most of the big men I know are lovely as fierce as their facade may appear. The same "profile" making is true for the more distasteful among us. Regrets? I should have just moved on and not tried to believe the best in someone who lives their stereotype.
Business is easy, people are hard. You can have the best business plan in the world for the best facility around, but unless you have dedicated employees, dedicated clients and a stable economy, it doesn't count for crap. Closing the business, after holding on longer (by a year) than we should have - to the point where we can honestly say we ran a charity for the community in Oakville and the Golden Horseshoe - was excruciating. We lost far more, financially, than we may ever recoup. We lost far more emotionally than we may be able to bear. Regrets? I should have forced the closure earlier and not let the ego and confidence of another dictate actions. I should have insisted on common sense.
Liars are like mice. You may have caught one, but how many were there, and how many will there be in the future? Anyone who disrespects you enough to lie the first time will lie to you forever. If you can, purge them out of your life. If you can't, you're stuck. And that sucks. Regrets? I should have extricated myself after the first found lie.
Trust your instincts. Those who are out to screw you, or your children, really are out to do harm. Do not kid yourself into believing that an adult will not mess with your kid. That your friend will not betray your trust. That your system won't represent you in a way you do not expect. Do not judge others by your standards, learn to understand others by their standards. Act accordingly. Or, better, be patient. Regrets? I wish I could be more patient. I wish I trusted my situational evaluations and not get talked out of it by others.
Use your power. A combination of: wanting to make your loved-ones happy; not wanting to be an emasculating bitch; guilt about possibly hurting the feelings of close friends and family can be great deterrent to doing the right thing. If you know you are right, use your power. Your voice. Do the right thing. Always. Regrets? I doubted myself. Looks like a theme is happening here.
You are often your own greatest saboteur. You know the whole "road to hell" analogy? Well, maybe sometimes, in my case weight, you set false intentions. This year I learned that I'm afraid to lose the weight. I use my weight as a shield. It's a big shield. Regrets? Every time I look in the mirror I've become bigger and bigger. I want to hide all of the mirrors.
Details are important. They just are. I've always been a detail person forever in pursuit of excellence. Over the years I have suffered a great deal of criticism for my need to make things "right". I noticed this year that I really let it go. That was brought into focus this Christmas. I made up the list, but I let Louis do all the shopping. "Let" is the wrong word. "Made" is the right word. We never would have had Christmas without Louis facing the mall and doing all of the shopping and running around. Toys, clothes, food, ALL OF IT. I even let the kids do all, and I mean ALL, of the decorating in the house. Yes, in this case "let" is the right word. And, no, I never went and fixed anything. Regrets? The kids knew I wasn't into the holidays this year. I tried, but I'm no actress (and don't want to be!).
Authenticity is all you have. Given the hell of 2009, I lost myself. I never lost my beliefs, my judgment, my priorities, my logic. I did lose my spirit, my enthusiasm, my confidence, my zest. I'm looking to get it back. It's asking a lot of 365 days, but I think, if I make it a priority, my spirit will recover. Regrets? I have a few.
I'm not a fan of negative posts and tend not to read blogs which contain a bunch of bitchy, verbal vomit veiled in sarcastic humour; but, I don't live in a bubble, so every once in a while the natural negatives of life have to be addressed. I had a woman say to me, last year, how easy I make it seem to raise four kids who are, for the most part, well behaved, well adjusted and kind. I'm thrilled she believes those things of my children, and she's right about them, but easy? It is not. I don't want to give anyone the impression that my life is all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows! But I also don't want to spew a bunch of crap everywhere either, and believe me, 2009 was definitely spew-worthy.
Regrets? I have a few ...
Which really just means I have plenty of opportunity for challenge and change in 2010.
