If I were to sum up my last 365 days, I'd say it is like a year-long spectacular sunrise. Gone is the darkness and haze and I'm entering into a new phase of life, with confidence, anticipation and wonder.
Last week I was sitting in my living room listening to my kids and it occurred to me that this year was really remarkable, filled with accomplishments. A lifetime in a year.
It may sound silly, but I really don't think a lot of it would have been possible without my guiding words. Last year was "DO". Funny how the word didn't know it was time to retire on December 31st to make way for it's replacement "OPEN". DO was determined and stuck around until late winter. It lead me to be able to embrace "OPEN". Open would not have happened without Do preceding it.
This is where the combination of Do and Open have lead me:
- Last May I hired a lawyer and filed for separation. The laws are wonky (read: frustrating) and the year is mandatory before any other action can be taken.
- Switched from one terrible MD to another lovely MD who takes my health, and that of my children, as seriously as I do. Between her and our naturopath, we are all on a journey to wellness.
- Bought a new, manageable, home perfect in size and design for our lifestyle - not for the perception of others.
- Sold a beautiful, expansive, house on the lake that all of my children despised.
- Changed our whole banking system and dealt with "scary" banking people. Then, with guidance, took charge of all of the bills - and faced some stark realities of money management.
- I was paralyzed. I couldn't even turn on the computer and log in without a knot in my stomach and the accompanying nausea. The same feeling I got when the phone rang, or the mail arrived. Upon reflection, I have completely conquered phone, bill paying and mail phobias and fears.
- Cancelled, modified and started services - mindfully.
- Chloé started at a new school, and thrives.
- Joined the local YMCA, and don't go nearly often enough.
- Divided up 7,500 square feet worth of furniture and belongings and moved our half.
- Replaced A LOT of carpet in two houses.
- Let the kids paint their own bedrooms in the colours they chose and, while we were at it, changed the whole colour scheme of our home. No more earth tones.
- Replaced some appliances with quiet and efficient models which should save us a lot of time and money.
- White-knucked, I taught Claire how to drive. She hopes to get her license in August - along with a car. Um, no. License does not equal vehicle. A battle is brewing.
- Experienced, with amazement, the theatrics and ego of directors who are supposed to be teaching children, not going all 'diva' on them. Crazy.
- Some days I just sat back in wonder that, for the better part of 20 years, I was kept in the dark. About everything. Lies of omission are cruel.
- Got back into volunteering and now spend at least one day a week at the school.
- Claire wanted to play baseball again - and I signed her up for Little League. I still think she's a bit startled over my complete support.
- Had Caden write an application and attend an interview which resulted in his acceptance to the same school his siblings attend. Next year all four of my kids at one place. Yahoo!
- Lost a good friend far too soon. We miss him, every day.
- Turned in a leased vehicle that was too small for our needs and purchased a new one that should be perfect for the next decade or longer. Fingers crossed!
- Faced the fact that my kids struggle with confidence in Math and I can't help them. A fabulous tutor was hired. Things are improving.
- Purged all processed food from our kitchen and started to practice more mindful eating. To the point where I considered refined sugar as "poison" and cringe when my kids have a cookie or ice cream!
- Learned how to use PSE and now scrapbook more than ever before.
- Let both of my boys "retire" from hockey. Thank goodness. What a dreadful experience. Though there were some wonderful people along the way - there were some real crazies.
- Went to court for the first time in my life then hired a criminal attorney. Who knew I'd need to get in touch with him - twice?
- Realized that though a lot has changed, I can still sit in my living room and drama, not of my making, will happen.
- Helped Cole realize that sometimes plans change. He is not receptive to change, at all. Working all winter - hours and hours of conditioning - to improve his rugby skills were erased in one stupid knee to the head. Concussion = no rugby = a change in plans. This has been tough.
- Dealt with teen drama and helped my children cope, as best they can, with the good and bad, all of the consequences of choice.
- I have made new friends, nurtured relationships with old friends and regularly engage with my family with no lingering sense of apology. There is no longer anyone feeling like they are in competition - and failing. What an enormous relief!
- Let my children embrace travel: All to Cape Cod, Claire to Europe, the boys to Florida, Cole to B.C. with the Ontario Rugby team and Chloé with me to Vegas - yes, I've been sworn to secrecy ;)
- Took my kids to the "motherland" - New Brunswick - and they loved it. True Maritimers at heart :)
- Watched my eldest take her first dance lessons, ever. At the age of 16.
- Listened to my younger girl sing her heart out on a number of occasions. My goodness is she talented!
- Reluctantly allowed Caden to sign up for football. He LOVES it. Really, really enjoys every minute of it. He hasn't played in his first game yet and he's already asked to sign up for the fall league.
- I have said "yes" to a lot. I realized that "no" might be easier, but "yes" is far more rewarding - and way more work!
- Encouraged my late-blooming children to take risks and make new friends. And, in some cases, recognize when relationships have run their course.
- I can only make every effort to model the best possible behaviour for my children. I am their only parent, present and dedicated to them every day. It is a hard job, but worth every minute of time and effort!
- Realized, when recently introduced as a "single mother of four" that I am! It never even occurred to me to think of myself in those terms.
- You teach people how you want to be treated. I remind myself every day.
The year was abundant.
On top of it all, there were the everyday life things that can fill a day without much effort: cooking, cleaning, organizing, driving children all over! I did things this year that never even occurred to me to do.
Now that I know I can do all of that, and more, I am consciously staying OPEN to new opportunities and challenges.
Who knows what the next 365 days will bring?
